DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell: General Discussion #2

[IHateMyJob]

At the end of the day it doesn't really mater if the tips came from a coffee sock, a different moron using 2 socks or just two wheelchairs, not one dime of the tips is going to go toward improving his stream, bills, or a meal out with his horse it's all going to be blown on sweaty jpegs before he goes to bed tonight.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

Holy shit the actual apex of physical health.

https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkx_LEVYA-XwMe1zE8uKzPBBfgTpMSKSh_w

I wonder what Phil's definition of a power walk is. He probably thinks it's a regular speed walk but you flail your arms around with swagger, like Chris' walk from the Sopranos.

 

[Iron Father]

Wasit till the gas prices are in the double digits which some expect at the end of ASugust. He will REEEE till his papyigs are dried up husks

I don't think he'll be affected by the rising gas prices because he rarely leaves his house, and I think Khet is still unemployed so neither of them are using the car except maybe to go to the store. DSP is such a liar he might even be lying about going to the store and have had his groceries delivered this whole time.

Gas prices effect the cost of any good that needs to be delivered to a store. Rising gas prices contribute to inflation, so yes even the retarded hermit feels the effects. Well, his whalechairs do.

He's already namedropped increasing cost of groceries many times to drum up sympathy for begging.

 

[Brother Wind]

Nigger don't pretend like you gonna drive 3 hours back from a day of vacation. I get hotels in sand and stonio which is less than 2 hours away, if i'm going for a good time, i expect to pay for a good time, not hassle.

I live like 3 hours from cities bro.

 

[IFBB Pro Phil]

My least favorite modern Phil tic is when something happens to him in a game which surprises or annoys him, and instead of reacting he keeps staring at the screen in the hopes it will become a viral moment. His desperation to make it a viral moment, though, means he does it probably 10 times per stream.

I get the joke, being so flabbergasted you're speechless and all. But that particular bit has two timings that can work- stare for a moment and then react, or stare-stare-stare til how long you've been staring becomes the joke. Phil often tries to go for the latter, but because he is autistic he hits the absolute perfect middle timing every time. We watch him stare, think he'll react, but he does not. So we keep watching him stare, anticipating his explosive reaction, his punchline- but before the overly long stare becomes humorous in and of itself, he reacts, and usually it's just to say "come on".

He never thinks of a joke, he never uses this time to pan his degenerating mind for comedy gold, he just stares because he probably saw it in a movie or TV show once, or in an epic style viral clip he saw. Because he is socially retarded/autistic his timing is precisely off enough to indicate that this man has special needs to any outside viewer, and since he does it so often it wastes time in what is already a mind-numbingly boring stream since he is constantly reading chat and scanning for donations.

It's just so fucking exceptional.

 

[Chernabog3000]

I had a long gay ass drawn out wall o schizo but it got deleted in my memos. Just keep it short. For someone whose totally real and totally had a job in retail. Khet and her husband are sure as shit quite dumbfounded by absolutley every facet of retail lately it seems. Phil not understanding would make sense. Failing buisness degree in all. But why are THEY always shocked when the majority of khets work history is retail in multiple industries. You'd think some of that would rub off on Phil you know if he had that mature communicative supportive loving marriage he brags he does. How the fuck you so clueless about what your wife does? And why you wife so clueless if she works those jobs in the first place. How this bitch surprised by the ins and outs of a fucking grocery store. Bitch you got paid to be there according to lore. You didn't pick up a few things either? Two halfs of a full grown retard these two. Phil spends a decade plus game just to suck. Khet plays cashier and still hasn't a fucking clue.

 

[Iron Father]

I had a long gay ass drawn out wall o schizo but it got deleted in my memos. Just keep it short. For someone whose totally real and totally had a job in retail. Khet and her husband are sure as shit quite dumbfounded by absolutley every facet of retail lately it seems. Phil not understanding would make sense. Failing buisness degree in all. But why are THEY always shocked when the majority of khets work history is retail in multiple industries. You'd think some of that would rub off on Phil you know if he had that mature communicative supportive loving marriage he brags he does. How the fuck you so clueless about what your wife does? And why you wife so clueless if she works those jobs in the first place. How this bitch surprised by the ins and outs of a fucking grocery store. Bitch you got paid to be there according to lore. You didn't pick up a few things either? Two halfs of a full grown retard these two. Phil spends a decade plus game just to suck. Khet plays cashier and still hasn't a fucking clue.

Keep in mind he's very likely putting words in her mouth. It's what he does.

 

[Beverly Sutphin]

My least favorite modern Phil tic is when something happens to him in a game which surprises or annoys him, and instead of reacting he keeps staring at the screen in the hopes it will become a viral moment. His desperation to make it a viral moment, though, means he does it probably 10 times per stream.

I get the joke, being so flabbergasted you're speechless and all. But that particular bit has two timings that can work- stare for a moment and then react, or stare-stare-stare til how long you've been staring becomes the joke. Phil often tries to go for the latter, but because he is autistic he hits the absolute perfect middle timing every time. We watch him stare, think he'll react, but he does not. So we keep watching him stare, anticipating his explosive reaction, his punchline- but before the overly long stare becomes humorous in and of itself, he reacts, and usually it's just to say "come on".

He never thinks of a joke, he never uses this time to pan his degenerating mind for comedy gold, he just stares because he probably saw it in a movie or TV once, or in an epic style viral clip he saw. Because he is socially retarded/autistic his timing is precisely off enough to indicate that this man has special needs to any outside viewer, and since he does it so often it wastes time in what is already a mind-numbingly boring stream since he is constantly reading chat and scanning for donations.

It's just so fucking exceptional.

And those "reactions" show how truly Phil is not a natural entertainer. It shows Phil's lack of creativity and lack of spontaneous moments, as if a joke that's done by someone with talent - whether that was earned through improv classes, acting classes, or just a natural gift - or what he's perceived as "funny.". If I was Phil, I'd watch and take DETAILED NOTES of Rodney Dangerfield stand up and learn from him! Dude was the MASTER of reaction and quick one liners....or, if Phil wants to do comedy that borders on "It starts out normal...and goes into LEFT FIELD OF WTF." Dave Attell.

Phil, I know you're reading this during gin and Jasper, so, here's one for you. Since I'm a mentally ill mouth drooling fucking idiot who doesn't know their ass from a hole in the ground, this is from Rodney Dangerfield. "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio." See, Phil? That's what is known in the business as "timing." like when you gotta get your gems lined up in WWE Champions? Timing.

Not even "edge" for you, Phil? Dave Attell. "Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings." Or some SCAT humor done right. Also from Dave: "Florida looks like a gigantic penis! Doesn't it? Have you ever googled it? It looks like a gigantic peener! About to shoot a load of freedom all over Cuba. A bukkake of choices and ideas."

However, we know this won't happen. However, it would be a change of pace to see him pretending to be shocked and actually say something funny, but hey! Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first.

 

[Meerkat Ink]

You'd think some of that would rub off on Phil you know if he had that mature communicative supportive loving marriage he brags he does. How the fuck you so clueless about what your wife does?

Because it's just transactional to him just like with all of his relationships. Her job is to unfreeze food and shove it in his mouth, and his job is to beg for tips from kids and tards. If they both do their jahb, they're a famlee. He doesn't care where you go to work, what you do there and everything related to that - unless it affects him directly through his schedule or financially. Girl locked herself up with a degenerate hermit who doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about her as a person and knows Jack shit about what she's passionate about (or the closest to passion Khet can get)

Seriously though, this guy is on record saying he doesn't know or care about hobbies that Kat does because it's apparently none of his business what activities his waif does to make life more fulfilling and interesting. Well, he does watch her play Skyrim...

 

[JPG]

Most people consider themselves in good shape by running a mile in 5 minutes, however, what the fuck do I know?

Not much, 5 minute mile is fast as fuck. Most average people would be happy running between an 8 - 10 minute mile. 6-7 minute mile would be considered fast, club runner pace and under 6 minute is getting on to athlete level.

 

[Chef Autism]

DSP on his way down to get the mail (as a slim pimp, of course, he couldn't do this back when he was fat):

 

[capefear56]

Not much, 5 minute mile is fast as fuck. Most average people would be happy running between an 8 - 10 minute mile. 6-7 minute mile would be considered fast, club runner pace and under 6 minute is getting on to athlete level.

A 5-minute mile is like "getting ready for the Olympics"-level of elite. The average male marathon runner does 9-minute miles, and that includes middle-aged men. It actually took me quite a while to work up to averaging a 9-minute mile over long distances (10+ miles), but 9-10 minute isolated miles should be doable within a few weeks to a month of running. Of course Phil will never even make it to that level because he's a lazy pig.

He keeps complaining about how he never has time to work out, when all he has to do to be healthier is watch his diet. That takes literally no extra time, but he'll never stop DoorDashing that robust KFC and gin.

 

[RaidenAUndertale]

Someone said they did that in a mall and Phil just ignored them.

Source on this? I'd love the story in detail. Sounds as fascinating as those short clips of DSP meeting autistic fans at conventions and acting all shy and awkward.

 

[arrivefriday]

wow, he really has a hate boner for digital women.

Meets Serana, his entire mannerism becomes agressive
Gives her a sarcastic response right off the bat, cause you know pixels can hear you.
Then to shit talk a FICTIONAL CHARACTER he goes on this single digit iq rant about how she makes no sense cause a vampire's legs would have atrophied.

Centuries old undead blood drinking creatures of the night who can turn into bats or mist that have mind control powers in a world with magic, zombies, rats of unusual size, elves, ye older robots, teleportation, magic shouting, tree spirits and dragons it's hard to believe that they wouldn't rot away hybirnating for centuries.

sure phil, sure...

These vampires aren’t even the same as traditional ones. They CAN go into sunlight and are usually found WITH garlic near them or in their houses.

It’s fucking magic. What a dildo he is, he literally just hates the female form and it seeps out into these weird virgin screeches every time he feels a slight ting in his little pecker for anything that’s not Poison from streets of rage.

Just a heads up, it's a video from DSP's channel but holy shit did I laugh at this when i first heard it. "if this was real life there's no way I'd miss a giant dragon right infront of me", it's such a weird thing to say as obviously this dragon would absolutely shit on DSP in real life but the fact that he even says that in the first place is just so bizarre and strange to me, like who expects any of these games to be 1:1 with reality?
I really have a hard time wrapping my head around it, even when the guy plays call of duty where you can get shot 5 times in the chest and still recover with a god damn adrenaline shot, he expects the game to be realistic. Sorry for the late reply tho, just catching up on the last 10-12 pages or so.

 

[whirly]

DSP on his way down to get the mail (as a slim pimp, of course, he couldn't do this back when he was fat):

View attachment 3368093

This is how he thinks he looks now, being able to walk for three minutes without getting winded. But we all know that he just awkwardly waddles around still. Just at a mildly faster pace.

 

[Pisstrooper]

I honestly think Phil drops $100 at the hair salon simply because he needs it dyed and is too retarded and helpless to dye his hair himself.

 

[Royalty Free Fish Food]

I'd love it if someone really did follow him on a day off. Not to fuck with him but just document his behavior in public because it'd be fascinating.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

Source on this? I'd love the story in detail. Sounds as fascinating as those short clips of DSP meeting autistic fans at conventions and acting all shy and awkward.

I think it was some guy on Reddit. He said he was in Renton, at the mall, in an IKEA. He was looking around and saw Phil. "Hey! Darksydephil!"

"Just ignore him," Phil said to Kat as they walked away.

That's the story.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

Just a heads up, it's a video from DSP's channel but holy shit did I laugh at this when i first heard it. "if this was real life there's no way I'd miss a giant dragon right infront of me", it's such a weird thing to say as obviously this dragon would absolutely shit on DSP in real life but the fact that he even says that in the first place is just so bizarre and strange to me, like who expects any of these games to be 1:1 with reality?

My favorite DSP Souls Game Realism Complaint was in Dark Souls 2 where he bitched about fireballs curving into him as "unrealistic." As we know in real life if I whip out my Pyromancy Flame and cast a fireball at you it goes perfectly straight.

 

[DerischKeyboard]

Gas prices effect the cost of any good that needs to be delivered to a store. Rising gas prices contribute to inflation, so yes even the retarded hermit feels the effects. Well, his whalechairs do.

He's already namedropped increasing cost of groceries many times to drum up sympathy for begging.

This.

We're looking at worldwide food shortages combined with fuel shortages.

We already know from his CC statement how much he uses DoorDash. I'm guessing that lazy habit might become twice as expensive if he can even get a poor sap to deliver him food on those apps.