When did you hit peak elf and why? - fantasy thread for true and honest women

[Miriam Margoyles]

I have been a bit harsh on dark elves, to be honest. I quite like Warhammer dark elves. Well, I like elements of Warhammer dark elves. Like, yeah, they're all black leather and silly spikes, "Nothin' personnel, mon-keigh," but there are some fun ideas in the mix that I appreciate.

I like the beastmasters of Karond Kar, for example. I think that's a really fun twist on the trope of elves being good with animals - but instead of it being magnificent horses or noble birds of prey or something like that, that dark elves would take that and embrace all the nasty, cold, venomous, reptilian monsters as their kin.



And this artwork fucking slaps. Look at that shit. Cool as fuck.

I also like that, in the Old World of Warhammer, at least, dark elves are Canadian.

 

[Tablet County]

I have been a bit harsh on dark elves, to be honest. I quite like Warhammer dark elves. Well, I like elements of Warhammer dark elves. Like, yeah, they're all black leather and silly spikes, "Nothin' personnel, mon-keigh," but there are some fun ideas in the mix that I appreciate.

I like the beastmasters of Karond Kar, for example. I think that's a really fun twist on the trope of elves being good with animals - but instead of it being magnificent horses or noble birds of prey or something like that, that dark elves would take that and embrace all the nasty, cold, venomous, reptilian monsters as their kin.

View attachment 5889335

And this artwork fucking slaps. Look at that shit. Cool as fuck.

I also like that, in the Old World of Warhammer, at least, dark elves are Canadian.

Druchii are just Melnibonéans with the numbers filed off.

 

[isalaide]

I dunno I've yet to meet any women who enjoy Conan or the Elric series or most sword and sorcery book.

it's me hi, i'm the problem it's me

Elric A+ junkie emo fap material antihero, will fap read again.

Also don't make me defend the Shannara series, it will be to the death.

I have mostly traded this genre in for the ol' bolter-porn in recent years I admit

 

[Miriam Margoyles]

death to all pointy-eared faggots

So, yesterday, I spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about elves in the Tranny Sideshows thread (and inadvertently inspiring this very thread!), but today I had a sudden realisation.

Of all the fantasy races, dwarves are easily the most poonery.

Think about it:

Dwarves are short, fat, bearded, angry, bitter, and won't let go of a grudge - the Book of Grudges is basically 'Ye Olde Blocklist'. They have an autistic special interest in rocks and minerals, usually wear many layers of clothing and armour with little skin exposed, and frequently have ridiculous overcompensatory 'macho' names like 'Chadni Axebeard' and 'Aidan Doodhammer'.

Most of them like doing manly activities like digging in the dirt with the boys, but they give themselves away by all singing jolly songs together while they work, which is very a foid-brained thing to do.

The ones that are too girly to do hard labour instead dedicate themselves to arts and crafts, which is also a very feminine hobby.

Legends say that they used to be friends with those basic Beckies, the elves, but scorn those cishet bitches and all their works now, as they had a falling out, probably because NOT EVERYONE CAN BE NEUROTYPICAL, KAERENYTH!!

And, of course, most obviously, they have a stubborn insistence on using male pronouns at all times - all dwarves are 'him'. There aren't any queens of the dwarves, but they have many kings. Short kings.

Therefore, I demand that Jeff Bezos hurry up with that Current Year remake of the Lord of the Rings trilogy they've been long threatening after Rings of Power came out, and cast Ellen Page as a trans dwarf.

Called Quimli.

 

[Tablet County]

So, yesterday, I spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about elves in the Tranny Sideshows thread (and inadvertently inspiring this very thread!), but today I had a sudden realisation.

Of all the fantasy races, dwarves are easily the most poonery.

Think about it:

Dwarves are short, fat, bearded, angry, bitter, and won't let go of a grudge - the Book of Grudges is basically 'Ye Olde Blocklist'. They have an autistic special interest in rocks and minerals, usually wear many layers of clothing and armour with little skin exposed, and frequently have ridiculous overcompensatory 'macho' names like 'Chadni Axebeard' and 'Aidan Doodhammer'.

Most of them like doing manly activities like digging in the dirt with the boys, but they give themselves away by all singing jolly songs together while they work, which is very a foid-brained thing to do.

The ones that are too girly to do hard labour instead dedicate themselves to arts and crafts, which is also a very feminine hobby.

Legends say that they used to be friends with those basic Beckies, the elves, but scorn those cishet bitches and all their works now, as they had a falling out, probably because NOT EVERYONE CAN BE NEUROTYPICAL, KAERENYTH!!

And, of course, most obviously, they have a stubborn insistence on using male pronouns at all times - all dwarves are 'him'. There aren't any queens of the dwarves, but they have many kings. Short kings.

Therefore, I demand that Jeff Bezos hurry up with that Current Year remake of the Lord of the Rings trilogy they've been long threatening after Rings of Power came out, and cast Ellen Page as a trans dwarf.

So the Dwarf/Elf rivalry so present in popular culture is just a subconscious manifestation of the troon vs poon feud.

Called Quimli.

 

[BrainSand63]

I always think that Hunter Schafer reminds me of Lord Lankin, actually.

View attachment 5889329View attachment 5889330

He’s got that nice 1000-yard coomer stare

 

[Miriam Margoyles]

So the Dwarf/Elf rivalry so present in popular culture is just a subconscious manifestation of the troon vs poon feud.

I think elves are who the troons would like to THINK they look like in their porn-addled minds, but in reality, they remind me of no fantasy characters so much as the hideous, gangly-limbed, foul smelling and utterly deluded ghouls of the flesh-eater courts. You just have to replace the cannibalism with coom.

 

[Grub]

Elric A+ junkie emo fap material antihero, will fap read again.

Corum was better. Elric was kind of a faggot and the cousin fucking thing was pretty fucked. I preferred elric to hawkmoon though.

Also don't make me defend the Shannara series, it will be to the death.

The shannara series is garbage. The dragonbone chair series is better.

I have mostly traded this genre in for the ol' bolter-porn in recent years I admit

I have no idea what that is.

 

[isalaide]

Corum was better. Elric was kind of a faggot and the cousin fucking thing was pretty fucked. I preferred elric to hawkmoon though.


The shannara series is garbage. The dragonbone chair series is better.


I have no idea what that is.

awwww maaaaaan now I need to grab my Elfstones and do elfy woo at you. I love Shannara.

"bolter porn" is the affectionate name for books about Warhammer 40K. Many bolters are discharged everywhere. They are red hot with overuse. Sometimes the space elves are in these books, getting absolutely sprayed by bolter discharge.

 

[Tragon Dirtle]

Therefore, I demand that Jeff Bezos hurry up with that Current Year remake of the Lord of the Rings trilogy they've been long threatening after Rings of Power came out, and cast Ellen Page as a trans dwarf.

Called Quimli.

Reality is stranger than fiction.



This man (white shirt) was cast as a female dwarf.

 

[Grub]

"bolter porn" is the affectionate name for books about Warhammer 40K. Many bolters are discharged everywhere. They are red hot with overuse. Sometimes the space elves are in these books, getting absolutely sprayed by bolter discharge.

Ah. I never got into warhammer it always seemed silly to me.

 

[DumbDude43]

I have no idea what that is.

watch this short little video:

now imagine it in book form, hundreds of pages of this. that's bolter porn. there's hundreds of wh40k books, warhammer autists fans can't get enough of it.

 

[2LtMashengo]

Of all the fantasy races, dwarves are easily the most poonery.

This is because Jews invented trannies, and dwarves are Jews. Dwarves speak a Semitic language, lust for gold, work as jewelers, are very secretive and clannish etc.
In the Hobbit Thorin leads 12 dwarves(tribes) to reclaim Erebor(Israel) from Smaug.

I do think of the 'Dwarves' like Jews: at once native and alien in their habitations, speaking the languages of the country, but with an accent due to their own private tongue...

The dwarves of course are quite obviously, wouldn't you say, that in many ways they remind you of the Jews? Their words are Semitic, obviously, constructed to be Semitic.

 

[isalaide]

@DumbDude43 battle brother I cannot discharge geneseed to that

hardcore close up bolter discharge action:

 

[FatMebius]

Peak elf has already been achieved by Record of Lodoss War I'm afraid.
View attachment 5889033 View attachment 5889039
View attachment 5889042 View attachment 5889044

I came here to post Deedlit. Good tastr.She's just so cute.

Arshes Nei from Bastard! is a very close second for me as far as gorgeous elves go.

 

[Shitted Scaredless]

Little me once attempted to learn elvish if that's anything.

 

[Space Police]

People only hate elves because D&D and Peter Jackson took Tolkien's tragic, world weary elves and turned them into a bunch of self-righteous turboqueers. Warhammer at least took the self-righteous turboqueer depiction and turned their turboqueerness into a flaw rather than something to be admired.

Tolkien has to be rolling in his grave about this and generally how twisted and diluted his fantasy ideas have become.

 

[Grub]

Tolkien has to be rolling in his grave about this and generally how twisted and diluted his fantasy ideas have become.

And then there's Poul Anderson's Broken Sword that was written because he felt like Tolkien diluted elves too much and he made them more like the 9th century version of Elves which kept the immortal and demigod aspect but made them much more amoral and closer to viking mythology and it's a pretty good book.

 

[Load Bearing Drywall]

You hit peak elf by making your protagonist Drizzt. Your elf OC needs to be louder, angrier and have access to a time machine. Whenever Drizzt's not on screen, all the other characters should be asking, "Where's Drizzt?"

I see your Drizzt and raise you

This is because Jews invented trannies, and dwarves are Jews. Dwarves speak a Semitic language, lust for gold, work as jewelers, are very secretive and clannish etc.
In the Hobbit Thorin leads 12 dwarves(tribes) to reclaim Erebor(Israel) from Smaug.

We may be short, hairy, and love gold - but we're certainly not doing dangerous manual labor we could hire goyim for.


@Safir - I've been meaning to read The Last Ringbearer, do you know if it's any good?

 

[Miriam Margoyles]

I'm just gonna say it, I think drow having black skin and white hair is fucking dumb. What, did someone just learn to invert colours in MS Paint or something?

It makes no sense and it looks silly, especially when nerds try to cosplay their heccin' cool drow OC, have to get the boot polish out, and end up looking like @RACISM's avatar.



I actually think it makes it more interesting if dark elves and regular elves pretty much look the same, physically. You'll never know if that elf you met is going to be the lawful good 'harmony with nature' kind or the lawful evil 'stab you to death while you sleep' kind (although, admittedly, if he's dressed in all black and his armour's covered with spikes, that might give it away a bit).