Lovequest FB 9/7 - Sad over not having a sweetheart

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Optimus Prime said:
Well to do that he'd need to stop pretending to be a woman. Truly it says something when at his best at being a woman, all he does is look like an old-as-fuck Benjamin Franklin with green hair dye issues. Hell, remove the hair and his head is unmistakably masculine.
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He was creeping on women long before the Tomgirl stuff. All that's changed is that now he just puts "tee-hee us girls blushing emoji flower emoji" at the end of every post.
 
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To be honest I am wondering how an actual steady girlfriend would impact his life.

It could surprisingly stableize him given how unpredictable he is but could also just add yet another saga to the timeline, especially if he experiences a breakup.
 
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Pigeon On A Stick said:
Chloe in the game "Life is Strange" is a frustrated lesbian who wants sum fuk, and eventually finds a partner. Chris, on the other hand, is not a lesbian, nor will he obtain a partner.
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She also has blue hair and is 16, which given that Chris views himself as a blue-haired manic pixie dream girl, is highly relevant.
Chrisology1337 said:
To be honest I am wondering how an actual steady girlfriend would impact his life.

It could surprisingly stableize him given how unpredictable he is but could also just add yet another saga to the timeline, especially if he experiences a breakup.
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I doubt it would stabilise him. There were "sweethearts" who attempted to get him to improve, but his usual way of dealing with it was to try to find loopholes, lie about improving and ultimately just give up. Chris would never admit it, but he'd rather stay single than deal with the stress of a girlfriend forcing him to improve himself.
 
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timecop said:
i like how he is completely unable to talk about his life without alluding to a fucking video game or kids show at least once
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Given Chris only understands reality through a damaged filter of pop cultural shows and video games, it's really all he can do. He's so stunted in growth that he can't actually make more mature metaphors or comparisons.

Chrisology1337 said:
To be honest I am wondering how an actual steady girlfriend would impact his life.

It could surprisingly stableize him given how unpredictable he is but could also just add yet another saga to the timeline, especially if he experiences a breakup.
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Doubtful. The Catherine experiment a few years back was set up explicitly to test Chris on how he'd function if such a figure existed in his life.

Catherine got a fucking goodie bag from Chris when she visited his house.

The only thing that would stabilize Chris is an enforced routine. On the level of assisted care or jail.

CharlieBrowns said:
I know it would never happen but could you imagine the content we would get if Chris found an honest-to-God and the Bear, true and honest girlfriend. Just imagine the Valentine's Day presents he would scrape together.
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As mentioned, Catherine was set up to be this figure in Chris's life. And while the experiment didn't last long enough to reach a major holiday, the things he did give her were quite horrifying like the 'Three-Quarters Woman' CD mix and almost the arch-relic of fail itself, the "Ammyfest" (Anthymyst) MHS Class Ring - Catherine wisely refused the latter though because it was obvious Chris was trying to use it as an engagement ring of sorts.
 
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CharlieBrowns said:
I know it would never happen but could you imagine the content we would get if Chris found an honest-to-God and the Bear, true and honest girlfriend. Just imagine the Valentine's Day presents he would scrape together.
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"I bought you this Lego set! I'll keep it at my house so you can play with it when you come over! Somehow the box opened itself!"
 
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Karen Riley said:
In the part about building up a solid friendship and then allowing it to progress further afterwards, he's saying exactly what he was trying to do with the likes of Doopie on Twitter. It's annoying that he gets mad at people for figuring out what he's doing and calling him out on it, when it's something he openly admits to.

I'm not sure if it's for that reason or not but do most people feel happy seeing a post like this, knowing that Chris is still unhappy he hasn't been paired up with a beautiful girl after all these years? It's probably my inner A-Log but I kind of feel like he deserves to be denied the things like this that he wants so badly
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His mentality concerning relationships mimics what he's learned from rewards in video games; he believes getting a girlfriend is a linear, progressive path with checkpoints along the way (acquaintance -> friend -> girlfriend -> wife). He believes that if he does everything "right" then he deserves the reward. If you hit all the right blocks in Super Mario Bros then you get to move on to the next level and eventually get your reward.

To Chris it's unfair that he hasn't been rewarded with a girlfriend because in his mind he's hitting all the marks that he thinks matter. Even now, 10 years later he still believes that mimicking the cliche romantic bullshit he's seen in cartoons and movies should naturally result in him getting a girlfriend. And not just any girlfriend, the perfect girlfriend, the "high score" girlfriend; he's been grinding away at this for so long now so why shouldn't he get the best trophy?

He's never questioned that the approach he's taken is wrong, so he's only ever changed his tactics. When he exhausted every option he thought existed for a guy to get girlfriend he did something every gamer can relate to: he reset and started all over again by becoming a "lesbian".
 
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Chris wants a sweetheart, but isn't willing to take even the simplest of steps for it to happen, aside from sitting on his ass and having her find him.

The problem, aside from Chris being lazy and lacking empathy, is that he's also dumb as a rock.

By claiming to be a "lesbian woman" Chris has cut the available pool of women by something like 90%.

Smooth move, Chris!
 
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tl;dr - Chris is having a sad because despite as much as he acts and dresses up like cartoon characters, reality has yet inverted itself to where a spunky girl with love and attitude to spare has come into his life and found that all she needed to be happy was a glommy, greasy 35-year old who still lives at home at Mommy's Trash Shack, and will whisk him away where he can live in comfort and hanky panky while doing next to nothing other than calling her dear and on occassion using money- 99% likely her own money- to buy junk food and junk toys.

Well, if there is one thing I can say, the more things change, the more they stay the same...
 
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He Sets Me On Fire said:
Oh, absolutely. Chris has never been looking for love, affection, etc. He's been looking for someone (or several someones) that he can dump the responsibilities of his life onto while he goes off and indulges his whims, likely on his heartsweet's dime. The man is pathologically selfish. Chris would rather leave his soiled, untreated underwear in the laundry hamper for Barb to eventually discover and clean instead of changing his diet, getting exercise, suffering the 'indignity' of wearing adult diapers, or laundering his dirty drawers himself. Things may have possibly changed recently due to Barb's frailty, but that's only out of necessity. Chris wants to use, use, use someone.

Chris has "loved" each of his "girlfriends" within the space of a couple of weeks. He doesn't know or understand romantic love. He's not even looking for love, he's looking for the sense of elation that would come from the knowledge that someone else will pay the bills, provide him with sex, sort through his unpleasant emotions, and keep the trolls away. For Chris, a relationship is a goal, a thing to achieve after dumping Bowser into the fire pit. Watching him fail and complain about loneliness shows him rightly losing at something, and considering how he's avoided fines and jail time for his lousy behavior, knowing that he's losing at leeching off of someone is really rather satisfying.
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To summarize, Chris just wants a mommy that he can fuck.
 
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