wizard_diplomat said:
I feel at home with these folk because no one else empathizes with this virginal pain and NO HOPE of losing it.
I know the Wizardchan Diplomat is likely gone and has sulked back to his website but this is something that really stuck out to me with his statement. That he has "no hope" of losing his virginity. Because it's something I said to someone a long time ago.
There's a phrase I've repeated to myself for years after high school. It is "If you are unwilling to fail you are undeserving of success". If you look at any skill, be it learning how to play guitar, learning how to cook or even learning how to talk to girls, every method is usually the same. Which is fail at it continuously. You cannot learn how to do a guitar solo without failing strumming it over and over. What failure does is it teaches you how to be better. Your brain adapts and it tries harder each time, and when it does it gets better and better.
I'm going to be blunt and I know a lot of female users on this forum are probably going to disagree but girls are attracted to confidence. They want men that aren't going to buckle down and give up fleetingly. If you go to a prostitute and just get it over with what you're going to find is that the act of having sex is going to feel really awkward and you're going to feel extremely disappointed for years afterward. It wasn't about crossing the finish line, it was getting strong enough to walk there.
This is something I did myself that made me learn objectivity and made me take critiscm. I talked to a girl, asked her out and got rejected. Then I described everything I liked about her on a piece of paper. I then described every reason she would have as to why she wouldn't wanna go out with me (and it took the rest of the page). Then I crossed out everything I couldn't physically change, and arranged everything I could on another piece of paper.
Then I arranged goals for myself, how I was going to improve myself. Whether it be a shitty voice or being scared to ask the girl out, and I deliberately tried doing those things over and over. I asked girls out numerous times and I tried singing, and more importantly failure taught me things. It taught me confidence and it taught me self respect. Because after recognizing my flaws I was able to be put on the road to get over them. When I asked girls out I didn't even care about an answer, I just wanted to tell myself "I did it and it wasn't hard". I'm still not even off that road and there's still numerous things I want to improve about myself. Another thing I used to do was I would write down negative thoughts about myself and put them into a jar, and then I would wait about a week when I was in a particularly good mood and I'd read them intentionally to try and laugh at them. What I was doing was I was trying to associate my negative thoughts with laughter. If I thought I was worthless I would laugh, if I thought I'd always fail I would laugh.
Most importantly don't let anyone stand in your way. This was a problem I would have in that my parents would be increasingly negative toward my chances to do anything. The most important mindset you want to be is not an emotional one, but one where you are prepared to fail. You are prepared to never get a job, you are prepared to never have sex. You are prepared to fail and fail for the rest of your life. But you keep trying, and you keep learning, because the one thought going through your head is telling the person who said "You can't"
"I did"
Just because you cannot see the finish line doesn't mean it isn't there. Social skills like talking to girls and making friends are exactly like every single other skill. You need to put effort into it, and you need to be willing to learn from your mistakes and fail. Because eventually when you get good at failure you understand how to properly succeed, what sorts of things women like to hear, how to talk to people, how to ask a girl out, and it becomes second nature to you.
