Twihards

[Saney]

Here's a quote from Frozen Apples, the Anti-Twilight wiki that sums it up.

Venom is a plot device (plot device? Twilight has plot devices?) fluid that essentially fills vampire bodies like a water balloon, because that's exactly how venom functions in an even slightly plausible species. It is responsible for absolutely everything that happens in their bodies, including lubricating their crystaline skin so that it can bend (demonstrating the world renowned flexibility of solid crystal.) It also lubricates their eye sockets, because humans might find the grating sound of a stone eyeball against a stone skull every time a vampire moves it's gaze oddly disturbing. As an added bonus, it will flow into the penis of a male vampire under no pressure and against the force of gravity, allowing vampire sex (no, really).
Venom is acidic enough to melt contact lenses, but fear not: it's perfectly safe to put into your mouth/uterus anyway. Unlike the venom of every other venomous creature in existence, it involves no enzymes or poisons, but rather carries some sort of bizarre retrovirus that implants extra chromosomes into the victim's cells. This also allows it to somehow fertilise an egg. When bitten by a vampire, the venom is exceeding painful, and causes you to make idiotic sounding comparisons between broken limbs and pleasant hours floating in a pool (or maybe that's just Bella). Eventually, if the vampire who bit you does not drain your blood completely, you will become a vampire, in the same way that the victim of a snakebite will eventually become a snake. Don't argue, it's logic!

Also, IT Crowd Gif? We are now best friends,

That is just fucking stupid! Even for SMeyer!

And I thought the IT Crowd gif was appropriate. That was my exact reaction.

Also...

SMeyer and science don't get along.
CWCki forum friend! *thumbs up*

 

[mendoza]

I think we can safely change the phrase 'Mary Sue' to 'Bella Swan'

'Swan.' Somehow, that just screams 'Mary Sue.'

At least when OPL wrote himself into Sonichu, he didn't bother to try and hide it.

Not even with as thin a layer of transparency as SMeyer.

 

[CWCissey]

CWCki forum friend! *thumbs up*

While looking for that gif I actually came across how the sex scene in Twilight should have looked...

 

[Bugaboo]

Like a victim of a snake bite will eventually turn into a snake.
I lol'd

 

[Judge Holden]

Also, something relevant to this discussion which may restore faith in humanity somewhat

[youtube]HBpNps3xATc[/youtube]

 

[CWCissey]

Also, something relevant to this discussion which may restore faith in humanity somewhat

[youtube]HBpNps3xATc[/youtube]

I saw that! Robert Pattinson is a bit of a dude!

 

[Judge Holden]

^ I just love the quote at the end. Robert Pattinson is such an awesome troll

 

[CWCissey]

^ I just love the quote at the end. Robert Pattinson is such an awesome troll

I suppose you'd have to be to put up with all the that crap for 5 years or so.

 

[Judge Holden]

^ To be honest I would say much ofthe cast needed some coping mechanism to deal with the shite they were playing. If only Pattinson had decided to become the singularity of glorious ham and cheese that Michael Sheen became.

[youtube]i7kT0qiv78s[/youtube]

Honest to god, this guy stands next to Ian McDiarmant as Palpatine and Jeremy Irons as Profion in terms of the most glorious hams ever seen

 

[CatParty]

are the twihards all boner over the new smeyer movie?

 

[CWCissey]

^ To be honest I would say much ofthe cast needed some coping mechanism to deal with the shite they were playing. If only Pattinson had decided to become the singularity of glorious ham and cheese that Michael Sheen became.

[youtube]i7kT0qiv78s[/youtube]

Honest to god, this guy stands next to Ian McDiarmant as Palpatine and Jeremy Irons as Profion in terms of the most glorious hams ever seen

LOVE IT!

 

[Saney]

CWCki forum friend! *thumbs up*

While looking for that gif I actually came across how the sex scene in Twilight should have looked...

Except with more bones breaking.

 

[Dig]

I went to cosmetology school when Breaking Dawn pt. 1 came out. We had a lady in her forties come in with three teenage girls, all of them wanting their cut like one of the character's. But the woman actually specified that they were only to have their hair cut by another Twilight fan. She was so concerned over whether or not we were all fans that I heard her ask no less than five or six times, "Now, you're SURE that all of you are fans?"

I fucking hated that school.

 

[random_pickle]

Alright guys, read all of this post before you flame me to the very depths of OPL's room.

I actually envy Meyer. Not only did she manage to spew out here opinions on popular media (Princess Brides) and people actually listened to her, she managed to split an entire fan community and ignite an immense flame war between vampire fans and sparklepire fans. To add to that the latter is willing to kiss the very ground she steps upon, to the point that they will send death threats to any one who disagrees with Meyer. While tearing apart a fanbase that's been around before the internet, she's been making millions of dollars off of a book that's based on a wet dream she had.

 

[spaps]

Alright guys, read all of this post before you flame me to the very depths of OPL's room.

I actually envy Meyer. Not only did she manage to spew out here opinions on popular media (Princess Brides) and people actually listened to her, she managed to split an entire fan community and ignite an immense flame war between vampire fans and sparklepire fans. To add to that the latter is willing to kiss the very ground she steps upon, to the point that they will send death threats to any one who disagrees with Meyer. While tearing apart a fanbase that's been around before the internet, she's been making millions of dollars off of a book that's based on a wet dream she had.

Sadly, it's true, and that's why we all hate her.

 

[Saney]

Alright guys, read all of this post before you flame me to the very depths of OPL's room.

I actually envy Meyer. Not only did she manage to spew out here opinions on popular media (Princess Brides) and people actually listened to her, she managed to split an entire fan community and ignite an immense flame war between vampire fans and sparklepire fans. To add to that the latter is willing to kiss the very ground she steps upon, to the point that they will send death threats to any one who disagrees with Meyer. While tearing apart a fanbase that's been around before the internet, she's been making millions of dollars off of a book that's based on a wet dream she had.

...Is SMeyer Satan?

 

[Judge Holden]

^ I respectfully disagree. Smeyer is more like Paris Hilton than a successful troll. Neither has any particular talent or real claim for fame in their respective fields, and yet due to their accidental compatibility with the most voraciously profitable yet contemptible medias in the world (i.e tween bait and "celebrity" obsession) they have made vast amounts of money purely by chance.

 

[Midnight Kissy Bull]

Ugh. This series. I've heard talk that the hype is finally dying now, but you'll still have lifelong fans who will treasure this as the best goddamned thing ever written.

There are three women (that I know of) in my store who love the series. Two of them are around my age, if not a little bit older, and a third one is middle-aged. All have crappy relationships; one of them is divorced and another is trying to afford a divorce.

I've never heard of a Twihard having a stable, intact relationship. That's probably why the series appeals to them: it's the ultimate happily ever after fantasy.

 

[Saney]

Ugh. This series. I've heard talk that the hype is finally dying now, but you'll still have lifelong fans who will treasure this as the best goddamned thing ever written.

There are three women (that I know of) in my store who love the series. Two of them are around my age, if not a little bit older, and a third one is middle-aged. All have crappy relationships; one of them is divorced and another is trying to afford a divorce.

I've never heard of a Twihard having a stable, intact relationship. That's probably why the series appeals to them: it's the ultimate happily ever after fantasy.

I talked to a Twihard a while ago. The only reason that he was a Twihard was because his girlfriend forced him to watch it, or else they wouldn't have sex. When I told him to get a backbone, he actually set his girlfriend on me and she said I was a bad influence who was corrupting him. Priceless.

 

[Midnight Kissy Bull]

And you guys might be happy to know that SMeyer is focusing most of her attention on producing movies. She has her own company now, Flying Fish or whatever the hell it is. Basically, she's turning books she likes into movies. Barely a word has been breathed about the continuation of her Host series or that time-traveling cannibal mermaid shitfest she raved about a few years back.

Why is this good news? Because it's starting to sound like SMeyer is a hobbyist. She wrote some crappy books, became unbelievably successful from them, and now she's rich forever and can do whatever she wants with her time and money. She had fun with the books, but now it's time to jump into new projects like movies. In time, she'll get bored with the producing jobs and move on to something else until she fades into obscurity forever.