Hey, not sure if this is the right subreddit so I apologize. I 23 FTM have been medically transitioning for 7months now. I met my boyfriend (also 23 ftm) 9 months ago. He does not want to medically transition because he wants to carry a child one day, that’s not what I’m upset about. I have been on gel 1.61% and take two pumps in the morning and two at night. We only see each other about 1-2 times a week normally after work since both of us work full time and live about 30 minutes from each other. I warned him that I take my gel in the morning and night and that if he didn’t want to get any on him when I come over then I can put it places and leave my clothes on in those places. - I normally put it on my stomach and thighs at night and my chest and shoulders in the morning. He said it was okay and that he “didn’t mind if any gel wore off on him” and that he “wouldn’t mind if his voice got deeper or started growing more hair” okay, no problem for me then. I was over last week and we were having ~spicy~ time and I made an off hand comment that he was soaking up my gel after all. He got confused and asked me what I meant. I said that it’s small but I think he was starting to get a little bit of bottom growth. He freaked out. Made both of us put our clothes back on and told me that’s just what happens when you have sex. I was confused and just dropped it. He definitely is starting to grow down there and I’m not sure if he’s noticed too and is feeling insecure or having dysphoria about it? I want to bring it up but he got so sad and frustrated that I don’t know how to approach the situation. Thoughts?
UPDATE
since it keeps getting lost in the comments
Hi folks. I’ve read all your messages and Instead of individually responding over and over heres what’s up.
- I take t twice a day instead of one big dose because it acts like a mood stabilizer for me and if I take one big dose my mood and emotions TANK bad by evening. My doctor is the one who recommended I do twice a day instead and it helps IMMENSELY keeping my emotions from tanking and not thinking about offing myself as much. My doctor is the one who has told me to spread out where I apply my T.
- It honestly doesn’t matter why my boyfriend doesn’t want to medically transition because it’s his body and his choice.
- NSFW - we both get off by having our genitals described and often that alone can get him off.
First off I don’t appreciate people telling us that we’re both uneducated. We both know the fear mongering around HRT, about gel and both of us have done A LOT of research. I typically shower then put my T on and go see him after work. It’s normally about 1-2 hours of the T being on my skin.
Second off it was a total misunderstanding.
We were spending the night with eachother last night and I asked him what made him uncomfortable and if I said or did something to make him feel bad. He laughed and said no, apparently from his perspective he has been noticing small changes which he’s been happy about it, when we say small I really do mean small and very unnoticeable unless you’re REALLY paying attention. When I made the comment he was a little overwhelmed and snapped out of normally having to defend himself to his ex who would misgender him during sex. When he was feeling down there his nail got caught, cut him and the combo took him straight out of the mood.
In short he is ok with me talking about his genitals during sex and not during sex, he likes when I say it’s bigger. He just hadn’t noticed yet, it’s really not that much bigger but he likes when I say it is. So the combo hurting himself and thinking about his ex who would constantly misgender him took him out of the mood. We’re good now and I should have noticed that he was hurting instead of thinking it was something about me.
No one is the asshole, we just needed to communicate. For those who are calling me an asshole I guess that’s your opinion but he’s not upset with me about any of it and we had a larger conversation and we are all good.
