why are you still single - and general discussion of the dating game

[Quintex96]

After a few months of living the single life I finally put myself back out there and started talking with someone I met through mutual friends. Taking things slow as she has just moved to the area and doesn't want to rush into anything serious.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I should have asked her out, but I over thought it and felt like doing so would be too forward, a bad idea because I knew at that point I would be losing my job soon, didn't know where I would be living at the end of the year, etc. etc. Our communication ended shortly after that second meetup. The lesson is to always frame such circumstances as something that could work out rather than something that probably won't work out. On the bright side, that is good enough evidence for me to believe that it's still possible to meet people outside of dating apps!

This is a nice story, despite it not developing into anything, and I think you will be fine going forward. I also think it was decent of you not to pull someone into what you knew would be a time of upheaval and change for you. But have you considered reaching out to her again if you're in a place to do so?

Also, in general (not about your comment, but about being in your 20s and meeting people. Does no one go out after work for drinks/ socializing anymore? I know a lot of people are remote, but those who aren't - no? When I was in my 20s it was very common - just a group of people meeting up or an open invitation to most at a place nearby after work Thursday or Friday before heading off to your real plans, or sometimes making a night of it. You got to know coworkers, made friends, sometimes their friends would join, you socialize with them, etc., might meet other people. Or just spending social time with coworkers, become friends, and socialize away from the office, and so on.

In my 30s, similar, though then it became more dinner parties and such, as people were more paired, but still a lot started at work and became meeting friends of friends.

All of the above is framed in being in a place with places to go, having a little bit of money to spend (which maybe means less on something else, sure), but mostly just picking your head up and being game. And you could do an open invitation to everyone, be the one to start the tradition. Maybe everyone says no for 3 weeks in a row, but maybe not. Or you + 1 or two decide to go and say hey, "we're" going to head down to....at 6 if anyone wants to join....

(This can be harder in today's workplace, with a lot of remote work, irregular schedules, unassigned seating, everyone in headphones all day, in their own bubbles, etc....but not impossible.)

Long way from that to meeting a mate, but planting a lot of seeds is a good strategy.

Which brings me to my last comment. One of the things I notice in how people talk about online dating (or dating in general, lately), especially in zoomer, it's like if a date doesn't go beyond one, or you get turned down, it's like people just say it's all horrible and impossible. Everyone you meet isn't going to be a relationship. And rejection of interest, or disappointing or dull interactions, shouldn't destroy your self-esteem or belief in others.

Frank Sinatra has a few words:

This message brought to you by Optimism, Inc.

 

[Lord of the Large Pants]

As I've reflected on my life recently, I've concluded that it's basically 2 things.

1. Hoeflation. To attract even a significantly below average woman, you must be, at minimum, a significantly above average man. Nevermind that the numbers don't work, that most people will die alone, and that this will eventually lead to the total collapse of civilization, that's what grrl power demands.
2. I'm just really, really, really, REALLY unlucky. I honestly can't find another way to explain how much effort I've put in with zero results.

 

[Basic Blond Boy]

Does no one go out after work for drinks/ socializing anymore? I know a lot of people are remote, but those who aren't - no? When I was in my 20s it was very common - just a group of people meeting up or an open invitation to most at a place nearby after work Thursday or Friday before heading off to your real plans, or sometimes making a night of it. You got to know coworkers, made friends, sometimes their friends would join, you socialize with them, etc., might meet other people. Or just spending social time with coworkers, become friends, and socialize away from the office, and so on.

Not really.

As said by you, a good chunk of jobs are remote now, and with people living all across the country, so it would be a no go.

Zoomers in particular have it rough as they are the current generation not getting work or not working by choice. I work two jobs currently and both are me with people a good 10+ years older. I can interact with them, but like, I am not at all in the same place as the current parents or sometimes grandparents that I am around.

A lot of places also close earlier, are completely gone or have new rules because we live in a post-covid world.

 

[FierceBrosnan]

After some introspection, I think I've just hit a point where I no longer have the will or energy to be funny or charming, especially after putting in 55+ hours a week dealing with clients. Like the last thing I want to do after work is to impress anyone and have to pay for the privilege to do so.

Anyone else feel like work burnout has killed the need for a social life?

 

[BerserkKing99]

As I've reflected on my life recently, I've concluded that it's basically 2 things.

1. Hoeflation. To attract even a significantly below average woman, you must be, at minimum, a significantly above average man. Nevermind that the numbers don't work, that most people will die alone, and that this will eventually lead to the total collapse of civilization, that's what grrl power demands.
2. I'm just really, really, really, REALLY unlucky. I honestly can't find another way to explain how much effort I've put in with zero results.

too many insufferable basic preppy bitches in this world. and their personalities always revolve around "being a decent hooman bean" but are the most entitled, selfish and narcissistic bitches around.

 

[GoysGoneWild]

Over the last 8 years, these are my significant interactions with women, where I felt there was a relationship or more in the cards.

Spoiler: Writing it down for my own sake, trying to get it all behind me so better shit happens

1. Dated an Indian med school student for 5 months. She told me the first night we slept together that she was "fucked up in the head". Found out later that that was 100% true. She was cheating on her 10 year assigned boyfriend "because she felt he was cheating on her".
2. Girl I went on a few dates with. Friend/roommate of a high school love interest. She grew a conscience and told me she was moving back to her parents in NYC when the school semester was done (she was a teacher).
3. High school love interest, apparently seeing me with someone else caused feelings to arise. Found out she was a few months into seeing someone else too.
4. News going around that I was going abroad for a few months on a pretty cool work trip caused a "friend" I had always had eyes for to appear out of nowhere at my going away party. I came back and a relationship kicked off. Her mom quickly started dying of cancer though and her mental health took a nosedive. Once her mom passed away, it got worse. Blaming me for pretty much everything, wild mood swings, inventing things out of thin air to get mad at me over. Some of which were actually deeply insulting.
5. Friend from kickball. We get drunk at the end of the season and agree to go out. At the end of it she plays footsies with me, we kiss, then she literally runs away into her apartment, a week later I tire of the avoidance stuff she's doing and we agree to just remain friends. We put that behind us after about a year and a half of not talking, and it was never anything serious, but what the fuck. She's 35 now and the 1 date we went on is the 1 date anyone in our circle has ever known her to go on in about 8-10 years of knowing her.
6. Another kickball teammate. She was so close to the captain that everyone kinda felt they had a thing going on (wrong). I matched with another teammate over a dating app and me and that girl had a convo about it (she didn't want kids so we agreed right there to just keep it chill) in her earshot once the season was over. She was super interested in our convo though and really wanted the girl I matched with show her my dating app profile. Team hung out a lot over the winter and she swooped in hard on me. We ended up dating for 4 months and it was the wildest thing I've ever done. I think she needs some very serious therapy and is likely to be an actual case of NPD. Highlights include: grabbing my dick in front of all her medical coworkers. Driving us to and showing me her ex's mansion. Finding tickets to Norway for us. Telling me she felt she loved me a month in on new years, then sobbing out front of the house party about how she was scared to commit to me (all after dating for one month). Sobbing because I wasn't Catholic and her family was (to a very fucked up degree apparently). Hiding a stalker with a record from me until her friend blurted it out. Hiding that she was trying to get into medical school from me until her friend blurted it out. Going to Norway and being upset at me for not being super duper down with her trying to get into some second rate med school. Us not talking for the entire flight home. Rage outbursts.

So thats the summary. I'm going to a singles event Saturday evening at a brewery here. My last relationship was both the best I've ever had and the most nightmarish. I realized I deserve a whole lot more than this kinda shit and you know what, maybe that's all that it will take for better results to happen. I deserve something even better than what that last one was. Maybe law of attraction or vibes or whatever is out there is real, or real-ish, and all it will take to break the groundhog day cycle I've been in is just deciding that its done.

Or this event could just suck. Oh well, at least I'll have kickball the next day.

 

[Car Won't Crank]

Idk if it’s just me, but it feels like a lot of hobbies are male dominated. I’m not even talking about the ones infested with troons either. Find me a woman who enjoys pulp literature or history and I’ll show you a guy larping as a woman.

The fun hobbies where you actually have to invest time and energy to make rewarding gains are also majority male dominated. I've yet to meet a woman who casually tinkers on old sports cars and gokarts for racing and flies RC quads for racing. You aren't gonna find many women who like ham radio related stuff either.

 

[PaleTay]

After some introspection, I think I've just hit a point where I no longer have the will or energy to be funny or charming, especially after putting in 55+ hours a week dealing with clients. Like the last thing I want to do after work is to impress anyone and have to pay for the privilege to do so.

Anyone else feel like work burnout has killed the need for a social life?

Not if I actually like the people or setting but I might not make as much of an effort.

 

[stares at error messages]

I'm picky and like being alone.

 

[Stasi]

apparently seeing me with someone else caused feelings to arise

This shit right here is maddening, I'm sure everyone has an experience of a woman giving them the cold shoulder only to suddenly have her do a 180 when they see you with another chick. Why do women keep doing this shit?

 

[GoysGoneWild]

This shit right here is maddening, I'm sure everyone has an experience of a woman giving them the cold shoulder only to suddenly have her do a 180 when they see you with another chick. Why do women keep doing this shit?

Its very trashy, I don't care if it's "biologically hardwired cause a taken guy is safer" or whatever other weak ass cope is given. Guys are hardwired to fuck without much consequence and we're rightfully expected to keep it in our pants anyway. Mature, healthy women shouldn't have this issue.

Singles event update: organizers sent out the wrong location. Staff had no idea this was happening. Chilled with an older lady and my two friends who came up to crash the thing for an hour afterwards. No idea if the actual location had anyone at all show up due to the mix up. Probably not. Just another day in the clown show.

 

[Two Hands]

Short and simple: I rejected a girl last year. Not into her.

Imagine how I felt almost a year to the day after rejecting her, she confides in me that she was raped.

Spoiler: TMI

This was on the last day of school. She had asked for my number or another social so we could talk over the summer. I refused. The last thing I would want is her blowing up my phone and putting myself in a position where I would be forced to explain it. Then she asked again. And again. Over and over, staring at me with puppy eyes, literally pleading to me the entirety of the bus ride.

She drops the bomb on me around an hour after I get home, my immediate reaction not of surprise, but of, "Is this a joke?" She vaguely describes what happens and how I was the only person she could trust with this information. Not any of her friends (because they couldn't keep their mouths shut) but someone who is little more than an situational acquaintance.

And then about a month later, she messages me asking for validation, complaining about her mom and if she's fat. There is no winning in this stupid game.

 

[Ibanez RG 350EX]

Why do women keep doing this shit?

Because women crowdsource their attraction to men.

You could put a man in a solitary confinement cell with a woman and he would instantaneously know how sexually attractive she is. She wouldn't fully be able to decide her opinion of him until she found out what her peer group thinks.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Imagine how I felt almost a year to the day after rejecting her, she confides in me that she was raped.

Spoiler: TMI

This was on the last day of school. She had asked for my number or another social so we could talk over the summer. I refused. The last thing I would want is her blowing up my phone and putting myself in a position where I would be forced to explain it. Then she asked again. And again. Over and over, staring at me with puppy eyes, literally pleading to me the entirety of the bus ride.

She drops the bomb on me around an hour after I get home, my immediate reaction not of surprise, but of, "Is this a joke?" She vaguely describes what happens and how I was the only person she could trust with this information. Not any of her friends (because they couldn't keep their mouths shut) but someone who is little more than an situational acquaintance.

And then about a month later, she messages me asking for validation, complaining about her mom and if she's fat. There is no winning in this stupid game.

I hope that girl gets some self-esteem and never thinks about you again in her entire life.

 

[anustart76]

After some introspection, I think I've just hit a point where I no longer have the will or energy to be funny or charming, especially after putting in 55+ hours a week dealing with clients. Like the last thing I want to do after work is to impress anyone and have to pay for the privilege to do so.

Anyone else feel like work burnout has killed the need for a social life?

There was a girl a few months back who posted a video on TikTok or whatever saying basically this, and it went viral but only because everyone was shitting on her for it. Meanwhile, I actually sympathize with her, she wasn't wrong.

The fun hobbies where you actually have to invest time and energy to make rewarding gains are also majority male dominated. I've yet to meet a woman who casually tinkers on old sports cars and gokarts for racing and flies RC quads for racing. You aren't gonna find many women who like ham radio related stuff either.

Imagine how few women are interested in building their own wifi router or autistically building a self-hosted AI that can say "nigger" if you really want it to.

 

[Hitchhiker]

Since my last post in this thread I've had some more encounters with strange women bothering me. This one time I nearly had to physically push a woman out of my apartment after she invited herself over, and basically refused to leave for five hours. Another time a woman kept salivating over the fact I looked like some C-list actor to the point it got creepy. It's happened a few more times, but not nearly as bad as the previous two.

I usually try to give them a chance, and have a conversation because I feel bad for them, but they are just awful to be around. It's very specifically short, chubby women, with no personality besides being interested in tumblr shit. They are only mildly less annoying than the gay men I occasionally have to fend off.

I don't know what I do to attract these people, but if I have to deal with this for the rest of my life I am going to put a bullet in my head.

 

[The Hardest R]

So I've decided to try to be more proactive in my searching. All I have to ask is: how the fuck do other rural people do this? There's like 5 women in my area on any of these apps and they're either pushing 50 or have kids. I know I live in a very small area but goddamn, man.

Most of my hobbies(martial arts, strength training, sci fi fantasy lit, etc) are male dominated so I get that feel, man.

There’s three options for you: mutual friends, friends of family, or moving.

I met my wife through mutual friends and I think that’s where the hidden gems are. They’re not on dating apps or at least not regularly. Same goes for bars. If you’re friends or at least on good terms with the wives or girlfriends of your friends most of them get a kick out of playing matchmaker. It’s how most people got to partner up throughout history; conversely, dating apps have been around for over a decade and are a terrible way to meet people.

 

[PaleTay]

Also, in general (not about your comment, but about being in your 20s and meeting people. Does no one go out after work for drinks/ socializing anymore? I know a lot of people are remote, but those who aren't - no? When I was in my 20s it was very common - just a group of people meeting up or an open invitation to most at a place nearby after work Thursday or Friday before heading off to your real plans, or sometimes making a night of it. You got to know coworkers, made friends, sometimes their friends would join, you socialize with them, etc., might meet other people. Or just spending social time with coworkers, become friends, and socialize away from the office, and so on.

There's a better night life in the major cities, when I lived in a mid-sized city (or visit) sometimes an event or local band is surprisingly popular but otherwise I'd say bars skew towards the very young and alcoholics. Drinking age is 19 and I'd say most people stopped going out regularly at like 20-21 to focus on school or work.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

There's a better night life in the major cities, when I lived in a mid-sized city (or visit) sometimes an event or local band is surprisingly popular but otherwise I'd say bars skew towards the very young and alcoholics. Drinking age is 19 and I'd say most people stopped going out regularly at like 20-21 to focus on school or work.

Got it! I was talking about post-school and working ft. I was in a very large city and going out after work, particularly for young single professionals, was usual and frequent. Not necessarily events or getting shit-faced, just cocktails and/or dinner.