Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Vi0l3t]

Now he's just delusional.

Imagine his open festering MRSA infections in the hot tub.

 

[TurdFondler]

My favorite part of squonk so far is the map. It's almost entirely water. That's dumb just at face value since squonks don't seem aquatic, but what makes it even dumber is his color based resource system. You're always gonna collect whatever blue gets you.

 

[Da Dude123]

Plus, is he even allowed to leave Mallon Place? We know he can't have guests, he certainly doesn't have enough money for one airplane ticket, let alone two, so how's he planning to fly anywhere?

He can leave, for sure. No guests, though. He has no one who wants to visit him anyways. That includes Mom and Dad. No way he has enough money for an airplane ticket.

 

[teleméres69]

Lucas' Gary Glitter saga

What the fuck

So lucas is trying to attract country boys now? That statement makes absolutely no sense unless its some kind of fucked up freudian slip. Lucas is not a country boy, his claim is he wants a teen girl so you'd think he would be talking about some zoomer country girl. and yeah, you totally need 12 acres of land to play video games or drink. Lucas doesn't even play video games and neither do alot of zoomer baes so its just blatantly obvious, nonsensical attempts at baiting. and nobody mentioned atheism in the message lucas is replying to, he just blurted that out there, and it isn't even a remotely accurate statement as he himself proves

I see bumcel is back to using Weebly. I wonder how long this one will last

Spoiler: More explanation

View attachment 2743782

The rules for Squonk

https://squonkrules.weebly.com/

Spoiler: Squonk

Squonk

Part 1. The Guesstimation of Savvy Resources

Draw 12 cards per person. This is your hand. From your hand build a thing of 6 to 12 cards. Tell your story to everyone else. If as a team they guess the resources used, then you cannot move your Meeple man or your cube squonks.


Your Meeple may not harvest the map, so he can only move 2 hexagons out at a time from present location or 1, if you so choose.

Part 2. Motion Upon Land and Ocean

Set your cubes and your man up along any perimeter. Don't worry. You can use all 10 cubes and your Meeple along any perimeter. Roll the dice. If you roll 1, you may move 1 cube and your Meeple and so on. You may move to any resource space on the map. There are only 6 things to harvest on the map and many hexagonal spaces have more than 1 resource, so in that case, you can choose. If you roll a 12, you can roll 1 opponent Meeple on to the map. If he ends up on his feet he can stay there. If not, he has to be placed back where he was. On a 12, you will also move 10 of your squonks and your Meeple. You can harvest 6 different things off the map.

The resources are:

Yellow - Glass
Green - Wood
Orange - Brick
Brown - Ore
Blue - Oil
White - Coal

Part 3. The Riddle of The Great Accumulation

In this part, once 6 resources marked with pen and paper are accrued that you wish to use, your opponents have to have an emotional response to your story of how this 6 resource object or scenario came to be or you will not have that many of attacks.


Part 4. Your Squonk Is The Soldier of Fortune

You can attack with your Meeple any other Meeple by running up and sidling next to another Meeple. You can only attack for as many devices total you have built and won to use from the board play. The cards in your hand must always number 12 upon play. Play continues until your Meeple is last by attacking all the other Meeples 6 times each marked by your 4 colored dice to indicate your life beginning at 6 pips and going down. These dice are not rolled. The only dice rolled are the black dice. You must have the most objects built from board and cards to win when all the Meeples are dead but you. The only time your Meeple can move more than 2 hexagons out is after being attacked, he can move to any space on the board. Have 4 pens and 4 sheets of paper so you can tabulate your board resources.

 

[mothman96]

The Freak thinks if he gets himself a girlfriend his mother and larry will put out the welcome mat and maybe even pay for the trip. He'll want to move in with the girlfriend asap so his check will be all his and use check money for the trip if need be.

Hey Lucas the Freak, why doesn't your mother invite you to spend time with them in Mexico. She's got the money right? to pay for your trip. Just imagine all the food, days by the beach, the women. I mean she is inviting other people to visit/stay with them at the place they are renting in Mexico.

ETA:
Hey Creep, why do you have to wait until you have a girl to go visit your dad and Becky?

Isn't he claiming to be broke yet he is inviting a Gen Z to Bistango's for drinks.

 

[Tard Police]

I kinda wonder how Mallon would feel about this post.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

The Freak thinks if he gets himself a girlfriend his mother and larry will put out the welcome mat and maybe even pay for the trip. He'll want to move in with the girlfriend asap so his check will be all his and use check money for the trip if need be.

View attachment 2744592

Hey Lucas the Freak, why doesn't your mother invite you to spend time with them in Mexico. She's got the money right? to pay for your trip. Just imagine all the food, days by the beach, the women. I mean she is inviting other people to visit/stay with them at the place they are renting in Mexico.

ETA:
Hey Creep, why do you have to wait until you have a girl to go visit your dad and Becky?
View attachment 2744720

Isn't he claiming to be broke yet he is inviting a Gen Z to Bistango's for drinks.
View attachment 2744711

Does he think that smile is inviting? When he really likes a picture of himself, he tends to reuse it over and over for his memes. I know Lucas is saddled with the unfortunate genetics that have given him a potato head and crazy psycho eyes, but he still is remarkably unable to tell how the photographs he takes of himself come across.

 

[Da Dude123]

I wonder why Lucas thinks that if he gets a girlfriend then all of a sudden his parents will do a 180 and want him back in their lives? I get the "muh grandchildren" thing. But before that? With Lucas and his fantasy world, things move very fast. Zoomer bae would want him to move in ASAP and then King Roy and Myrna would be sending out the invites.

I am thinking this is all Lucas's creation. I am fairly certain that Myrna and King Roy are not encouraging Lucas to find a girlfriend and they definitely do not want the cow to get anyone pregnant. It would be funny if someone would comment on one of these posts asking why his parents never invite him to their homes now. He would probably go reee and then delete the comment. Blocking would come next.

 

[Poop Shoot]

I will never cease to be tickled that he thinks owning a few acres in the armpit of Washington state makes someone rich.

Or the fact that his mom lives in a condo and takes trips.

That’s what retirement IS if you aren’t a homeless bum freak. This isn’t brag worthy, it’s so pathetically average that dangling a trip to meet them over someone’s head is no better than visiting someone else’s grandma in the retirement home.

It’s not a vacation, it’s a fucking chore.

He has nothing to offer. He doesn’t even have someone else’s shit worth anything to offer, lol.

 

[urr13 account]

arent millenials like 35 now?

 

[IceQueen]

Residual behavior from perceived alienation and actual isolation.

Humans are social animals and we’re not built to go it alone. What makes mental illness so pernicious is that people who suffer from it will withdraw from the social sphere, which then magnifies their symptoms tenfold. The longer this goes on, the damage begins to seep into all areas of cognitive life that absolutely destroys a person’s ability to care for themselves, much less relate to other people in a meaningful and healthy fashion.

You know how Lucas will take to social media and demand attention from teenage girls, but will absolutely reject any solid offers from men to simply hangout and shoot the shit? Textbook avoidance behavior. Any adult male who cannot or will not maintain friendships will be totally incapable of sustaining a romantic relationship; Lucas isn’t aware of this truism and if it was brought to his attention, I’m sure he’d brush it off.

But the fact of the matter is that social media only serves as a way for him to scream into the void. He designs and buys board games, but never has anyone to play with. All his photos and videos are largely selfies, very rarely does he include other people. He has systematically been driven from numerous homes (family, friends), subsidized housing, and homeless shelters. He can’t relate to other people and so he can’t get along with them no matter how important it may be to do so.

So Lucas consumes media and then pantomimes what he sees, which creates the sort of morbid displays on Instagram we’ve come to love. All of it is soulless though, because Lucas isn’t actually trying to communicate with other people. For Lucas, he keeps thinking that if he performs something correctly, it guarantees a desired behavior from the other person, but reality is more complicated than that. The tools he needs to navigate the social sphere have been atrophying for years now and will take significant effort on his part to build them back up, yet he is so far gone that he only understands himself as a “suave” and “debonair” gentlemen who has been aging like a fine wine on the streets of Spokane.

The part about thinking a certain behavior is guaranteed to produce a certain result is so spot on. It’s why Lucas is so obsessed with rules, both actual rules/laws, and ones he THINKS should be rules. He is attracted to communism because in his mind it’s a perfectly organized, ordered system where everyone obeys the rules. But the reason communism has failed every time it was tried is because like you said, reality is much more complicated. People are unpredictable.

Because of his various mental problems, Lucas cannot relate to other people, nor can he discern what is “normal” behavior. This is why he gets so angry when he thinks he’s doing the “right” thing, but it doesn’t get him his desired result. A good example is his “generosity”. Lucas learned at some point that being generous is a quality that helps make someone a good person, so he thinks any show of generosity will make people love and praise him. He doesn’t understand that giving things away only because you want something in return isn’t generosity. He doesn’t understand that giving away the disgusting, rotting clothes off your back that you no longer want isn’t generosity. He doesn’t understand that giving away things that aren’t yours to give away (like the donations at the college, which he then stole and gave to a shelter), isn’t generosity. All he understands is “giving is good”, but he is unable to understand ANY of the nuances surrounding that (and other social norms, like I said this is just an example).

Lucas cannot understand non-verbal cues, so he assumes other people can’t either. He assumes that people don’t know his true intentions. When he tries to “learn” social cues, he ends up angry and dismayed that they aren’t always accurate (example: he for some reason got it in his head that a woman brushing hair away from her face is a sign that she likes the person she’s talking to or a way to flirt). He doesn’t understand that with body language and other cues, there are LOTS of other things you have to be paying attention to, not just something arbitrary like brushing hair from your eyes.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

The part about thinking a certain behavior is guaranteed to produce a certain result is so spot on. It’s why Lucas is so obsessed with rules, both actual rules/laws, and ones he THINKS should be rules. He is attracted to communism because in his mind it’s a perfectly organized, ordered system where everyone obeys the rules. But the reason communism has failed every time it was tried is because like you said, reality is much more complicated. People are unpredictable.

Because of his various mental problems, Lucas cannot relate to other people, nor can he discern what is “normal” behavior. This is why he gets so angry when he thinks he’s doing the “right” thing, but it doesn’t get him his desired result. A good example is his “generosity”. Lucas learned at some point that being generous is a quality that helps make someone a good person, so he thinks any show of generosity will make people love and praise him. He doesn’t understand that giving things away only because you want something in return isn’t generosity. He doesn’t understand that giving away the disgusting, rotting clothes off your back that you no longer want isn’t generosity. He doesn’t understand that giving away things that aren’t yours to give away (like the donations at the college, which he then stole and gave to a shelter), isn’t generosity. All he understands is “giving is good”, but he is unable to understand ANY of the nuances surrounding that (and other social norms, like I said this is just an example).

Lucas cannot understand non-verbal cues, so he assumes other people can’t either. He assumes that people don’t know his true intentions. When he tries to “learn” social cues, he ends up angry and dismayed that they aren’t always accurate (example: he for some reason got it in his head that a woman brushing hair away from her face is a sign that she likes the person she’s talking to or a way to flirt). He doesn’t understand that with body language and other cues, there are LOTS of other things you have to be paying attention to, not just something arbitrary like brushing hair from your eyes.

So much this.

Do you remember, during his rant about the hair brushing girl, he screamed "You're too confusing for looking this good!"?

Lucas is frequently puzzled by the world not behaving the way it should, with nothing arbitrary... according to the rules, as you said. This is why, in his childlike simplicity, he thinks that political dictates and ideology should extend to romantic behavior. Everything has to line up, or else it doesn't make sense. Of course, this is only when he wants something from someone else; he seems to have no problem with his own behavior abstracting from these very linear binaries. Generally, he tends to make it work for himself by making all of his behavior rationalized and positive in some fashion, and so he allows himself to remain a good, rule-abiding "liberal Democrat anarcho-communist".

I agree with you that he cannot understand nonverbal cues, but it's more that he tends to massively misconstrue their import, as we've seen with "full blush face", people holding hands, the wearing of hats as a political identifier, and this recent brushing hair from eyes.

One of the things that always puzzles me in these situations, is that Lucas tends to speak as if he expects everyone to be in a position of wanting to please him. When he was discussing the girl who brushed hair out of her eyes, he says "You're sending me mixed signals, if I had a boner when you brushed your hair out of your eyes, it went away!!!" As if the girl should be dismayed by the fact that she's not giving Lucas a boner anymore?

He operates from the position that people are looking out for his ease and pleasure, and quite concerned if they do NOT render Lucas's life easier and more pleasurable..
which is, of course, the only things he himself is concerned about.

 

[Poop Shoot]

He operates from the position that people are looking out for his ease and pleasure, and quite concerned if they do NOT render Lucas's life easier and more pleasurable..
which is, of course, the only things he himself is concerned about.

This is why I think there’s some autism ingredient in the fucked up diagnostic stew that is his brain. He is so hyper fixated on the “rules” he has invented, and has zero theory of mind, so of course everyone wants what he does, and if they don’t follow the “rules” they’re bad people.

 

[mothman96]

Solidarity with the whole of humanity-really? Solidarity with all the women that will not date him? Solidarity with all the men "cockblockers" and don't hook him up? Solidarity with all the christians and people in other religions? Solidarity with all the people who have cars, house, money etc.?

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Explaining how to play "Squonk".

Lmao he's using an actual map of Earth but he doesn't understand elevation/terrain so he's using it like Catan resources lol.

Sorry, how do you "build a car" out of those "resources"? So you're just making up an object, and pretending that some bizarre combination of the "resources" can create it? So there's no limit? You could build a neutron bomb? And what does he mean, if you get an "emotional response" to your "story", you win? Are you looking to see if your opponent goes full blush face? Seriously, does he not understand that a game with so much randomness and playing pretend and unlimited movement built into it is essentially unplayable? It's like if you played rock paper scissors, but you kept adding additional objects, and anyone could make up a hand gesture for any object they could think of. Paper, rock, scissors, galaxy, earthquake, atom bomb, hellfire missiles. See? A game of unlimited bullshit like this would never end. No one would agree whether they'd lost or not. Its too subjective; games need objective rules that both players can agree upon to be fair.

Also, every piece when it moves, can move to anywhere else on the board? There's no set amount of spaces to move? So couldn't you just move your piece as far away from possible from the enemy? And do that over and over again? As in, the game would never end?

Even for fatty, this sounds totally insane...

Player 1: "I built a bench"
Player 2: "You used wood!"
Player 1: "Wrong I built it out of oil"
*rolls a 1*
*Places their Meeple all the way across the board and kills your Meeple before you even build anything*

 

[WonderWino]

He can leave, for sure. No guests, though. He has no one who wants to visit him anyways. That includes Mom and Dad. No way he has enough money for an airplane ticket.

He's lying as usual. He can absolutely have guests, just not overnight guests. Most of the time its friends and family visiting nursing home members. Its a very rare day that I haven't seen multiple residents getting visits at the nursing homes i've worked at

I see bumcel is back to using Weebly. I wonder how long this one will last

Speaking of weebly, its funny that lucas is clearly too stupid to realize he could just edit or add a page to his existing weebly site rather than just create a new account just for the game stuff. Being able to have several pages is the whole point of having a site ffs

Isn't he claiming to be broke yet he is inviting a Gen Z to Bistango's for drinks.

So....lucas basically just called himself a schizo winnie the pooh. I suspect it would be more accurate to put pedobear in that tux in his case. Though his obsession with zoomers is much like winnies obsession with honey

I kinda wonder how Mallon would feel about this post.

.....It shows how stupid he is that he brags about an incident that left him puking his guts out all over the sidewalk. Because zoomer baes totally want to rush to date a morbidly obese insane hobo that makes himself puke eating shitty spicy food and shittier beer

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

He's lying as usual. He can absolutely have guests, just not overnight guests. Most of the time its friends and family visiting nursing home members. Its a very rare day that I haven't seen multiple residents getting visits at the nursing homes i've worked at


Speaking of weebly, its funny that lucas is clearly too stupid to realize he could just edit or add a page to his existing weebly site rather than just create a new account just for the game stuff. Being able to have several pages is the whole point of having a site ffs


So....lucas basically just called himself a schizo winnie the pooh. I suspect it would be more accurate to put pedobear in that tux in his case. Though his obsession with zoomers is much like winnies obsession with honey


.....It shows how stupid he is that he brags about an incident that left him puking his guts out all over the sidewalk. Because zoomer baes totally want to rush to date a morbidly obese insane hobo that makes himself puke eating shitty spicy food and shittier beer

The Lukey-Puke

"My name is Lucas, pronounced like puke-ass, all the Gen Z girls allow me to puke thus: [cut to chip challenge barf vid] BLAAAARGH!!!! Do the Lukey-Puke, c'mon and do the Lukey-Puke, Gen Z Baybee"

 

[Cnaiur urs Skiotha]

So much this.

Do you remember, during his rant about the hair brushing girl, he screamed "You're too confusing for looking this good!"?

Lucas is frequently puzzled by the world not behaving the way it should, with nothing arbitrary... according to the rules, as you said. This is why, in his childlike simplicity, he thinks that political dictates and ideology should extend to romantic behavior. Everything has to line up, or else it doesn't make sense. Of course, this is only when he wants something from someone else; he seems to have no problem with his own behavior abstracting from these very linear binaries. Generally, he tends to make it work for himself by making all of his behavior rationalized and positive in some fashion, and so he allows himself to remain a good, rule-abiding "liberal Democrat anarcho-communist".

I agree with you that he cannot understand nonverbal cues, but it's more that he tends to massively misconstrue their import, as we've seen with "full blush face", people holding hands, the wearing of hats as a political identifier, and this recent brushing hair from eyes.

One of the things that always puzzles me in these situations, is that Lucas tends to speak as if he expects everyone to be in a position of wanting to please him. When he was discussing the girl who brushed hair out of her eyes, he says "You're sending me mixed signals, if I had a boner when you brushed your hair out of your eyes, it went away!!!" As if the girl should be dismayed by the fact that she's not giving Lucas a boner anymore?

He operates from the position that people are looking out for his ease and pleasure, and quite concerned if they do NOT render Lucas's life easier and more pleasurable..
which is, of course, the only things he himself is concerned about.

This is a very good point about Lucas taking it as a given that everyone else should by default care about him and serve his needs. They should want to be his friend/"on his good side", they should want to "hook him up" because that's what friends or good people do. Again I think this goes back to early childhood and the way Myrna taught him to relate to other kids. She very clearly told him repeatedly that other kids were "mean" and bad people for excluding little Lucas. Not just for teasing him but for excluding him, i.e. not going out of their way to constantly bring shy, fat, awkward little Lucas into their games and conversations, at which he was no doubt always terrible. There's just such a strong unspoken belief running through all of Lucas' madness, that everyone needs to prove that they're a good person by serving his needs, wants, and ego. I'm very thankful that we have the birthday party story and other scraps about his mother and childhood to give us some context, because it's beyond bizarre to the outside observer. His beliefs that others owe him a social and romantic life, that strangers care about his esteem, that not liking him makes you a bad socialist/Christian/person, all tie back to this I think.

 

[Cow-Lovin' Fool]

I have to say that it really does aggravate me when I hear about Myrna living the yuppie life and see her bragposts on boomerbook. It is clear that while she and her new husband...and same goes for Kang Roy and his new wife...are not actual millionaires they are still on the heckin cozy end of middle class. They are Luke's next of kin and they are the ones who foisted him onto this world in the first place. I think it's only fair that they should be the ones responsible for his support. He is truly not an actual ward of the state with no relatives or poor ones...so I think it's inappropriate the way they were allowed to dump him onto the system and go skipping away to Cancun for some margaritas and a nice view of the beach. That is seriously an abuse of the taxpayer imo. Meanwhile actual poverty stricken families can't get their actually schizo sons a disability check because of bullshit like this.

 

[Zoomer Bae]

I have to say that it really does aggravate me when I hear about Myrna living the yuppie life and see her bragposts on boomerbook. It is clear that while she and her new husband...and same goes for Kang Roy and his new wife...are not actual millionaires they are still on the heckin cozy end of middle class. They are Luke's next of kin and they are the ones who foisted him onto this world in the first place. I think it's only fair that they should be the ones responsible for his support. He is truly not an actual ward of the state with no relatives or poor ones...so I think it's inappropriate the way they were allowed to dump him onto the system and go skipping away to Cancun for some margaritas and a nice view of the beach. That is seriously an abuse of the taxpayer imo. Meanwhile actual poverty stricken families can't get their actually schizo sons a disability check because of bullshit like this.

I don’t know how I feel about this. On one hand, yeah, it sucks that Lucas is taking publicly-funded resources away from others. But on the other hand, he’s a middle-aged man who has a history of being non-compliant with his mental health treatment. While I think Myrna and Roy bear responsibility for how Lucas turned out, at a certain point, I don’t think they’re obligated to endlessly fund his stays in cushy facilities or nursing homes. If Lucas showed actual willingness and commitment to being something other than a pedophilic bumcel, I’d say that his parents should support that. At this point, though, I don’t begrudge them for not wanting to waste their money on someone who refuses to be helped.