This bitch only tells the truth accidentally. If she were a more interesting or intelligent person, it'd be rather awe-inspiring. Instead, it's insipid and painful.
watch me lose 100 pounds!!! | 500lb gorl | episode 1 - July 13, 2022
We are not going to watch you lose 100 pounds. You've had this same goal for eons and it just ain't happening.
Knock it off with the "episode" shit. You're still producing nontent. And take a shower - including washing that NASTY FUCKING HAIR. JFC she is a disgusting creature. Lose that stupid kiddie temporary tattoo, as well. You're 31 fucking years old. Act like it.
Uses "gorl", claiming that people love to use that word on her channel, so she's going to use it as well. You cunt, you use gorl all the fucking time, don't act like this is something new you have to remember to use. Recaps the 10 days of bullshit we just finished slogging through. Says this video is about a week after that crap. Yeah, heaven forbid you actually respect your audience enough to film in real time.
Blah de blah. Says she is trying not to read the comments, and sure, Hamber, sure. We all know you read and watch every scrap of everything about you, including at the Farms here. Anyway, she pulls the old, usual, tired, and inane "muh mentalz" about reading the comments. Here's an idea, since you're a narc and just have to read it all: shut off comments. LOL. I crack myself up, you'll never do that again. You fucking love people talking about you and it doesn't matter if it's something good or something bad. If it's good, you ignore it. If it's bad, it's just more fodder for your victimhood complex, so you can go cry and then film yourself telling us for the umpteenth time you've been cryeeeeeeeeeen, so you can get sympathy and a few asspats. Grow. The. Fuck. Up. You should have been forced long ago to make your own way in the world. But nope, little ManipulatorLynn turned into grotesquely fat and deformed ManipulatiorLynn, and you've never had to do a single fucking adult thing in your life. What I'm hoping is that you don't manage to immediately fill that caretaker position when the "gf" inevitably leaves your shelf ass and the shit that clings to it.
Oh, FFS.Remember that time she lost 89 ellbees, y'all? Remember that? From ten fucking years ago, when Krystle's family had to lock up all the goddamned food in the house, because Fat Hamber went down in the middle of the night, ate all the snacks and then ratted out the animals instead of taking responsibility? The ONLY reason you lost weight, Fatty, is because you were in a controlled environment, with someone else controlling intake. And that, of course, is what people have been telling you for nigh on a decade now, and you still think you're capable of doing it yourself. Weight Watchers, Jeny Kreg, Optavia, weight loss doc, calorie counting, Noom, vegetarian, vegan, Joaquin a mile (or just in general), no takeout, "I got a dietician, y'all!." Did I leave anything out? Doesn't matter, you gave up on all of them the instant you felt the slightest discomfort. You have neither the will nor the discipline to lose significant weight.
Says she wants to lose 100 pounds - yeah, we've heard this song before, it's a chart-topper in the amberverse, it gets played so much. "Whenever I get close to a hundred pounds....something always happens." Bitch, there has been exactly ONE time that you were close to losing 100 pounds, and you can thank Krystle's parents for that, because it definitely wasn't you who pulled that off. You know what that "something always happens" is? It's you, wanting to inhale all your favorite foods, all the while bitching that anything restrictive makes you "binge" despite the fact that you don't have BED.
She's going to tell us her weight every day. We've heard this song before, too: Remember a hundred days of weighing in, an act performed several times in the amberverse amphitheater? Yeah, me too. How'd that go? She's sorry all this stream of consciousness she's doing is all over the place. THEN WRITE A SCRIPT FOR THE FUCKING VIDEO, IDIOT. YouTube is her job, y'all.
FFS, The scale. Again. The Hello, It's Ready scale reads that she is 4-6 pounds lighter than she really is. Except you just fucking went with that one at the end of the previous ten days of bullshit. So now, what, you have a problem with it? If it's that bad, just add six goddamned pounds to whatever it says. I'd wonder how you manage to not kill yourself accidentally in the shower every day, given how fucking stupid you are, but we all know you don't shower every day and when you do, it isn't like you get any real cleaning going.
Oh. My. God. "If I were in my delusional state, or if I I was in the state where I want to lie to myself, or if I was in denial about my weight..."
IF? IF? You are not delusional, ass. You do not have any "muh mentals" beyond generalized anxiety, which tons of people have, and NPD/HPD, which require a staggering amount of work to ameliorate. You always lie to yourself, as easily as you lie to everyone else. You are in denial about your weight. You have never made a serious attempt to lose weight intentionally, despite whining periodically at the camera about all the reasons you want to lose weight, or when it's Day One Amber (Justine at Kicking Geese's favorite Amber) for whatever the next diet is that you're going to fail. You like being a waddling bad example. It's the most interesting thing about you, and you've built your channel around it. Not even just your channel: you've built your life around it for the last decade, destroying what should have been one of the best parts of growing older. Congrats.
Anyway, she's going to use her old scale, which does not talk, and the weight reading she can't film because of her fupa. It's back to square one, although she says she is not going to lie to herself (ha!) and she's not going to lie to us (double ha!). She says the old scale is more reliable - and it "better be, because it was so expensive". Did you not just tell us previously that you bought the thing on sale for just over a hundred bucks? And you COULD get the new one calibrated, but yeah, effort and all that ain't you LazyLynn.
I really wish she would stop shifting her weight laterally as she's doing. It's making me seasick. And what's with all the looking around she's doing? She's also doing a lot of waving around of those balloon hands. Hmm. If I were cynical, I might say it's possible she is under the influence of something.
This new episodic bullshit is exactly the same thing as the last ten days of tedious bullshit: (mis)counting calories, daily weighins, which we will only have her word for, and her showing us the shitty food she insists on eating, instead of any sort of rational menu plan. Gosh, I wonder how this is going to work out for her. She's going to show us this until she reaches a hundred pounds down. Alarm bells are sounding and red flags are being run up the mast here. If she is going to use her supposed highest weight evar as the beginning for this new diet that she is intent on failing, she's already lying to herself. Your starting weight is whatever you are NOW, Fatty. Not some arbitrary weight from the past.
Side note: looking at her face straight on, still can't see her ears.
"I've lost 89 ellbees twice now.'" No. No, you did not
intentionally lose that weight, of your own volition. One was a semi-intervention by Krystle's parents. and the other was medical. In neither of those cases were you in control and setting limits, etc. This shit is just like you bragging about shit you did in elementary school: you lying to yourself - and us.
ParticipationTrophyLynn alert! "We" want to do this as a new and improved Amber Lynn.[...] because I'm tryeeeen" Pretty sure you've also used this phrasing multiple times, but do go on with this little charade, as if you have changed to any good thing in the past decade. But sure, let's give you a fucking participation trophy for it.
She's been "practicing" eating less in the week between the ten days of bullshit. Not that we saw, Fatty. You vastly underreported your calories, for that, and I guarantee you'll do the same for this round. You don't need to "practice" eating less. You just do it.
Allegedly weighs 486.4 whatever fucking day it is in the amberverse.She does that fake stutter and various sounds of shock and surprise. Don't quit your day job, Fatty. Your acting sucks. And you're still 500 pounds. Oh, FFS. She IS using her "highest weight". And she IS counting how much weight she has supposedly lost based on that. Tells us that means she has to lose 14 pounds to reach 100 pounds down, and bitch, that is not the way it works. Anything you lose is against the weight at which you started whatever the latest diet is that you always fail. You're not inspirational.
"Once we hit that [the target weight of 472] we can celebrate a ilttle." Sure, why not. It's a familiar part of the cycle, and will end exactly the same way all the other diets you've gone on has failed.
She's blathering on about how YouTube is her job, and she's grateful, roof over her head, "furbabies" (grrrrr). Claims she has "a passion" to film, and that's as bullshit as every other fucking thing she has said on her channel. If you did, you would put some actual fucking effort into the crap you film,
Again with the InspirationaLynn, inspiring others to lose the weight they want to lose. Wrong reason to lose weight or do almost any other fucking job. Says she's going to be 100 pounds down soon, and she isn't doing this to fail. Well, you say that for every single thing you begin and then quit.
"Let's get into it" she chirps, doing something that I suppose is meant to be dancing but looks more like a full body spasm that might require a tranq dart.
First meal: frozen dinner. Lasagna (360 calories), with double the meat, and she doesn't know about that, because "Meat creeps me out." No, it does not. You're just trying to be quirky. Does the stupid schtick about giving the viewers the first bite. Claims her hands are small, You have parade balloon hands, Fat Ham. Your hands are decidedly not small. She says tha the thing is cooked, "Thank god" as if the sky fairyman that she believes in cares very much about your nuked food (yeah, not buying your claim of being agnostic)\.
Time for the next meal, and JFC,of you're going to call YT your job, how about doing something with your fucking hair. KFC . Goes off on a little rationalization she created so she can order takeout. Because she isn't just going to quit takeout or fast food, it just isn't going to happen. I mean, it isn't like you have full autonomy to select the foods you want to put into your body, and are able to read the labels on things to see if they match up with the goals you've set. That would be insane, right?
FFS, we KNOW, Fatty. We also know all the excuses and rationalizations you'll use to eat shit food because you're too lazy to lean to cook properly. You fucking well COULD cut out takeout every goddamned day, and just kick it to the curb, period.
Oh, listen up, you fucking haydur assholes; she isn't interested in your advice. Oh, you remember that molment in the ten days of bullshit, where she told everyone to get her motivated by yelling at her in the comments, if necessary. Yeah, me too. Oh, and do you remember when she said "tough love don't work for ya girl."? I know, I know, I should stop expecting Hamber to make any sense or have any consistency in her life. Well, we've settled that, so let's move on.
She understands that everyone has their opinions, but she's "trying to balance losing weight, for health, and recovering from binge eating disorder" which she does not have. PsychoLynn says when you're in recovery, "you can't ignore the cravings". Wrong. You absolutely can. So she's going to have the KFC. "If you ignore the craving, it leads to binging.". No. It just means that you are not committed to whatever your goal happens to be. JFC, she really is trying to tell us that she can't focus on her recovery without "losing weight, to save my life" and can't "lose weight and count calories, and diet, and restrict, without recovery from my binge eating, because technically, restricting or counting calories can make some people binge." It's all a mess, she says, and says that's why WE are working through it, her and her imaginary shrink. "That's why I'm trying outpatient again" - sure, because they're against everything you're trying to do, like count calories and lose wight. LiarLynn.
SO, the famous bowl from KFC is what she's having. Gives us a rundown of what it is, it's 740 calories. Diet Pepsi, sys Hamber, who also says she's pretty much done with sodas. LOL. Sure, nobody is going to believe that story.
Fat Ham's Reading Group. Do not fucking care. Skip. Last meal, ramen and spam. Gross. She said it was a "little salty", but she can't change overnight, fuckers! Calories: who care. She isn't giving us he calories of all the shit she eats off camera.
Video length discussion. Do not care.
Claims people have called her a Dehydrated Queen. But she is drinking a lot more water so she can be a Hydrated Queen. Sure they are saying those things to you.
Repeats the myth that she "maintains [my] weight" at 2500 calories. OK, Goebbels, say it all you like, but that still doesn't make it true, and it doesn't even make the hardcore ambabies believe you. You are not immune to the laws of thermodynamics.
She tells us she will see us tomorrow, and that's the end.
TL;DW/R: We're back to phase one, everyone. Hamber is starting a new project, to lose 100 pounds. Ah, my friends, hold your applause: it really means she is tryeeen to lose 14 pounds, because she's counting her total from when she was at her highest weight, at least according to her, instead of doing things properly and starting from whatever her weight is now, She eats more crap food - I know, I know, I was just as shocked as you are - frozen dinner lasagna, KFC famous bowl, ramen with spam, No "gf" in the background for her to ask what common, everyday objects are or how to pronounce words. Skipped her 4th grade book club discussion as well as her video length discussion because life is too short to be wasting brain cells on that shit. Makes the same dumb claim that se maintains her 500 pounds on 2500 calories a day, and I spent some time during her 4th grde reading cirlce crap lughing at what Dr Now would have to sy about that. Threatens to be back tomorrow. The End.
