Containment What If?

PTNR 2.0 said:
What if Chris had somehow knocked up the prostitute he lost his virginity to and, furthermore, she was extremely anti-abortion and demanded to keep the kid?
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By some miracle, she'd find him and drag his ass on the Maury show to do a paternity test. Maury starts his segment in his usual fashion by introducing the prostitute in a sympathetic light. Maury says "Everyone I want you to meet Mia Hamm. She is a former prostitute..." The audience gasps and groans, however he calms them by saying "But she's trying to get life back on track. Miss Hamm, try telling us a little more about yourself."

The audience politely applauds her before she replies "Maury, I made some mistakes and did some things I'm not proud of..."

Maury cuts her off by saying "And one of those mistakes is sleeping with the man you believe fathered your six month old baby Kristall..."

An image of an infant girl sleeping in a car seat is displayed on screen, generating awws from the audience. The prostitute replies "Yes, and I knew once I had my baby..." She pauses only to let her eyes tear up. "I had to get off the streets and be a mother."

The audience encourages her change of lifestyle with a standing ovation. Maury lets this go for a few seconds before asking "And you believe that a man named Chris Chandler is the father of your baby?"

A picture of tranny Chris appears on the video screen, horrifying the audience which is comprised of trailer trash and obese black women. Now talking through sobs, she replies "After I had sex with him, I felt so unclean. I've been celibate ever since that day."

Maury turns to the audience and says "Everyone, before we bring out Chris. This is what he had to say..."

A video plays showing tranny Chris sitting in his room filled with toys. He starts by proclaiming "Everyone! I. Got. Laid. That's right, I lost my virginity to Mia Hamm and now I have the daughter that God and the Bear at Regency Square Shopping Center promised me. I am going to be a great mother and nothing you can do will stop me from tribbing with my future sweetheart!"

The audience roars its disapproval at Chris. And before Maury can introduce him, the smell of rotten watermelon drenched in Axe body spray fills the studio. Now the highly agitated audience gets their first look at him. He tries to take a seat next to the prostitute and hold her hand. She immediately responds by jumping up and running behind Maury, prompting security to step in and make sure that Chris stays seated.

Once the audience calms down, Maury asks Chris "Now if I'm to understand you correctly, you want to be involved in Kristall's life?"

The audience once again boos, but Chris remains undeterred. "I would make a great mother. I have lots of toys that she could play with every day and..."

The prostitute immediately cuts him off by saying "I don't want you near me or my baby! Just give me the damn child support check!"

The audience roars its approval. Maury, who once again needs to regain control of his show, asks Chris "How are you going to pay for child support?"

Before Chris can answer how he wants to be a stay at home mom, a fat black woman in the audience stands up and shouts "Hurry up and read the results so we can get his stanky ass off stage!"

The audience cheers, letting Maury know that keeping Chris on stage any longer than he has to is only going to end badly. He opens the envelope containing the paternity results and announces "When it comes to six month old Kristall. Chris... you are the father!"

The audience is so angry at this point that they're on the verge of rioting. Chris on the other hand couldn't be happier because he's officially a father. The prostitute meanwhile is crying because she knows that she's responsible for Chris procreating. Chris's joy would continue until he realized that the government was deducting his child support payments from his monthly tugboat, thus beginning the next chapter of the Financhu Saga.
 
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