0:00 ‘Hey guise!’ Hey AL. ‘Welcome to Vlogmas Day 12.’ Say it with me, all: Fuck your intro.
We have a brand new bottle, because this fucking bitch.
0:20 ‘Today, I’m just not in it to win it.’ So AL isn’t into this shit anymore. She says that she’s feeling tired and sluggish and is upset that it took her from 2337 to 0333. So almost 4 hours. Apparently she clipped an hour of footage down to 33 minutes. And the shit she left in was absolutely terrible, which makes me grimace that all the shit choices of bullshit she left in there were on purpose.
1:26 AL dribbles liquid foundation directly onto a brush to apply to her face, and offers it to F/JFoNY:MGF,W. I’m not fuckin’ makeup guru or nothin’, but aren’t there like blender sponges or shit you’re supposed to do that with? I’ve never seen nor heard of ‘put your liquid foundation on your brush and smear its bristles all over your fleshy bits’ as a proper application technique.
1:36 So control-freak-AL dabs that shit where she wants it, which is one sploot on each cheek, one smack on the forehead, a glob on the nose and the rest on her chin(s) before handing the brush over to F/JFoNY:MGF,W so she can smush that shit all over her fatty face. Gah, looks like this is going to be a regular thing on her stupid videos. Time to drink more, as I am bored already. Actually, time to drink because AL says ‘it’s like a little massagie’ and I am beyond over her infantilizing every fucking thing that comes out of her mouth.
1:45 Clip doesn’t last long. We got to Twinkie in her bed and AL baby-talking at her. Twinkie is looking so fucking good these days compared to her meat-loaf days. This is one thing I’ll graciously thank F/JFoNY:MGF,W for - the dog no longer looks like a waddling sausage, which is a grand improvement. Of course, though, AL is giving her treats, which is the only way Twinkie interacts with her. Maybe the comments about F/JFoNY:MGF,W training Twinkie got to her, because she does the ‘paw’ trick… except unlike with F/JFoNY:MGF,W, where Twinkie literally just gave a paw and then moved on to the next trick, Twinkie uses her paw in AL’s meat mitten to get her other paw up onto AL’s wrist-fat and be able to reach the treat and pluck it from AL’s sausage fingers. So it wasn’t so much a ‘paw’ trick as it was a ‘Imma use your hand so I can reach that fucking treat you imbecile’ moment. Note the proper use of the word ‘moment.’ Also of note is that when F/JFoNY:MGF,W was interacting with Twinkie, there was tons of tail-wagging. No tail-wagging for AL. Though I’m sure that if/when they break up, AL will keep the dog (if she’s still alive). AL shows off that Twinkie is getting DreamBone (a rawhide alternative).
2:12 Still proving that she’s a lazy shit, she updates her stupid chalkboard and her press-board thing from Vlogmas Day 10 to Vlogmas day 12. She’s so fucking on top of this crap, you guise. Sho dedicated to her job situation type deal molment baebeeeeey, love that for her.
Yup, drinking.
2:20 Christmas gift time. It’s F/JFoNY:MGF,W’s turn. F/JFoNY:MGF,W opens with ‘My God! She is real hefty!’ It’s not a ‘she.’ It’s an inanimate object wrapped in more inanimate objects. It does not have chromosomes. It does not produce gametes. Therefore, it has no sex. You assburger. Anyway, F/JFoNY:MGF,W gets to work opening this shitty present to reveal ‘The Ultimate Sneaker Book’ (she guesses it’s “some sort of reading device” before even getting the wrapping paper torn, and AL cackles like a drunk hyena about the wording). F/JFoNY:MGF,W mimics AL’s deep, breathy gasping and mutters that she’s obsessed with this. They’re assimilating each others’ personality traits, folks. Meaning neither has a personality. They’re just a vapid conglomerate of retard. Retard squared, if you will. AL says ‘it weighs like 50 lbs’ except obviously not. F/JFoNY:MGF,W starts flipping through from approximately the center of the book, and after a few page flips lands on a page dedicated to the Nike Jordans, titled ‘The sneaker breaker guide to Jordan I through to XXIII.’ AL makes a retarded comment: ‘Ooooh, Jordan 23. Reminds me of that Miley Cyrus song.’ And there goes the first glass, ladies and gents.
Refilled and ready to resume.
3:22 We’re still on the stupid sneaker book. F/JFoNY:MGF,W promises she’s definitely going through it. AL talks about the reviews online, and it’s apparently a collector’s item for sneaker-fanatics. AL says she was nervous about it, but F/JFoNY:MGF,W assures her that she did ‘good’. AL goes on that it’s heavy, and it’s gold so it’ll look good for decor (because what else are books good for? Obviously not for the brain, because AL has none to utilize). F/JFoNY:MGF,W assures that she’ll find a place for it. I am sipping away because this is insipid beyond compare. It’s not quite at yesterday level of fuck-my-ears-with-a-chopstick, but it’s pretty close.
But AL let’s drop a fucking bomb - she says ‘like in the office, but not in here. Or in your closet. Meaning she sure as fuck doesn’t want to see that book out and about in her apartment.
CUNT.
4:15 Scratcher update. So she has decided to keep buying scratchers with the winnings off the scratchers.
@Boolean Bitch has already revealed the ‘winnings’ ($76, so a net loss of $13). ‘It’s a gift that keeps on gifting until it has no more to give.’
5:22 AL’s cuntiness is starting to ooze out as she goes off about how people are stating that she’s transferring addictions. Fools - she’s not transferring addictions. There’s nothing that can replace food in her puerile little life.
She continues on that she thinks that people are really reaching. Like I’m reaching for some almonds to go along with my whiskey. She continues to whine that she’s not addicted at all. She thinks it’s fun, and she’s going to continue having fun.
5:45 Fucking white placard - ‘Trigger Warning.’ She voice-overs that it’s a trigger warning for addiction. Because of course for content, she’s got to wax on about this shit until the end of fucking time.
6:00 She feels it’s important that she brings this up because she’s been reading comments (which she said she’s not reading) concerning F/JFoNY:MGF,W being an enabler feeding AL’s addiction(s). AL sallies forth to explain that she’s done drugs, drank alcohol, done multiple scratch-offs, ‘things that would cause someone to be addicted’, pain meds, cough syrups, and has never been addicted. She’s smoked 2 cigarettes and didn’t get addicted (probably because she coughed and nearly vomited during those few first trial puffs and didn’t bother going back to try anymore). Pain killers, alcohol, drug, gambling, she’s never been addicted to it, you shitmonger!
We know she’s only been addicted to food and to finding diagnoses that could justify her retarded behavior and laziness and refusal to actually better herself.
7:03 Oh, she actually admits to the food addiction. If only she’d admit that she doesn’t have BED and is simply an overeater. That’d be grand. She continues on that ‘this is false outrage because this is just a fun gift based on some fun TikTok’s that I’ve been watching recently’ and waaaaaah don’t hit her with addiction transference and shit. PLEASE STOP LEAVING COMMENTS LIKE THAT, ASSHOLES.
7:47 STILL hasn’t read the Gemini series. But she’s gonna read the prologue! So get off her fat ass, you people harping on her to read the shit!
The prologue is only a few pages, so she decides to read this shit on her vlog. Jooooooy. We watch her flip pages with her fat meat mitten. And of course, she doesn’t read it out loud or anything - we just get to see her fat face behind a book, silently staring at the page. We never see her flip it, either. I will actually now say something positive!
At least she didn’t have us sit there and watch her the entire time she struggled with her limited literacy to read the prologue of the stupid book.
There we go. Time for more booze sipping.
I am realizing just now that we’re barely more than 1/3 done with this video, and I’m already 1.5 tumblers of whiskey into this shit. Sailor-mode activated, y’all. Let’s hope I can type coherently until the end.
8:25 ‘That was underwhelming.’ So tell us about it! She says the story’s going to get good, but the prologue was boring, so it was challenging to get through. She says the prologue was about two twins (no, really? Not three twins? What about four?) and the Mom has a favorite and it’s kind of creepy, because her favorite dies and she makes her daughter (her favorite was the son) be more like the son. Whatever.
8:55 Lipodema update. It’s ‘the worst it’s been’ because she’s doing a lot of movement and walking and shit. Apparently she hates sitting in bed, which is cracking me up. She says 2019 was the era of her being a lump in the house and she doesn’t want to get back to that, and we giggle because it took her a year to admit that she was actually housebound during 2019. She whines that she should be resting, but fuck that noise, she wants to live her life! (Drinking now) Blames everything on her lipodema, of course, because nothing can be the fault of her and her inability to stop hovering 5,000 calories a day into her maw. ‘My feet are swollen. It sucks so bad.’ Waaah.
Oh, and she says the scale doesn’t correlate with how well or how bad she’s doing, it’s all based on her lipodema. Except you’re doing fucking horrible, as
@Boolean Bitch already said, because you’re well outside of the 110-135 range you should be in as a 5’2” human female. Dipshit.
10:17 Oh, she’s whining about how she’ll have to deal with this for the rest of her life. No worries, AL. It won’t be that long. ‘My lipodema’s so bad I’d have to get surgery after surgery (x4).’ Says there’s a lot of people who don’t know what lipodema is that watch her, so she’s going to read the definition straight off Google. Because her audience is too retarded to google that shit for themselves.
10:50 She’s reading about how it’s hereditary and how it doesn’t have to do with weight, and she seems to be somewhat flummoxed about that. I dunno, I’m drinkin’ (and breaking up a spat between two stupid cats), leave me alone.
11:10 Gah, this bitch is whining about how all the rest of her ailments are due to her weight, and ‘the one thing that’s keeping me from losing the weight’ EXCEPT IT’S NOT. You’ve NEVER done a proper diet to reduce your weight, you shithead! GAH. Sorry, sorry, will stop ranting. Just need to drink a little more. Drinking, resuming reeeeecap.
11:24 Bah, she’s still going on about what lipodema is. Which is her making excuses for herself.
11:47 Except now she goes into this first week on Weight Watchers (this is, what, first week number 17? I dunno, folks. I’m getting quite tipsy. My nose feels tingly and my fingers aren’t registering keystrokes as much as they should) being quite awesome, losing 9 lbs. But she gained it all back ‘with how swollen I am’. I dunno, AL, it might have something to do with all the SHIT you’ve been shoving in your face. Like shrimp scampi without the shrimp or tomatoes but with a garlic knot. And fries with cheese dip. Small callout that Rarity’s tail was in this entire bit, but she ignored her cat.
12:01 Oh, now she’s having takoyaki. A favorite of mine. F/JFoNY:MGF,W explains that it’s octopus balls. Because yes, they’re literally just a delicious dumpling with octopus in it. They are dumplings made with dashi powder, stuffed with octopus, red ginger and green onion, then covered with tempura scraps. OMG they are fucking good. I had them from street vendors when overseas during port calls, and I could fucking drown myself in them. Nomnomnom. These… don’t look overly authentic, but I’d still eat them.
AL is confused and thinks that octopus testicles are involved in this shit. She is an ignoramus of the highest degree. F/JFoNY:MGF,W has to clarify that its octopus that is formed into the shape of balls. Which isn’t technically correct, but whatever, I’ll give it to her for being almost on-point.
Gotta stop with the refills because the other person in this house will be disappointed to find this new bottle completely emptied thanks to AL recaps. Fuck my life. Let’s hope this lasts for the last 9 minutes of this shit.
12:30 AL holds a tokoyaki ball up for the camera, and says ‘I am genuinely…… ewwwwww.’ Uncultured swine. I will say it has more sauce than is necessary, but that’s to be expected on the continental 48.
AL IS DISPLEASED LOLZ
She instantly puts it down and says ‘Actually, baebeey, I don’t know if I can.’ What a fuckin’ wuss.
12:41 Well, she takes a bite. And makes a face and twitches and makes baggy faces. She says she almost puked. F/JFoNY:MGF,W says ‘If I would not have told you it was octopus, you would never have known’ and I actually grew with Jade in this. AL’s overreaction is due to her thinking it’s octopus balls. And she’s already made the connection in her little braincells that it’ll be gross because it’s octopus balls. AL says she wouldn’t like the flavor, and F/JFoNY:MGF,W snarks back ‘Okay, baebeeeey!’ In the most sarcastic voice I’ve heard from her yet lol
13:16: Ah gah, why does she open this like it’s a bedroom scene? I don’t need sleep paralysis demons. I’m already on my third (and destined to be my last) glass of whisky, you shithead. Let me make this last, please? Anyway, AL is going on about how she ended up falling asleep and how she falls asleep every night around 2000 or wakes up 2200 to 23000 and sometimes 2400. Because she’ll be awake forever, and then fall asleep around 0600 to 0700. Wait, I thought she was fixing her sleep schedule? WTF, AL?
14:08 Takes a moment to break from her bitching about her schedule to talking about how Rarity’s come to her for attention because she’s blathering at her camera and Rarity needs some damned human interaction and some shit. I took this opportunity to return the bottle to the liquor cabinet because I cannot finish this bottle on my own. The other person in this house wants to taste it, and AL cannot monopolize it, dammit.
14:14 Fuck, now she’s back on how she wants to do a vlog on the shit she doesn’t normally vlog. And that would include her making a stupid list that she apparently makes every single day. It’s probably nothing more grandiose than a simple chore list, knowing this vapid sack of blubber.
14:38 Now she contradicts herself instantly. She says she makes a list every. Single. Day. But today, she didn’t make a list. Make up your fucking mind, dingbat. Either you make a list every day or you don’t. Fucking hell.
14:50 She’s just blathering on about how you can’t wake up in a good headspace every day. I have no patience for this shit. Sippin’ on my whiskey and eating almonds is far more pleasant than listening to her whine. Because she’s whining about how this is a day she wouldn’t normally vlog, because she’s feeling off. She’s taking her meds because she’s a whiny bitch.
15:30 Oh, now she’s back to what she thinks she was trying to say. I don’t even know anymore because this damned whiskey is making me see doubles of just about everything now. She’s blathering on about how as long as she gets done what’s on her list and she’s productive daily it’s good. And she knows that we know that she doesn’t complete anything - except she says that doesn’t apply to her planners or her list making. It only applies to her big goals like 100 days of filming. Or Vlogmas.
16:18 She’s STILL going on about her fucked up sleep schedule. NO ONE CARES. She’s saying that even when she went to college/worked normal jobs and I’m laughing and going ‘what?!?’ Because that never actually happened.
16:52 Apparently stopping estrogen as fucked with her sleep schedule (and everything else) royal, as well. WHO WOULD’VE THUNK.
16:57 ‘And I don’t mean to come on here and complain’ except that’s exactly what you’re doing. She says she wants to be honest, because she’s acting not-joyful and not-energized and she’s fucking burning out already on Vlgomas lolz. She chocks it up to
Fuck, had to quickly dig in my ‘artwork’ folder for that shit. Didn’t expect her to force my hand for that glitter-text in this vlog lol
17:50 Saint AL proclaims that her IG DMs are open if y’all feel like shit and wanna whine about mentalz with her.
18:14 And now, she’s going to watch some other YouTuber’s Vlogmas shit because she’s behind. That also gives her the opportunity to eat some leftover Indian food she never showed us before.
18:26 Cat advent calendar. Today is a plastic-wrapped collar-looking thing. She questions if it’s supposed to go around a cat’s neck. She has to fiddle with it (apparently Rarity is looking) and AL goes ‘yeah, I think this is for their neck. But yes, it’s a collar. AL puts it on Rarity, with all the requisite baby-talk and ‘you likely??!!?’ Shit you’d expect from a mentally deficient baboon. AL comments that it’s super loose. Then proceeds to try and lectures us on how to ensure a collar has proper fit (2 fingers underneath it, but typically not sausage fingers). AL promises she’ll take it off if it starts to bother.
19:40 Wasabi has apparently entered, though he’s not on camera. AL asks ‘Can I put it on Wasaboo?’ And I want to throat punch her. Instead I shall drink my drink and lament that my facial features are becoming quite numb.
19:42 AL, just nose and above with poop-bun and headphones in place just proclaims “Well, that was a flop.” Apparently it didn’t fit Wasabi.
19:55 PlayDoh advent calendar. Some sort of ornament die cutter and blue shit. She did the shittiest tree ever with bulbs.
BEHOLD.
Nope, I wasn’t kidding folks.
20:20 ‘Hello Hello’. Spare me that shit, AL. Just do your comment picker bullshit. She whines about how she hopes we don’t mind that today’s just going to be a voice over, and I’m already so over shit shit that I give no fucks. Today’s video has 549 comments.
Comment by Michelle P: I LOVE the sparkly pink top and the shiny dress. Anything shiny is right up my alley. Your makeup looks good today too (Thanks for taking the headphones off - they were driving me mad! Lol)
I wonder how much her comment section is culled before her doing this shit. LOL
AL thanks her, then says ‘I don’t know why the headphones were making you mad’ because she doesn’t think about anyone else. She promises to try and take them off in the future, and then just ends on a sing-song byyyye instead of a kissy bullshit.
vlogmas day 12
