Careercow Scott Raymond Adams / @ScottAdamsSays / “Real Coffee With Scott Adams” - The Washed Up Cartoonist Behind “Dilbert”, Creator of “The Dilberito”, Professional Bullying Victim, Political Grifter, Terminally Online Narcissistic Boomer, Divorced Twice, Is (Not) Glad His Stepson Overdosed. This is Not a Racial Politics Debate Thread

The whole "accidentally right" thing is the biggest cope of the century.
"Maybe we should not inject the entire world with experimental vaccines that did not go through the necessary trials to reach qualification, especially over a disease with a mortality rate of 0.1%" is a pretty fucking logical argument.
These people are pissed at themselves because they realize they bought into emotion and herd mentality/obedience instead of listening to rational thought.
Because these fools have built their entire personality and ego off "facts over feelings," this event has completely mindfucked them.
Be amazed at the mental gymnastics that come from this cope.
 
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Just in case you ever wondered if Scott has terrible taste:
View attachment 4306320
"AI will learn humor overnight when the right person trains it. It just needs to know the rules."

Ah yes, someone just needs to punch in the ol humor formula:
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Oh, lmao, this was in the image search results, somebody already made this connection:
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Oh, lmao, this was in the image search results, somebody already made this connection:
View attachment 4307356
I'm just gonna copy and paste that linked article right here because holy moly

Writing Funny
Today I will teach you how to write funny. I will be referring to my earlier post about the world’s tallest man. Read that one first, two posts below, if you haven’t already.
Picking a Topic
-------------------
The topic does half of your work. I look for topics that have at least one of the essential elements of humor:
Clever
Cute
Bizarre
Cruel
Naughty
Recognizable
In order for something to be funny, it has to have at least two of the six elements of humor. A story about a 7-foot 9-inch Mongolian herdsman marrying a smallish woman is bizarre all by itself. In the humor context, bizarre simply means two things you wouldn’t normally find together.
Notice how many of the humor elements I worked into my post about the tall herdsman:
Clever: Retrieving an iPod in a clever way, and the salmon in a canoe analogy
Cruel: Shish Kabob accident with his wife
Bizarre: Conjoined twins with two heads and one vagina, huge man with smallish wife, and a Mongolian herdsman with an iPod.
Naughty: The entire post
The story of the world’s tallest man wasn’t “recognizable” in any meaningful way, so it lacked that element. For many people, that element is the only important one, and the other dimensions are just flavor. If you leave out the “recognizable” element, many people won’t relate to the situation. I took that chance because the other elements were so strong.
I also left out the “cute” element, but that one is never essential. It mixes best with the “cruel” and “bizarre” elements, e.g. a bunny with a bazooka.
Simple Sentences
---------------------
Keep your writing simple, as if you were sending a witty e-mail to a friend. Be smart, but not academic. Prune words that don’t make a difference.
Write About People
------------------------
It’s impossible to find humor in inanimate things. If you must write about an object or a concept, focus on how someone (usually you) thinks or feels or experiences those things. Humor is about people, period.
Write Visually
-----------------
Paint a funny picture with your words, but leave out any details that don’t serve the humor. Notice how many images I packed into my post about the tall guy. It’s hugely visual, and yet I never describe what he looks like, other than being tall.
Leave Room for Imagination
-----------------------------------
When I described how the tall guy could retrieve an iPod from a storm drain, I only mentioned the gum, his “python,” and a Victoria Secrets catalog. Every reader formed a slightly different mental picture of the specifics. Leaving out details allows readers to fill them in with whatever image strikes them as funniest. In effect, you let readers direct their own funny movie.
Funny Words
-----------------
Use “funny” words when you can. Here are some I used:
Mongolian
Herdsman
Vagina
Trouser
Shish Kabob
Storm drain
Johnson
Slap
Canoe
You can read that list of funny words totally out of context and it almost makes you laugh. Funny words are the ones that are familiar yet rarely used in conversation. It’s a bonus when those words have funny sounds to them, as do most of the ones in my list.
Pop Culture References
-----------------------------
References to popular culture often add humor. It’s funny that the world’s tallest man is retrieving a lost iPod, and not something generic such as a wallet. And it’s funny that his manhood is compared to Ryan Seacrest as opposed to something generic, such as an oak tree. Someone could write a thesis on why pop culture references are funny, but just accept it.
Animal analogies
---------------------
Animal references are funny. If you can’t think of anything funny, make some sort of animal/creature analogy. It’s easy, and it almost always works. I made these creature analogies in my post…
King salmon
Python
Exaggerate, then Exaggerate Some More
-------------------------------------------------
Figure out what’s the worst that could happen with your topic, then multiple it by ten or more. Don’t say a mole is as big as a grapefruit. Say that mole is opening its own Starbucks. (Notice the pop culture reference of Starbucks.) The bigger the exaggeration, the funnier it is.
Near Logic
-------------
Humor is about creating logic that a-a-a-lmost makes sense but doesn’t. No one in the real world could put gum on his penis and retrieve an iPod from a storm drain. But your brain allows you to imagine that working, while simultaneously knowing it can’t. That incongruity launches the laugh reflex.
Callback
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A callback is when you end with a funny reference that already got a laugh. In my post, I knew the Ganbaatar gag would get a laugh, so I used it again in a different sense for the closing line. It puts a nice period on your humor writing.
Genetic Abnormality
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Humor is like any other human capacity; some people are born with more of it than others. No amount of advice will help if you don’t have the humor gene.
Here’s a link to a newish comic called F Minus, by Tony Carrillo. He has the humor gene. I’m picking him to be the next big comic. (Read a few weeks of his archive before forming an opinion.)
http://www.comics.com/comics/fminus/index.html
July 13, 2007 in General Nonsense | Permalink
https://archive.is/SzZL6 (someone archived it 3 years ago, lol)

I feel like, if someone were setting out to do comedy writing and took that whole article to heart, they'd end up writing some of the most cringeworthy shit you'd ever see. It'd turn out somewhere between The Big Bang Theory and lolsorandomMONKEYCHEESE humor.
 
Are Scott comics supposed to be funny to begin with? I'm not going to say the guy is unfunny because I don't even think he tries to be. Like, his comics are so dull and barebones that it doesn't even register like comedy to my brain at all. It's bizarre to see a man like that trying to discuss humor.
 
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Alright, time for the big guns

Since no one else mentioned Scott's peak lolcow moment, I will. A couple years ago in the below video, Scott claims that throughout his life he has been guided by "memories of the future"
His list of spooky premonitions includes:
-Wanting to be a famous cartoonist as a kid, and then becoming one as an adult
-Having a dreamhouse in his mind and eventually buying an approximate house
-Waking up in college after a dream of moving to Chicago, and then years later he followed the prompt by selling his car for a one way ticket

He prefaced this with a warning that if you think you have a good grasps of cause and effect in the world, this isn't for you, because you'll be shaking in your socks when you hear someone pursued a career he wanted to pursue and moved places he wanted to move.

And most absurd of all, he has been haunted by visions that in his early 60's there would be a national emergency, and a great multitude would gather and look to him, and he would help us through it! All his life he feared the day he would be called upon to fulfill his destiny (as if he's Muad'dib snorting the Mélange to ponder his terrible purpose), and now he knows Covid-19 was that emergency and his time is now!

One commenter compared him to Joseph and the coat of many colors, another correctly said it's concerning that Scott's declared himself the Coronavirus Messiah.

Of course during the pandemic, he answered his calling by telling everyone to wear masks, stay in lockdown, and get the vax. But now he's so embarrassed by that he says he never said it and in fact always said the opposite. I guess he's now an apostate from what the Creators of the Simulation called him to do. His Cyber afterlife wont be so happy now.

Once you understand this is his worldview, his inability to "take the L dummy" becomes so much clearer. As far as he's concerned, he was the promised Corona Messiah. This was his grand destiny his whole life was building up to. He simply must have been right just as much as Jesus Christ must've been the son of God, even more so! His Simulation Gods couldn't have been wrong, could they?
 
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Alright, time for the big guns

Since no one else mentioned Scott's peak lolcow moment, I will. A couple years ago in the below video, Scott claims that throughout his life he has been guided by "memories of the future"
His list of spooky premonitions includes:
-Wanting to be a famous cartoonist as a kid, and then becoming one as an adult
-Having a dreamhouse in his mind and eventually buying an approximate house
-Waking up in college after a dream of moving to Chicago, and then years later he followed the prompt by selling his car for a one way ticket

He prefaced this with a warning that if you think you have a good grasps of cause and effect in the world, this isn't for you, because you'll be shaking in your socks when you hear someone pursued a career he wanted to pursue and moved places he wanted to move.

And most absurd of all, he has been haunted by visions that in his early 60's there would be a national emergency, and a great multitude would gather and look to him, and he would help us through it! All his life he feared the day he would be called upon to fulfill his destiny (as if he's Muad'dib snorting the Mélange to ponder his terrible purpose), and now he knows Covid-19 was that emergency and his time is now!

One commenter compared him to Joseph and the coat of many colors, another correctly said it's concerning that Scott's declared himself the Coronavirus Messiah.

Of course during the pandemic, he answered his calling by telling everyone to wear masks, stay in lockdown, and get the vax. But now he's so embarrassed by that he says he never said it and in fact always said the opposite. I guess he's now an apostate from what the Creators of the Simulation called him to do. His Cyber afterlife wont be so happy now.

Once you understand this is his worldview, his inability to "take the L dummy" becomes so much clearer. As far as he's concerned, he was the promised Corona Messiah. This was his grand destiny his whole life was building up to. He simply must have been right just as much as Jesus Christ must've been the son of God, even more so! His Simulation Gods couldn't have been wrong, could they?
That makes so much sense. He became such a freak over the COVID stuff. I assumed there was an explanation.

Thanks for the post.
 
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Once you realize Artificial Intelligence is Scott's whole concept of God and afterlife, his worship of it makes so much more sense.

His contempt for the human form is shown in the Dilbert comics involving the Robot character, where the joke is usually that pathetic human life is shit compared to the immortality of AI
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:story: that's a Scott Adams version of the WH40K Mechanicus monologue:
 
Quote bug:

I feel like, if someone were setting out to do comedy writing and took that whole article to heart, they'd end up writing some of the most cringeworthy shit you'd ever see. It'd turn out somewhere between The Big Bang Theory and lolsorandomMONKEYCHEESE humor.

What's sad is he nailed it. He's dead on, except he's describing the stale corporate sort of 'humor' dominant in advertising that everybody hates. Every shitty F2P mobile game follows this playbook exactly. It's kind of fascinating how many words he spends there trying to get to the concept of 'set up an audience expectation and then subvert it' in a completely mechanical way that reduces it to a shitty corporate formula and completely ignores the importance of staging/timing/delivery.
 
He finally did it. He finally took the L.


TL;DW: You were right and not only that, you were right for the right reasons. Your heuristics of not trusting the corporations or the government were solid and that led you to the right decision, whereas my analytics did not work and landed me in a bad place.

He still thinks he's a genius and Ben is still an idiot, but it's a start.
 
He finally did it. He finally took the L.

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TL;DW: You were right and not only that, you were right for the right reasons. Your heuristics of not trusting the corporations or the government were solid and that led you to the right decision, whereas my analytics did not work and landed me in a bad place.

He still thinks he's a genius and Ben is still an idiot, but it's a start.

Thanks for the clip. But he doesn't really admit he was wrong. His frame is this condescending-ass "your strategy killed people, but the dead can't argue with you, so I guess you can claim victory."

It's just another bullshit hedge.

Watched the full stream. He doesn't admit he was wrong.

His new, condescending position is "You're right, for the wrong reasons. You didn't analyze things correctly, or act intelligently. You just guessed."

At 58:50 he gives the audience sarcastic permission to "dance on the graves" of the people who didn't survive Covid. And his hedge--at the beginning--is that he allows himself the ability to reverse his position, if "new information" arises. Specifically, Long Covid.

Implies at the 1-hour mark, with a smirk, that the antivaxxers still killed lots of people.

Nothing changed today. Video was just dripping with attitude.
 
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At 58:50 he gives the audience sarcastic permission to
He gives permission for a lot of things. Someone should tell him that's one of the best ways to counteract any persuasiveness he's ever had, because people don't like to be told they have permission to do something from someone with no authority over them

Implies at the 1-hour mark, with a smirk, that the antivaxxers still killed lots of people.
1674347370978.png
 
He finally did it. He finally took the L.

View attachment 4309561
TL;DW: You were right and not only that, you were right for the right reasons. Your heuristics of not trusting the corporations or the government were solid and that led you to the right decision, whereas my analytics did not work and landed me in a bad place.

He still thinks he's a genius and Ben is still an idiot, but it's a start.
He must be suffering side effects...or maybe it was the Twitter Files. Bah Scot now I feel bad for you. Im glad he finally admitted he was wrong but this came out of left field. I honestly did not expect him to do this, God Bless him for finally waking up. It's bittersweet tbh. *sigh* Edit: wait he did not admit this?
 
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Honestly, was he that wrong about the vaccine? Yeah, he's been wrong about a lot of things, but this is far from the worst.
The vaxx is poison. I know a woman who had a heartattack/neurological damage after taking one of these shots. She has not been able to work since, her husband's cousin also suffered his first seizure ever after taking the vaxx. Denmark has banned healthy people under people under 50 from taking the shots.

The tide is turning on big pharma/who, covid has been a giant distraction to bait scared people into killing themselves. Do you believe in God? Jesus Christ died for your sins accept him and save your soul. We are living in the end times, I believe the vaxx is the mark of the beast. The evidence is out there if you are willing to look. I pray to God you did not take these deathshots.
 
The vaxx is poison. I know a woman who had a heartattack/neurological damage after taking one of these shots. She has not been able to work since, her husband's cousin also suffered his first seizure ever after taking the vaxx. Denmark has banned healthy people under people under 50 from taking the shots.

The tide is turning on big pharma/who, covid has been a giant distraction to bait scared people into killing themselves. Do you believe in God? Jesus Christ died for your sins accept him and save your soul. We are living in the end times, I believe the vaxx is the mark of the beast. The evidence is out there if you are willing to look. I pray to God you did not take these deathshots.
Yeah, this thread doesn't need this bullshit. Be grateful your threadban is only for a week.
 
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