I have been in therapy for 3 years.
Kurt Cobain killed himself & he had a wife & child. I doubt loving yourself automatically gives you a relationship.
Courtney love was insane.
Therapy isn’t always useful. If you’re not seeing improvements after three years, you need a new therapist. What’s changed for you in three years? Are they helping you?
Don’t fall into the trap of using it as a security blanket - there’s no point so I won’t try. That’s a road that only goes downwards.
You need to be feeling a bit better before you start relationships because otherwise you’ll decide that the other is the one making you better and if things fail you’ll be in a bad way.
You DO deserve to feel better. Is there a specific thing bothering you? If so work it out with therapy. If it’s a general malaise then congratulations, it’s just being human in an insane world. Some of the most creative and successful people in the world have dealt with lifelong crippling depression. They probably felt like a shit a lot, but they did stuff anyway. Aim for functional, not happy all the time.
Go outdoors. Work on your physical health. Do not drink alcohol, at all if you can manage that, but as little as possible if not.
Life isn’t a machine where you put achievement coins in and a woman pops out as a prize. But the things that will attract a decent woman are the things that will heal you anyway.
Health
Stability, stable job
Being decent. Not ‘a nice guy’ but someone who is alright, helps others, is dependable.
Stop defining yourself as miserable. Miserable is one small part of your personality. Work on physical health. overhaul yoir diet. Do small acts of kindness towards yourself and others daily. Borrow a dog and talk it for a long walk. Work with your hands - build something. Grow something. If you have a garden go out and dig. If you’re in a flat get a few pots for the window and start some seeds off for herbs or something. Fix something broken. Paint something.
Work on YOU first. Nobody else will.
Imagine you live a long life. Your ninety year old self has ten minutes with you as you are now. What does he say? Probably something like it’s a long time to focus on the worst stuff.
You don’t have to be a happy clappy Pollyanna type to manage, treat it like a chronic disease. It’s there, you keep an eye out for worsening and you get on with stuff. After that, meet women