Ethan Ralph, Fugitive from Justice

Holy shit. Is he really holding out hope for this to work? COULD it possibly even work, legally, for a judge to rescind a countrywide warrant based off whatever the fuck this is?
If he wasn’t so flat broke he could hire a lawyer to attempt this through normal legal channels, but alas, he can barely make rent, daily tortas and keep the lights on in his shack..

Tell the world you’re broke without saying it you dumbass loser.
 
If the judge would just let him explain his plights:
-no vehicle
-busy trying to woo his PT into sucking he his penis
-borderline homeless
-working on a project (book) for years with its release imminent.
-evil karen farms run by broke dick Moon

Shit, I thought I was posting to the shit-lips thread, oh well.
 
"Dear ya honuh and the honuhruble court and your honuhrable sexy court clerk you got sitting out front with the short skirt who bettuh make sure the judge sees this or I'm going to put my hands on you if you wanna know the truth about it, bish.

Anyway, as a fan of the illustrious KeelStream, I'm sure you are fully aware that I have exactly one child and his name is Xanduh..."
 
If he wasn’t so flat broke he could hire a lawyer to attempt this through normal legal channels, but alas, he can barely make rent, daily tortas and keep the lights on in his shack..

Tell the world you’re broke without saying it you dumbass loser.
Hold on, so this isn't even something his plumber lawyer officially submitted, he literally just send something like this to the court directly and expected it to work?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Well, he doesn't have a website to blog anymore, so he's doing the best with what he has.
Writing yet another gay blog about the a-log judge is the only way he could top this
 
Ya'onha, ah can't see ma sun Xander cuz' fo Christmas becuz of dis this pesky warrant and mah catz water bowl ain't dat big. Am ah gud boy ya'onha and ah pinky promise to hand mah self in if u want, etc.

Beg harder Ralph, get on your knees and plead for the courts mercy. I'm sure they'll drop everything so you can see your only child (the only one you acknowledge at least).
 
Look at that sentence structure. He considers himself a writer but has the linguistic skills of a middle schooler.
To be fair, after all the drugs and alcohol he's put through his system I'm surprised he's capable of typing up and sending a letter at all.
This arc will conclude with Ralph hiring Coyotes to sneak him across the border. He'll get to visit Xander for Christmas, but he just walks a bit funny.
I want it to end like Billy Bob Thornton trying to reach Thurman Murman's house in Bad Santa.
 
If the judge would just let him explain his plights:
-no vehicle
-busy trying to woo his PT into sucking he his penis
-borderline homeless
-working on a project (book) for years with its release imminent.
-evil karen farms run by broke dick Moon

Shit, I thought I was posting to the shit-lips thread, oh well.
Amazing how well it works though. Or maybe not so amazing.
 
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Ralph's life is an infinite repeating cycle of grief. We're back at bargaining. He really thinks he can manipulate the judge by just saying everything he wants to hear.
The funniest element of the document isn't the contents, but Ralph likely wrote this while on air. He was so confident this would work saying repeatedly (on a loop) "Yeah that's gonna get taken care of real soon." Instead he revealed he writes at a 3rd grade reading level, etc.
 
:diddler: Ya hahnur, az much az ah wood like tew cumply wif da vulnerable court of Greater Manysoda, Ah fine mahself in exterminatin' circumfrences dat wood proov tew be uhgregious and turmoilous fer mah many deependunts. An' so Ah wood liek tew ax da court tew squash da beef-motions entirely until such time dat Ah am nawt at mah lois.

yahanur.png

Career criminal and professional debt dodger Ethan Ralph is used to the system letting him kick cans down the road. Even if it does buy him a little time he chose this gay game over visiting Xander and is a megafaggot for doing so. Eternally. Happy Holidays, pal.
 
View attachment 6690602
Ralph, you forgot some numbers you can receive faxes at.
+19014249029
901-424-9029
1-901-424-9029

Also, don't forget His Honor might be attempting to call via the office phone system, so he needs an outside line:
9-1-901-424-9029
9-901-424-9029

Finally, His Honor probably needs more history and explanation of just how and why you got each of these numbers. What were you feeling at the time? What were your hopes and fears when you registered this fax number?
Not only is The Gunt's letter pathetic, but the fact that he even included fax numbers, and didn't even put the numbers in properly, is even more pathetic.
 
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