Containment What If?

Re: What if Chris never had TV Comp. Vidya Comics or Card Ga

CatParty said:
i only put "maybe" because even though the media outlet has changed, borb would still be shitty parents.
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Indeed, regardless of whether or not Chris never had tv, vidya, or other things, the parenting skills of Bob and Barbara would shape Chris so even if they ban the stuff, the skills they have as parents would still affect Chris.
 
Re: What if Chris never had TV Comp. Vidya Comics or Card Ga

Yeah, once again this goes back to the parenting, that really is the root of everything.

tbh we don't really have any evidence to suggest Chris indulged in these things any more than average. Most kids watch too much tv/ play too much vidya, but Chris' problem seems to be that he continued to do so long after he really should have known better.
 
One thing that never fit with the Chris mythos is his choice of favorite movie. While liking something that most people grow out of by age ten is totally him, the fact that he'd choose an actual decent film with a lasting legacy as his favorite goes against the trend of idolizing cutrate entertainment (Filmation's Ghostbusters and The Adventures of the American Rabbit) his parents fed him. So upon seeing this film (what can I say, the book was written by James Bond's creator), I realized it would have fit way better with his upbringing.

So what would be different if Chris worshiped the other banally simplistic 1960s children's musical about two kids going on wacky adventures with Dick Van Dyke? Some of my predictions:

* Comic Chris would have the rebuilt 1907 Grand Prix race car the movie is named after. For no fucking reason. It, also, will be able to fly. For no fucking reason.
* He would refer to himself as a "Lovely Lonely Man" and call his potential sweethearts "Chu-Chi Face".
* He'd probably have invested more mental energy into being an "inventor" and tried to duplicate some of the stuff he saw in the film... even though almost nothing works properly and the inventor is even named Caractacus Potts. I wonder if he'd be dumb enough to actually strap bottle rockets to his back and try to ski launch off a ramp.
* He'd probably introduce the two bumbling spies as legitimate threats, have Sonichu and Rosechu get duped by the Child Catcher, and actually consider Vulgaria to be a valid monarchy that poses a threat to Cwcville. Despite the movie clearly taking place in Europe, it will be right down the street (next to Molvania, no doubt).
* It's possible his pervasive brand loyalty would have resulted in him claiming to be a huge James Bond fan while grossly misinterpreting it, but I don't think he's really aware of the people behind the scenes.

Anyone else have some amusing thoughts on this or have I gone way, way too spergy?
 
Re: What if Chris's favorite movie was Chitty Chitty Bang Ba

I don't really think his thought process would be very different.

I mean he probably only remembers Votes for Women from Mary Poppins, and nothing else. I doubt he'd remember very much from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Probably just the bang bang part. (Freud be damned)
 
Re: What if Chris's favorite movie was Chitty Chitty Bang Ba

Picklemonster said:
Anyone else have some amusing thoughts on this or have I gone way, way too spergy?
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Sorry old bean but it's the latter.

I guess this is sorta okay as Chitty Chitty Bang Bang has Dick Van Dyke in it like Mary Poppins but in the future, I don't want to see a hundred threads of "What if Chris's favorite x was y?" Unless it was "What if Chris's favorite movie was The Room?" Because that would be appropriate.
 
Since there have been multiple threads throughout the forums incarnations regarding the subject of Chris versus some character from fiction, some real life individual, or even against some abstract force. Thus I decided to create a thread where we ponder the possibilities and theoretical scenarios of what would happen If chris were to find himself in a battle to the death against any entity you can think of.

For this thread, I ask that you follow these steps.

a) Identify the entity you are pitting against Chris along with image of said entity

b) Identify that individual's characteristics (i.e strengths and weaknesses)

c) describe how you think the fight would go down. Be as verbose as you desire

To start us of, I will describe a simple scenario

Chris

Rawr_fag.jpg


vs

Dalek

Dalek_2010_Redesign.jpg


Dalek's Characteristics

Strengths: Nigh impenetrable armour system, energy weapon capable of killing almost anything except heavily armoured or resistant entities, armpiece capable of effortlessly cracking bones and crushing human bodies by suction, massive intelligence, insanely obsessed with exterminating all non dalek life, able to fly at high speed

Weaknesses: Terrified of contamination by any alien, Eyepiece liable to be destroyed with sustained attack or covered up rendering Dalek blind, tends to underestimate enemy and fire wildly in rage

The Battle:
Encountering the dalek on the way to Mcdonalds, Chris accosts it for being in his way, and remembering the "plan" to create a pickle tank accuses it of being Clyde Cash. Dalek demands Chris identify himself before firing wildly after a few seconds. Chris retreats to Son-chu and in blind terror attempts to ram the dalek, disabling the gunpiece, but wrecking the car.

After screaming a desperate "Curse ye ha me HAAAAA", Chris attempts to run away, only to collapse winded after 30 seconds, allowing the Dalek to close in and stab it's armpiece into Chris's heaving gut before activating the suction setting to crush Chris's spine.

However, this results in Chris's bowels rupturing and a stinking torrent of feces to be sucked up the armpiece and directly into the dalek's cage. Drowning in this nightmarish sludge, the dalek enables his self destruct function and detonates, killing the dying Chris along with him

Result: Draw
 
Re: What if Chris's favorite movie was Chitty Chitty Bang Ba

As a kid, I loved the book on which the movie is based. Its plot is quite different from the movie.

In retrospect, I can say that a lot of James Bond plot elements found their way into Fleming's only children's book: Super-technology (the flying semi-sentient car full of gadgets), good guys (the family) who fight evil guys (gangsters who plan to rob a candy store in France) using questionable methods (at one point, the family blows up a huge explosives storage at the cliffs of Calais - this was my favorite chapter), women who are largely useless and hysterical and need to be rescued (the mother).

I never saw the film, being a nerdy bookish kid and not a TVish one :D
 
They do offer social skills classes for people with mental illnesses. I'm actually surprised he's never gone to one. Well, we all know everyone needs to adjust to Chris and not the other way.

It would be funny if he was around geeks who talked about science in social circles and he didn't understand what they were saying.
 
GrandNumberOfPounds said:
They do offer social skills classes for people with mental illnesses. I'm actually surprised he's never gone to one. Well, we all know everyone needs to adjust to Chris and not the other way.

It would be funny if he was around geeks who talked about science in social circles and he didn't understand what they were saying.
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I actually meet geeks who are like that and they are much more sociable people than Chris would ever be. I learned a lot of new stuff from them too! At least those geeks have something to provide to society if they put their love into science and turn it into a career. What does Chris have for us? Making himself look like the biggest fool on Earth or something? And Sonichu isn't going to help him a career either.
 
I wasn't dissing the geeks. I agree, you can learn a lot from people like that. I just find it kinda funny that they would talk about science when most people talk about TV, sports or music. Oh well, you're interested in what you're interested in.

And yeah, the geeks in the video just need more exposure to social situations to be good company. Chris is a lost cause.
 
GrandNumberOfPounds said:
I wasn't dissing the geeks. I agree, you can learn a lot from people like that. I just find it kinda funny that they would talk about science when most people talk about TV, sports or music. Oh well, you're interested in what you're interested in.

And yeah, the geeks in the video just need more exposure to social situations to be good company. Chris is a lost cause.
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Chris needs shock treatment
 
Re: What if Chris never had TV Comp. Vidya Comics or Card Ga

I figure if he didn't have any of that stuff, he would spend more of his time on building and designing things. Perhaps he would've just gotten more than a DEGREE and CERTIFICATE in Computer-Aided Drafting and Design, or at least done something with it by now.
 
CatParty said:
GrandNumberOfPounds said:
I wasn't dissing the geeks. I agree, you can learn a lot from people like that. I just find it kinda funny that they would talk about science when most people talk about TV, sports or music. Oh well, you're interested in what you're interested in.

And yeah, the geeks in the video just need more exposure to social situations to be good company. Chris is a lost cause.
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Chris needs shock treatment
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Sadly, that won't be enough. Not to sound like an A-logger but he needs way more treatment than that. But what GrandNumberOfPounds said of him being a lost cause is sadly most likely true. Pretty much all hope is lost for him due to his stubbornness.
 
Chris is indeed a lost cause IMO because he thinks that nothing ever is his fault. He thinks he's great, everyone else is evil and wouldn't accept any therapy.
 
If he was a sedevacantist
pope-michael.jpg

His Parents would have elected him Pope
 
If Chris was a Hindu or south asian Muslim, he'd be a hijra. Constant tomgirling, plus an absolute theological lease to demand whatever he wants from anybody whenever he wants? Perfect.
 
Imagine this, one night Godbear finally takes pity on Chris and grants his wish. The next day, Sonichu appears in Chris' room. Dirty, crapped briefs aside, Chris is overjoyed. With Sonichu at his side, his love quest will be much easier.

There's just one problem

Now that Sonichu exists, he now has a mind of his own, not Chris' thoughts. Not only that, but for years he's seen Chris as a strong, manly hero who does things for the common good. How will he react seeing manchild Chris? Would he disown his creator and go his own way?
 
I suspect he will try and turn his life around and fail miserably then end up resenting Chris Chan.

This actually sounds like a fanfic idea...
 
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