Brianna Wu / John Flynt - DEAGLE NATION STILL LIVES

[Lorento]

Oh...OH FUCK Jaimas for posting that horrendous story! I've read some shit. Sonichu, the Maradonia Saga, but that prologue was by FAR worse than all of them. Sonichu is kind of adorable in it's badness and Maradonia has some funny moments. But THIS?

Spoiler: My Autistic look at Wu's Autistic Prologue

Let's see if we can dissect these opening lines.

Things had a tendency to go wrong for Brea Anatamata and Allison Holiday

Second Line. Wu throws this out and doesn't give any examples of it. Is it so hard to write "Like that one time when 'Insert amusing side story here?'"

LV-426, known as just “The Den,” didn’t just steal cable. It stole every channel that existed via their illegal satellite hookup. Coaxial cable was snaked though the building air ducts to the illegal satellite dish on the balcony

Is it really necessary to describe the details surrounding the illegal satellite. Also, repeating the phrase 'Illegal Satellite' is pure bad writing, no competent author does this. Let's not forget 'Coaxial cable' which may be grammatically correct but it honestly doesn't feel right.

Allison Holiday was perhaps the best looking girl in any given room, but mostly because of her eclectic charisma.

First of all, the two clauses are not related. Her 'charisma' doesn't have any bearing on her physical appearence. Also, I checked the definition of eclectic.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/eclectic

I do not think she knows what that word means. It doesn't work in relation to her charisma and there are at least twenty other words that were better suited.

She had dangling strands of blonde hair that spiked out from her forehead in front of her excited green eyes. Her hair was gathered into a ponytail in the back, and somehow fell into the shape of a heart. She was tall, and curved just enough to generate more hushed tones.

Usually, Allison dressed in sorority girl formal uniform, Greek party tee shirt and tight shorts that showed off how leggy she was.

She favored the color purple, especially for the hair scrunchies she wore on her ponytail and wrist. Today wasn’t any different.

Allison had trouble distinguishing her life from a movie.

Why is this all split up? It's like he was writing notes of what she looked like and forgot to add words. The last part is inconceivably bad, it just states, matter of fact, that she has trouble distinguishing her life from a movie. Err....HELLO? Can I get a bit of added description maybe, maybe even....SHOW ME that she has trouble distinguishing her life from a movie? Nope, apparently not.

Brea was a girl in a million with a very unusual ethnicity

Oh no. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO! NO! NO! It's a self insert isn't it?

Her father had been an Australian wild-child. Her mother was a quiet Japanese traditionalist, and the story of how they had met and fallen in love was ridiculous

Oh son of a crack smoking whore it is a self insert! Also, if this story is so amusing, could you not maybe....TELL US a little bit about it? No? I'm starting to see a pattern emerge...

Although Brea’s features were mostly Australian, when people heard her last name, they could almost see the half-Japanese ancestry

This is such a self insert it makes Maya from Maradonia seem subtle. What exactly constitutes 'Australian Features?' Also, no shit when people hear the last name Anatamata (A really awkward name to say by the way) they'd think of Japan!

Fuck anymore of this. My fine wine has run out and I need to go to bed. In summary, this prologue is poorly written, the characters are poorly written, the narration is an omniscient fuck who is CLEARLY Flynt trying to make his self insert look awesome. This story is bad folks, and no, I certainly would not have sex with it.

 

[PantsOfDesire]

WARNING FOR PC USERS: You will never play Revolution 60 ever.

View attachment 72118

Wu's problem is that she expects that "top of the line" remains viable no matter how old the computer is. X-Com 2 for Mac has relatively high minimum requirements, but nothing too extreme. My 2013 MacBook Pro floats somewhere between minimum and recommended, and it was top of the line except for the CPU. But 2013 top of the line isn't 2016 top of the line.

I've played some bad ports. Witcher 2 is particularly flakey on Mac, where certain hardware configurations that exceed the requirements still play like shit. This is unlikely, as Feral did the port for X-Com 2. Feral are a very well established and highly regarded porting house for Mac games, so it's very unlikely this was a bad port. It's one of those companies I've come to trust by name, and I've not bought a title that didn't perform as I expected. It's more likely that Wu, in her usual blundering style, either doesn't meet the minimum specs or is expecting it to play amazingly on minimum specs. She has demonstrated many times in the past that she knows fuck all about technology.

 

[soliloquyR]

WARNING FOR PC USERS: You will never play Revolution 60 ever.

View attachment 72118

Your mac is from 2008, of course it wouldn't work, dumbass!

 

[Without A Gout]

Wu playing X-Com? Now that's something I 'd like to see.

She's got her whole team on Overwatch against Twitter. That and she would obviously use think of the aliens as some really forced Gamergate analogy.

 

[HickoryDickory]

Edit: Are Darien and John the same person? I legit don't understand. Still working my way thru 2nd draft.

"Darien’s reaction was honest, a reflexive laugh at the absurd while figuring out something unexpected. The laugh didn’t deter Brea. “And I’ve always kind of hoped I would be that girl.” There was a bit of silence, then he broke it. “The idea of me wisking anyone off their feet is just so crazy. I can’t get my life together, I can’t even do my laundry.” And then John stopped the conversation without meaning to. “It’s Kate, it’s always been Kate.”"

Dunno, but Darien is the name they gave Mamoru in the English version of Sailor Moon.

Says too much cleavage is out of style while wearing what is basically a tube top.

Okay.

It's a complete rip of Jill in Resident Evil 3: Nemesis.

 

[The Colonel]

Proof that your Rig is shit, everything you play is for consoles John, if you run it in a toaster obviously is not going to run this is what XCOM needs to run

• RECOMMENDED:
  • OS: Windows® 7, 64-bit
    
  • Processor: 3GHz Quad Core
    
  • Memory: 8 GB RAM
    
  • Graphics: 2GB ATI Radeon HD 7970, 2GB NVIDIA GeForce GTX 770 or better
    
  • Storage: 45 GB available space
    
  • Sound Card: DirectX compatible sound card

And for Whiners Apple fanboys like john

• RECOMMENDED:
  • OS: 10.11.2
    
  • Processor: 2.7 GHz i5
    
  • Memory: 8 GB RAM
    
  • Graphics: NVIDIA 700 series (2GB) or AMD R9 series (2GB)
    
  • Storage: 45 GB available space

There are certain things like the game running like shit when AA is activated but they are already fixing it, they don't need two years for that john[/QUOTE]
What were the specs for Wu's 'top of the line' mac again?

 

[Count groudon]

So have we found John's autism papers yet?

 

[Cubanodun]

Proof that your Rig is shit, everything you play is for consoles John, if you run it in a toaster obviously is not going to run this is what XCOM needs to run

• RECOMMENDED:
  • OS: Windows® 7, 64-bit
    
  • Processor: 3GHz Quad Core
    
  • Memory: 8 GB RAM
    
  • Graphics: 2GB ATI Radeon HD 7970, 2GB NVIDIA GeForce GTX 770 or better
    
  • Storage: 45 GB available space
    
  • Sound Card: DirectX compatible sound card

And for Whiners Apple fanboys like john

• RECOMMENDED:
  • OS: 10.11.2
    
  • Processor: 2.7 GHz i5
    
  • Memory: 8 GB RAM
    
  • Graphics: NVIDIA 700 series (2GB) or AMD R9 series (2GB)
    
  • Storage: 45 GB available space

There are certain things like the game running like shit when AA is activated but they are already fixing it, they don't need two years for that john

What were the specs for Wu's 'top of the line' mac again?[/QUOTE]

John is using a old Mac from 2008, i don't know anything about macs, for me they are overpriced and pretentious machines, with the money of 1 mac i can build a rig that run everything in 4k and beyond, John is making the classic mistake of Expensive=good and using already builded rigs, for me that's heresy against lord gaben

 

[Yellow Yam Scam]

TBH I feel like all this talk about how it's going to result in salt is going to make Wu try to ignore the whole thing.

 

[Jaimas]

So have we found John's autism papers yet?

Shhh.

TBH I feel like all this talk about how it's going to result in salt is going to make Wu try to ignore the whole thing.

A justifiable concern - and one I'm reasonably sure won't be a problem given past experience.

 

[Cubanodun]

Well, considering Wu had this character (and this exact image) as her Steam av...

Spoiler

...I don't think I understand what she's trying to complain about.

Thats Cloud of Darkness from final fantasy 3, iirc that's the Dissidia Version aka the OMG IS FUCKING PROBLEMATIC according to the offendatron brigades, i still don't know why John like her so much, the original has green skin and she is not that important in Dissidia

 

[tepid]

Also I don't know how GPUs work and compare Maya performance with gaming performance.

They're not really comparable, I use a Mac laptop for 3D work all the time and don't have any problems. But I'm well aware it runs games fucking awful.

I'm a designer, for an "engineer" I'm really shocked I've realised this and she hasn't. /sneed

I entertained this idea as well, and then I remembered that John actually drew Brea as a white woman:

Spoiler

Look at that head goddamn.

Never forget

 

[Francis York Morgan]

Thats Cloud of Darkness from final fantasy 3, iirc that's the Dissidia Version aka the OMG IS FUCKING PROBLEMATIC according to the offendatron brigades, i still don't know why John like her so much, the original has green skin and she is not that important in Dissidia

Because like every hot-blooded American man, Brianna likes some T&A.

 

[soliloquyR]

All right, Kiwis, since we have a bit before everything's being loaded, prepped, citation'd, readied, and so on for the upcoming article reveals (if you've seen the prototypes, please be so kind as to not post them until we're finished getting everything set up because we're trying to cause a salt-pocalypse here), I thought I'd spoil you guys with some more Wu content.

This one's a rough one, and took quite a while to do. In fact, it's less than half-done, but there's enough in it to discuss for fucking days, so let's begin.

See, whilst we were digging in the Election Eve archives, we found some of the early Manuscripts.

They're now up on Lolcow Wiki:

First Known Draft - Prologue and such
Second Known Draft - First part of "Main" story

If you're wondering why they're arranged this way, it's because the original files were heavily corrupted, necessitating we sift through fucking pages of junk code for the rest and piecing it together thereafter. That said, the first two parts of it are together, and.... By god, it's fucking glorious. Every single thing we later would see in Revolution 60 finds its start here - the characterization being all over the place, the protagonists being assholes, all of it. And yet, this is so much more:

1. Wu's chapters are all named after terms, levels, music, and scenes from games she liked. Obvious ones include Liberi Fatali, and Omission of the World. And that's just in the first two segments.

2. Wu cites shit she likes more than OPL. I'm fucking serious.

3. The entire thing is filled with more contrivances than a Sonichu comic.

4. John thought this was in any way marketable. Let this sink in.

5. It's just as fixated on the female characters as Wu, and openly sexualizes them.

6. Brea is a shameless self-insert, but it's not just that one - There's another shameless self-insert called "John."

7. The entire prologue segment is insane. I'm talking Sonichu #10 levels of batshit.

Read it, and enjoy your lulz. More will be coming later, likely either before or after the reveal hits.

Oh... Oh, this is fucking terrible. This is like My Immortal, minus the edgy teenager feel, vampires, and bastardization of Harry Potter characters.
Wu thought this 6th grade level writing was going to sell?
This is more cancerous than anything I've seen on Fanfiction.NET. Worse than FNAF fanfics, SonicXFanCharacter lemon fics, Harry Potter fanfics, Sherlock fanfics, and even edgy teen fanfics.
It's so contrived and pretentious!
I now appreciate Sonichu more than ever.

 

[Cubanodun]

Dunno, but Darien is the name they gave Mamoru in the English version of Sailor Moon.

It's a complete rip of Jill in Resident Evil 3: Nemesis.

Actually she is based in Aya Brea, the version of Parasite Eve 2, belt included, heck john even ripped off the Parasite Eve logo

Spoiler: Aya Brea PE2 Edition

Spoiler: PE Logo

 

[Von Clausewitz]

Actually she is based in Aya Brea, the version of Parasite Eve 2, belt included, heck john even ripped off the Parasite Eve logo

Spoiler: Aya Brea PE2 Edition

Spoiler: PE Logo

Jesus! I nearly snorted my beer over the keyboard when I saw this, Wu IS Chris with money.

 

[_blank_]

Actually she is based in Aya Brea, the version of Parasite Eve 2, belt included, heck john even ripped off the Parasite Eve logo

Spoiler: Aya Brea PE2 Edition

Spoiler: PE Logo

Also as an aside now that we're... ahem... enjoying this fiction, when will we be getting Brendaniels or manwithoutabody to do a dramatic reading?

 

[Jaimas]

....I just finished reading the third segment, and uploading it to the Wiki.

It's the worst one yet. Allison Holiday beating up armed bodyguards, implied lovescenes, and so much description of the girls' bodies.

I've found that having the right accompanying music makes it more tolerable, though.

 

[Francis York Morgan]

That first chapter was painful to get through. A whole chapter of really bad, awkward exposition telling me about characters rather than having the characters themselves do anything. I need to find something to keep me going.

And now to the first line from someone who isn't the narrator:

“Here’s the story,” started Minuete, “The three of us are now managing an official evil organization seeking world domination, and Mistress Nine says we need to decide on a name.”

Fuck me, I now want the damn narrator back!

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

I feel I'm better off in life not reading all this based on the reactions.