Twihards

[Saney]

Oooh, I found a really good quote from Breaking Dawn!

Though I did think it sucked that he had a good fourteen years of monkitude ahead of him until Claire was his age — for Quil, at least, it was a good thing werewolves didn't get older. But even all that time didn't seem to bother him much.

And there you have it! Proof given by the author herself that imprinting really is sexual, Quil is indeed a child groomer and he can't wait to have sex with a girl whose diapers he changed.

 

[José Mourinho]

Wait, the Twihards are still talking about Twilight?

And by the way, sorry to be a noob for this, but what are they thinking of having a trilogy of 50 Shades of Grey?

 

[Saney]

Wait, the Twihards are still talking about Twilight?

And by the way, sorry to be a noob for this, but what are they thinking of having a trilogy of 50 Shades of Grey?

Yeah, they just can't get over it. Besides, SMeyer's almost certainly going t release Midnight Sun at some point. She craves attention.
They seem to be mixed about this. Even some Twihards realise how fucked up the relationship in that series is.

 

[Judge Holden]

^ Oh lawdy, midnight sun. The book which reveals Edward is just as much of self pitying psychopath as Bella

 

[Saney]

^ Oh lawdy, midnight sun. The book which reveals Edward is just as much of self pitying psychopath as Bella

With emphasis on the psychopath. Seriously, he wants to commit genocide simply because he can. And Dr. Acula would, at best, be mildly disappointed but eventually forgive him.

 

[Bugaboo]

^ Oh lawdy, midnight sun. The book which reveals Edward is just as much of self pitying psychopath as Bella

Or the book that reveals that Edward and Jacob are actually just Bella and then they all merge into one super dick entity.
PERHAPS MAYBE?

 

[Saney]

^ Oh lawdy, midnight sun. The book which reveals Edward is just as much of self pitying psychopath as Bella

Or the book that reveals that Edward and Jacob are actually just Bella and then they all merge into one super dick entity.
PERHAPS MAYBE?

Sounds like something that would happen in Twilight.

 

[Bugaboo]

^ Oh lawdy, midnight sun. The book which reveals Edward is just as much of self pitying psychopath as Bella

Or the book that reveals that Edward and Jacob are actually just Bella and then they all merge into one super dick entity.
PERHAPS MAYBE?

Sounds like something that would happen in Twilight.

Alternate dimesion Twilight were the books and movies are about a war between vampires and werewolves and there's tons of violence and the most elite members can together and become a super being. And if a young vampire/werewolf trains hard enough he can fly and he goes to join the greatest warriors of each side in the battle of the heavens. After the battle on earth is near it's close and the remaining warriors are tired of fighting the great warriors in the battle of the heavens declare peace between the lycans and vampires and the great warriors ascend to godhood and their people worship them in grand temples and a new age of enlightenment and tolerance between the two groups.

 

[Saney]

Here are two good articles that rips Twilight to shreds.
http://www.korsgaardscommentary.com/201 ... light.html
http://www.korsgaardscommentary.com/201 ... llets.html
He does get one thing wrong though, he says that Edward rapes Bella at one point. I'm not sure where he got that from, unless he's confusing Edward and Bella for Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele (there is a rape scene in that book...which is never treated like one).

 

[Rio]

Here are two good articles that rips Twilight to shreds.
http://www.korsgaardscommentary.com/201 ... light.html
http://www.korsgaardscommentary.com/201 ... llets.html
He does get one thing wrong though, he says that Edward rapes Bella at one point. I'm not sure where he got that from, unless he's confusing Edward and Bella for Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele (there is a rape scene in that book...which is never treated like one).

I don't know about rape, but I know one of the book does have sexual assault, where Jacob forcibly kisses Bella and is then given high fives for it. The way it's treated as a good thing is pretty disturbing.

 

[Saney]

Here are two good articles that rips Twilight to shreds.
http://www.korsgaardscommentary.com/201 ... light.html
http://www.korsgaardscommentary.com/201 ... llets.html
He does get one thing wrong though, he says that Edward rapes Bella at one point. I'm not sure where he got that from, unless he's confusing Edward and Bella for Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele (there is a rape scene in that book...which is never treated like one).

I don't know about rape, but I know one of the book does have sexual assault, where Jacob forcibly kisses Bella and is then given high fives for it. The way it's treated as a good thing is pretty disturbing.

Ah yes, that scene. She breaks her hand when she tried to punch him and he acts like its not even a thing. And then later on, he emotionally blackmails Bella into another kiss and threatens to get himself killed if she doesn't leave Edward for him.

 

[CWCissey]

Don't forget that on their honeymoon Edward breaks a lot of Bella's bones (I've heard of the phrase 'jumping your bones, but that's ridiculous!) and BELLA ENJOYS IT.

SMeyer is a sick bitch.

 

[Saney]

Don't forget that on their honeymoon Edward breaks a lot of Bella's bones (I've heard of the phrase 'jumping your bones, but that's ridiculous!) and BELLA ENJOYS IT.

SMeyer is a sick bitch.

Why the hell couldn't Bella have just topped? That'd solve Edward snapping Bella like a dry twig. Oh, that's right, because any position other than missionary is too dirty.

 

[CWCissey]

Don't forget that on their honeymoon Edward breaks a lot of Bella's bones (I've heard of the phrase 'jumping your bones, but that's ridiculous!) and BELLA ENJOYS IT.

SMeyer is a sick bitch.

Why the hell couldn't Bella have just topped? That'd solve Edward snapping Bella like a dry twig. Oh, that's right, because any position other than missionary is too dirty.

As are blowjobs apparently, I just can't get behind a religion that disapproves of fun sexytimes.

Although I do have a theory that seeing as he's a fairy (because vampires don't sparkle) that Edward cums glitter.

 

[Saney]

Don't forget that on their honeymoon Edward breaks a lot of Bella's bones (I've heard of the phrase 'jumping your bones, but that's ridiculous!) and BELLA ENJOYS IT.

SMeyer is a sick bitch.

Why the hell couldn't Bella have just topped? That'd solve Edward snapping Bella like a dry twig. Oh, that's right, because any position other than missionary is too dirty.

As are blowjobs apparently, I just can't get behind a religion that disapproves of fun sexytimes.

Although I do have a theory that seeing as he's a fairy (because vampires don't sparkle) that Edward cums glitter.

Makes perfect sense. What I don't get though is how Bella can survive having an icicle shoved into her. Seriously, Edward is somehow always freezing, its like he's spitting in the face of science.

 

[CWCissey]

Although I do have a theory that seeing as he's a fairy (because vampires don't sparkle) that Edward cums glitter.

Makes perfect sense. What I don't get though is how Bella can survive having an icicle shoved into her. Seriously, Edward is somehow always freezing, its like he's spitting in the face of science.[/quote]

Considering Bella's sado-masochistic tendencies, she probably practised with a popsicle before hand.

 

[Saney]

Although I do have a theory that seeing as he's a fairy (because vampires don't sparkle) that Edward cums glitter.

Makes perfect sense. What I don't get though is how Bella can survive having an icicle shoved into her. Seriously, Edward is somehow always freezing, its like he's spitting in the face of science.

Considering Bella's sado-masochistic tendencies, she probably practised with a popsicle before hand.

That might also explain how she can stand to be shot full of corrosive acid (seriously, according to SMeyer, all of a vampire's fluids have been replaced with vampire venom, which eats through contact lenses and makeup quickly).

 

[CWCissey]

That might also explain how she can stand to be shot full of corrosive acid (seriously, according to SMeyer, all of a vampire's fluids have been replaced with vampire venom, which eats through contact lenses and makeup quickly).

 

[Saney]

That might also explain how she can stand to be shot full of corrosive acid (seriously, according to SMeyer, all of a vampire's fluids have been replaced with vampire venom, which eats through contact lenses and makeup quickly).

Here's a quote from Frozen Apples, the Anti-Twilight wiki that sums it up.

Venom is a plot device (plot device? Twilight has plot devices?) fluid that essentially fills vampire bodies like a water balloon, because that's exactly how venom functions in an even slightly plausible species. It is responsible for absolutely everything that happens in their bodies, including lubricating their crystaline skin so that it can bend (demonstrating the world renowned flexibility of solid crystal.) It also lubricates their eye sockets, because humans might find the grating sound of a stone eyeball against a stone skull every time a vampire moves it's gaze oddly disturbing. As an added bonus, it will flow into the penis of a male vampire under no pressure and against the force of gravity, allowing vampire sex (no, really).
Venom is acidic enough to melt contact lenses, but fear not: it's perfectly safe to put into your mouth/uterus anyway. Unlike the venom of every other venomous creature in existence, it involves no enzymes or poisons, but rather carries some sort of bizarre retrovirus that implants extra chromosomes into the victim's cells. This also allows it to somehow fertilise an egg. When bitten by a vampire, the venom is exceeding painful, and causes you to make idiotic sounding comparisons between broken limbs and pleasant hours floating in a pool (or maybe that's just Bella). Eventually, if the vampire who bit you does not drain your blood completely, you will become a vampire, in the same way that the victim of a snakebite will eventually become a snake. Don't argue, it's logic!

Also, IT Crowd Gif? We are now best friends,

 

[CWCissey]

Here's a quote from Frozen Apples, the Anti-Twilight wiki that sums it up.

Venom is a plot device (plot device? Twilight has plot devices?) fluid that essentially fills vampire bodies like a water balloon, because that's exactly how venom functions in an even slightly plausible species. It is responsible for absolutely everything that happens in their bodies, including lubricating their crystaline skin so that it can bend (demonstrating the world renowned flexibility of solid crystal.) It also lubricates their eye sockets, because humans might find the grating sound of a stone eyeball against a stone skull every time a vampire moves it's gaze oddly disturbing. As an added bonus, it will flow into the penis of a male vampire under no pressure and against the force of gravity, allowing vampire sex (no, really).
Venom is acidic enough to melt contact lenses, but fear not: it's perfectly safe to put into your mouth/uterus anyway. Unlike the venom of every other venomous creature in existence, it involves no enzymes or poisons, but rather carries some sort of bizarre retrovirus that implants extra chromosomes into the victim's cells. This also allows it to somehow fertilise an egg. When bitten by a vampire, the venom is exceeding painful, and causes you to make idiotic sounding comparisons between broken limbs and pleasant hours floating in a pool (or maybe that's just Bella). Eventually, if the vampire who bit you does not drain your blood completely, you will become a vampire, in the same way that the victim of a snakebite will eventually become a snake. Don't argue, it's logic!

Also, IT Crowd Gif? We are now best friends,

That is just fucking stupid! Even for SMeyer!

And I thought the IT Crowd gif was appropriate. That was my exact reaction.

Also...