Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[Justa Grata Honoria]

Lol I have a crush on someone and she told me that they are single.

helpppp, this scary

First thing first is she at your workplace or school? If no shoot your shoot and hopefully you aren't getting pepper sprayed or arrested in the process best of luck tell us the results here for further processing.

 

[ConsentAccidentVictimNo98]

First thing first is she at your workplace or school? If no shoot your shoot and hopefully you aren't getting pepper sprayed or arrested in the process best of luck tell us the results here for further processing.

University, but she's easy to get along with. Doesn't, thankfully, do the same degree as me so there's no risk of awkwardness there.

 

[Susanna]

University, but she's easy to get along with. Doesn't, thankfully, do the same degree as me so there's no risk of awkwardness there.

In that case I'll greenlight a date proposal for you. If she accepts, best of luck, if she doesn't, such is life, plenty of fish etc.

 

[SentinentCloud]

do girls have pp

 

[ConsentAccidentVictimNo98]

In that case I'll greenlight a date proposal for you. If she accepts, best of luck, if she doesn't, such is life, plenty of fish etc.

Time to initiate the special dating operation!

and get friend-zoned in 72 hours!

Which I'd be fine with, they're cool and great to talk to.

 

[DickMain]

This is a very bad and wrong take.

I am a woman and I have had crushes on weird/nerdy men all my life. A lot of times woman don’t know how to make the first move, and unfortunately men like that often don’t know how to make the first move either. The difference is all the men I’ve been interested in have been kind and compassionate. The men I’ve liked have been lower in attractiveness, overweight, and weird. {...} I promise you there are women that would be attracted to you even if you are poor, ugly or weird so long as you have a genuine personality.

Finally went ahead a little while back and made a profile for dating, myself (partly after having read a few pages here). I'm definitely that guy who doesn't like making a move, but hadn't really considered women dealt with the same thing at all in the slightest. To be honest I've just been passing on every person the app throws my way thinking 'man this woman is both super attractive and is doing some incredible stuff right now while I'm just a basic 9-5 guy'. Maybe the 'I'm probably not worth this person's time' mentality is some bullshit incel thinking that I picked up, but it's interesting to hear that women also deal with struggling to send the first message.

 

[Childe]

Finally went ahead a little while back and made a profile for dating, myself (partly after having read a few pages here). I'm definitely that guy who doesn't like making a move, but hadn't really considered women dealt with the same thing at all in the slightest. To be honest I've just been passing on every person the app throws my way thinking 'man this woman is both super attractive and is doing some incredible stuff right now while I'm just a basic 9-5 guy'. Maybe the 'I'm probably not worth this person's time' mentality is some bullshit incel thinking that I picked up, but it's interesting to hear that women also deal with struggling to send the first message.

It is most definitely a good impression for women if you send the first message on dating apps! Your negative self-talk is always in your head, and if you put yourself out there a woman will be interested in you. Obviously I don’t know how men think, but I know when I used to use dating apps I would be like “Wow! This man matched with me! I can’t wait until he messages me!” A lot of women think that men should be the ones to make the first move, and while that may be “patriarchal” in nature it’s still something practiced on dating apps. You’ll get plenty of rejections and ignored messages, but by putting yourself out there by replying you’re sure to land a few dates!

 

[Clutter]

Maybe it's just in my head, I'm wondering what the women here make of it. I know a couple women whose dating strategy seems to be "don't date at all and at some point the right man will just show up and we'll get married."

There's something to this strategy which is appealing. One could see it as wildly optimistic romcom fantasizing, and if they expect their soulmate to fall into their lap with zero effort then it's definitely wishful thinking. But if it's a preference for living your life without prioritizing finding "the one" and you happen to meet someone compatible along the way, I think it's a good way to go about things.

With that being said, I haven't dated in years. I'm really averse to it because of poor experiences so it really does feel easier not to play at all than take the risk.

 

[Fareal]

University, but she's easy to get along with. Doesn't, thankfully, do the same degree as me so there's no risk of awkwardness there.

Remember a first date is a 'hidden' date:
- daytime only
- public place
- low pressure, e.g. coffee
- focus on the 'getting to know you' stuff
- this is a vibe check to see if you vibe, this is not a commitment
- it's a nice meet up that you can both walk away from pleasantly if there's no spark
- dress nice, but don't dress up

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

Remember a first date is a 'hidden' date:
- daytime only
- public place
- low pressure, e.g. coffee
- focus on the 'getting to know you' stuff
- this is a vibe check to see if you vibe, this is not a commitment
- it's a nice meet up that you can both walk away from pleasantly if there's no spark
- dress nice, but don't dress up

Whatevers place you get to make sure even if its something small like a soda from the vending machine to pay for it. Seriously its bad form to go to a date and be like oh beer is nice and not pay a penny for it.

 

[Otterly]

I have been in therapy for 3 years.


Kurt Cobain killed himself & he had a wife & child. I doubt loving yourself automatically gives you a relationship.

Courtney love was insane.
Therapy isn’t always useful. If you’re not seeing improvements after three years, you need a new therapist. What’s changed for you in three years? Are they helping you?
Don’t fall into the trap of using it as a security blanket - there’s no point so I won’t try. That’s a road that only goes downwards.
You need to be feeling a bit better before you start relationships because otherwise you’ll decide that the other is the one making you better and if things fail you’ll be in a bad way.
You DO deserve to feel better. Is there a specific thing bothering you? If so work it out with therapy. If it’s a general malaise then congratulations, it’s just being human in an insane world. Some of the most creative and successful people in the world have dealt with lifelong crippling depression. They probably felt like a shit a lot, but they did stuff anyway. Aim for functional, not happy all the time.
Go outdoors. Work on your physical health. Do not drink alcohol, at all if you can manage that, but as little as possible if not.
Life isn’t a machine where you put achievement coins in and a woman pops out as a prize. But the things that will attract a decent woman are the things that will heal you anyway.
Health
Stability, stable job
Being decent. Not ‘a nice guy’ but someone who is alright, helps others, is dependable.
Stop defining yourself as miserable. Miserable is one small part of your personality. Work on physical health. overhaul yoir diet. Do small acts of kindness towards yourself and others daily. Borrow a dog and talk it for a long walk. Work with your hands - build something. Grow something. If you have a garden go out and dig. If you’re in a flat get a few pots for the window and start some seeds off for herbs or something. Fix something broken. Paint something.
Work on YOU first. Nobody else will.
Imagine you live a long life. Your ninety year old self has ten minutes with you as you are now. What does he say? Probably something like it’s a long time to focus on the worst stuff.
You don’t have to be a happy clappy Pollyanna type to manage, treat it like a chronic disease. It’s there, you keep an eye out for worsening and you get on with stuff. After that, meet women

 

[Stan]

Whatevers place you get to make sure even if its something small like a soda from the vending machine to pay for it. Seriously its bad form to go to a date and be like oh beer is nice and not pay a penny for it.

TBF I always go Dutch but it would really bug me if a man expected me to cover his check. I’d do it, nbd, but it definitely downgraded them on the “do I want to have a relationship with this guy” credit index. Because frankly I don’t want to have to carry my bf all the time, especially if they are NEETs.

If he expects you to buy or prepare him breakfast the morning after GTFO, he’s a leech.

 

[Otterly]

There's lonely men without prison. The whole epidemic of male depression or suicide isn't due to prison because I never been to prison and I'm lonely as fuck. Making friends is rough, most of my hobbies dont have a community, most people are just trying to get their hobby or groceries & leave. Very rarely people are willing to talk or get to know people unless you worked or attend class with.

Welcome to adult life. It IS lonely. Loneliness is again, part of being human. Past college and uni type of interactions it’s hard to make friends (there’s a thread in here called something like how do men make friends as an adult, it’s quite a good one.) again you need to work on yourself first. Don’t do hobbies as a way to meet women, do them because you enjoy them. Then eventually mark from the evening class mentions his sister is visiting and they’ll be down the pub Wednesday and that’s how you meet women. But you have to LIKE women, ok? Like dogs, we can smell if people hate us and we are very turned off by it. A rant about women are gold digging whores is not getting you a date. Asking Mark’s sister what she does for a living and a bit of chitchat might.

rejecting not just hookup culture but even casual dating in general,

The Uk doesn’t really (or didn’t) have that dating culture the USA does. I think this is probably a good thing

they have a strict list of values they expect out of a partner, that kind of thing.

This isn’t a good thing. Well it can be - some things are non negotiable, and it’s fine to have a list that’s ’not a criminal, respectful, similar culture, stable job, likes kids’. It’s when someone has a long, inflexible list of stuff like specific height, specific income etc. that is in unrealistic territory. It’s fine to find one kind of man or woman really attractive. Maybe you’ve got a thing for busty blondes but one day you mean a short redhead and you give it a chance and bingo, perfect. I think the long lists are a sign of immaturity.

She writes a lot about domestic labour inequality, which is a) something men laugh at and hugely mock and b) are genuinely astounded when it comes up in every single divorce, ever.

Yeah, have said this a lot but SO many divorces the man is all ‘I just left a plate by the dishwasher one time and she snapped!’ And when you speak to the wife she’s been a skivvy for twenty years. NOTHING kills love like resentment. You can have blazing rows and be fine but quiet resentment will see you divorced. It’s vital to divvy up the domestics in a way that leaves both of you feeling the other does their share. And that can look a lot of different ways - some women may be homemakers and be happy to do all that while husband works. Others both work and juggle it all between them. But flexibility and respect will see you married a long time. One partner being the maid will see you divorced

Lol I have a crush on someone and she told me that they are single.

helpppp, this scary

Wheee! Go for it

Remember a first date is a 'hidden' date:
- daytime only
- public place
- low pressure, e.g. coffee

Yes, this is very good advice. Low key, pay for the coffee and cake or whatever, daytime and short date. Good luck!

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

TBF I always go Dutch but it would really bug me if a man expected me to cover his check. I’d do it, nbd, but it definitely downgraded them on the “do I want to have a relationship with this guy” credit index. Because frankly I don’t want to have to carry my bf all the time, especially if they are NEETs.

If he expects you to buy or prepare him breakfast the morning after GTFO, he’s a leech.

I used to do that until i realised i was making myself convinient and the easiest way to filter through men who are there just for the ride is to see if they pay the first date ,most fun dates i had never costed more than 50-60 dollars for two people max in norway one of the most expensive countries of all places. If you make yourself convinience dont be suprised when he ditches you when you get inconvinient i.e illness or cancer . So many western women fall on this trap and then end up with scrotes like those 20 per cent abandoning their wifes when they get cancer , dont be those 20 per cent my nigga.

 

[Dyn]

Finally went ahead a little while back and made a profile for dating, myself (partly after having read a few pages here). I'm definitely that guy who doesn't like making a move, but hadn't really considered women dealt with the same thing at all in the slightest. To be honest I've just been passing on every person the app throws my way thinking 'man this woman is both super attractive and is doing some incredible stuff right now while I'm just a basic 9-5 guy'. Maybe the 'I'm probably not worth this person's time' mentality is some bullshit incel thinking that I picked up, but it's interesting to hear that women also deal with struggling to send the first message.

A lot of women also get discouraged from making the first move because some guys get weirdly hostile and insecure when it happens, and it only takes running into one or two of them to spoil it for the rest of us. I've always really appreciated aggressive women but it's easier to just accept that the world is the way it is and making the first move is up to us men 90% of the time.

Also don't worry about anyone seeming too good for you. They're on the app for the same reason you are, and you're both going to have your time wasted by people who don't end up working out. Just accept going in that most matches won't end up working out, and that's how it works for everybody. Keep sifting around until you find one that does.

Happy hunting.

 

[Lidl Drip]

I've always really appreciated aggressive women but it's easier to just accept that the world is the way it is and making the first move is up to us men 90% of the time.

On a dating app it's also good to keep in mind that while you as a guy might get 10 matches the woman is probably getting hundreds and she's only going to reply back to the guys who write a little more than "hi".

I used to read /r/Tinder for the male tears because oh do they cry and cry and cry a lot. They often think a woman matching with them means she has to go on a date with them, when really that's just your chance to impress her and tons of other guys are messaging her at the same time. They don't even know how much women are bombarded by men on there because Tinder is like 75%+ male users and I assume other dating apps are the same.

 

[Samson Pumpkin Jr.]

On a dating app it's also good to keep in mind that while you as a guy might get 10 matches the woman is probably getting hundreds and she's only going to reply back to the guys who write a little more than "hi".

Moids should realise that some texting is necessary. Very few moids give information voluntarily. Women have to ask questions to get the information they need and this drags out the conversations. Also, moids never ask us questions and it makes me wonder why I should meet this person if they’re not interested enough to get to know me. Safety is a big concern.

 

[Dyn]

On a dating app it's also good to keep in mind that while you as a guy might get 10 matches the woman is probably getting hundreds and she's only going to reply back to the guys who write a little more than "hi".

Yeah, this as well. Treat your first message like a tiny, tiny cover letter. A brief indication of whether you're after a hookup or serious relationship, maybe reference a shared interest on her profile if that's possible, and then propose a time and place you can meet straight off the rip if she's interested.

Opening with "hi" is basically just fluttering your doe eyes and still waiting for her to make the first real move.

 

[Dan of Steel]

Moids should realise that some texting is necessary. Very few moids give information voluntarily. Women have to ask questions to get the information they need and this drags out the conversations. Also, moids never ask us questions and it makes me wonder why I should meet this person if they’re not interested enough to get to know me. Safety is a big concern.

This is something I'll never understand why other dudes don't get this. I'm an autistic sped idiot, yet it's common sense to know if you are interested in someone beyond lizard brain "she has big booba, me want to stick pp in her hooha" then you have to genuinely be interested. Asking questions isn't hard, it's how you learn and gauge compatibility with people. I'm in my 30s, so maybe this is a generational thing and guys younger than me are just retarded, I could also believe that because this seems like really basic shit to me.

 

[Stan]

is like 75%+ male users and I assume other dating apps are the same.

Yes, if not more.

Yeah, this as well. Treat your first message like a tiny, tiny cover letter. A brief indication of whether you're after a hookup or serious relationship, maybe reference a shared interest on her profile if that's possible, and then propose a time and place you can meet straight off the rip if she's interested.

This is very good advice ^^

It's worth it to consider the dating app profile like a little resume, too. There are plenty of men who fail to capitalize on that by writing just absurd nothingburger stuff like "I'm a pretty chill guy, easy-going. I'm an open book, you can just ask me anything" in order to check the box that they filled it out that part of the profile. My man. That text box was your opportunity to stand out!