I am still not unconvinced that the voices in his head aren't just his rational conscious trying to tell him not to post schizo perv shit.
Lucas: "If the earth is 5 billion years old in a universe even older then you should want homeless old man fist in your teenage pussy!"
Lucas inner voice: "This logic is retarded and perverted and maybe we shouldn't post it on Facebook for the world to see???"
Lucas: "FUCK YOU VOICES ON THE WIND SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! I DESERVE TEEN POONANER!!!"
I'm sure his kidneys are loving all the soy sauce.
Way to take an overall neutral meal and make it something to turn your piss the color of overripe bananas...
Yeah I wouldn't be surprised at all if the schizophrenia twisted things around in his brain so that the voices take the form of his own criticisms of his actions and behaviors. He's made it quite clear they say negative things about him that he refuses to listen to, which is why he uses the earphones to drown them out. I suspect if he ever ended up in solitary in prison he'd be one of those people who goes absolutely mental after a few months of solitude with only the voices on the wind ranting at him all day. I can just see him just crack one day and start ranting and raving about bigots, trump supporters and flatbills and 'she looks like she was in her 20s! ree!' while writing a new chapter of wound or his PhD dissertation on the walls of the cell in his own shit, complete with his little sperm and dna drawings and all those bubbles with arrows in random places. The guards would eventually open the cell to shit inscribed walls and lucas laying shirtless on the bed covered in his own shit with his top tier wide psycho eyes and smile babbling incoherently to himself and arguing with the voices on the wind
Probably would have happened in the nuthouse already at some point if it wasn't for the fact they kept him doped to the fucking gills the whole time
Mitt Doggy Dogg said:
He had voicemail messages like when you called his phone you had to listen to one of his rants before a message that's pure insanity lol
He should have gone the george constanza route:
Believe it or not
Lucas isn't at home
Please leave a message at the beep
I must be out trying to fuck teenage girls
I'm such a creep
Believe it or not
I'M NOT GAY FUCKING BIGOT REPUBLICANS
AnOminous said:
I'd rather eat anything I've seen in one of those prison chow videos than anything Lucas ever make.
Lucas's cooking reminds me of a video I saw awhile back of some black guy frying chicken in some closet in prison. The oil didn't get anywhere near hot enough to fry anything so he pretty much boiled the chicken in warm used cooking oil. Seems like something lucas would do
AnOminous said:
The other inmates would beat him if they ever had to smell the vile concoctions he makes
He'd be lucky if all he got was a beating for that. Remember how lucas treated the toaster oven in the homeless shelter and how he left it all burned with melted cheese all over it, expecting someone else to clean it? If he did that to a microwave in prison everybody would lose their shit on him. Prisoners are obsessive about protecting their microwaves, seriously bad shit can happen if anybody fucks with it or uses it in a way that gets it removed, like heating up oil to throw on somebody. Lucas would melt a bunch of cheese and mackerel with a bunch of other shit that stank the whole pod up, ruin the inside of the microwave and would either end up in the hospital or in PC real quick
Prison for lucas would be a living hell for him. He's everything prisoners despise. Morbidly obese, doesn't shower, acts creepy, rips people off when he thinks he can get away with it, tries to blackmail and use cops/guards to his advantage to get people in trouble when he doesn't get what they want, and runs to the guards the moment he gets threatened. Not to mention he'd probably refuse to work and want to sit around all day shirtless on his bunk farting up a storm and sneaking some of his cellmates canteen when he wasn't there. I wouldn't be shocked if he ended up as one of those idiots who gets killed by his cellmate the first night. Imagine being locked up in a two man cell with lucas, having to share the same toilet and bunk. Especially after finding out what he was in there for (which being lucas would definitely involve an underage girl in some way) Solitary would be the only place he could be put to keep him from getting killed by somebody, and that would just mean he'd go stark raving mad instead
SteveGoatman said:
Yes, he has done at least a short(ish) stint or two in a local jail. As always, Lucas is a VERY unreliable narrator but I think it's pretty well established that he was in for violating the restraining order and I want to say also for vandalism/threats (via graffiti if memory serves) etc. Hopefully someone else versed deep in Werner lore can set me straight if I'm off the mark.
It was 50 days or so for the restraining order stuff with his ex and something involving house arrest and an ankle bracelet for awhile for going into a store and carving something in some cabinet drawer I think it was. Anti cop related or something to that effect I think. But yeah he got caught, they called the cops on him and he ended up with an ankle bracelet for that one, which really isn't even a punishment for him as he has little problem with staying at home for long stretches anyway