Shane Edward Nokes / @NorrathReaver / Daddy Cum Cannon - Internet Tough Guy and “Retired Cybersecurity Expert” who worked with the US Secret Service and FBI – In reality, a perpetually unemployed leech on disability benefits who threatens people on the internet all day. Raped with a butterknife.

[Anonymus Fluhre]

I'm not sure if I'm late, but here are his Google Map reviews, including one for the now infamous Olympia Union Gospel Mission Dentist. And the most embarrassing part? He bought a CyberpowerPC.

Spoiler: Reviews

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(A)

Thing is though is that that isn't a CyberpowerPC. They don't do cases like that nor is that a 3070. Pretty scummy to lie in your reviews. Also you spend more buying prebuild systems.

(@Mr Moonface incase you wanted to add his origin story into OP mebbe?)

That's the wrong Shane as has been pointed out.

 

[FamicomGorby]

Yeah, he's full of shit. Between July 2008 and May 2016 when he "retired", he worked for MS, either directly or through contractors, for a grand total of 4 years and 4 months in low level positions. That's the sum total of his MS "career".

He was definitely fired. He admits it here: -

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Shane Nokes on Twitter: "@jennylayfluffy @Microsoft Indeed...and fire…

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And: -

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Shane Nokes on Twitter: "@Microsoft I remember believing in MS... ...…

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Lol

"Microsoft canned my dumb ass but they sucked anyway!" and "Microsoft will send an army of lawyers after anyone I want because I have a crappy alumni card" somehow coexist in this guy's head.

The amount of doublethink and cognitive dissonance this Shane exhibits somehow surpasses DSP thinking he's muscular, because he was a "bodybuilder" in high school despite zero evidence he has ever had any muscles and he's been almost completely sedentary for twenty years.

He's a they/them, polyam and very obviously autistic (and fat), how long until he troons out?

Not long now. At least he'd have a slightly better chance of passing as a fat woman, assuming he actually shaves. Once someone reaches a certain weight sexual dimorphism becomes less of a thing and they just become a blob where the only obvious sign of gender is hair.

 

[BohrokSwarms]

Has anyone else pointed out this guy is basically the techie version of that guy who claimed tesponsibility for the roblox oof and the guiness record for six gorillion videos? Because that’s basically what he’s doing.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

I think it's basically a lack of/too much parental attention growing up and an insecurity complex. It literally all begins with good or shitty parenting. He's soured into a bitter and gross person and this current trend of victim= automatic good person has fed these freaks into the abominations like Shane.

He's very self-pitying too, I've noticed. Likely Munchausen because if you're ill and weak people won't demand things from you. Speaks volumes that his job basically revolved around playing Vidya. Maybe his mom coddled him and he learnt to make up illnesses to stay off school and play games.

Shane you can play games till you die of heart failure in this day and age, you don't have to be an embarrassment on the internet as well. You learnt a harsh but valuable lesson fucking with the Pests and KF. Don't forget it please.

I think it's bad parenting. His sister took his dads name which is normally reserved for the son and he's more in her life than his since she has two sons. Shane wasn't wanted. She and Jesse have/ had careers and travel around while all Shane can do is be a limp dick faggot on the internet.

 

[Robotic Richard Simmons]

Shane Edward Nokes is fat and I would not have sex with him.

 

[Poonocchio]

That's the wrong Shane as has been pointed out.

How? Norrathreaver is his Twitter handle..

ETA: oh you mean the brony shit? Sorry, should've edited that out - it was in response to someone asking about the original Pat WK tweet. I just meant for OP to include that tweet, my bad. Pls forgive.

 

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

I feel like a lot of these are exaggerated half truths. Like his boss was given a subpoena for phone records of a support conversation he had with someone, so he twisted the story into this weird cia larp. Same with the ‘retirement’, which is likely just semantics for being shit canned. The entire point of being retired is having enough income to pay your bills until you die. Microsoft likely told him “we are retiring your position” before he was laid off and he is too retarded to understand the difference. But I do believe he is telling the truth about being savagely and violently anally raped with a buttery hot butter knife.

I think you're right; these types of people don't just generate bullshit whole-cloth, because the primary purpose is to deceive themselves. You can see this through their consistency over time; an actual complete bullshitter just makes up new stories at any given instance.

I still think the butterknife thing is much MUCH more likely to be something like a nanny slapped him with one; but the "caught with it up his ass and blamed the nanny" option is also to be considered.

 

[Meriasek]

Yeah, he's full of shit. Between July 2008 and May 2016 when he "retired", he worked for MS, either directly or through contractors, for a grand total of 4 years and 4 months in low level positions. That's the sum total of his MS "career".

He was definitely fired. He admits it here: -

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Shane Nokes on Twitter: "@jennylayfluffy @Microsoft Indeed...and fire…

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And: -

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Shane Nokes on Twitter: "@Microsoft I remember believing in MS... ...…

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Huh. You'd think a highly decorated tech operator like Daddy Cum Cannon with his over 300 confirmed password resets including black ops for the Secret Service wouldn't be fired so easily and unceremoniously, right?

 

[Ethics Gradient]

Hey Shame, well done on getting your thread out of Prospering Grounds. Now, it’s publicly viewable, and everyone can read it - as well as being archived in Google SEO. Looking forward to seeing what antics of yours are discovered next.

EDIT: ACTUALLY, YOU’RE FUCKING FEATURED NOW, LMFAO
​

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again -

Conglaturations, Shame Porks


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Ralph - take note, this is how you Gunt properly.

Any grammar aficionados got a collective noun for a couple of gunts?

 

[Poonocchio]

Ralph - take note, this is how you Gunt properly.

Any grammar aficionados got a collective noun for a couple of gunts?

A heft of gunts.
A bloat of gunts.
A blubber of gunts.
A bulk of gunts.

 

[Banh Xeo]

Thanks OP this was such a delicious treat!

 

[KANT]

This was a pretty funny read. These Internet tough guys that always threaten specific shit like hacking and pretend to go through with it while lying through their teeth are always especially funny. Also bonus points for the pointless former credentials at a company that he flashes like an FBI badge.

 

[RussianParasite]

I feel sorry for the literally eight. Fucking EIGHT people named Shane Nokes who aren't this specific retard.

It’s a nightmare of mine that a Lolcow arises with the same name as me. If it was in the case of this guy, I’d have to change it as I refuse to be associated with someone so fat.

Shane knows this but refuses to acknowledge that he's a loser.

This is such a common trait in people that have threads in this site. It still astounds me that people can be faced with such clear realities and deny them so ardently. Shane and Patrick are both fat as fuck but they refuse to acknowledge it.

Most people find out right around 20 that they’re not particularly interesting or exciting.

This was the best realization of my entire life. There is a lot of power and freedom in being an anonymous nobody. Same for not being grossly fat like Patrick and Shane.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

How? Norrathreaver is his Twitter handle..

ETA: oh you mean the brony shit? Sorry, should've edited that out - it was in response to someone asking about the original Pat WK tweet. I just meant for OP to include that tweet, my bad. Pls forgive.

Yeah, bronie Shane is a different Shane but probably more of a degenerate.

 

[Black Cat2]

Yeah, he's full of shit. Between July 2008 and May 2016 when he "retired", he worked for MS, either directly or through contractors, for a grand total of 4 years and 4 months in low level positions. That's the sum total of his MS "career".

He was definitely fired. He admits it here: -

View attachment 4895932

Shane Nokes on Twitter: "@jennylayfluffy @Microsoft Indeed...and fire…

archived 27 Mar 2023 13:17:46 UTC

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And: -

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Shane Nokes on Twitter: "@Microsoft I remember believing in MS... ...…

archived 27 Mar 2023 13:21:56 UTC

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Why is he acting like he still has a choice in whether he ever gets to work for Microsoft in the future? Dude was literally fired. You don't get to choose to work at your old place if you literally got fired.

 

[Faceless Whore]

This nigger's gonna replace @Spectre_06.

 

[YE24]

Ralph - take note, this is how you Gunt properly.

Any grammar aficionados got a collective noun for a couple of gunts?

A lard of gunts.

 

[A Sunset]

Why is he acting like he still has a choice in whether he ever gets to work for Microsoft in the future? Dude was literally fired. You don't get to choose to work at your old place if you literally got fired.

Because Shame Porks is a lying liar. He lies, and lies, and then lies again about lying. He lies until he can’t lie anymore, because everyone know’s he lying, and then he keeps lying anyway - because at the very core of his being, he’s a lying liar who lies.

He’s also rather fat.

 

[Zbk3VmLfujjzjxBd43tL]

This nigger's gonna replace @Spectre_06.

Shane never served in the military because even though recruiters were begging him to, he knew the best way he could personally serve his country was by being on the frontlines of Xbox Live and defeating terrorism there for the CIA, FBI, and NSA in between fighting wildfires.

No seriously, that's what someone dug up like 20 pages ago and it answers the question why Shame Porks isn't talking about the 300 confirmed raids on Al Qaeda he did for General Mattis. I'm honestly surprised Daddy Cum Cannon isn't claiming to have been Colonel (ret.) Cum Cannon since these fags absolutely love stolen valor.

 

[Butter]

Did somebody say butter knife?!

Great OP. Very fucking funny.