2022 Lolcow Derby - AND DOWN THE STRETCH THEY COME!!!

I’m kinda missing Russell Greer. Boogie should also be there, but he’s too fat to be a horse. .

Spectacular example of Kiwi autism, fine sir.
 
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Balr0g said:
You put in Wings but not Boogie? Not cool man. I would have suggested the deer guy from Twtich but he is so irrelevant at this point it would be pointless.
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How did deer tranny even get two emojis wasn't he only relavent for 2 weeks? :sadwaifu:
 
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As a very famous, very important(and dainty) exhibition show horse. Tess Holliday is outraged she wasn't invited to this, you guys are all the same as the MET Gala organization: JEALOUS and afraid she would overshadow your favorite entries.
But Tess is very forgiving, she has given me this portfolio entry shot by Annie Leibovitz herself who is Tess BFF
Fat-Horse.jpg
 
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This is an extraordinary achievement that knocks the demented worldbuilding of the motherfucker Chris Weston Chandler into a cocked hat. Bravo to you Sir, Madame, or Xir.

Who could have predicted that autism would peak with the elongated faces of lolcows being crudely photoshopped onto horses, and that these equine chimera would be painstakingly provided with fictional racing form? It turns out that not even Nostradamus saw this one rumbling over the distant horizon. If David Milch had gone down this route with Luck, the show would have probably run for more than one season, and all those horses wouldn't have died on set.

I think we have also been provided with an insight into the future of furrydom. No more big-eyed, powder blue wolves. It's going to be all about horses, with misshapen human heads.

I have a few observations:

Despite making bold claims to the contrary, Ralph is unlikely to be able to gallop for more than two miles and will probably crash in his horsebox before he reaches the circuit.

Yaniv will probably sue you for depicting him as a black horse. He will want to race with his support dog which may contravene Jockey Club regulations.

DSP will spend insane amounts of money on enchanted horseshoes and a magic saddle. He will implausibly win any event that he enters, no matter what the obstacles are.

Cooney is auditioning for the role of famine in the impending apocalypse. Lolhorse racing is a stepping stone in her career. She cares nothing for the noble sport.

Kadzo will insist that the racetrack was once a part of Africa, that was stolen from the continent and transported to America in an act of colonial appropriation. He will also claim that the sport of horse racing was invented in Kenya. Do not stable him with any foals.
 
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Vink said:
I think KingCobraJFS could be in the running. His birthday stream alone will forever go down in history.

For those who haven't seen it, he had a birthday dinner planned with his family at ~5pm, and decided to pregame with a 750ml of vodka in under an hour on livestream. Was then told by his father he was too drunk to take anywhere and proceeded to drink even more all while saying "I'll show you drunk." It was probably the biggest lolcow shitshow of the year.
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What a lame-ass dad, if I was his dad I'd tell him to pass me the bottle and we'd go to some shitty drinking fast food chain like buffalo wild wings and I'd drink that cunt under the fucking table, literally.
 
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