why are you still single - and general discussion of the dating game

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I've never tried to date anyone, and likely never will. I've always found everything about relationships to be stupid, even before I had to live through the fallout of 5 (nearly 6) divorces. Suffice to say I want absolutely nothing to do with it.
I just want to try having a normal relationship with a female. Out of sheer boredom I've been trying to see how easy it is to become-the-girlfriend, as in, become trans, and even though I genuinely don't care it would be nice if I hormonally looked like a person that is easy to approach (I never get approached as a male). I bullshitted my way all the way to a diagnosis and a hormonal treatment even though there are 0 signs of me being interested in being the other gender apart from wanting to be approachable by other people.
3 points:
1) I may be wrong about this, but consider that your idea of a "normal relationship with a female" is likely based entirely on fictional media and cherry-picked social media posts. The reality is much different, and always has been.
2) If you keep going down the HRT path, you are going to cause irreversible damage to your body that will require costly medical intervention for the rest of your life. Even in the best case scenario, testosterone deprivation is going to give you severe osteoporosis down the line, not to mention a host of psychological issues. All I ask is that at the very least you understand the consequences of what you are getting yourself into.
3) If you absolutely need it, there are other ways of creating a simulacrum of a partner than "become the gf." AI will be of immense value to you in this regard.
 
Also general question: what is the ideal first date? Something unusual or somehing with an easy escape route?
An activity you can use for conversation starters and to get to know each other better. Some examples of dates I've been on: rock climbing, shopping/thrifting, escape rooms, etc. From there you can get a meal/snack and walk around (if in a walkable city).

Don't fall for the "grab a coffee" trap because you'll stress trying to come up with interesting conversation topics. Just do something together and see if you get along.
 
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Just popping in here to say GET OFF THE DATING APPS IF YOU'RE A MAN. Women shouldn't use one either, but most of the people ITT are men, so I'll stick with men.

Unless you're gigachadicus the IV that's at least 6'0 with a top tier jawline that knows how to take a selfie in a way that women like (chances are you aren't considering you're here with us) dating apps probably aren't going to be a fun time unless you have very good charisma, or you're willing to go whale hunting.

With dating apps like Tinder for example you are competing with dozens to sometimes hundreds of men trying to match with the same woman at one time. Chances are you aren't going to be the top 10 guys she has to choose from in the pool of 60+ matches she gets in a single week. Now this isn't women's fault due to the simple fact the average male strategy is "swipe first and ask questions later".

Seriously if you look at almost any man including myself when I used said apps they will just swipe right right right right right without looking at the screen because its a "numbers game" except its the same fucking game every other male is playing. Match with a chick you think is too fat, or a single mom? Well that's when you either unmatch, or go down the dark path of "a hole is a hole..."

This causes the problem where every woman no matter how she looks or acts having dozens of matches from guys who wouldn't even consider her if they actually looked at the damn phone screen. Even if you as a man don't do that and actually act like a woman by analyzing every profile before swiping, just know you are in the small miniority of men, and you still have that competition regardless.

This doesn't even begin to answer the question of what are you looking for? If you're just looking for a warm hole then by all means stay on dating apps and skibidi rizz up the 200 pounder. Close your eyes and think of someone hotter. Looking for someone to actually build a connection and relationship with? Chances are you aren't going to find them on Tinder or Bumble.

You can find a long term relationship off dating apps, and I have friends that have done it, but said friends had to go through ALOT of shit from bpd hoes, cheaters, ugly chicks with demands longer than the Treaty of Versailles, and other women you don't want to deal with before they found theirs. Ofc this could happen to you regardless of using a dating app or not, but chances are when you use a dating app for some time without luck you get more and more desperate causing you to make bad decisions.

There's a dozen other reasons as to why you shouldn't use a dating app as a man, even if you are in the top 10%, but listing everything would take too long.
You might say "But commissar! I'm a socially awkward chud! How else can someone like me meet women?" I'm going to tell you the truth: I don't know. I don't know how well you can talk to women, I don't know where you live and what "meeting people in real life" would look like in your town/city, I don't know how often you go outside, but I do know that dating apps won't make it much better.

There's no substitute to mastering the skill of actually being able to talk to a human being face to face, because if you can't do that the dating app won't help you once you actually meet the woman. Learn from my expierence. I can't tell you how many times in my late teens and early 20s I fucked up meeting someone in person after being perfect over text because I used to be your stereotypical awkward loser. I have been with the same woman for 6 years at this point, and I didn't meet her on a dating app. The ones I were able to get offcial with while using the apps never lasted long.

You know what else I know? There are far worse men than you that have found relationships. Even with all the bullshit going on in the world today and whatever failings you may currently have in your life you can still find someone. This isn't some feel good "oh its okay bro don't worry" but just plain facts. I mean ffs just walk around your local walmart and look. Have you SEEN the type of people that have kids??

If you are in the top 10-20% of men? Well congratulations you can disregard the majority of shit I just said. There's probably other reasons as to why you're single, and hoenstly sometimes you just have shit luck. Maybe a dating app will work for you.

TL;DR: Get off the dating apps. Its far more trouble than they're worth, and even if they do work you're going to have to drag your asshole through a fireant hill in ways you might not have to if you just meet people in real life.
 
I've gone on a few dates with different women since things ended with my girlfriend in May. All of them have said they want to be free to drop anything at a moments notice. They also think kids or even pets would sufficate them. It really sounds like they want someone who's around every now and then and will pay for their stuff. These are women in their late 20's early 30's. People talk about Peter Pan syndrome in men, but it's also very prevalent in women, too.

These are women I've met through church, so the advice of getting off dating apps as they are mainly hookup apps doesn't apply.
 
Any advice how to handle an age-gap relationship?
I've had a beautiful few dates with a young woman, but she's just an undergrad with no dating experience (strict parents back in China).
I've seen the psychological damage a bad first boyfriend, especially an older one can do, and want to avoid that. I'm very behind on life goals for my age, but am on the right trajectory.
 
TL;DR: Get off the dating apps. Its far more trouble than they're worth, and even if they do work you're going to have to drag your asshole through a fireant hill in ways you might not have to if you just meet people in real life.
I wonder how the dating apps are using the "leaked" 23&Me data. You just know that they are, in some way or another.
 
Long and short of it is I blew some opportunities in highschool/undergrad. And after that, there just were no options. No one around my age that wasn't already in a relationship at church, no one I was interested in gradschool. Currently searching for work but not expecting to find anyone wherever I end up.

I'm not desperate, and definitely not resentful. But damn am I lonely sometimes.
 
Here, to cast some light into this dark dank pit of Incels Grandpaw will tell you how he met the Mrs. to show that shit ain't simple or easy but you got to be willing and ready for when shit does happen.

OK so it's the 80's, the early 80's. The time of glorious hair and leopard print leggings and hair metal rock. And I'm working in Jap land for like the last 6 months or so. After getting tossed out of the army due to a fucked up knee and somehow ending up working as a PMC for the JSDF (no no not that kind of spook or spec-ops silly. I was a search and rescue specialist who was hired as a consultant while the Japs were setting up their new combined arms SAR teams).

So one day one of my co-workers tells me that someone he knows is having a little house party tonight and that I should come along with him as he doesn't want to go solo. It'll be fun he sez, don't worry he sez. "A little drinkey, a little dancey, some good times!" he sez. Little did I know this would be my first but sadly not my last encounter with the dreaded Japanese torture device known simply as..."Karaoke".

So while listening to some drunken Jap soldiers trying to sing some Micheal Jackson songs and wondering if these chopsticks I was vainly trying to use were long enough to pierce my eardrums, in walks another white person. A female white person to be exact and it was hard to miss her. Not because she was a 10/10 Farrah Fawcett or shit like that but because she was...a ginger. A real ginger. Not a auburn hair dye, Hollywood fake tan style redhead but an actual redhead. Her hair was a bright, almost metallic orange. Her skin was so milky pale I could see her veins throbbing underneath it and it looked (to me at least) like God had used a shotgun to place the freckles across her face and upper body. I was like...whoa. But not a good whoa mind you, I was transfixed truthfully and somewhat disturbed a s she neared. Never have been exposed to such a individual before I was actually rather repulsed. She did have an amazing 8.5/10 rack however and I took the time to properly admire it as we talked. Like any gentleman would of course.

Now back in my day when you were overseas, meeting another person who didn't want to practice their English skills on you was a treat. So naturally we gravitated towards each other to exchange pleasantries and calling cards. Look it up OK, this was the early 80's and before cell phones when playing phone tag was the way of life. We talked for a few minutes about nothing really before her Jap pussy boy practically dragged her away into the kitchen area and I was like...well there's something new.

Certainly not my type. As I tended to go for the more typical leggy, athletic, tall blonde types and she was barely 5.2ft, wore glasses, came across as rather bookish (a nice way to say nerdy) and maybe was 110lbs soaking wet. Plus the freckles...oh my God the freckles were something I've never seen before like that. Most of her face and exposed torso was absolutely plastered with them to the point finding bare skin was impossible. At the time they were rather off-putting to me, funny how things change.

But little did I know I just met the person I would spend the next 37 years with.

No fireworks, no bells, no gongs nor heavenly choir. Just a simple hello, how do you do. Nice to meet you.

Before she left the party we talked once more briefly and we made some weak plans to try to hang out some time...maybe, if our schedules worked out and the three moons aligned and so on. And honestly I was just going through the motions to be polite and I think she was too. She left with the pussy boy and I promptly forgot she existed as I planned to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible before the Karaoke started up again and suicide was my only escape option.

Now obviously we did eventually see each other again and things went pear shaped for me then (and that's a whole other story) but the lesson I want to get across is that you have to be ready for it. You never know when that person will walk into your life. If your life's a wreck, or your only interests are fapping, the Xbox and weed then yah your probably fucked in the love department. Honestly ask yourself; if the situation was reversed would you want to spend time with yourself. Do you offer anything beyond the desire to fuck and wanting someone to take care of you? Are you looking for a life partner or do you just want a fuck-mommy? Maybe your the problem. Think about it and do the hardest thing...be honest with yourself.

But remember only you can change your life. If you don't like who/what you are then put some effort into yourself for once. I find most Incels would rather bitch and moan then actually do anything positive. After all it's really really easy to complain about your life, fixing it is much much much harder work.
 
I hate being single, it's been absolute torture. I've never had any kind of volunteer job, paid gig, or any kind of job/work whatsoever.
More importantly, I've never kissed or hugged a girl that was not a casual greeting at a family meeting (which also stopped happening for the past 6 years, even on my birthday nobody but my mom showed up.
Dad passed away when I was 17, now I'm 28 and all this is things I struggle with.
I'm definitely an i-dont-care-o-vert. I can go intro, extro, doesn't matter. I was diagnosed with aspergers at 8 due to always being the clown of the class, I guess provoking reactions from normies just made me happy.
Now I recently got rediagnosed and I also have been convinced my entire life of this, and that is that I do not have autism. I simply just have a i-dont-care mentality. I dont care about bright lights, being overwhelmed, having people around me. Heck, I once drove 4 hours in the morning to hit up 5 shopping malls in a row, then 5 hours back, didn't flinch. Had a 2 month period of a convention every week where I smooth talk to every stranger there without worry.
My biggest problem is I get bored from talking to the same person for too long. I get this mental drain. When I talk to someone about a common interest, like recently a videogame nobody knows from 1999 and the person I talked with made fanart of the characters, while the game for me was mostly about the gameplay, the setting and the story. I didn't care at all for this person's blobby 8-bit representations of my childhood game characters.

Sounds genuinely rough, man. I wish you find a way out of this mess.

Also, obligatory advice NOT to go down the tranny route. It has never helped anyone.
 
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Recently went on a date with a girl who ended up being a colorful poison dart frog danger hair who vapes and has awkwardly placed tattoos and no job. Despite the obvious questionable cues, I decided to go along as I prefer to see the good in people than the bad. Not to my surprise, there was no invitation for a second date. Now I don't like be a braggart or anything, but clearly only one person made it through the filter that is quality.
 
Just not interested in a relationship right now.

You know, I don't remember where I heard this quote, but it really stuck with me. Basically, there was this lad a long time ago, Christian boy, did a lot of good in his life iirc but never married. When asked about it he replied that he just hadn't found the right girl yet, but he wasn't worried about waiting because if she's not on Earth then she's up in heaven waiting for him.

I think about that a lot.
 
I have zero desire to get married due to extreme autism and retardation. Everyone else my age is doing it but I have no desire for it. As if the "get wife/have kid" switch has been shut off in my brain
I couldn't agree more. I'm pretty well acquainted with my genes at this point and I'm way too average by nearly every metric to believe "oh man, the rest of humanity totally needs to get in on this shit."
 
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