Winter Survival

[For The Internet]

The wights will probably leave them alone. Others as well.

Yeah. Chris would make a terrible wight. And he'd probably be one of the naked ones, too.

 

[Thetan]

On a cold, snowy night, Chris got a little "lonely" and couldn't find Kimmi

So Chris froze his duck once before? On Emmanuel God's green and troll-ridden earth, WHY????

That would explain why it's so bent. :?

It's bent because God is trolling Chris and he wanted to be sure that he never reproduced.

 

[exball]

I've had previous experience frezzing my dick.

What the fuck does that mean?

Every time someone mentions the jackass video I go and read this.

 

[Bob's Fries]

On a cold, snowy night, Chris got a little "lonely" and couldn't find Kimmi

So Chris froze his duck once before? On Emmanuel God's green and troll-ridden earth, WHY????

That would explain why it's so bent. :?

It reminds me of blacksmithing. Apparently the metal that is being worked on is heated so much it has to be put under colder temperatures. But when it does, there's a good chance the metal bends.

So he "heated" his duck so much through mass debating and cooled it off with snow.

 

[Ignatius]

The wights will probably leave them alone. Others as well.

Yeah. Chris would make a terrible wight. And he'd probably be one of the naked ones, too.

I could totally see him as a member of the Night Watch, though. He would make Samwell look like freakin' Commamder Mormont and they would probably assign him scouting missions hoping he get lost and die.

By the way, I wonder what Chris would think of Game of Thrones.

 

[SodomyRocket]

The wights will probably leave them alone. Others as well.

Yeah. Chris would make a terrible wight. And he'd probably be one of the naked ones, too.

I could totally see him as a member of the Night Watch, though. He would make Samwell look like freakin' Commamder Mormont and they would probably assign him scouting missions hoping he get lost and die.

By the way, I wonder what Chris would think of Game of Thrones.

knowing how he emulates Cartman he would probably think Joffery is a cool guy who dos'nt afraid of anything.

 

[A-№1]

By the way, I wonder what Chris would think of Game of Thrones.

Too many plot lines. Not enough colorful cartoon ponies.

 

[TastyWoodenBadge]

he would probably think Joffery is a cool guy who dos'nt afraid of anything.

What Joffrey has done in GoT is potatoes compared to what Chris did

 

[Zim]

Freeze? Nope it'll be a sweat lodge in there. By that I mean Chris will be sweating because he'll be lodged in some holey buttocks while spooning.

 

[Watcher]

My question is if the furnace breaks down during the winter. Will Chrissy know what to do?

I mean he wouldn't know how to fix it. So he'd have to get some guy to come to the house to spend a good few hours on it. Would the repair guy be able to get through the horde in their basement to fix the furnace without just reporting them as a major fire hazard?

His pets aren't housebroken either. What if his beagles have been chewing on cables and a repair guy sees a very likely electrical hazard in the house?

Just thinking about a repair guy going to Chris Chan's house already fills me with dread what he might find in there.

 

[For The Internet]

The wights will probably leave them alone. Others as well.

Yeah. Chris would make a terrible wight. And he'd probably be one of the naked ones, too.

I could totally see him as a member of the Night Watch, though. He would make Samwell look like freakin' Commamder Mormont and they would probably assign him scouting missions hoping he get lost and die.

By the way, I wonder what Chris would think of Game of Thrones.

Depends.

If he watched the TV show he'd be pretty impressed by the excessive boobs and sex scenes and he'd probably totally see himself as more being Jon Snow or Robb Stark than Sam (although Sam is totally awesome and doesn't deserve to be compared to the likes of OPL). On the other hand, the show was far more explicit about Renly and Loras than the books were. He would absolutely forget who everyone is from one episode to the next though. I mean, regular people didn't remember Barristan from season 1 when he reappeared to serve Daenerys in season 3 so I really don't see Chris being able to follow the characters or various plot threads.

He isn't capable of reading the books.

He can literally list fewer than ten books he has from high school to the present day. The only book not intended for teenage readers I can remember him reading was Pamela Anderson's 'Star'. He couldn't get through the first book, much less the ponderous tomes that are A Storm of Swords and A Dance With Dragons.

 

[Watcher]

He isn't capable of reading the books.

He can literally list fewer than ten books he has from high school to the present day. The only book not intended for teenage readers I can remember him reading was Pamela Anderson's 'Star'. He couldn't get through the first book, much less the ponderous tomes that are A Storm of Swords and A Dance With Dragons.

Your forgetting To Kill a Mockingbird.

Jokes aside being capable to do something and having the will to do it are two different things. Chris just doesn't have any intellectual curiosity to pick up a book and read a story. Much less one about men and not women. It's also not something he's alone with either. I know a lot of people in his generation that never read any books after High School and considered it preferable.

Now if the cold knocks the power out. Wondering if Chris will transition to his PSP or read a Goosebumps book is an interesting question. Though we all know the answer to that.

 

[For The Internet]

He isn't capable of reading the books.

He can literally list fewer than ten books he has from high school to the present day. The only book not intended for teenage readers I can remember him reading was Pamela Anderson's 'Star'. He couldn't get through the first book, much less the ponderous tomes that are A Storm of Swords and A Dance With Dragons.

Your forgetting To Kill a Mockingbird.

Jokes aside being capable to do something and having the will to do it are two different things. Chris just doesn't have any intellectual curiosity to pick up a book and read a story. Much less one about men and not women. It's also not something he's alone with either. I know a lot of people in his generation that never read any books after High School and considered it preferable.

Now if the cold knocks the power out. Wondering if Chris will transition to his PSP or read a Goosebumps book is an interesting question. Though we all know the answer to that.

No I'm not. It's usually read by high school students, so I consider it a teenage book even if it wasn't initially targeted towards kids. Even if you assume he didn't read it for the first time in high school and that it's not a teenage-oriented book, that's a grand total of two books he has read post-graduation that aren't written by RL Stine.

 

[hellbound]

Does Virginia even get that cold?

Virginia is in that perfect spot where you can be miserably cold in the winter and miserably hot in the summer. It can get pretty cold in the mountains, especially when you typically go from highs in the 80F range in October to lows around 10F by mid-December. Indian Summer lasts a while and goes quick in Ol' Virginny, very little time to adjust.

All the same, I can't imagine they don't have an adequate heating system. If there's one bill an old woman is going to make damn sure to pay, it's the heat.

 

[Furina]

I wonder what Chris would think of Game of Thrones.

Dem er, topless laaadies in dere. It's a... very empowering for dem but TOO MANY TOPLESS DUDES *ugh*

Chris will be fine all winter. He's pretty much entirely blubber and much like a whale in that regard. I'm more concerned for Barbs and the structural integrity of the house. Barbs is at the age were a mild case of influenza could be enough to reunite her with her favourite lumberjack. If snow fall get's too heavy it could damage the house and there is no way on God's green earth Chris has enough money to fix a roof if it collapses even a little bit. Once the roof goes, Chris is going to have to find somewhere else to stay.

How many soup hotels in Virginia?

 

[Pikonic]

The wights will probably leave them alone. Others as well.

Yeah. Chris would make a terrible wight. And he'd probably be one of the naked ones, too.

I could totally see him as a member of the Night Watch, though. He would make Samwell look like freakin' Commamder Mormont and they would probably assign him scouting missions hoping he get lost and die.

By the way, I wonder what Chris would think of Game of Thrones.

Khal Drogo and his Dothraki would need bras, or else the show is unwatchable.

 

[Shadow Fox]

My question is if the furnace breaks down during the winter. Will Chrissy know what to do?

I mean he wouldn't know how to fix it. So he'd have to get some guy to come to the house to spend a good few hours on it. Would the repair guy be able to get through the horde in their basement to fix the furnace without just reporting them as a major fire hazard?

His pets aren't housebroken either. What if his beagles have been chewing on cables and a repair guy sees a very likely electrical hazard in the house?

Just thinking about a repair guy going to Our Pet Lolcow's house already fills me with dread what he might find in there.

What usually happens in hoarded homes when one of the utilities goes out is that it stays out, because the hoarder is either too ashamed of the mess to allow anyone in to fix it, or they're aware of the fact that their house is a death trap and would rather live without water/heat/electricity than be forced to clean up. I'm pretty sure that if the furnace at 14BC shits the bed, Barb will refuse to let a repairman come in for fear of being reported to the authorities and made to get rid of any of her Goodwill trash.

...and even then, Chris will still refuse to call Barb's bluff about changing the locks if he stays away for too long, because he's too to put two and two together.

 

[Sakamoto]

^Exactly. Chris might not realize that it's not normal to live in these conditions, but Barb will certainly not want any outsiders seeing what she lives in. If the furnace doesn't work, she'll buy electric heaters. Air conditioner dies, get a window AC unit and some fans. No water, stop bathing, send Chris to the creek with a bucket to flush the toilet. Toilet stops flushing, drive to McDonalds to take a shit. Anything but let someone into that house.

 

[For The Internet]

Khal Drogo and his Dothraki would need bras, or else the show is unwatchable.

Very true. Also they need less hetero and moar lesbian scenes that weren't in the books. The actual lesbian scenes in the books were more fan disservice than anything.

 

[Tiresome]

They've already had two winters without Bob, they'll be fine. They have a lot more to potentially worry about than a little snow.