How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

I don't know if I'm comfortable being at that stage just yet but I am sure it's coming in the next 10yrs. I've been married twice and engaged a third time so I do know I probably don't want to get married ever again. I've met some cool cute non-drone girls especially in my old college town but it took a little while and my last serious relationship ending horribly, suddenly and completely out either of our control before I was able to view women as "just for fun", like before I was able to emotionally distance myself a bit from them like some of the older guys I'd see growing up. I had always been a little bit of a sap and wondered how they could date around with more than one woman at the same time or do all this seemingly disloyal stuff, but I learned that once you actually lose someone you love that it just kinda numbs you to certain things. Not to say I'd ever treat one poorly, but I think you know what i mean

I couldn't more know what you mean. I went down the same path.

 

[anustart76]

Why do you care what other people think? What's wrong with doing whatever you want and not giving a shit what other people think? That's the problem today, everyone cares what everyone thinks so people adopt this ludicrous unhealthy woke "gotta be nice to everyone all the time, can't be looked down upon" mindset where they are guided by approval. Look at all the super-wokie jobs, they're actors and stuff, jobs people go in to because they want public approval!

The true test of character is how you stand up to being ostracized anyway. Whether you're an ancient Christian standing among the Romans or a dirty hippie fighting enlisted servicemen, whether you change your beliefs or not to be liked or fit in is what makes you more of a man than anything else. Just turn on the TV and look at these trainwreck drug-addicted celebrities that "normal" people look up to. Do you want to be like them? Or do you just want to be liked by them? Why do you want to be liked by them? What value do they have to offer you? Or are you hoping you'll have camaraderie you never had before? Are you sure you really want it with them, though? Maybe what you want is something that doesn't exist and never existed.

It's not that I particularly care about the opinions of anyone but my family aside from when they directly affect me; it's that I've missed out on the "normal" experiences that most people have, and I regret that, despite knowing there was really nothing I could have done to change that. I will never know what it's like to be the high school quarterback banging the head cheerleader, never know what it's like to be the drunk frat guy pulling hot sorority girls left and right. I'll never know what it's like to have a group of close friends I see every day that I geniunely know have my back. Hell, I don't even know what it's like to go on a date.

In many situations, CBT can help with some types of social unease.

I don't do drugs. In retrospect, that's probably part of it; everybody my age I meet is an alcoholic, pothead, or worse. Not partaking in that is likely not helping me fit in, even though I know I'm making the right decision.

You* might have to limit the thinking that everyone else is a moron, though. Both because misanthropy doesn't tend to engender healthy social relations (if that's what you want), and because what other people are or do doesn't really have anything to do with who you are yourself.

People hate my long-ass posts on random topics, among other things, but honestly I don't talk to people much outside of the farms because people simply don't seem to add anything to my life anymore. My own friends barely hear a peep out of me. I've seen and heard it all before. The only constants are is that people aren't for forever. The Farms is the only place online I go to where people put some sort of thought into their posts and it gives me a chance to reflect myself. Otherwise I get surrounded by uneducated people that think their folksy intuition is all they need-people argue with me about Special Relativity as if their intuitions have any weight on the matter whatsoever-or woke people. I bring up established scientific fact and people look and talk to me like I'm a gullible idiot. I really do not like people.

Unfortunately, I'm with Harbinger. It's not easy to stop thinking others are morons when they remind you of that fact constantly. The only people I generally have respect for are my family, and that's mainly because they've actually contributed positively to me in ways that others simply don't. Most people just want small talk, which I'm horrible at, and despise. I've had more meaningful and interesting conversations on this forum than I've had in real life in a long time.

As for women, I've stopped dating. I just don't want to deal with someone who is going to talk to me about pop culture nonstop.

Maybe this is the crux of the problem. I'm one of those people who always has to be accomplishing something, but I've accomplished all the other "major life goals" that are expected of me. This is the last thing left, getting married and having kids. My family have been hounding me to get it done but I haven't the foggiest idea where to even begin. After doing everything else (school, college, well-paying job, etc) I have one last milestone and to me it's insurmountable.
I can't meet women and I can't relate to women. On the rare occasion I do meet a girl, she's invariably one of those generic Netflix-watching wine-obsessed hiking enthusiast types, who's obviously not going to take kindly to me sperging out over how the latest Marvel movie is a total insult to the comics and blah blah blah. Even if I wanted to ask the girl out, I'm afraid I'll get "metoo'd" as they say.

I think I'm more interested in having kids than in being married. Other than the idea of sex and having someone do the housework, I don't see much benefit in getting married to a girl who is probably going to refuse to do most of it anyway, plus the likelihood of divorce, etc. Aside from that I really don't have any friends out here. I'm alone, I'm used to being alone, and the scary part is, I think I'm realizing that I like being alone.

 

[Local Fed]

I've missed out on the "normal" experiences that most people have, and I regret that, despite knowing there was really nothing I could have done to change that. I will never know what it's like to be the high school quarterback banging the head cheerleader, never know what it's like to be the drunk frat guy pulling hot sorority girls left and right.

I assume you just chose the former mostly because it's such a widely known trope, but dude, most people never experience those either lmao. How many guys do you think were the high school quarterback? There's a reason that's a trope: because it's pretty excusive. And frats typically aren't like something you'd see out of the American Pie franchise either for most guys.

Some things are maybe worth having some hang ups about, those two things aren't in that category unless maybe you have some super unique scenario (you don't) where you were like one of the best thirteen year old QBs in the country before you shredded your right rotator cuff in what the town still refers to today as "The Incident."

 

[AnOminous]

I assume you just chose the former mostly because it's such a widely known trope, but dude, most people never experience those either lmao. How many guys do you think were the high school quarterback? There's a reason that's a trope: because it's pretty excusive. And frats typically aren't like something you'd see out of the American Pie franchise either for most guys.

It's a lolcow characteristic just to resent that kind of guy into adulthood. That high school quarterback was just a dude like anyone else, maybe got laid a little bit earlier than anyone else, but it isn't like he just got everything for free. He probably put a lot of effort into ending up like that.

And if you check back on that high school quarterback dude, he might have turned into an utter failure, he might have turned into an insurance salesman, he might own a restaurant now, or he might have ended up a politician in the state legislature.

The prom queen ends up fat, the quarterback who married her ends up selling you insurance policies, quit resenting these people, they were just like you. Not directed at you Fed.

 

[Bloitzhole]

Most people just want small talk, which I'm horrible at, and despise. I've had more meaningful and interesting conversations on this forum than I've had in real life in a long time

According to your own statements, you never had much of a steady, reliable social circle, don't hang out with people much, have no dating experience and are largely focused on personal/career accomplishment.
How would you have any inkling on what "most people" want or are like beyond the incredible superficial first impressions you've made and what people are like on the Internet? The latter is arguably the worst way to get an impression of people, as the vast majority never shares anything and only the powerusers post anything on any platform to begin with.


People smalltalk because getting into heavier, personal or intellectual shit requires one to have established some sort of common ground. It's not something anyone desires, it's the social equivalent of scouting icey terrain with a stick before you haul cargo across it that might break through the surface. No one has any idea what anyone else is really like initially, so why would people care to engage you on a non-superficial level when they have no reason to like or trust you or assume you present a potentially meaningful or valuable asset to their lives?

 

[Local Fed]

It's a lolcow characteristic just to resent that kind of guy into adulthood. That high school quarterback was just a dude like anyone else, maybe got laid a little bit earlier than anyone else, but it isn't like he just got everything for free. He probably put a lot of effort into ending up like that.

And if you check back on that high school quarterback dude, he might have turned into an utter failure, he might have turned into an insurance salesman, he might own a restaurant now, or he might have ended up a politician in the state legislature.

The prom queen ends up fat, the quarterback who married her ends up selling you insurance policies, quit resenting these people, they were just like you. Not directed at you Fed.

To be fair I can kind of understand the rationale, even if a bit silly, that some people have when it comes to yearning to have had those experiences; even if it's not the specific high school QB thing, but just to be a popular kid or growing up as one of the hot kids in your school or whatever. It's true that many lead completely unremarkable adult lives, but there's something to be said too about how those formative years can really (for better or worse) give people that inner self assurance or not.

In my experience some of the "Stacy" types don't get that no one is fawning over them like what happened when they were 16 and were like little celebrities in their own world. It's always funny to see. I think many "Karen" types used to be these girls. Meanwhile it's neat meeting women who as adults are both cool as shit and attractive because it took them longer to grow into their looks and they didn't get poisoned during their youth by having everyone blow smoke up their ass. Then I know some guys from my sports days who acted like they were king shit who are as mediocre as can be as adults but don't quite get that other people don't give a damn about how they were good athletes once upon a time and that no hot 20 year old at the bar is going to ever give them the time of day other than to score a free drink before heading back to the guy who they used to be.

I think everyone has those sort of fleeting "What if?" thoughts just like the thoughts of wanting to be a kid again. It's normal, but they certainly shouldn't be something that keeps you up late at night either (we should leave that to the apnea and the existential dread of a banal existence that may or may not end in a final judgement by the tranny janny in the sky.)

 

[Cats]

He probably put a lot of effort into ending up like that.

THIS is why I have zero sympathy for people who hate on athletes or people who choose to take good care of their bodies and enjoy looking good (or have some irrational fear about being fat and ugly so they obsess about staying fit...)

It takes a lot of fucking work to get a good body. Getting a nice looking shape that stands out that little extra amongst your peers takes more than just basic exercise. It takes a lot of work just to STAY in shape, fuck. Most people who whine and cry about "I never got laid" were simply too lazy to get healthy, work toward getting a good body. The better you look the less you need to work your ass off and use your personality to win affection. Not everyone is lucky enough to have the face of an angel but I guarantee if the people that whine about the "Chads" could turn back time and go back to highschool/college, put in the work to get at least just a little bit athletic, and made sure their appearance said "I care about myself" they'd suddenly have more opportunities where people were interested in them than they ever thought they would. 10 times out of 10 the type of guys who hate athletic guys are lazy and bitter and they beat themselves up about being lazy and bitter and that makes it even worse it's like some sort of cycle. and they don't seem to know we can read that shit all over them. Women definitely can

However, being pretty and in good shape and winning the girl and the day is never a guarantee that your life will turn out to be anything less than a total fucking nightmare. Having children young, getting married young, having to grow up too fast is one downside of such a life. Especially if the woman turns out to be a malicious psychopath. Incels rejoice in never having these problems because they can indeed be Gargantuan ones. Also...you're never guaranteed to find love even if you have a hundred girlfriends. I struggle to even remember all the women I've known but I think I've only REALLY been loved once or twice. Did I love more than twice? You bet. Sometimes you're just used.

 

[WolfeTone]

I mean, I just got lucky. I started my school years tremendously lonely, being bullied and getting in trouble constantly, and ended them as one of the cool kids with a gorgeous girl and one of the highest position in youth cello-playing on the east coast of Florida. It took playing cello for 3 hours every day most days, week after week, months after month, year after year, to get to that point. I've met most of the girls I've known dearly through cello and I wouldn't probably be much of anything if it wasn't for all the work I put into getting good at it, til it was second nature and I was effectively "cool" because I was doing difficult things in a flow state where I effortlessly produced beautiful music. It's been a fall from grace over the last 8-10 years but at any point I could pick it back up and keep going; I have my own cello and it's very nice.

Find a hobby, work diligently on it, work smart, not hard, don't burn yourself out, and eventually you'll have developed something that will have people gravitate towards you and you towards other circles, as you break into new groups to better yourself and your skills. Making friends, finding lovers, that's something that seems to naturally happen when you put yourself out there, but you need to leverage yourself on natural ability, instead of just awkwardly loitering around. Anyone can do it, I'm ugly as sin and I've gotten girls WAAAAY out of my league on my arm, there's no excuse for anyone to not try, cause even if you don't make friends or meet people, you'll still have something you're good at to fall back on instead of being depressed. Infact it was the very fact that I was so lonely for so long that allowed me the time to get good at cello, where-as other people would be hanging out with friends and family, I was practicing.

You can do it, I believe in you.

 

[anustart76]

I assume you just chose the former mostly because it's such a widely known trope, but dude, most people never experience those either lmao. How many guys do you think were the high school quarterback? There's a reason that's a trope: because it's pretty excusive. And frats typically aren't like something you'd see out of the American Pie franchise either for most guys.

Some things are maybe worth having some hang ups about, those two things aren't in that category unless maybe you have some super unique scenario (you don't) where you were like one of the best thirteen year old QBs in the country before you shredded your right rotator cuff in what the town still refers to today as "The Incident."

That's exactly why I chose it, for the trope. I'm exaggerating to make the point, I don't mean that literal experience. It's just the most obvious example of that type of experience I missed out on by being that kid who always did exactly what my parents wanted. I don't resent them for it; they meant well and did their best, and I did do well in the way they intended at the time. The thing is, the moment I finished college, the expectations changed, from my entire extended family. No longer was it, "no girls, only school," it was "when are you going to get married?"

to resent that kind of guy into adulthood

I don't actually have anything against them. Most of them were reasonably nice to me. I just think it would have been better for me to have spent more time like them instead of just doing what my family instructed.

According to your own statements, you never had much of a steady, reliable social circle, don't hang out with people much, have no dating experience and are largely focused on personal/career accomplishment.
How would you have any inkling on what "most people" want or are like beyond the incredible superficial first impressions you've made and what people are like on the Internet? The latter is arguably the worst way to get an impression of people, as the vast majority never shares anything and only the powerusers post anything on any platform to begin with.


People smalltalk because getting into heavier, personal or intellectual shit requires one to have established some sort of common ground. It's not something anyone desires, it's the social equivalent of scouting icey terrain with a stick before you haul cargo across it that might break through the surface. No one has any idea what anyone else is really like initially, so why would people care to engage you on a non-superficial level when they have no reason to like or trust you or assume you present a potentially meaningful or valuable asset to their lives?

Maybe you're misunderstanding what I mean by small talk, I literally mean superficial nonsense. I'm not looking for deep groundbreaking personal conversations here, just something beyond the latest Marvel movie. I've known people at my job for years, spent time with them in-person after work, and still not gotten past the bland and the generic. I literally could not get any of these people to talk about any kind of interest they had.

Find a hobby, work diligently on it, work smart, not hard, don't burn yourself out, and eventually you'll have developed something that will have people gravitate towards you and you towards other circles, as you break into new groups to better yourself and your skills. Making friends, finding lovers, that's something that seems to naturally happen when you put yourself out there, but you need to leverage yourself on natural ability, instead of just awkwardly loitering around. Anyone can do it, I'm ugly as sin and I've gotten girls WAAAAY out of my league on my arm, there's no excuse for anyone to not try, cause even if you don't make friends or meet people, you'll still have something you're good at to fall back on instead of being depressed. Infact it was the very fact that I was so lonely for so long that allowed me the time to get good at cello, where-as other people would be hanging out with friends and family, I was practicing.

That's not bad advice, I need a hobby I can do with other people. All my hobbies are naturally things that are best done alone, but then I'm the kind of person that works better alone.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

I went home for the Summer. I was a lot happier, until a few days ago. My brother died some time back, I didn't know him (he was estranged and much older than me, wasn't around when I was being raised), but we went to hold the informal memorial service and visit family. That was fine. But when I came back it was like it had symbolically flipped from early summer to late summer, impending return to school. I have a mountain of resentments towards it. I'm thinking about maybe walking away from it and going back to my undergrad, city that I liked way more, and studying programming. The big difference isn't the time it would take, but the money I'd have to pay, instead of getting paid money. I also made an ultimatum to the boss but don't plan to follow through, unless I do, so I'm not even sure that he wouldn't just quietly let me go. I'd think a decent person would have told me to fuck off long ago.

I was generally pretty happy in college. I had a melancholic temperament by nature, but I know the difference between business as usual and something being wrong. I also know in a logical sense that the things that bother me shouldn't bother me as much as they do. But it was like something broke in my mind a few years ago and I couldn't stop feeling angry or, as it goes now, sad (when not angry). Constant rolling anger/anxiety attack, and exploding out in rage at strangers, something like six times in one semester, that I never did before. Imagine wanting to fight the world but feeling like you'll collapse doing it.

I'd do things like kayak, I kept hobbies like my instruments, lots of things, but none of it felt or feels like it helps a bit. The only things that seemed to matter were playing vidya (brightening my world) and being home, where I feel - most of the time - calm and reflective.

I don't want to go back, and the idea of it is making me angry.

It's a lolcow characteristic just to resent that kind of guy into adulthood. That high school quarterback was just a dude like anyone else, maybe got laid a little bit earlier than anyone else, but it isn't like he just got everything for free. He probably put a lot of effort into ending up like that.

And if you check back on that high school quarterback dude, he might have turned into an utter failure, he might have turned into an insurance salesman, he might own a restaurant now, or he might have ended up a politician in the state legislature.

The prom queen ends up fat, the quarterback who married her ends up selling you insurance policies, quit resenting these people, they were just like you. Not directed at you Fed.

In high school I was a nerd, obviously, but most of my classroom friends were jocks. And granted, things may have been different in my place from most schools, but I can count on one hand the number of times someone was mean to me (and remember those for their rareness). The people I actually liked the most, and who were good classroom friends, were actually the jocks. The footballers, particularly, were funny and laid-back people that seemed to enjoy my company/find me funny too.

I doubt that the teen movie social hierarchy actually exists outside of the teen movie, and people are probably more likely to believe in it the more alienated they were from their own peers (seeing a system that was never actually there).

 

[Bloitzhole]

I've known people at my job for years, spent time with them in-person after work, and still not gotten past the bland and the generic. I literally could not get any of these people to talk about any kind of interest they had

Your conclusion seems to be that they don't have or like to talk about their interests/passions - my conclusion would be that your conversation doesn't really make people want to open up about anything beyond the latest Marvel film or talk about their own hobbies because they might assume it is of no importance to you. Usually, socially well adjusted people consider whether a topic they might broach is of potential interest to the other party because if it is not, there's not much of a dialogue to be had. If most of your hobbies are pure solo ventures and people are aware of this, they might not assume that their entirely different passions are a good talking point to bring up with you.

I'm not trying to insult you, I've just had the experience that the people who were most likely to voice complaints that, to me, sound similar to yours also had a tendency to be the ones most socially inept or least enjoyable to talk to in turn, or were people who gave the impression that they weren't really interested in other people's projects.

 

[anustart76]

In high school I was a nerd, obviously, but most of my classroom friends were jocks. And granted, things may have been different in my place from most schools, but I can count on one hand the number of times someone was mean to me (and remember those for their rareness). The people I actually liked the most, and who were good classroom friends, were actually the jocks. The footballers, particularly, were funny and laid-back people that seemed to enjoy my company/find me funny too.

I doubt that the teen movie social hierarchy actually exists outside of the teen movie, and people are probably more likely to believe in it the more alienated they were from their own peers (seeing a system that was never actually there).

I was a little similar myself, everybody mostly got along. I could sit with the nerdy kids or the popular kids, and everybody was nice enough. I never really fit into any group though. Too popular to fit in with the nerds (strange as it may sound) but too nerdy to really be one of the popular kids.

I went home for the Summer. I was a lot happier, until a few days ago. My brother died some time back, I didn't know him (he was estranged and much older than me, wasn't around when I was being raised), but we went to hold the informal memorial service and visit family. That was fine. But when I came back it was like it had symbolically flipped from early summer to late summer, impending return to school. I have a mountain of resentments towards it. I'm thinking about maybe walking away from it and going back to my undergrad, city that I liked way more, and studying programming. The big difference isn't the time it would take, but the money I'd have to pay, instead of getting paid money. I also made an ultimatum to the boss but don't plan to follow through, unless I do, so I'm not even sure that he wouldn't just quietly let me go. I'd think a decent person would have told me to fuck off long ago.

I was generally pretty happy in college. I had a melancholic temperament by nature, but I know the difference between business as usual and something being wrong. I also know in a logical sense that the things that bother me shouldn't bother me as much as they do. But it was like something broke in my mind a few years ago and I couldn't stop feeling angry or, as it goes now, sad (when not angry). Constant rolling anger/anxiety attack, and exploding out in rage at strangers, something like six times in one semester, that I never did before. Imagine wanting to fight the world but feeling like you'll collapse doing it.

I'd do things like kayak, I kept hobbies like my instruments, lots of things, but none of it felt or feels like it helps a bit. The only things that seemed to matter were playing vidya (brightening my world) and being home, where I feel - most of the time - calm and reflective.

I don't want to go back, and the idea of it is making me angry.

Assuming I understand right, you don't want to go back to college? I don't know your situation, but maybe you could do night classes or something at a local community college near home? You might save some money too.

Your conclusion seems to be that they don't have or like to talk about their interests/passions - my conclusion would be that your conversation doesn't really make people want to open up about anything beyond the latest Marvel film or talk about their own hobbies because they might assume it is of no importance to you. Usually, socially well adjusted people consider whether a topic they might broach is of potential interest to the other party because if it is not, there's not much of a dialogue to be had. If most of your hobbies are pure solo ventures and people are aware of this, they might not assume that their entirely different passions are a good talking point to bring up with you.

I'm not trying to insult you, I've just had the experience that the people who were most likely to voice complaints that, to me, sound similar to yours also had a tendency to be the ones most socially inept or least enjoyable to talk to in turn, or were people who gave the impression that they weren't really interested in other people's projects.

You may be right, I honestly have no idea. I don't really understand people that well, so I may be giving off that impression but I was definitely trying to get to know them better.

 

[AnOminous]

The people I actually liked the most, and who were good classroom friends, were actually the jocks. The footballers, particularly, were funny and laid-back people that seemed to enjoy my company/find me funny too.

Never had any problem with the jocks, even though I would routinely say anti-jock shit. I always had at least one friend in every clique so nobody ever bullied me because there was always at least one person to say don't bug that guy.

 

[Harbinger of Kali Yuga]

It's not that I particularly care about the opinions of anyone but my family aside from when they directly affect me; it's that I've missed out on the "normal" experiences that most people have, and I regret that, despite knowing there was really nothing I could have done to change that. I will never know what it's like to be the high school quarterback banging the head cheerleader, never know what it's like to be the drunk frat guy pulling hot sorority girls left and right. I'll never know what it's like to have a group of close friends I see every day that I geniunely know have my back. Hell, I don't even know what it's like to go on a date.

Look, I do get that. I used to feel the exact same way. You'll also not know how it is to be the dominant pig, fucking Miss Piggy in the pigpen while Kermit is away, feeling like Mr. Alpha Pig pounding away in the pigshit-that simple transcendent joy-but you don't worry about that, do you? All those people you're thinking about really do (generally) lead trainwreck lives, and even if they scammed their way into more success than you they're still balancing a bullshit life load. At the end of the day they sit down in a nicer couch and watch a nicer TV but it's still fucking Avengers on the screen.

People don't genuinely have anyone's back. That's all Hollywood bullshit. And the truth is, people change in many ways as time goes on and loyalties shift due to it. Any friends I had from the old days would've been lost due to political conflicts, because everyone went woke, if their bad behavior and narcissism didn't disgust me first. (And truly, of all people I've known, the left-wingers are the least loyal and honest people, even if right wingers can be no less druggie sex degens, they're just nicer and more fun ones). You know who has your back? Your dog.

Dating isn't fun. It's painful. As a man, you are expected to do all the work. She will not really compliment you or make you feel better about yourself in any way. When you get to bed she will lie there like a dead drunk fish. Despite being feminists they all really do expect you to pay and will think less of you if you do dutch. What women want in romance is stupid fake shit in movies. How good of an actor are you? All the stuff you see on TV about dating is by people pretending and thinking dating is different for other people. Most of the time... the mouse ain't worth the cheese! These women want some sort of Hollywood romance and they want to be the star. The relationship isn't about you, or "us," it's about them and their princess fantasy.

I only worry about what my equals or intellectual superiors (the cats and dogs I referenced earlier) think. You have to patiently accept the fact that stupid people don't have the intelligence to realize that you're better than them, so humor them and get them to like you. As long as they have good character, that's more important anyway. And I'm humble enough to look into my dog's ancient canine eyes and see and incomprehensible wisdom that a worm like me could not deign to grasp.

You wanna know something bud? I looked up all the old people I used to know. I'm glad I didn't really get along with or like these people! I'm glad I didn't fit in! Those people fucking suck. They never grew out of shit like 24/7 Magic: The Gathering and are big bloated fatties that hang around comic book stores obsessed with Marvel fucking shit, chicks got their boobs lopped off, dudes got their dicks cut off, everyone fucking loves Antifa and is a cherished member of the Reddit community #BLM etc etc.

I'm glad I didn't let these people pressure me into accepting this shit into my life. I always said "no" and never let them change me.

I can't meet women and I can't relate to women. On the rare occasion I do meet a girl, she's invariably one of those generic Netflix-watching wine-obsessed hiking enthusiast types, who's obviously not going to take kindly to me sperging out over how the latest Marvel movie is a total insult to the comics and blah blah blah. Even if I wanted to ask the girl out, I'm afraid I'll get "metoo'd" as they say.

I think I'm more interested in having kids than in being married. Other than the idea of sex and having someone do the housework, I don't see much benefit in getting married to a girl who is probably going to refuse to do most of it anyway, plus the likelihood of divorce, etc. Aside from that I really don't have any friends out here. I'm alone, I'm used to being alone, and the scary part is, I think I'm realizing that I like being alone.

I look at these apps and can't see a single compelling thing about them. I've looked at enough pretty women in my life, they all sort of look the same, and if anyone stands out you don't want to dwell on it long because you don't want to have to remember it. I've had enough women try to, or I caught them, cheat[ing] on their boyfriends with me where I can't put any faith into them whatsoever. I'm not into the "trad" thing in the slightest, not even close to what I like, but even those women are... well, marriage sure doesn't stop them.

At this point it all feels like I'm playing the same Mario Bros. level over and over again, and I'm not into speedrunning relationships, so I just dropped out for now. The sex ain't worth the awkward conversations, and I don't need to brag to anyone about doing it.

It's a lolcow characteristic just to resent that kind of guy into adulthood. That high school quarterback was just a dude like anyone else, maybe got laid a little bit earlier than anyone else, but it isn't like he just got everything for free. He probably put a lot of effort into ending up like that.

Different areas of the country have different attitudes towards the sports teams and in some places the jocks are treated like gods and they act like they think they are. It's why you get stories of the star athletes getting out of so much trouble in small towns. Throw in all the small town politics of getting their kids good roles on the football team... At my school they were mostly pigs, and the one guy who wasn't was a paragon who happened to be the guy who died.

Maybe this is the crux of the problem. I'm one of those people who always has to be accomplishing something, but I've accomplished all the other "major life goals" that are expected of me. This is the last thing left, getting married and having kids. My family have been hounding me to get it done but I haven't the foggiest idea where to even begin. After doing everything else (school, college, well-paying job, etc) I have one last milestone and to me it's insurmountable.

Do you want to accomplish something, or do you want to be known for accomplishing something?

 

[DavidS877]

That's not bad advice, I need a hobby I can do with other people. All my hobbies are naturally things that are best done alone, but then I'm the kind of person that works better alone.

That works great until you realize all your hobbies that involve other people are still 99% men because the hobbies all too geeky or technical and most women don't seem to have any interest. And often the women that you do meet are just there because their boyfriend/husband brought them.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

@anustart76 It's not college, it's graduate school. I get free tuition and a salary. I only have one or two years left, so in general it would seem best to finish it, but I'm at the end of my rope with it. I don't have an interest in the subject matter but don't know what else to do, other than I started considering computer science (which I'd have to pay for), but there's some obstacles to that. Probably end up trudging through another year of it.

 

[DavidS877]

@anustart76 It's not college, it's graduate school. I get free tuition and a salary. I only have one or two years left, so in general it would seem best to finish it, but I'm at the end of my rope with it. I don't have an interest in the subject matter but don't know what else to do, other than I started considering computer science (which I'd have to pay for), but there's some obstacles to that. Probably end up trudging through another year of it.

If you want to get into pure programming I can see having a CS degree or at least some formal training but even then it's not required. The rest of IT where I've been usually doesn't need much from CS. I use maybe 5% of what I learned in college and that's mostly telling programmers how to fix their stuff. The rest of it was self study and on the job training.

 

[Betonhaus]

That works great until you realize all your hobbies that involve other people are still 99% men because the hobbies all too geeky or technical and most women don't seem to have any interest. And often the women that you do meet are just there because their boyfriend/husband brought them.

Photography, painting, knitting, crosstich, quilting, fashion, writing, book clubs, poetry, ameature theatre, baking, sewing, pottery, soap making, winemaking, cheese making, baby making, wine tasting, horse riding, entertaining tea parties, puppetry, competitive dog shows, witchcraft, spirit communing, Bible study, geocaching, beekeeping, etc.

 

[anustart76]

Do you want to accomplish something, or do you want to be known for accomplishing something?

I just want to make my parents happy. The things I want to personally accomplish are just things that I enjoy.

That works great until you realize all your hobbies that involve other people are still 99% men because the hobbies all too geeky or technical and most women don't seem to have any interest. And often the women that you do meet are just there because their boyfriend/husband brought them.

That's how my hobbies are already.

Photography, painting, knitting, crosstich, quilting, fashion, writing, book clubs, poetry, ameature theatre, baking, sewing, pottery, soap making, winemaking, cheese making, baby making, wine tasting, horse riding, entertaining tea parties, puppetry, competitive dog shows, witchcraft, spirit communing, Bible study, geocaching, beekeeping, etc.

Most of these don't appeal to me, and I'm pretty sure about half of them would backfire, with the ladies assuming I'm some kind of faggot.

 

[Betonhaus]

Most of these don't appeal to me, and I'm pretty sure about half of them would backfire, with the ladies assuming I'm some kind of faggot.

Oh I was mistaken of who who was who and thought the person in question was a woman. Yeah you might find some in hiking clubs and some of the arts, but yeah you're more limited. maybe board game nights at a pub? Maybe clubs with older men that have the chance of introducing you to their daughters if they trust you?

Yeah you might have better luck just finding a twink bottom and keeping your eyes closed