The Julays Ninth Annual Lolcow Awards 2023 - Which lolcow will claim the throne?

[Blewberry Nausea]

A guy losing at mmo gambling is pretty common but I don’t really have a care who wins because they all bring lols

 

[Father Balldo]

Nicky’s going to Disneyland! JAMAICA!!!!

fixed that for you

 

[hawkisnight]

Nick is just a drunk. BMJ is just a loser. Pat is just FAT. Cope, cope. The people have spoken. If you are a kiwi Nick is your LOTY. Repeat after me: Balldoman is my LOTY.

 

[Active User]

Is there no winner for best dead lolcow?

 

[Spilled Spaghett]

Rekieta definitely wasn't my first choice but good for him. He really put his heart into it this year and I can't fault him for that. Bossmanjack I think was just too new of an up and comer but I think if he plays his cards right he can nail it next year. I really thought Liz Fong-Jones had it. Maybe it's because he's not funny he's just destructive, but of all the lolcows he achieved so much. Better luck next time.

 

[Hamplanet Fitness]

Is there no winner for best dead lolcow?

Just finished counting it. It was ONE VOTE apart in the end. Audrey "Aiden" Hale won with 86 to Fred L. "Bubba" Copeland's 85.

 

[Pill Cosby]

I’m glad Nick got Lolcow of the year award. He’s fallen hard lately and I’m glad something positive finally happened for him after a turbulent year.

 

[feral cat #6385]

OP did mention some rules changes for the next one that were already in mind with regards to the Rekeita stuff, though I'm curious what rules you can really use to account for late major events to get a guy fresh in people's mind rather than the honor system.

Sore loser. I hope you make a million dollars.

Damn I wanted Tomlinson to win. What does Nick get as an award?

Roofied and anally raped at Anime Matsuri by the 50 year old dude that has been catfishing him for three years.

Well done Nick, have a shot and celebrate you drunken bin bag of a human being!

Better yet. Have a shot and take some Provigil so you can drink even more!

Seven hour cope and seethe stream incoming.

Looks like sober stream January is over. His pillhead wife will have to wake up to take the kids to shcool.

He should probably be disqualified from any future LotY. I'm not sure if that's already a rule.

They don't disqualify teams for winning the Super Bowl. IF Nick can top the humiliation and failure he endured in 2023 he should absolutely be able to repeat. More likely he dies in the hot tub.

I'm calling into question the integrity of this election.

Enjoy Gitmo, insurrectionist.

 

[TexOffender]

Congrats Nick!

I actually voted Liz Dong-Long-Gone but Nick clearly "topped" the competition.

 

[Gargamel]

Bossmanjack lost it all

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

We shall wear Balldos on the beaches, we shall wear Balldos on the landing grounds, we shall wear Balldos in the fields and in the streets, we shall wear Balldos in the hills; we shall never remove the Balldos.

 

[Names Roy]

OH MY GOD CHAT! DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?!?!

THIS SHIT IS RIGGED!​

 

[Bland Crumbs]

MANdy was the Cocktober surprise that got Nick over the line.

 

[Delamain]

Remember kids
If you ever reach a midlife crisis
Just buy that corvette
Don’t end up like this dude

 

[Active User]

Sore loser. I hope you make a million dollars.

I voted for him lol

Those disappointed by Nick's win can at least take solace in the fact that he'll never match that time that Chris won by default without even needing a vote, becoming the first and probably only person to coup the Lolcow of the Year awards. Nick will never be the lolcow strongman.

 

[Elmo]

Remember kids
If you ever reach a midlife crisis
Just buy that corvette
Don’t end up like this dude

Maybe seek professional help for your alcoholism/substance abuse and porn addiction because pornsickness is very real. When left unchecked it turns into whiskey bottles in asses, teabagging your wife's vagina with a sex toy made out of something of the Sonichu demon's imagination and being so coombrained you'll believe very obvious catfish bait from even the least subtle hangers-on without even a second glance. Your wife might just segregate you from the rest of the house in perpetuity because you're a drunken public mess.

 

[Troon_Patrol]

I feel bad for Nick, he started off so relatable and humble and cool, when people get fame and money injected into their life it fucks with their head some people can handle it some people obviously cannot. Was the Rittenhouse trial the turning point? He seemed to get tons of attention post trial. I think lolcow of the year should have gone to Dylan Mulvany. In the spirit with Times Magazine person of the year which I believe this is inspired by, he seems to have been the most famous, the most infamous he almost destroyed the Bud Light brand completely without even trying. He is a troon which makes me in particular think he's severely mentally ill, not to mention the obvious excessive narcissism even excessive for a troon. He turned Womanhood into a cartoon caricature reducing it to makeup and lack of agency and awareness in a manner only a man who hates women could produce. The woman who not only bought into his bullshit but, insulted her target audience shoving a man in women's clothing down their throat and insulting them for not accepting him and costing quite a few Aheisner Busch employees lost revenue at work and some of them their jobs entirely, of she deserves honorable mention.

 

[Ed Weed]

Still don't get what's funny about rekieta he sucks as a cow and is just a boring smug internet shithead.

 

[Apustajan apustaja]

The swedes have a word for people like him: "Brännvinsadvokat", litterally "vodka lawyer"; a lawyer that takes on questionable cases and sucks in general.

 

[Goofy Logic]

I hope you meet a “woman” named MANdy

Oh I will, and I'll fuck the shit out of her!