I am cats. Ask me Nothing

I kept telling myself that I would post here once I could think of the right thing to say. But I realized I'm not good enough with words to explain how I felt, so I'm going to use Cats quotes to help.

It's going to be a lot lonelier without his Q+A shitposts:
Cats said:
hi i bought a pet rabbit yesterday and this morning it started laying a bunch of tiny brown eggs. the rabbit didnt even sit on the eggs to keep them warm so I collected the eggs and placed them on a heating blanket but they quickly started to stink horribly and i didnt want to kill the baby rabbits inside so I took them off and have just been holding them gently in my closed palm. I thought rabbits was a mammle (sp?) and in school they said mammles don't lay eggs, the baby grows inside like a person. So is the rabbit a mammle or a reptle or something different? I am very confused about the whole situation and don't know what I should do to make sure these eggs hatch. There are nine of them
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Cats said:
I used to collect my tadpoles and examine them in a microscope slide. I would watch them move inside their little sperm villages, and I would try and pick out who was the mayor.

But then, it happened! I'm makin' crabs instead of Little Wigglies!

Today my seed was REPLACED with tiny red crabs, complete with snippy-snap-claws, eye stalks top hats cigarettes on long cigarette holders, franch accents ect.

How it can become ?? A Sciencemystery??
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And without his enlightening science lectures:
Cats said:
Good evening Gentleman. It has been long known that I suffer from a crippling affliction known as "Microbones". In a nutshell it means that my skeleton is incredibly small and occupies just a fraction of my entire body. This can make living life very difficult. Earlier in chat today, discussion was held about the symptoms i was suffering in a dayly basis. someone asked me to draw a diagram beaucuse they did not Understand what the disease meant.

Also, because people keep making fun of my microbones, here is a brief edcation (diagram) on what this Disease means and how to properly understand the disease Known as microbones. If you or a friend suffer from a tiny little skeleton there is support
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00.webp
Cats said:
Good morning. Do you ever look around and think, "whys there all these people? where did they all come from?!" Today in class I will teach you all about how the people you see in the world have come to be there.

It has been known as far back as many years that as the human lives, eat, walk, sit, exist, he discards dozens of particles of Skin. he doesn't do it on purpose, it's just because of a mystery of life that it happens! The skin floats down to the ground* until enough of it has accumulated together into what scientists call a "microdermis" that blankets the floor. As human beings and other creatures walk about, their movement rolls the microdermis into large balls (Human Motes) which eventually become so filled with all kinds of Cells that they begin to think maybe they should go somewhere else and avoid getting stepped on all the time by everybody. As the mote rolls along the floor it collects more and more of the microdermis, adding to its cells. The mote then finds a cool, dry place to hide and form. In time, a brand new human will turn the corner from that hiding place and integrate itself into society.

Bonus Scientific Factoid: the combined microscopic material gathered alongside the microdermis as it rolls away (other discarded biological material, matter, dirt, waste, and other contaminants) determines the eventual personality of the new human!
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At least we can take solace in that we all had a good time together:
Cats said:
Kiwifarms has provided me with my Most Favorite Ever On Line Commuinty, full of nothing but FRIENDLY, accepting, funny, extremely Physically Attractive and Interesting Beautiful peoplpe, best-possible-moral-compass-equipped, Cat-and-Nword-enjoying, intelligent, HIGHLY CULTUIRED Individuals that you can't fi8nd any were else online the internet. Kiwifarms has provided me a with a place to talk about, display, showcase and otherwise present my beloved cats.
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And that a little piece of him has burrowed into our brains forever.
Cats said:
Simply place your microscopic friend near the opening to one of your ears, and eventually he will find his way through your hearing canal and burrow his way into your brain. There, his body will melt, and quickly become absorbed by the passing neurons - connecting you both as a singular and completely new coalesced mind. He will have all of your thoughts and memories, and you will have all of his. But beware...the unfathomable memories of a creature so small may prove to be far too big once they belong to you.
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Prokhor Zakharov said:
That's the correct answer. My cat loved shoving things off the table when I was on the phone. He did it for the sheer fact that he was no longer the center of attention.
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Mine would lay his fat ass on the keyboard or the laptop the second you got it out. Cats know what they're doing.
 
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@Coo Coo Bird Idk why I can’t reply to you but what a fitting post to kick off page 100 of this thread. I wish @Cats was here to see this…

To commemorate 100 pages of Cats, I will tell you all another story about a Cat I once knew and the time she stole a pork chop:

This happened many moons ago. It was dinner time, and There were pork chops on the oven. My cat (different cat from the last story, I have known many cats and will not share their names to protect their identity) wanted one, so she stole it. Unfortunately her little cat teeth were too weak to handle such tough meat. She was very angry about this, so she dropped it in the dirtiest part of the floor so no one could have it. Her pettiness is unmatched, and I love that for her
 
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Since we've reached 100 pages, here is one of my cat stories.

One night on the way home from work I stopped to get some chicken from KFC. There were a few cats that hung out in my yard and the neighbors because there was a maintained cat colony in the backyard of a house behind mine. I had a really steep driveway and as I was walking up the driveway with my chicken the cats of course were running around me and meowing. I knew the little shits would trip me so I sat the bag down on the driveway to pet one that was going between my feet (yes, I realize the error now) and while I was reaching to pet him another cat headbutted the bag, knocking it over. He then grabbed the bag in his mouth and took off running. The other cats all looked shocked by what happened as I was.

The chicken thief then decided he wished to live with me in the house (no doubt in hope of more chicken) and we spent the next 13 years together.
 
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krazy orange cat said:
He then grabbed the bag in his mouth and took off running. The other cats all looked shocked by what happened as I was.

The chicken thief then decided he wished to live with me in the house (no doubt in hope of more chicken) and we spent the next 13 years together.
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Was it a black cat?
 
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