Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[Otterly]

I typically don't like the modern idea of being so eager to cut family off for any little thing, so I've been pretty hesitant.

I don’t think you need to cut her off - she’s suffered a loss then another loss (your brother in a sense) and perhaps he’s been doing the Troon thing of validate me or I’ll kill myself and she cannot bear more loss. It doesn’t excuse her behaviour towards you, but I suspect that’s what’s behind it. I don’t think cutting people off as a finality is always best. Having said that it is absolutely ok for you to set a boundary here and step away for a bit. You do not have to keep engaging and being hurt like that. A simple ‘I’m hurting, you’re hurting, that was hurtful for me, when everyone’s regained some sense let’s hope we can get things back together’ is ok. Take some time away - you dont have to see it in terms of a Final Cut off, it has its place but yes it’s something that’s a last resort. Taking space for yourself is fine
KF isn’t an unfriendly place, and I’m sure people are happy to listen.

lysergic acid works like serotonin and shuts down a part of the brain called the default mode network, which to oversimplify controls a lot of the preconceived notions of self

That’s very interesting. Makes you wonder what SSRIs do to sense of self

Due to an obsession with having irrefutable evidence to "prove" I was a pooner, I used to do constant research

Second time I’ve said this on here in the last month, not to armchair diagnose, but go and read up about pure O form of OCD and see if you think it’s useful for you. I’m glad you got out of all this.

 

[cave dwelling faggot]

Well, turns out someone I know is a closeted tranny. He doesn't know that I know, so I'll be tormenting him by referencing his height, chad jawline, and him looking like my boyfriend while we're doing things together

 

[You're MDNWU]

Caught my fiancee doing voice training lol this is it huh

Notice clothing being stretched out as of late or an increase in weird porn consumption?

 

[gohi_trout]

Notice clothing being stretched out as of late or an increase in weird porn consumption?

Wrong way, pooner fiance

 

[Kiislova]

Caught my fiancee doing voice training lol this is it huh

You told her you are not gay, but be prepared for the inevitable "you have always been gay! I have always been a man!" despite not beong able to describe what a man is. Fuck, I hate how women seem not to be allowed to be tomboys anymore.

Regarding "Voice training" maybe she's trying to be Liz Holmes of Threanos fame. Which we all know is a man (sarcasm)

If this keeps going on... I'm sorry for your loss.
Let's hope she snaps out of this nonsense abd becomes a tomboy.

 

[Nekomander]

You told her you are not gay, but be prepared for the inevitable "you have always been gay! I have always been a man!"

Honestly I think in her case it’s TOCD she’s never shown signs of any of this since December and I’ve know her most of my life we had an argument recently and I told her I grew up with a ftm cousin who “always” knew they were a boy (funnily enough since reaching mid 20s she’s now realized she’s not a boy and just a tomboy lesbian) and I made comparisons between the 2 such as my cousin showing signs since childhood and being able to confidently say they are a man. my fiancee hasn’t and can’t say it at all when supposedly they are supposed to feel like they’re stuck in the other body none of this “figuring it out” nonsense

 

[Flaming_Barghast]

Lmao k here we go. Ready for a last installment? So I mentioned a while ago about things I said while not right in the head because of a mental break. I was actually trying to argue something else entirely and she kept bringing it back to the trans thing. Here's a verbatim quote: "I do not want to associate with someone who thinks that's okay. There was a very specific reason why I asked that boundary not to be crossed. Take some damn responsibility for doing that instead of deflecting and projecting." Gay context ahead.

Spoiler

if anyone is wondering what the fuck this is about, I was saying she was basically a shit friend because I really needed somebody and instead of just listening and then talking it out later, she immediately started tearing into me during a mental break. That quote was after I quite literally labeled everything she did that hurt, so it honestly made even less sense in context. It's one of those rare moments where the scolding actually sounds more coherent by itself because you can craft an arguement around it and have it make sense. I'm still incredibly confused.

This is more of a non update. I have heard neither hide nor hair of them. It's been... what, almost half a year since it happened? Is it normal to feel almost insulted to just be completely cut and not hear a god damn thing from them, even if it's just shit like "see I'm doing FINE without you!" Shit?
It legit feels like our friendship of several years meant so fucking little that I'm not worth even an afterthought? Maybe it's just the woman in me wanting to be bitchy about being ignored but fuck man.... it really hurts.

 

[AMHOLIO]

Maybe it's just the woman in me wanting to be bitchy about being ignored but fuck man.... it really hurts.

They're probably too pissy and even more likely too cowardly to talk to you. Bark, no bite.

 

[TismFarmer]

I do, or at the very least she is personality disordered of the cluster B variety anyway. Her father is the same way, I've seen a lot of the same behaviors from him. It's really very depressing when it's your kid and you've truly tried your best to be a good mom, and realize there is no real fixing things.

I feel this.
It's not a good feeling when someone is describing something shitty about their life and you know exactly how it feels. I could have written this post myself.

 

[BoxTheFox]

My younger brother came out as trans. My mom won't feed into it luckily. He's asked to be put on hormones and wants my mom to let him wear girl clothes but she refuses. My mom and I have spoken about it and she's hoping it's a phase/fad.

I moved across the country years ago, I just feel like if I was there I could have guided him away from it. The family back home won't let him "express" himself as a woman or refer to him as a her. I know my mom is just lost as for what to do though and I am too. She wants to put him in therapy, but she's in a state where they would go along with the delusion and happily put him on the road to getting SRS, so she's wary of trying it.

It sucks, I've tried talking to him. I used his birth name and pronouns and he instantly grasped onto that and said I don't love him. What the fuck.

 

[Redoniblueoni]

I don’t think you need to cut her off - she’s suffered a loss then another loss (your brother in a sense) and perhaps he’s been doing the Troon thing of validate me or I’ll kill myself and she cannot bear more loss. It doesn’t excuse her behaviour towards you, but I suspect that’s what’s behind it. I don’t think cutting people off as a finality is always best. Having said that it is absolutely ok for you to set a boundary here and step away for a bit. You do not have to keep engaging and being hurt like that. A simple ‘I’m hurting, you’re hurting, that was hurtful for me, when everyone’s regained some sense let’s hope we can get things back together’ is ok. Take some time away - you dont have to see it in terms of a Final Cut off, it has its place but yes it’s something that’s a last resort.

My dad doesn't really seem like a big loss to her. She wasn't widowed (they had been divorced the better part of a decade by this point) and she has recently described her first cousin as "the only man (she) has ever loved." to me. She doesn't deserve sympathy in regards to that loss.

My brother is 100% pulling the woe is me poor trans girl stuff and started it instantly. He has threatened suicide online for sure (on le reddit) and his irls saw this, reported it and he got committed for it overnight. He has little means to do this, doesn't have a gun, doesn't take meds, but the threat was there and his friend(s) acted fast.

To them, this is all justified because I said mean words to my "sister" that day. I've always been the instigator that according to them justifies violence. Transphobia > physical violence (towards anyone, even your family).

I'm considering a full ghost on all 3 of them by this point. Between the gaslighting, violence, lies and more it's too much. Now, my mom is ghosting on paying me for the art she commissioned as well. It's hard to see a way to justify all of this behavior and I'm running out of excuses for them.

This is more of a non update. I have heard neither hide nor hair of them. It's been... what, almost half a year since it happened? Is it normal to feel almost insulted to just be completely cut and not hear a god damn thing from them, even if it's just shit like "see I'm doing FINE without you!" Shit?
It legit feels like our friendship of several years meant so fucking little that I'm not worth even an afterthought? Maybe it's just the woman in me wanting to be bitchy about being ignored but fuck man.... it really hurts.

I got ghosted by a "friend" after some college and unexplainably blocked on social media for seemingly no reason at all. Some people are not your friends and are not worth the effort. It's unfair, it's rude, it's cowardly, but people suck. Your heart was in the right place and she just went into a new cult, like you've said prior. If she gave a shit she would try to understand you. You deserve people who care about your point of view and she wasn't that.

 

[popnloch ness monster]

It sucks, I've tried talking to him. I used his birth name and pronouns and he instantly grasped onto that and said I don't love him. What the fuck.

tbh we have the technology for the trooner issues in one's family - honour killing
don't poo poo it just because it's fallen out of fashion in the globowest

 

[Scoia'tael]

I'm sorry. I'm drunk and also not engaging with the thread in any meaningful way but I'm at a loss. I just need to scream aloud except I can't scream aloud so I'm screaming here

Spoiler: Screaming

i hate the trans movement. I hate trannys i hate that every non-feminine girl is now trans. I hate that i cant do anything to actually help anyone. I hate that any common sense is bigotry. I hate myself for being unable to swallow the partyline. I hate my whole life. I hate my sisters I hate my failure to them. I wish I could be fucking injected with something that would make me a sheep and make this all okay to me so I wouldn't loose the most important people in my life. I hate being older. I hate having detransed. I hate myself and the world and i just want my fucking sisters back. Theyre so smart and competent and I'm so proud of them but I'm a terf and they will never speak to me again. I love them. Even if they pretend they are men. I'm the oldest, I would die for them like any oldest sibling would, but they won't talk to me and hate me and I can't live like this anymore I just can't.

 

[Chromeo]

I'm sorry. I'm drunk and also not engaging with the thread in any meaningful way but I'm at a loss. I just need to scream aloud except I can't scream aloud so I'm screaming here

I hear you.

 

[Jacques1194]

So I stumbled across this TIF online who claims she might be trans and goes by he/they. (though she said she cant decide still.) After doing some investigating its once again transitioning because of some abuse going on. Assuming her story is true she claims her father died back in 2020, and her mother sounds like an abusive narcissist. She also claims her mother body shames her, and that she has been bullied for years due to her looks. I've tried to message her and tell her that there's nothing wrong with her and that she doesn't have to hold to society's beauty standards. While she was thankful to me for my kind words, she sadly still seems to identify as a boy, and there's only so much I can do with someone who I dont know at all. I do have a question for those here. Is there a connection to TIFs transitioning and an absent father? I think this poor girl misses her dad a lot and since her mother sounds abusive. she seems like she only had him to talk to.

 

[gohi_trout]

I do have a question for those here. Is there a connection to TIFs transitioning and an absent father? I think this poor girl misses her dad a lot and since her mother sounds abusive. she seems like she only had him to talk to.

Yes, from personal experience, many pooners have no father figure, a very absent father figure or an abusive father figure. How this causes the poon-out seems to vary, with the ones without a father figure it seems to come from having no idea how men actually act, and the more abusive seem to be a defensive. They're going to be more likely to fall in with weird crowds/ be more susceptible to the troon stuff.

 

[AfghanBlue]

Yes, from personal experience, many pooners have no father figure, a very absent father figure or an abusive father figure. How this causes the poon-out seems to vary, with the ones without a father figure it seems to come from having no idea how men actually act, and the more abusive seem to be a defensive. They're going to be more likely to fall in with weird crowds/ be more susceptible to the troon stuff.

Something like 50% of people in general have an absent father.
Now this seems insane at an immediate glance.
But think about all the people you knwo, and wether or not they have relationships w their fathers.
I imagine this is hugely based on socio economic/ cultural groups etc, but it certainly works on a pretty vast swathe of western society.

 

[Crimson Nova]

Still catching up on this thread's highlights, but damn it's nice there's somewhere to bitch about this.

Had a good friend. She was a dyke like me and we would bond over how similar our life paths were before we met in our early 20s. Both had pasts with trauma, being nerdy as hell (although in her case definitely on the more feminine side of nerddom, like SuperWhoLocke type fandom shit I'd just ignore), probably a bit on the spectrum but overall still very sociable, outgoing, and fun to talk to.

Well, we fell out of touch for a few years and now we're in our 30s and she's been on T for long enough to have a dustache and is going by an inanimate nature name (think River or Cloud). Can't say I didn't see it coming considering the different circles we ended up in but still.

What's so wrong with just being a butch woman? I feel like part of a dying breed.

 

[AfghanBlue]

Still catching up on this thread's highlights, but damn it's nice there's somewhere to bitch about this.

Had a good friend. She was a dyke like me and we would bond over how similar our life paths were before we met in our early 20s. Both had pasts with trauma, being nerdy as hell (although in her case definitely on the more feminine side of nerddom, like SuperWhoLocke type fandom shit I'd just ignore), probably a bit on the spectrum but overall still very sociable, outgoing, and fun to talk to.

Well, we fell out of touch for a few years and now we're in our 30s and she's been on T for long enough to have a dustache and is going by an inanimate nature name (think River or Cloud). Can't say I didn't see it coming considering the different circles we ended up in but still.

What's so wrong with just being a butch woman? I feel like part of a dying breed.

It's grim man. Every time I see a TIF, with their big bulbous nose, and that's the only difference, apart form their unattended to, Italian-woman-normal pooptash.. I just think..your heart is also made of cartilage. The absolute state of the wrecking your insides are getitng. For what.
It will be a grim type of science to start counting off when these poor fuckers die, and how cleanly they get there, in terms of stroke effects.
If only someone was collecting real data on the lesbians who were getting drawn into this vs not.
My mother was slowly drawn into being peaked by A) jk Rowling dindu nothing and B) finding it very strange that the 2(!) lesbian sisters of her best mate, vehemently hated trans shit more than anyone she'd ever come across, and musing upon why that was.

-Speaking to her about it was a good wakeup call that I need to watch my words and know entirely too much about this shit, a good trial run. To not sound like a massive conspiracy theorist when talking to someone who may be less forgiving of my "views".

There's no chance on either side fo the collector or the collectee of data, to get any of this shit genuinely represented, so we must go by anecdotes. Bit it's certainly seeming to put the 1% regret rate to bed.

 

[AfghanBlue]

Yes, especially for men who are budding AGPs. Nonbinary typically is the "testing the waters" stage. I've got a nonbinary housemate (I was desperate since at the time as it was possible that I would be paying rent for two places, don't judge) and someone slipped up and called him "she" and not only did he not correct the misgender faux pas, he said it was alright in a demure voice. Gross. He got back from visiting his troon bf the other day and he was wearing a bodycon dress. Ive placed my bets that he'll be all about that she/her by the end of the year. It definitely feels as if his troon bf is grooming him: every time he visits he comes back looking more like a female caricature than a mix of both feminine and masculine traits. They met online, started long distance dating less than a year ago, and they're planning on moving in next year.

For women on the other hand, nonbinary is the place that they go when they want to escape womanhood but don't want to be associated with men as it's men who made them want to flee womanhood and they don't want to be a gross, oppressive man. Sometimes you see the "testing the waters" version of nonbinary with women though.

What became of your non binary housemate?