Wizchan / Assigned Male Accidental Merger

[exball]

NSFW or eyes or sanity, open at your own risk.

Spoiler

>fapping for 15+ hours
>was drinking 3 or 4 litres of water over that timeframe
>need to piss very badly but need to cum first
>wasn't standing for 15 fucking hours and I also need to take a shit
>dick is already red and erection is sometimes hard but gets soft because its not easy to cocentrate
>feel that cum is starting to boil in my balls, all that precum made my MANOS all sticky and everything smells like old semen in my room
>i'm getting closer and closer
>suddenly my balls go numb and I get the hardest orgasm ever
>cum is exploding out of my penis and I'm so light-headed that I don't manage to get paper towels ready
>cum over PC/printer/keyboard/table/my seat/monitor and cum on myself
>after orgasm it feels like I get cramps in my balls
>20 minutes later I stand up and almost fall on my fucking face because my legs are ded
>it also takes fucking forever to remove that sticky shit
>balls still hurting
>i'm completely soaked in sweat, my fucking ass is also wet
>crawl to shower taking care of my balls so they don't touch anything
>get into shower after a few minutes I start to take a huge piss
>mfw it feels like a second orgasm, intense feel as long as I keep pissing
>get out of shower
>realise I still need to take a dump
>after i'm done I shower again
>get out of shower and crawl into bed
>balls are still hurting and my dick isn't shrinking like it should, its as big as it is when its hard
>wake up 5 hours later
>everything is fine
>turn on PC
>start up porn
>it begins again….

Is that an exageration for how often this guy faps or does he ACTUALLY do that for 15 hours straight? If it's the latter, goddamn. That's just pathetic.

Well, at least he showers unlike most wizards.

 

[Watcher]

More amusing posts

Today I was depressed but it was not because I have no gf. It was because I have no friends. Afterwards, I kind of felt happy that my sadness was about having no companions rather than just no female companions.

What made me sad was when I realized this one person who is an acquaintance was trying to ignore me (because it's uncool to be associate with someone as autistic as me). It reminded me that I will never fit in with society, but this kind of sadness isn't nearly as agonizing as the kind of sadness you experience from not having a gf.

I too think I craved the companionship aspect of having a gf more than the sexual aspect. And although it still sucks being lonely, I don't have thoughts anymore like "everything would be infinitely better if I had a girl to hold". I don't find myself dwelling with my lack of experience with girls.

Before I would try to get my mind off women by studying math for example, but then 10 minutes into my studying I would think "What's the point? I will never have a gf so my life will be empty regardless of if I study." Now I find myself more able to use studying to fill the void. For example, yesterday I finally sat down and understood why it is valid to use the laplace transform to plot a system's frequency response, something I've been meaning to do for over a year but I was always too lazy to do. This was the first time in a long time that I pursued knowledge independently outside of class.

>10 minutes into my studying I would think "What's the point? I will never have a gf so my life will be empty regardless of if I study."
This is exactly why I couldn't (and still can't) bring myself to study and I failed college.
Even if I will finish this shit and find a job I'll still be alone, I can't stop thinking about it.

These people really need to realize their shitty lives aren't going to get magically better if they suddenly get laid.

In all honestly laziness probably killed these Wizard's drive to study more than being unable to get laid. That was just the excuse they told themselves.

 

[Silver]

I love the train of thought here. Studying isn't worth anything if there's not a girlfriend??? ?? ????

 

[Springblossom]

I love the train of thought here. Studying isn't worth anything if there's not a girlfriend??? ?? ????

That's their attitude about everything.

Get healthy? Why bother, I won't get a girlfriend.
Find a job? It'll just be a lot of hard work and I won't find a girlfriend.
Go to school? I'll never meet a girlfriend there, so what's the point?

I wonder what they think will happen if they do get laid or get a relationship.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

If they do get laid they'll be like Chris. They'll and go back to playing vidya and watching anime. Instead of being virgin losers they'll be non-virgin losers.

And wizardchan will call them normalfags and bann will happen, and they won't be allowed to commiserate on that board anymore.

 

[Springblossom]

And wizardchan will call them normalfags and bann will happen, and they won't be allowed to commiserate on that board anymore.

Of course, getting bann from Wizardchan is pretty much a boon for anyone.

Also:

http://wizardchan.org/v9k/res/79326.html

Wizards whine about people who carry condoms.

 

[Watcher]

http://wizardchan.org/v9k/res/79326.html

Wizards whine about people who carry condoms.

Lol using condoms

EDIT: The Offspring made a really good song for Wizards
[youtube]yj-tQ09IJ5w[/youtube]

 

[Springblossom]

EDIT: The Offspring made a really good song for Wizards
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yj-tQ09IJ5w

God, it's like they listened to that and thought, "Man, all women must be just like that!"

Also, some highlights from the condom thread. (+1 'Never thought I'd say that')

Is there no place in this world for people who want to have only one girl in life? For people who are not chasing sex?
I don't care much about having sex. I need love.
All girls want sex so if I found a girlfriend I'd be forced to do this. But in that case, I don't want to just fuck with her.

I want to make love.

I want to lose my virginity with another virgin girl I would love with my whole heart. She'd be as scared and inexperienced as me. We'd learn where to touch, where it feels good. I want to see her blushing, too embarrassed to look at me when she would be taking her pants off. I want to kiss her, I want a kiss in return, I want us both to understand that we really want this. I want to make love with her feeling her warm body. I want to pleasure her but my first tries would probably fail. I want to lie next to her and ask if I was bad… She would say that it wasn't really good. But I want to see understanding in her eyes and hear that she won't leave me because she loves me, and what matters is being together. We will make love again and we will get better. I want that feeling of being sure that she really loves me.

I know it's impossible. I can't even find a female friend.
Every normie, especially girls reading that post probably will laugh like never before, because what counts is being a good fucker in bed. Nowadays nobody needs love for sex.
I guess I should I just kill myself.

God almighty, these people. You know, I've found that most girls are turned off more by umemployed, uneducated misanthropes than they are by depressed virgins with social anxiety.

I want to know.

Is sex really a necessity for marriage or love?

There's no such thing as "I love you and I don't need to have sex with you to be happy with our relationship"

As far as I know (not for experience of course) sex feels good and all…but is really THAT fucking good and godly amazing to decide if a person is or not valuable as a husband/wife/gf/bf.

If the girl of your dreams had absolutely no desire to have sex ever you would still love her?

I don't understand why sex is so overrated…the sole purpose of it is to procrate,is not a fucking vidya designed to have fun if you are bored.

Me again, I just want to point out that saying "Normalfags carrying condoms because they expect to get sex" is a fucking stupid argument.

79532 has it right when he says he carries one JUST IN CASE. You don't wear a seatbelt in a car because you 'expect' to crash, do you? You wear one IN CASE you crash. Same logic in this case.

Sometimes I think people are willingly and knowingly self-loathing around here.

You can't say no to a car accident.

But you can say no if some random slut wants to fuck with you. If you are not degenerate you don't need condom "in case".

Sex = degeneracy. Where the shit do these people get these ideas?

 

[Watcher]

God, it's like they listened to that and thought, "Man, all women must be just like that!"

Part of the song also bashes men

My friend's got a boyfriend, man she hates that dick
She tells me every day
He wants more dinero just to stay at home
Well my friend
You gotta say

I won't pay, I won't pay ya, no way
na-na, Why don't you get a job?

 

[DykesDykesChina]

The wizards should try to actually LIKE girls for a change.

As I already said, it is idiotic to NOT like girls

Plus, positive emotions are the first step towards better life quality and meaningful relationships with other homo sapiens of any gender.

 

[Watcher]

Wizards and lies
http://wizardchan.org/v9k/res/79423.html

>you're so smart anon!
constantly told by my parents and I'd constantly tell them I wasn't and point at the numerous kids in class who did far better than me
>"oh ho ho thats just because you dont try as hard as you know you can! you're always on the games!"

>tfw study as hard as possible
>have to put in way more effort than other students
>still do worse than them
>I was right

At this point it just pisses me off if anyone tells me I'm anything positive. I'm ugly, I'm stupid, and I can't do anything right. I'm literally a waste of space/air.

I'm sorry but if you have that attitude there's little question why you failed. It sounds like you deliberately tried to do worse to prove a point to your parents how worthless you are.

>men are more shallow than women

My parents tell me all kinds of shit about how smart I am and how good I am at things I KNOW I'm not good at. It really makes me mad because they never pushed me to actually become anything but a failure, I guess it was easier to just lie to me

Blame your parents for why you turned out shitty. That's mature.

>"Anon why do you pretend like you don't see girls looking at you?"

The only reason is because I'm so fucking ugly and awkward they're dumbfounded. It actually makes me angry when my parents say shit like this and I make it a point to tell them I'm an ugly loser with no friends.

Your parents are being nice to you and you hate them for it? Would you rather they constantly told you how shitty you were? Because you'd be bitching about that too.

Bare in mind that some people grow up without parents, and that your parents aren't going to be around to tell you that you're special forever. At least be grateful that they actually care about you now before you realize you're alone in the world and literally nobody will be nice to you.

>everybody's good at something

There's no basis for this "fact". Some people are just losers by law of probability.

I know v9k is a depression board but it's really sad seeing people give up and despise people being nice to them. It digs their hole deeper and eventually it'll get to the point where any potential they ever had at life will be squandered.

 

[Zim]

All these guys saying girls don't like them and they're losers with no friends are creating self fulfilling prophesies. Everyone at some point ends up with low self esteem and depression but most get over it. Wizard's just take it as a lifestyle choice and convince themselves that it's the best way to live.

Those there that actually want to be a "normalfag" and not feel depressed and worthless all the time deserve help. The others? Fuck 'em. It's not nice but why waste effort on the ones who don't want help?

 

[Springblossom]

http://wizardchan.org/v9k/res/79474.html

Wizards whine about alcoholism.

At least girls won't see you like a weirdo who doesn't drink, like it always was with me.

>comparing the 'stigma' attached to teetotalism to alcoholism

Are you fucking kidding me???

Wizardchan thread:
"Me me me me me me me me me me me me"
"Well, *actually*, me me me me me me me me me me me me me me"

I'm actually siding the second one. What the hell, first wizard? That's low even for Wizardchan.

ps. in high school there was a weeaboo who was not hiding his power level, he didn't drink and didn't have friends, but when he started drinking and going to parties he suddenly became liked by others. They were mostly laughing at first that he can't drink as much as other normie shits, but those were good friendly laughs because he was one of them now.
He also found a gf later because he had friends thanks to drinking and he was lucky enough to not be ugly.

Explain that.

That's why I don't understand why wizards who are not teetotalers never had friends. Ok, most of us are socially retarded here but supposedly alcohol makes you more social.

>You probably smelled bad or something
No I didn't. Have you never attended to school? Bullies bully other people often for no reason, or just for not being extroverted normies, see this thread >>78587


>drinking isn't a pre-requisite for popularity
But it helps a lot.
Main social activities are partying or going to pubs/bars. What do they do there? Drink.
Even just "meeting friends" is a shorter version of "going to meet my friends and drink some beer with them". It's something obvious - you are meeting someone? You drink together. It's like breathing, they don't think about it. Imagine a person holding his breath, he becomes purple and people look at him like at someone acting weird - because he is acting weird. That's how teetotaler looks when trying to go out with people. He doesn't fit.

There is a stigma attached to teetotalers. Even the biggest normies getting extremely smashed every weekend and waking up in bathtub covered in vomit or with used condom in vagina are more respected because they "know how to have fun and not be boring".

Basically, it's devolved into an argument with wizard alcoholics and annoying wizard teetotalers.

Also, if any wizard is reading this, I'd just like to throw in my two cents. Nobody gives a fuck if you drink or not. Seriously. As long as you're not some irritating little holier-than-thou pube who goes around going "alcohol makes you act stupid and wreck your car", nobody is going to care.

 

[Watcher]

Also, if any wizard is reading this, I'd just like to throw in my two cents. Nobody gives a fuck if you drink or not. Seriously. As long as you're not some irritating little holier-than-thou pube who goes around going "alcohol makes you act stupid and wreck your car", nobody is going to care.

I hate to defend the Wizard viewpoint but this is not entirely true.

People don't mind generally if you get drunk with friends. But getting drunk alone is seen as socially abhorrent, and a sign that there is something wrong with you.

I say this as a person who has discovered Vodka in a co-worker's thermos and realized he drank the entire thermos every day while working with him. Young alcoholics especially are looked down upon in society and it blends the line between being seen as a loser to a psychopath.

It's not hard to see why considering people that are drunk regularly do stupid shit, and alcoholics practically turn into other people when sauced.

 

[Cwckifan]

NSFW or eyes or sanity, open at your own risk.

Spoiler

>fapping for 15+ hours
>was drinking 3 or 4 litres of water over that timeframe
>need to piss very badly but need to cum first
>wasn't standing for 15 fucking hours and I also need to take a shit
>dick is already red and erection is sometimes hard but gets soft because its not easy to cocentrate
>feel that cum is starting to boil in my balls, all that precum made my MANOS all sticky and everything smells like old semen in my room
>i'm getting closer and closer
>suddenly my balls go numb and I get the hardest orgasm ever
>cum is exploding out of my penis and I'm so light-headed that I don't manage to get paper towels ready
>cum over PC/printer/keyboard/table/my seat/monitor and cum on myself
>after orgasm it feels like I get cramps in my balls
>20 minutes later I stand up and almost fall on my fucking face because my legs are ded
>it also takes fucking forever to remove that sticky shit
>balls still hurting
>i'm completely soaked in sweat, my fucking ass is also wet
>crawl to shower taking care of my balls so they don't touch anything
>get into shower after a few minutes I start to take a huge piss
>mfw it feels like a second orgasm, intense feel as long as I keep pissing
>get out of shower
>realise I still need to take a dump
>after i'm done I shower again
>get out of shower and crawl into bed
>balls are still hurting and my dick isn't shrinking like it should, its as big as it is when its hard
>wake up 5 hours later
>everything is fine
>turn on PC
>start up porn
>it begins again….

Good fucking God, how old is this guy really? Seriously, who outside of the most pampered adolescent could possibly jerk off for 15 straight hours, day after day? Moreover, who the blue hell edges that long on a daily basis? Really, is the cramping, light-headedness, and God-knows-what else really worth it? Jeez, maybe us non-wizards can't understand such desperation for a sexual climax?

 

[Watcher]

Good fucking God, how old is this guy really? Seriously, who outside of the most pampered adolescent could possibly jerk off for 15 straight hours, day after day? Moreover, who the blue hell edges that long on a daily basis? Really, is the cramping, light-headedness, and God-knows-what else really worth it? Jeez, maybe us non-wizards can't understand such desperation for a sexual climax?

When you have nothing to do all day, and when the opposite sex wants nothing to do with you. Usually depression takes over and you lose all interest in anything else.

 

[Cwckifan]

Why not sleep or mosey about, then? Seems to have a bit of energy, if he's edging and playing vidya

 

[José Mourinho]

http://wizardchan.org/meta/res/12727.html

Drama on Wizardchan about politics.

 

[Watcher]

http://wizardchan.org/meta/res/12727.html

Drama on Wizardchan about politics.

>You /pol/acks sure are underhanded when you want to get your way.
You're so fucking arrogant it's unreal

Don't like a post? Either challenge it or move on and stop being such a little bitch if the internet is too much to handle for you.

"Stop being such a little bitch if the internet is too much to handle for you"
The entire site is built around how it's users can't get laid and are so cripplingly jealous and insecure that they see stories of people getting laid as being condescending to them.

Irrelated, I noticed this on a board.

WHY IS HE WEARING A SKYRIM CAP?

 

[michael_vizduznier]

http://wizardchan.org/v9k/res/79474.html
I'm actually siding the second one. What the hell, first wizard? That's low even for Wizardchan.

That was actually me. I've been doing some low-level trolling on wizardchan in my spare time just to rustle some jimmies. Not sure how that's looked upon in these threads, but I'm not much of a CWCki poster either, so I guess I retain 'lone nut' status. In the interests of full disclosure, I'm not old enough to be a wizard, have had sex on multiple occasions, and drink alcohol infrequently.