When did you hit peak elf and why? - fantasy thread for true and honest women

Dysnomia said:
Best elves

View attachment 6404801View attachment 6404802

Promote Sarah to master monk and she becomes elven Chun-Li. It's awesome. I don't care if Sega altered the Shining Wisdom translation to imply that Sarah does indeed dig Kazin and still isn't pining after Bowie. They are still my elf OTP.🤗
Click to expand...
Shill me on the Shining games (back when they were still tactics games instead of... whatever the fuck you call resonance). I've always been interested but still haven't made the plunge.
 
The main problem with elves is that they can't become vampires, only banshees. Not the cool kind of banshees that lurk the foggy moors and bogs and wail their despair at the approach of death and doom for their mortal kin, either. IDK why, I guess because the Complete Book of Elves said so. But if there's no vampire potential then elves can never really be the best.

instant said:
Shill me on the Shining games (back when they were still tactics games instead of... whatever the fuck you call resonance).
Click to expand...

Shining Force 1 and 2 are both pretty simple, straightforward tactics games that really shine (lol) with their art and design. The stories are really basic but the charm is all in the way the characters and enemies look, the limited animation, and the sometimes really clever and cool looking battlegrounds you fight in. With the first Shining Force game you have all the centaur knights and dwarf gladiators and elven archers you could want, but then a lot of really cute and actually quite useful oddball characters. Like a little old man in a tiny helicopter and a baby dragon that grows up to completely ruin any kind of balance. Shining Force 2 doesn't have as many unusual characters but it's still fun, the balance seems a little better, and you can put the best elf archer behind a fantasy cannon.
 
  • Informative
  • Like
Reactions: Susanna, instant and Aunt Carol
Didn't read OP but the only elves I ever liked were dark elves and the elves in DOS2 because they actually look and act like a different species.
I suppose Tolkien's elves were neat too in a symbolic kind of way.
 
NoReturn said:
To be a girl is to love Legolas.
To be a young woman is to love Aragorn.
To be a woman is to love Gimli.
Click to expand...
Nah I want Meriadoc Brandybuck and no other can suffice. He’s taller than the other hobbits thanks to Treebeard’s magical capri sun/glucose solution. He’s got family money and access to a giant hobbit mansion at Brandy Hall. And he ain’t afraid of no boats.

I don’t wanna be some special Mary Sue self-insert in a bad Legolas/OC fic. I want a cozy life in domestic bliss with a hobbit husband. There will be endless snacks, petty gossip, and jaunty violin tunes over sweeping green meadows. Yes. Please.
Susanna said:
Boromir though.
Click to expand...
I am reading the trilogy with my daughter as our bedtime story and hoo boy. I cried like a bitch when Boromir died. The movies made him a bit more one-dimensional but the books have him being a tall Chad that can bushwhack through snow drifts with multiple hobbits on his shoulders. His death is tragic. Aragorn and Legolas sing a dirge after sending Boromir’s corpse down the river that I straight up could not read without getting choked up.

Aragorn sang:
Through Rohan over fen and field where the long grass grows
The West Wind comes walking, and about the walls it goes.
‘What news from the West, O wandering wind, do you bring to me tonight?
Have you seen Boromir the Tall by moon or by starlight?
‘I saw him ride over seven streams, over waters wide and grey,
I saw him walk in empty lands until he passed away
Into the shadows of the North, I saw him then no more.
The North Wind may have heard the horn of the son of Denethor,
‘O Boromir! From the high walls westward I looked afar,
But you came not from the empty lands where no men are.’

Then Legolas sang:
From the mouths of the Sea the South Wind flies, from the sandhills and the stones,
The wailing of the gulls it bears, and at the gate it moans.
‘What news from the South, O sighing wind, do you bring to me at eve?
Where now is Boromir the Fair? He tarries and I grieve.
‘Ask not of me where he doth dwell – so many bones there lie,
On the white shores and the dark shores under the stormy sky,
So many have passed down Anduin to find the flowing Sea.
Ask of the North Wind news of them the North Wind sends to me!’
‘O Boromir! Beyond the gate the seaward road runs south,
But you came not with the wailing gulls from the grey sea’s mouth’.

Then Aragorn sang again:
From the Gate of the Kings the North Wind rides, and past the roaring falls,
And clear and cold about the tower its loud horn calls.
‘What news from the North, O mighty wind, do you bring to me today?
What news of Boromir the bold? For he is long away.’
‘Beneath Amon Hen I heard his cry. There many foes he fought,
His cloven shield, his broken sword, they to the water brought.
His head so proud, his face so fair, his limbs they laid to rest,
And Rauros, golden Rauros-falls, bore him upon its breast.
‘O Boromir! The Tower of Guardshall ever northward gaze,
To Rauros, golden Rauros-falls, until the end of days.

Try reading THAT aloud without getting a little misty eyed.
 
  • Feels
  • Like
Reactions: Jhonson the Two, Miriam Margoyles, always lurking and 7 others
1728872884366.jpeg
Reading Moorecock and European mythology made me realise how good elves can be: Mysterious, dark, cruel, tragic, beautiful. The epitome of romance. In this way, vampires are actually the most authentic variety of elf we have in modern fiction writing.
 
  • Like
  • Feels
  • Agree
Reactions: demicolon, always lurking, Wulfering and 4 others
I was always more into fantasy that makes fun out of the serious kind, and this sperg is the only they/them I can accept (they just never disclosed gender).

tumblr_pv5p7sLwXY1yst8u6o1_400.png

I got bitter about Order Of The Stick after the author found out about an unofficial translation page (very good one, with a great fan community around it) and asked to shut it down, so I stopped reading shortly after this happened.
v2.png
 
Last edited:
  • Feels
Reactions: Aunt Carol
2mm and 99 others said:
I way always more into fantasy that makes fun out of the serious kind, and this sperg is the only they/them I can accept (they just never disclosed gender).

View attachment 6561698
I got bitter about Order Of The Stick after the author found out about an unofficial translation page (very good one, with a great fan community around it) and asked to shut it down, so I stopped reading shortly after this happened.
View attachment 6561735
Click to expand...
It's a fun comic, but it takes ages to get anywhere. And perhaps would do better as a web light novel rather than as a web comic; it's awfully wordy, as evidenced by how you can cut out three quarters of the letters and still get more or less the same page out of it.
yonurd9vff8z.png
 
  • Like
Reactions: Gutless, Aunt Carol and Wulfering
Illumithotty said:
The main problem with elves is that they can't become vampires, only banshees. Not the cool kind of banshees that lurk the foggy moors and bogs and wail their despair at the approach of death and doom for their mortal kin, either. IDK why, I guess because the Complete Book of Elves said so. But if there's no vampire potential then elves can never really be the best.
Click to expand...

Bullshit! There are elven vampires in Ravenloft! They're called albesadows!

1000017052.png
 
  • Feels
  • Informative
Reactions: demicolon and Aunt Carol
Hey, I just had a really funny, random thought, I can't imagine why, but does anybody else remember in the Lord of the Rings books (not movies), when Gandalf needed help and he went to the wisest of all the wizards, someone he trusted and respected, Saruman the White, and Saruman initially greeted him as a friend, but then locked all the doors and whipped off his cloak to reveal he was wearing tacky, gaudy, rainbow-coloured clothing underneath and demanded that Gandalf start calling him 'Saruman of Many Colours', and suddenly Gandalf had that awful moment of sinking horror, like "Oh no, my friend has gone insane..."

1000017238.jpg

Man, I love fantasy.
 
  • Agree
  • Like
  • Optimistic
Reactions: Althalus, Commander Suzdal, demicolon and 3 others
TOTAL ELVEN DEATH
1000073004.jpg
Kill elves, Behead elves. Roundhouse kick a long eared monkey into the concrete. Slam dunk a elf baby into the trashcan. Crucify filthy elves. Defecate in a elf's food. Launch elves into the sun. Stir fry elves in a wok. Toss elves into active volcanoes. Urinate into a elf's wine. Judo throw elves into a wood chipper. Twist elves heads off. Report elves to the dwarf council. Karate chop elves in half. Curb stomp pregnant elves. Trap elves in quicksand. Crush elves in the trash compactor. Liquify elves in a vat of acid. Eat elves. Dissect elves, Exterminate elves in a gas chamber. Stomp elf skulls with steel toed boots. Cremate elves in the oven. Lobotomize all elves. Mandatory abortions for all elves. Grind half human, half elf fetuses in the garbage disposal. Drown elves in siren infested water. Vaporize elves with dwarf magic. Kick old elves down the stairs. Feed elves to gargoyles. Slice elves in half with a dwarven axe.
 
  • Like
Reactions: There Is Light At The End and Boopims
Montalbane said:
TOTAL ELVEN DEATH
View attachment 6637636
Kill elves, Behead elves. Roundhouse kick a long eared monkey into the concrete. Slam dunk an elf baby into the trashcan. Crucify filthy elves. Defecate in an elf's food. Launch elves into the sun. Stir fry elves in a wok. Toss elves into active volcanoes. Urinate into an elf's wine. Judo throw elves into a wood chipper. Twist elves heads off. Report elves to the dwarf council. Karate chop elves in half. Curb stomp pregnant elves. Trap elves in quicksand. Crush elves in the trash compactor. Liquify elves in a vat of acid. Eat elves. Dissect elves, Exterminate elves in a gas chamber. Stomp elf skulls with steel toed boots. Cremate elves in the oven. Lobotomize all elves. Mandatory abortions for all elves. Grind half human, half elf fetuses in the garbage disposal. Drown elves in siren infested water. Vaporize elves with dwarf magic. Kick old elves down the stairs. Feed elves to gargoyles. Slice elves in half with a dwarven axe.
Click to expand...
Calm down Pelinal Whitestrake
 
  • Like
Reactions: Commander Suzdal
The only correct way to write elves is to make them literal hippies instead of just calling them hippies.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back