why are you still single - and general discussion of the dating game

  • 🔧 At about Midnight EST I am going to completely fuck up the site trying to fix something.
There's a large, large chasm between people I'm interested in and people who are interested in me. I don't believe my standards are too high either, in fact they're quite humble and dare I say alternative. I'll find someone I'm physically attracted to, but they're incredibly immature. I give someone a chance who isn't really my type, we have a very engaging conversation, and they immediately lose interest in me. I find out from friends of friends that such-and-such person finds me attractive, only for them to never ever express it. I'm sure that's part of the dating game, but it's all so exhausting. My best and longest-lasting relationship happened spontaneously, and we were too obsessed with eachother to do this "situationship" ghosting crap.

And really, I wish my friends would stop complaining about their situationships, because I have absolutely no sympathy for anyone who finds themselves in one. You're an adult, if you're not happy then leave.
 
There's a large, large chasm between people I'm interested in and people who are interested in me. I don't believe my standards are too high either, in fact they're quite humble and dare I say alternative
I've stooped to swiping a bit again and I genuinely just don't care for 95% of women. You'll see Americans goon over our amazonian aryan 9/10s, but in reality they're just fashionable blondes who mask a capable office worker on the daily. Even if they've got hobbies, travel, write a profile worthy of a read, it's still just an average woman. I remember during Covid when Tinder went "global" etc, every single time I saw someone (not a straight up hair-dyed tumblrina) 'alternative', they were American. And probably hugely obnoxious, but at the very least different from the last 3 slides.

Recently I've noticed a straight-up honest to God, literal priest. Single, childless, early 30s and even just that was like "word?". Ignoring the abstinence depending on her level of Lord-fear, that sounds interesting. If anything, modest and unspoiled by modern doctrine. I've toured a few religious buildings on holidays recently and the level of community, events, "famous" organ concerts etc sounds very engaging if the alternative is local art festivals and clubs.

The downside of these 'alternatives' is that they're always sought after. Being an odd one out means you're less likely to have a broad mainstream appeal, but whereas it used to be "that one nerdy fat girl in class", she's now as valid and kween-like as the skinny Stacy, if not all the more. I don't even bother with outright 'nerdy' women at this point cause it's either a grift or intensely fabricated. The most genuine I've met was this diagnosed aspie (and nympho) who played theHunter, Snowrunner etc. Not the sexy kind of geek, so you knew it was genuine.
 
I've stooped to swiping a bit again and I genuinely just don't care for 95% of women. You'll see Americans goon over our amazonian aryan 9/10s, but in reality they're just fashionable blondes who mask a capable office worker on the daily. Even if they've got hobbies, travel, write a profile worthy of a read, it's still just an average woman. I remember during Covid when Tinder went "global" etc, every single time I saw someone (not a straight up hair-dyed tumblrina) 'alternative', they were American. And probably hugely obnoxious, but at the very least different from the last 3 slides.

Recently I've noticed a straight-up honest to God, literal priest. Single, childless, early 30s and even just that was like "word?". Ignoring the abstinence depending on her level of Lord-fear, that sounds interesting. If anything, modest and unspoiled by modern doctrine. I've toured a few religious buildings on holidays recently and the level of community, events, "famous" organ concerts etc sounds very engaging if the alternative is local art festivals and clubs.

The downside of these 'alternatives' is that they're always sought after. Being an odd one out means you're less likely to have a broad mainstream appeal, but whereas it used to be "that one nerdy fat girl in class", she's now as valid and kween-like as the skinny Stacy, if not all the more. I don't even bother with outright 'nerdy' women at this point cause it's either a grift or intensely fabricated. The most genuine I've met was this diagnosed aspie (and nympho) who played theHunter, Snowrunner etc. Not the sexy kind of geek, so you knew it was genuine.
I don't mean alternative in that way, I mean in it in the literal sense. As someone who dresses in "alternative" fashion myself, I fell in with a lot of alt music kids when I was a teenager. That experience told me everything I need to know about "alt" people, the boys are pick-mes and tantrum prone, the girls will drag everyone to their level.
 
I dated and slept around a bit in my early-mid 20s. I was a lot more willing to believe in the spark between two people then. The few women I've been on the same wavelength as over the years have mostly been lesbians who became good friends of mine. I also took time to work on myself emotionally rather than date, watching where other people fuck up. Relationships are work - people take that for granted.

I matched on an app in the summer with a woman, bit of a chubby redhead, and we hit it off pretty well, but I've been out of the game a while so I couldn't figure out the timing to ask her out. Eventually she came out with this "why haven't you asked me out" thing and I did only for both of the times we tried to get fucked over something or other. She would never message me; I had to message her, keep finding new topics, keep interesting her. Now I'm in school and I haven't talked to her in two months because, frankly, the effort seemed wasted. But she was also posting near naked pics on Instagram on the regular so I might have dodged a bullet.

It's just such a fucking hassle to date now. Apps are loaded dice, and the onus on men to be the most interesting man in the world is fucking retarded, and frankly? My standards aren't high but the women just aren't that interesting. If it ain't a danger hair with pronouns and causes on their fucking dating profile, it's overtly boring basic bitches whose personality is Netflix, drinking, camping and hiking. Fuck mutual interests, I can't even find a woman with an actual personality to talk to.
 
I'm apparently a "catch", and at the very least moderately more attractive than average, evidenced by the flirting I receive and catching women staring at me fairly frequently(no, I am not hideously ugly). I'm 6', work a decent job, clean myself regularly, can be eloquent at times; but, I likely have aspergers, and I can't see myself being in a long term relationship because of my tendency to isolate and want time alone.

In the past I've romanticized relationships, making them out to be the most important thing in life. Recent experience in dating has steered me away from such reveries, and now I have very little hope of finding love, and am not sure I even want to.

Women are fucking boring, I have to drive the conversations 90% of the time. They can't be bothered to ask anything about me, which I find incredibly rude, and their answers to my questions are banal and curt. One would think this would indicate the date went badly, yet they want me to kiss them at the end, and they want to plan more in the future. I don't understand women.

"Did you see this tiktok" STFU!!!!!!!!!!
 
Women are fucking boring, I have to drive the conversations 90% of the time. They can't be bothered to ask anything about me, which I find incredibly rude, and their answers to my questions are banal and curt. One would think this would indicate the date went badly, yet they want me to kiss them at the end, and they want to plan more in the future. I don't understand women.
Are you in Burgerland? Because if so, passport bro this. Even the worst women in other countries are better than Burger women.
 
tolerate living with one.
I think one advantage my parents had was living on some acreage. Dad had his "man cave" aka, a giant shop to work in. And the house was pretty large.

I think trying to live with another person in a small house or worse an apartment would be horrible. Unless one of you is perpetually down the street at the bar.
 
When I think about dating for more than about a minute I get put off by it. In my experience it always feels like I have to entertain a woman and be someone that I'm not. I feel the same way even about having platonic friends for the most part. I'm not a particularly happy or enthusiastic person and I'm confident that dating again isn't going to magically change my predisposition.

A self selecting group, I'm aware, but I recently did the Tinder thing for a few months at the start of the year and this only reinforced my views regarding both the dating pool and my place in it. Summed up in a word: bleak.

I could have written this post a few years ago. Wading through the cesspool of Internet dating, it feels like everyone participating is just going down checklists of desired traits. From my male perspective, it's easy to feel like conforming to any given woman's idea of what they want in a man based on their profile is the only way to get noticed at all, let alone meet up in real life. Now I know these feelings were a trap that stopped me from trying at all and from seeking alternative routes for meeting women.

I felt like I had a lot of time until a year or two ago. Now I'm regretting that I didn't try harder to date even though I was busy at work. I have reached the age where I see a lot of my peers getting married or at least holding 5+ year long relationships and I'm feeling behind. Getting married and having kids is something that I want to do, but it takes time to get into a relationship in the first place and building it up even more so. It's unfortunate to experience this realization during a period of unemployment when I can't jump back into dating so easily. I guess at least there's the benefit of knowing what you want when you're older and I don't have trouble being honest about that anymore.

My advice to people in their 20's is that finding a long term partner earlier is probably advantageous in a similar way to getting your friendships and job prospects in order earlier. I would skip the dating apps and go do in-person group activities related to hobbies where you are likely to meet new people. I'm realizing as I get older that entropy is a very necessary ingredient for success in many things in life. Persistently meeting new people and trying new things is how you create new opportunities for yourself and grow as a person.

Also regarding opportunities, learn to recognize and take them when they fall into your lap. I met a woman a few months back by chance while out doing a somewhat mundane activity. We hit it off right away and exchanged numbers. Shortly after, we met up again for a similar, somewhat mundane activity. I should have asked her out, but I over thought it and felt like doing so would be too forward, a bad idea because I knew at that point I would be losing my job soon, didn't know where I would be living at the end of the year, etc. etc. Our communication ended shortly after that second meetup. The lesson is to always frame such circumstances as something that could work out rather than something that probably won't work out. On the bright side, that is good enough evidence for me to believe that it's still possible to meet people outside of dating apps!
 
I would skip the dating apps and go do in-person group activities related to hobbies where you are likely to meet new people.
Idk if it’s just me, but it feels like a lot of hobbies are male dominated. I’m not even talking about the ones infested with troons either. Find me a woman who enjoys pulp literature or history and I’ll show you a guy larping as a woman.
 
Idk if it’s just me, but it feels like a lot of hobbies are male dominated. I’m not even talking about the ones infested with troons either. Find me a woman who enjoys pulp literature or history and I’ll show you a guy larping as a woman.
I'm sure they are out there, but if it's a bad ratio, that might mean trying some new things that natal women would be more interested in.
 
So I've decided to try to be more proactive in my searching. All I have to ask is: how the fuck do other rural people do this? There's like 5 women in my area on any of these apps and they're either pushing 50 or have kids. I know I live in a very small area but goddamn, man.
Idk if it’s just me, but it feels like a lot of hobbies are male dominated. I’m not even talking about the ones infested with troons either. Find me a woman who enjoys pulp literature or history and I’ll show you a guy larping as a woman.
Most of my hobbies(martial arts, strength training, sci fi fantasy lit, etc) are male dominated so I get that feel, man.
 
So I've decided to try to be more proactive in my searching. All I have to ask is: how the fuck do other rural people do this? There's like 5 women in my area on any of these apps and they're either pushing 50 or have kids. I know I live in a very small area but goddamn, man.

Most of my hobbies(martial arts, strength training, sci fi fantasy lit, etc) are male dominated so I get that feel, man.
Unfortunately, I think traveling is an unavoidable need if the area you live in is small enough.
 
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Idk if it’s just me, but it feels like a lot of hobbies are male dominated. I’m not even talking about the ones infested with troons either. Find me a woman who enjoys pulp literature or history and I’ll show you a guy larping as a woman.
My hobbies are not only male-dominated, but the kinds of things you typically wouldn't do with other people in the first place, which makes it extra worse.
 
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So I've decided to try to be more proactive in my searching. All I have to ask is: how the fuck do other rural people do this? There's like 5 women in my area on any of these apps and they're either pushing 50 or have kids. I know I live in a very small area but goddamn, man.

Most of my hobbies(martial arts, strength training, sci fi fantasy lit, etc) are male dominated so I get that feel, man.
Well they either met someone in high school, or meet someone through business trips and convince them to eventually move back. For the most part you don't.
 
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