- Joined
- Apr 15, 2019
Winter Wern is on the way
Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks
- Thread starter SpacePanther
- Start date
WonderWino
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
Chapter 1: kritterians
That sounds an awful lot like the name of the krites from the critters franchise. Gee, I wonder where lucas got it from. I'm pretty sure something like kriterra was mentioned as their homeworld at some point as well
...was looking for its mate because it figured it had to have one since no one in its particular kingdom of life had ever given birth
If this is the case why would it be looking for a mate in the first place and why would it assume it had to have one? Lucas logic at its finest
Meanwhile its mates were others of their sex, but no one gave birth , so they figured they were male
So they're all gay aliens who don't know how birth works so they assume they're male and all have mates of the same sex because....reasons? Here lucas goes again with the bizarre gay self inserts. There is no fucking way he is straight with all the gay stuff he goes on about and slips into things he talks about. Straight people don't do this kind of thing. Closet gays are pretty well known for doing it often
They always travelled in groups of 9 and didn't know why they did that either
Literal schizo OCD behavior that only makes sense in lucas's swiss cheese brain
That pack nature was part of their monoploid nature
That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Unsurprisingly, lucas shows he has no idea what yet another big word he pulled off the internet means
Technically they were a lichenoid if a lichen was algal fungal symbiosis with a very smart worm that came from seeds that built cities and a medieval renaissance government in the form of a constitutionally bound nonumverant of 1 individual with its 8 monosexual lifemates in power for 20 rotations around their star
The fuck? None of those life forms go together in any way that makes the slightest bit of sense. and the worm nonsense sounds weirdly like how strigoi work in the strain with that worms growing out of the ground stuff and taking over the bodies of other organisms. 'Medieval renaissance government' isn't a thing. Those are periods, the entire idea of something being 'medieval renaissance' doesn't make sense. Nonumverant isn't even a real word. He made that up entirely and just put it there to make people think he sounds smart
99% of their language was interrogatives, meaning most of the time they were asking each other questions until they arrived at a mutual conclusion
Another blatant lucas self insert. This is exactly how lucas himself views almost all conversations and why he has a history of making bizarre statements about how when he has a girlfriend he will simply ask her questions and she will answer them to win her over, why he thought he could make money by charging for watching his conversations with his girlfriend and why he gets so angry and frustrated when conversations don't end up providing the information he wants and thinks they should. 'Why are you hording the information?! Provide me the information bigots!' comes directly from this attitude
Each of the 8 continents had a different main race and each sprang into existence 3 million years ago
More self inserting for his 'I must fuck only non whites!' fetish
Their average lifespan was 300 rotations because they were usually killed in that time by murder or accident, otherwise they were immortal
....What? What the fuck is going on on this planet where violence and accidents are so prevalent that despite being immortal people usually get killed by 300? Sounds like his ideal socialist antifa run anarchy paradise
Most kriterra experiences a new season each month which was decided based on particular aspects strongest on the middle continent at the capital of archgnosis
...What? So these aliens decided there should be a new season every month and magically willed that into existence? Lucas is suck a fucking idiot. Nature doesn't work that way
The archon was chosen by lottery and tested to have at least average IQ of 1000
So you have to both win a huge lottery and happen to have an IQ of 1000 to get the job. That doesn't make any sense at all. This is literal stream of consciousness nonsense that lucas just writes down without actually thinking about at all, while congratulating himself about how much of a genius he is and archon is a cardassian title. Just pointing that out so read into where he got that stuff as you will. As uncle junior put it some people are so far behind they think they're leading. Lucas certainly fits that rather well. and for someone who claims to hate random chance in games so much he sure uses it alot in this nonsense
A barony is essentially the size of seattle today
Yet another self insert with his anarchist ranting because muh seattle
3 million years later when their entire worm-lichen kingdom sprang into existence with the other kingdoms of life
That sounds like it was written by a third grader
The true lichens (funga-flora), the flora-bacterium and the bacterium-virus along with the other funga-fauna already on the planet when the entire funga-flora-spore-seed-semen broke off a tiny comet the size of the empire state building and broke into 7 million species of worm lichen and evolved from a worm into a sapient power worm and sprang out of the dirt 30 miles away by a stream of tachyons floating on a wave like gravity stream of gravitons birthing the entire 1 trillion kritteran
What in the actual fuck did I just read? Thats schizo word salad. There is no fucking way he is still on his psych meds and talking like that. That is textbook unmedicated incoherent wern ranting right there. and all this worm nonsense keeps reminding me of this:
...So by necessity of invention they had to find a girlfriend or annihilation in 300 more rotations and to make matters terrible, she was probably off galaxy
Another self insert. Even in his delusional alien fantasy land its about him needing to find a girlfriend. and even then it clearly isn't in the cards as she's in some distant galaxy. That shit belongs in random.txt. Thats almost chris chan levels of autism
Oh and the kriterra language sumaskrit is 150 letters long
Yet another 'more complicated means better' nonsense from lucas. and of course he just ripped off the name sanskrit and thought he was being clever about it. I'll say it again - this is going to lead to lucas berating jamie during a game because of his inability to remember or pronounce the incoherent gibberish lucas invented. and of fucking course he just took english vowels, wrote them in a weird way and tried to make them more complicated, because he thinks that makes it better and him look smart. Thats something a kid in elementary school would do for some 'invent your own civilization' fantasy project
...and the scribes did the fire dance aroma song with each barony baron all waking up at dawn on the middle continent when they all went to work in the fiefs and the markets after seeing the daily dance and pheromone exchange that was so sweer that smelling it would kill a human being of diabetes upon the 30 minute conclusion. The message itself was written in the clouds of pink and white and gray and green in a perfect green sky, which rained down ammonia in perfect shades of translucent pink and clear and grey and green onto the awaiting population of 500 billion as a primary food source under photosynthesis and above rotting matter, all of which fungs-flora-fauna needed to survive
Has lucas been reading star wars comics or something? It sounds like he's describing some kind of autistic mutated killiks. Unsurprisingly, bizarre inedible food drops from the skies for free to feed everyone, despite the fact that none of that would actually work that way and neither rotting matter nor photosynthesis would have anything to do with such a thing. He managed to talk about 'translucent shades of clear' without realizing how nonsensical that is and in true wern fashion, managed to create a world where he himself couldn't set foot because the beetus would get him killed during this morning ritual. Its not in the cards to be in his own self insert fantasy. Its shit like this that makes me think people saying the voices on the wind constantly berate him, tell him shit he doesn't want to hear and sabotage him are right. Thats exactly what that comes off as. It comes into play alot with everything he does - look at all the plans he comes up with and then sets some bizarre condition that prevents him from being able to actually do them. Like the special shoes and glasses keeping him from getting a job. Its so ingrained into him that he even writes it into his self insert fantasies . and of course he writes it all in the most pretentious manner possible that he thinks makes him sound intelligent, completely oblivious to the fact it does the exact opposite
So he's invented a schizo word salad language to use for his latest insane board game. Oh yeah this will totally end well. I can see it now - lucas and jamie sitting around the game board arguing about jamie getting frustrated that lucas demands he use his imaginary language properly. a mallon place nurse happens to wander by and overhear lucas ranting about his schizo language and pokes her head into the room to see wtf is going on, to see two halfwits angrily ranting at each other half in some bizarre imaginary language she can't understand until it turns into a screaming match and lucas angrily flipping the board and trying to waddle away. Seems like a good way to make the staff think they're both having some kind of bizarre psychotic break and upping their meds until they're zombies staring at the wallA Friendly Possum said:
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- Joined
- May 15, 2020
He's back to trying to write? Fuck he really is getting back into rare form.
Shitty food, raging about being alone, anger at zoomers, pseudoscience/pseudointellectual rants, cringeworthy poetry and now pretentious, nigh incoherent prose (including "the Assembly") which conforms perfectly to "tell don't show" but which Lucas thinks is golden? I can't wait for the followup to the hit song "Right Now, Right Now, Right Now," which must be a couple weeks away at the rate he is going.
How is it that his "stories" are never fucking stories? There is never a plot, or even dialogue. Has he never read a book of any kind?
Oh and speaking of shitty food, something just occurred to me: how is he cooking so much trash food lately? I thought the adult daycare only left him with like $15 a month or something?
WonderWino
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
Come on now, he'll never be able to top the famous remix:
Just once i'd like to sneak into a DJ booth at a club and put that on just to fuck with people. If possible when lucas himself is in the club creeping on women. His reaction and inevitable chimpout at hearing that over the club speakers would be hilarious. He'd probably make the news and be dragged out screeching that the DJ was a bigot flatbill greybeard or something that was trying to stop him from getting a girlfriend
Everything he writes seems to be like this. Its like the insane shit he wrote for wound - it was literally pages and pages of just one long explanation that never went anywhere beyond that. He just explains some background half incoherently and never actually does anything with it and never tells any story based on it. Its like if someone wrote an episode of star trek where they just described how the enterprise worked, who was on board and what it can do and then that was it. No actual episode where anything happens. The weirdest part is lucas doesn't seem to be aware of this himself. Its not like he has never read or heard a story before or seen a movie. He should at least know this isn't how books work. Its a literal he can't see the forest for the trees momentVoidFace said:
What he doesn't buy on tugboat day he gets from hitting up multiple food banks and probably mooching off whatever he can get from mallon place as well. Thats why he has such an odd assortment of ingredients most of the time. Like that cheese casserole with the cherry tomatoes on top was definitely him combining a bunch of shit the food bank gave him. Its exactly the kind of stuff they give out. The thing is he doesn't understand he's supposed to stretch out the use of that stuff and use it in ways that make sense. Instead he just takes everything and dumps it into one dish because he's a food obsessed pigVoidFace said:
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2017
His world building reminds me, may Allah forgive me for invoking his name, of the writing of Patrick S. Tomlinson. Bizarre fetishistic rambling that thinks it is realistic "hard" Sci-fi when it's barely coherent enough to qualify as Fantasy. Ham-fisted attempts at social commentary that just serve to demonstrate the author's shallow understanding of the issues. A belief that complexity is the same as depth.
They should write a book together, like a catastrophic trainwreck version of Good Omens.
They should write a book together, like a catastrophic trainwreck version of Good Omens.
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2021
That and my favorite part is when he clearly starts just talking about his life as a bum. I just watched Wernology's Wound series and it's amazing. There is NO plot, just random characters and background information that nobody would possibly care about.
Also, glad to see KF is back up and running, lost site of it for a bit!
WonderWino
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
At best the long stream of consciousness background and character explanations could be considered something like a series bible or design document, if a badly made, horrifyingly autistic and degenerate one. It only further reiterates the fact that his english 'honor roll' in college was some libshit teacher putting him on it to be inclusive to the class tard. The alternative is to imply that this is the kind of insane, shit tier writing that now qualifies for the honor roll at the fucking college level
Then again english is usually a journo course as well so maybe the schools really have become that fucked up. It would certainly explain alot about the state of modern journalism
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2018
As much as Lucas "the cow" Werner likes to fancy himself an intellectual and act like he is sooo smart, he never really talks about reading books. I guess he does read and misunderstand scientific articles, which is how he got autistically obsessed with telomeres. Reading would be a somewhat productive thing for him to do and library cards are free to get. Although, I know Lucas is banned from many libraries in Spokane. Maybe a permanent revocation of a library card too in the entire Spokane library system? I guess that is possible.
As for the awful meals, Tubby gets food stamps and goes to food banks for handouts and entitlements. That is how he makes these awful meals. When he was in the nursing home they intercepted his food stamps since they provided meals for him. His current tard housing does not so he got back on the fool stamps.
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2022
As someone who worked IT in libraries, we don't need more people like Lucas Werner there.
Fatal Walter
kiwifarms.net
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- Oct 23, 2019
Wow, he's changed even less than I would have expected. He's even recycling old lines like the wine/cheese thing.
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2016
diet dr pepper soy werner is a perfect pfp for someone.
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2018
Anything new from the resident fat autist, Lucas Werner? Has he been moooing about how he is plenty good and how he wants a zoomer bae? Huh? The Brokeposting page has just been sharing old posts of his.
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2019
Guys he raised his age limit
- Joined
- May 15, 2020
Oh good, it is finally starting to set in that he will never have a young girl. I enjoy seeing Wern give up on his dreams or goals.
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- Joined
- Mar 9, 2015
Man I missed this broken brain rambles. First off how the hell does he get "I'm a pedophile Ron desantis is anti cocaine" like what path in his dumb head is that route? Seriously. His from point A to B is so off id pay to see him draw maps. A schizophrenic Google maps. To get three doors down no don't just walk half a block get on a yak walk past the pyramid of giza, stop in NYC for lunch, skip the toll road by fighting off pirates in the Amazon rainforest...
Wow, rapey as ever Luke. "I want to get a girl drunk" it's not only scary he's plotting to use a woman with lower inhibitions but, funny Lucas knows only way he will get pussy is passed out girls. Speaking of remember that video he made showing a passed out girl and said it's proof he's a good person he didn't rape her lmao. Truly a predator. Glad he's inept. More so I'm glad he's banned from bars, Lucas would definitely slip one of his pills (that he no longer takes) into a girls drink.
I'm no MD but I bet a nice young lady on her second Martini is already a bit loose, after Lucas crushes up and spikes it with his "I shot Ronald Reagan because dogs want me to fuck lesbians" dose of lithium... shed be quite vulnerable.
Sadly we know this is Lucas doing a quick reinvent so he can say "I'll fuck a 23 year old I'm not a pedo".
Last and both funniest, anger building and insane is he liked dating older.... THATS WHY YOU HIT HER MULTIPLE TIMES YOU FUCKING SCUM NIGGER. Forgive me going on a mild caps lock chimp.
Lucas hit her multiple times. I've never heard of a happy relationship with violence. Lucas used a mentally ill woman for free food and housing. Then he saw a man with his daughter he flipped because he was jealous of someone fucking a kid in his mind. Enough he was violent to a point she gave him the boot.
I know it's a cow trait but Lucas gas lighting about his predatory behavior and domestic violence is really the shit serial killers do. I'm just glad he's a fat retard oaf who will soon be living in a box jerking off to the Sunday papers coupons for gap kids.
Al from Dadeville
Please expect my motion for sanctions forthvoming.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2019
I would love to see them write a cook book together.
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2018
But don't you dare try explaining to Lucas why fat old hobos are less preferable than younger men for aesthetic purposes or else he'll call you an agephobic bigot.
He's more hypocritical than every politician he complains about.
Al from Dadeville
Please expect my motion for sanctions forthvoming.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2019
People say he would date younger than 18 because he spent literal years mooing about how he wanted a 16-year-old and made international news for hitting on a 16-year-old at Starbuck’s
WonderWino
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
Plus he used to go on and on about how 16 was totally legal, to the point he would try to prove it by providing a 'law site' with inaccurate information on it and publicly admitted to felony grooming of a minor with a 15 year old he tried to groom with a burrito, claiming it was totally ok because he wasn't trying to fuck her then he was going to wait until she turned 16
But sure, we all totally believe him when he goes out of his way to claim what he really wants is a 21 year old. I'll believe hitler will rise from the dead and become a rabbi before I believe that. He's a pedo, who admitted he's a pedo several times and talks exactly like a pedo and engages in pedo behavior on a regular basis
EDIT:
He melted blue cheese, which isn't a cheese you're supposed to melt on some kind of sandwich with spam and served it with a cup of cherries. Fucking hell
It looks like sandwich a retarded kid in elementary school would make out of glue and bread
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- Joined
- May 27, 2020
Is that melted blue cheese or blue cheese salad dressing....