Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

Even his 'i'm not saying anything' sounds like him trying to placate voices in his head telling him to say this shit and still manages to come off as self important narcissism
I am still not unconvinced that the voices in his head aren't just his rational conscious trying to tell him not to post schizo perv shit.

Lucas: "If the earth is 5 billion years old in a universe even older then you should want homeless old man fist in your teenage pussy!"
Lucas inner voice: "This logic is retarded and perverted and maybe we shouldn't post it on Facebook for the world to see???"
Lucas: "FUCK YOU VOICES ON THE WIND SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! I DESERVE TEEN POONANER!!!"
Some of the most recent brokeposting stuff:
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and you thought army SOS was horrifying. Imagine trying to brag to a zoomer bae that this is your top tier cooking skills at work

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You heard it here first folks, he's not preying on teen girls, he's giving them an opportunity for self redemption. How generous of him. Totally not what a raging narcissist and obvious self entitled predator would say at all
I'm sure his kidneys are loving all the soy sauce.
Way to take an overall neutral meal and make it something to turn your piss the color of overripe bananas...
 
While I've never had Army SOS and I'm sure it's like wallpaper paste, that's something Lucas would enjoy since he had Jason Pervas man paste shot into his mouth.
Did Lucas ever do any time in jail or prison? His recipes remind me of the shit inmates cook up w stuff they got on the canteen.

Bingo, he's had several posts/videos/voicemails where he talks about "looking into" veganism, cooking vegan meals, becoming a vegan if his "gf" was vegan etc. It's all hilarious nonsense though I did love it when he purchased a block of vegan cheese and ate the whole thing.
He had voicemail messages like when you called his phone you had to listen to one of his rants before a message that's pure insanity lol
 
Did Lucas ever do any time in jail or prison? His recipes remind me of the shit inmates cook up w stuff they got on the canteen.


He had voicemail messages like when you called his phone you had to listen to one of his rants before a message that's pure insanity lol
I think he did several months in jail after the Suzanne restraining order, and his "creations" do look like jail food, from videos I've seen.
 
Did Lucas ever do any time in jail or prison? His recipes remind me of the shit inmates cook up w stuff they got on the canteen.
I'd rather eat anything I've seen in one of those prison chow videos than anything Lucas ever make.
I think he did several months in jail after the Suzanne restraining order, and his "creations" do look like jail food, from videos I've seen.
The other inmates would beat him if they ever had to smell the vile concoctions he makes.
 
I think he did several months in jail after the Suzanne restraining order, and his "creations" do look like jail food, from videos I've seen.
Yes, he has done at least a short(ish) stint or two in a local jail. As always, Lucas is a VERY unreliable narrator but I think it's pretty well established that he was in for violating the restraining order and I want to say also for vandalism/threats (via graffiti if memory serves) etc. Hopefully someone else versed deep in Werner lore can set me straight if I'm off the mark.
 
I am still not unconvinced that the voices in his head aren't just his rational conscious trying to tell him not to post schizo perv shit.

Lucas: "If the earth is 5 billion years old in a universe even older then you should want homeless old man fist in your teenage pussy!"
Lucas inner voice: "This logic is retarded and perverted and maybe we shouldn't post it on Facebook for the world to see???"
Lucas: "FUCK YOU VOICES ON THE WIND SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! I DESERVE TEEN POONANER!!!"

I'm sure his kidneys are loving all the soy sauce.
Way to take an overall neutral meal and make it something to turn your piss the color of overripe bananas...
Yeah I wouldn't be surprised at all if the schizophrenia twisted things around in his brain so that the voices take the form of his own criticisms of his actions and behaviors. He's made it quite clear they say negative things about him that he refuses to listen to, which is why he uses the earphones to drown them out. I suspect if he ever ended up in solitary in prison he'd be one of those people who goes absolutely mental after a few months of solitude with only the voices on the wind ranting at him all day. I can just see him just crack one day and start ranting and raving about bigots, trump supporters and flatbills and 'she looks like she was in her 20s! ree!' while writing a new chapter of wound or his PhD dissertation on the walls of the cell in his own shit, complete with his little sperm and dna drawings and all those bubbles with arrows in random places. The guards would eventually open the cell to shit inscribed walls and lucas laying shirtless on the bed covered in his own shit with his top tier wide psycho eyes and smile babbling incoherently to himself and arguing with the voices on the wind

Probably would have happened in the nuthouse already at some point if it wasn't for the fact they kept him doped to the fucking gills the whole time

Mitt Doggy Dogg said:
He had voicemail messages like when you called his phone you had to listen to one of his rants before a message that's pure insanity lol
He should have gone the george constanza route:

Believe it or not
Lucas isn't at home
Please leave a message at the beep
I must be out trying to fuck teenage girls
I'm such a creep
Believe it or not
I'M NOT GAY FUCKING BIGOT REPUBLICANS

AnOminous said:
I'd rather eat anything I've seen in one of those prison chow videos than anything Lucas ever make.
Lucas's cooking reminds me of a video I saw awhile back of some black guy frying chicken in some closet in prison. The oil didn't get anywhere near hot enough to fry anything so he pretty much boiled the chicken in warm used cooking oil. Seems like something lucas would do

AnOminous said:
The other inmates would beat him if they ever had to smell the vile concoctions he makes
He'd be lucky if all he got was a beating for that. Remember how lucas treated the toaster oven in the homeless shelter and how he left it all burned with melted cheese all over it, expecting someone else to clean it? If he did that to a microwave in prison everybody would lose their shit on him. Prisoners are obsessive about protecting their microwaves, seriously bad shit can happen if anybody fucks with it or uses it in a way that gets it removed, like heating up oil to throw on somebody. Lucas would melt a bunch of cheese and mackerel with a bunch of other shit that stank the whole pod up, ruin the inside of the microwave and would either end up in the hospital or in PC real quick

Prison for lucas would be a living hell for him. He's everything prisoners despise. Morbidly obese, doesn't shower, acts creepy, rips people off when he thinks he can get away with it, tries to blackmail and use cops/guards to his advantage to get people in trouble when he doesn't get what they want, and runs to the guards the moment he gets threatened. Not to mention he'd probably refuse to work and want to sit around all day shirtless on his bunk farting up a storm and sneaking some of his cellmates canteen when he wasn't there. I wouldn't be shocked if he ended up as one of those idiots who gets killed by his cellmate the first night. Imagine being locked up in a two man cell with lucas, having to share the same toilet and bunk. Especially after finding out what he was in there for (which being lucas would definitely involve an underage girl in some way) Solitary would be the only place he could be put to keep him from getting killed by somebody, and that would just mean he'd go stark raving mad instead

SteveGoatman said:
Yes, he has done at least a short(ish) stint or two in a local jail. As always, Lucas is a VERY unreliable narrator but I think it's pretty well established that he was in for violating the restraining order and I want to say also for vandalism/threats (via graffiti if memory serves) etc. Hopefully someone else versed deep in Werner lore can set me straight if I'm off the mark.
It was 50 days or so for the restraining order stuff with his ex and something involving house arrest and an ankle bracelet for awhile for going into a store and carving something in some cabinet drawer I think it was. Anti cop related or something to that effect I think. But yeah he got caught, they called the cops on him and he ended up with an ankle bracelet for that one, which really isn't even a punishment for him as he has little problem with staying at home for long stretches anyway
 
He'd be lucky if all he got was a beating for that. Remember how lucas treated the toaster oven in the homeless shelter and how he left it all burned with melted cheese all over it, expecting someone else to clean it? If he did that to a microwave in prison everybody would lose their shit on him. Prisoners are obsessive about protecting their microwaves, seriously bad shit can happen if anybody fucks with it or uses it in a way that gets it removed,
Inmates are crazy obcessive over all hygiene and would beat his ass for hot showering, fucking up the microwave, and god forbid one of them has a phone and does a paper check on him. That starbucks incident would definitely be enough to put hands on him. And burning the microwave or not cleaning up after himself would put him on the fast track to checking out. But in a lot of prisons it doesn't matter if you PC out if inmates wanna get at you they will find a way.
Lucas's cooking reminds me of a video I saw awhile back of some black guy frying chicken in some closet in prison.
Crazy we're out here watching videos of inmates inside lol, I was watching some dude make breakfast burritos on this piece of metal he had attached to the electric off his light and it was crazy he made a electric stove out of random shit inside jail. It looked pretty well built for a jailhouse stove. There's quite a few inmates streaming from inside, I saw one who streamed what his state meals looked like and god it was awful looking and small as hell too.

I can't see him having the money or the social skills to make friends to get invited to share a inmates crazy food. Those inmates are spending 40-50 bucks on a lot of those meals, between most of the stuff inside costs about double what it does on the street and just requiring so much stuff to make anything that tastes decent.
 
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(Insert Jason Perva joke here)
 
Those inmates are spending 40-50 bucks on a lot of those meals, between most of the stuff inside costs about double what it does on the street and just requiring so much stuff to make anything that tastes decent.
I've seen a bunch of those and while I wouldn't choose to make one of them on the outside, I would definitely rather eat one of those "prison pizzas" over anything they actually serve them. If the people in prison put the same cooperative effort into living in society as they do to coming up with something edible in prison, they'd probably end up model members of society.

Lucas, though? He would not fare well with his absolute inability to give a shit about others and not destroy shared resources, as shown with his toaster oven follies. I'm not even particularly finicky but if I'd just had to share a dorm room with a guy like that in college and he did that to a toaster oven, his next trip would be out a window.
 
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(Insert Jason Perva joke here)
I really think Lucas is a closest homo, he's always thinking about cocks, who even finds this stuff funny.
I've seen a bunch of those and while I wouldn't choose to make one of them on the outside, I would definitely rather eat one of those "prison pizzas" over anything they actually serve them. If the people in prison put the same cooperative effort into living in society as they do to coming up with something edible in prison, they'd probably end up model members of society.
I've had plenty of prison pizzas, burritos, etc and most of them looked pretty good compared anything I've ever seen Lucas make. I wish Lucas would volunteer for like 60 Days in it would be interesting to see how abunch of randoms deal with Lucas living in close contact.
 
Hmmm Lucas shares a meme with a white nationalist term and lots of dick. Add in cheese it's a trifecta of his favorite things.

The only time I've heard UKasians used was people bashing the Indians who come there. A term I think I've only heard once OFF of /pol/.

Lots of penis talk, and an unflattering name for vag. Asked a British friend, while terms are different and they openly use the c bomb, twat is never said sexually or romantically. So a lot of dick talk then hating on vagina. This is how straight men behave.

Lucas really should just come out he and cooking with Jack could sit watch youth baseball on TV and rub themselves with bacon up. They would be happier people and in Lucas case more social life as he's now a open faggot LGBT. I'm sure some gross chubby chaser would donate. Maybe Lucas gets aids and finally loses weight.

Somehow the idea of Lucas getting fucked by a bunch of aids junkies is a worse mental image than him jerking off to lazy town while covered in Cheeto dust. Something he spends the 7 hours a day he's not sleeping doing.

Those jail cooking videos are weird but I am like y'all have been down that rabbit hole(YouTube not the joint) I remember one guy found a company that pre makes "spreads" incase you're free and too lazy to make your own corn chip ramen bbq sauce dinner. Truly market economics are weird.

Much like when he's in a loony bin Lucas has an objectively better life in jail. Living in a city that goes to zero in winters if not less I know some hobos understand this game and will get a short stay lock up to cruise thru the cold. While we have way too many shelters they offer services, in these swiss cheese brain bums mind they do understand they can't be self trusted and have to exchange freedom and privacy for survival.

So really Lucas who can't and won't play by rules even in lock ups is less stable and intellectual than your avg crack head. That's one thing, I remember reading the avg IQ in jail is like 82 or something. Dumb mother fuckers on avg.

I'll make the assumption none of us have a record like the Wern. Since all of us can form a thought, write decently enough and interact with each other that puts any of us into the sky compared to avg inmates.

If tomorrow any of us some how landed in jail because the system is run by and catered to idiots we'd probably be big shit in the pod after a mere few weeks. Lucas has been homeless for most of his adult life and he still can't be a bum right let alone live well in a nursing home something that doesn't come up enough Lucas is VERY fucking stupid a lot of times we being proper certified Wernologist miss and more so the lay watcher because he's so loony you don't notice he's a dumb ass a bag of door knobs.
 
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(Insert Jason Perva joke here)
I see he has cocks on his brain again. Yet again showing that for someone who is so adamant about not being gay he sure does think about cocks alot

Bassomatic said:
So really Lucas who can't and won't play by rules even in lock ups is less stable and intellectual than your avg crack head. That's one thing, I remember reading the avg IQ in jail is like 82 or something. Dumb mother fuckers on avg.
I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find out lucas's IQ is in the mid to high 70s as he is definitely stupider than the average prisoner by a fair margin. Most of them can at least think outside the box, come up with complex schemes to get back at people that fuck with them, come up with scams and hustles to survive and ingenious ways to hide weapons and contraband. Lucas would be utterly fucked in all of those areas. Not only is lucas incapable of following the rules he takes a certain pride in not doing what he's told. That would not end well for him in prison at all. He'd end up in solitary or killed as he has absolutely nothing and no skills so theres nothing to extort from him, and nobody would want to fuck him so prison bitch is likely out of the question. Plus his history would inevitably get out and when it did he'd be double fucked as a wannabe kiddie diddler. But the thing that would gall lucas the absolute most - as he's used to being isolated and somewhat paranoid and fearful to some degree already, prison would just ramp that up to 1000 - is that he'd be forced to work some prison job as a matter of policy. Lucas already reeees about how underpaid 'workers' are, especially in fast food and retail. Now can you imagine the entitled reeeeing he would do when he found out he was working 10+ hour shifts for 10 cents an hour? He'd blow a fucking gasket at the guards when he worked for weeks and could only afford a couple packs of ramen and a can of tuna.....which would immediately be extorted from him, which would make him lose his shit over it even more. and they really wanted to piss everyone off, the staff would put lucas to work in the kitchen. You just know that would lead to some true wernslop being served and everybody getting food poisoning and wanting to kill him. Imagine ending up in prison and finding out the guy cooking your food was lucas. Prison food is bad enough without it being lucas making it. You just know he'd be stuffing his face with anything he could get his hands on when he thought people weren't looking and trying to steal shit to smuggle back to his cell. I wouldn't want to be the guy who wanted to make his own fried chicken and the only source of chicken I could find turned out to be something lucas smuggled back out of the kitchen stuffed down his pants

and since we all know how lucas spazzes out about anything going near his ass, just imagine how lucas would react when he found out the safest place to hide contraband was to suitcase it up his ass. Lucas getting transferred somewhere and being forced by somebody to suitcase a letter to somebody in a different prison would be hilarious. You just know if he somehow survived prison and lasted long enough to get released he'd go right mental about anybody bringing up sticking things up his ass after that
 
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You heard it here first folks, from the most brilliant philosopher of our time: Religion and atheism aren't the same, they're the opposite.

Really groundbreaking stuff he's working on lately.
Wait til he learns atheism is literally the disbelief in god. As long as he has been sperging about it how does he not already know that?
 
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You heard it here first folks, from the most brilliant philosopher of our time: Religion and atheism aren't the same, they're the opposite.

Really groundbreaking stuff he's working on lately.
He’s so scared by the idea of hell. I’ve never heard another atheist make these kinds of arguments. “God can’t be real because he’s an angry evil torture monster.” Just sounds like something he tells himself because he’s terrified of what might happen when he dies.
 
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