Twihards

[FaithfulZappa]

You know what's good about Twilight, though?

There's a RiffTrax for every single goddamn one of em.

 

[homerbeoulve]

If someone proposed to have a musical version of this filthy of a movie/literature to be performed in Broadway, I'd call for Twilight books to be burned.

 

[Saney]

You know what's good about Twilight, though?

There's a RiffTrax for every single goddamn one of em.

And all the sporkings and spitefics, those are good too. God I love it when people analyse Twilight, they're always so scathing and informative at the same time.

 

[Judge Holden]

You know what's good about Twilight, though?

There's a RiffTrax for every single goddamn one of em.

Fucking yes. The last breaking dawn one made me shit my laughing

(mental note, gotta make me a rifftrax/mst3k thread sumwhere)

That reminds me though. Here's a good Twilight fic, as written by someone who has a good understanding of how fucked up the entire series is (Das Mervin, who is awesome). Also a Supernatural crossover.

Ah Das Mervin, i read her livejournal a long time ago and have yet to find anyone who nails twilight and all its bullshit as good as her

 

[Henry Bemis]

If someone proposed to have a musical version of this filthy of a movie/literature to be performed in Broadway, I'd call for Twilight books to be burned.

Kinda sorta done. Twilight's inspired a number of low-budget parody musicals (a la Very Potter Musical), to varying degrees of success.

 

[Lil]

If someone proposed to have a musical version of this filthy of a movie/literature to be performed in Broadway, I'd call for Twilight books to be burned.

They've already made a Spiderman musical.

They will stop at nothing

 

[Henry Bemis]

If someone proposed to have a musical version of this filthy of a movie/literature to be performed in Broadway, I'd call for Twilight books to be burned.

They've already made a Spiderman musical.

They will stop at nothing

There's no such thing as a bad idea, just bad execution.

 

[Lil]

There's no such thing as a bad idea, just bad execution.

Sonichu's Very Own Musical

lyrics by Christian Weston Chandler
backup vocals provided by Christian and the Hedgehog Boys
produced by TRUE and HONEST fans

Spoiler

i'd fund it

 

[Xanatos]

^ Luke's father having been Jedi Jesus...

 

[Saney]

An excerpt from Breaking Dawn, chapter 15.

With a pleased smirk, she set a silver bowl on the floor next to me.

"Enjoy, mongrel."

It had once probably been a big mixing bowl, but she'd bent the bowl back in on itself until it was shaped almost exactly like a dog dish. I had to be impressed with her quick craftsmanship. And her attention to detail. She'd scratched the word Fido into the side. Excellent handwriting.

Because the food looked pretty good — steak, no less, and a big baked potato with all the fixings — I told her, "Thanks, Blondie."

She snorted.

"Hey, do you know what you call a blonde with a brain?" I asked, and then continued on the same breath, "a golden retriever."

"I've heard that one, too," she said, no longer smiling.

"I'll keep trying," I promised, and then I dug in.

Man, SMeyer is racist as hell. And Twihards find this bit funny. How do they not see how blatantly racist that is? It boggles the mind.

 

[random_pickle]

An excerpt from Breaking Dawn, chapter 15.

With a pleased smirk, she set a silver bowl on the floor next to me.

"Enjoy, mongrel."

It had once probably been a big mixing bowl, but she'd bent the bowl back in on itself until it was shaped almost exactly like a dog dish. I had to be impressed with her quick craftsmanship. And her attention to detail. She'd scratched the word Fido into the side. Excellent handwriting.

Because the food looked pretty good — steak, no less, and a big baked potato with all the fixings — I told her, "Thanks, Blondie."

She snorted.

"Hey, do you know what you call a blonde with a brain?" I asked, and then continued on the same breath, "a golden retriever."

"I've heard that one, too," she said, no longer smiling.

"I'll keep trying," I promised, and then I dug in.

Man, SMeyer is racist as hell. And Twihards find this bit funny. How do they not see how blatantly racist that is? It boggles the mind.

Who is the person in the POV? Who are they talking to?

 

[Saney]

An excerpt from Breaking Dawn, chapter 15.

With a pleased smirk, she set a silver bowl on the floor next to me.

"Enjoy, mongrel."

It had once probably been a big mixing bowl, but she'd bent the bowl back in on itself until it was shaped almost exactly like a dog dish. I had to be impressed with her quick craftsmanship. And her attention to detail. She'd scratched the word Fido into the side. Excellent handwriting.

Because the food looked pretty good — steak, no less, and a big baked potato with all the fixings — I told her, "Thanks, Blondie."

She snorted.

"Hey, do you know what you call a blonde with a brain?" I asked, and then continued on the same breath, "a golden retriever."

"I've heard that one, too," she said, no longer smiling.

"I'll keep trying," I promised, and then I dug in.

Man, SMeyer is racist as hell. And Twihards find this bit funny. How do they not see how blatantly racist that is? It boggles the mind.

Who is the person in the POV? Who are they talking to?

Oh, shit, sorry. The person in the POV is Jacob Black...a Native-American werewolf and they're talking to one of the Cullens. You know, the protagonists of the story.

 

[MY 405]

- Bases her own life around Edward. You're an undead creature of the night now, why spend it being a sex slave/housewife? BETTER YOURSELF. I don't think we even get to hear about her hopes and dreams

Actually she bases her life entirely around herself, in a sociopathic persuit of "specialness", wealth, and status as the most sthuper special of all sthuper special vampires. Edward is just the meat who does all the work and heavy lifting for this. She does not better herself because she honestly thinks she is entitled to have the world bend over backwards to grant her the lofty position she thinks is hers by right

- Unleashing this fucking horror on us:

And also happily allowing Jacob to groom her for sex once it becomes clear he will continue to be her manslave

- Essentially causing a vampire civil war by having sex WITHOUT FUCKING PROTECTION THEN WONDERING HOW THE FUCK SHE GOT PREGNANT! SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU FOR THAT ONE STEPHANIE MEYER, FUCK YOU UP THE ARSE WITH A GARDEN RAKE SIDEWAYS!

She also never bats an eye to the carnage on mere humans, and even happily accepts it when her pawns manage to rally an army of non-vegetarian vampires to be her bodyguards, with the sole caveat that they go "out of town" to commit mass murder

- For attempting to normalise this sort of behaviour to an entire generation of drooling, window licking girls who have no idea about such things.

And also for perpetuating the deeply unpleasant and harmful notion that all one needs to achieve is a super hot, rich, and "naturally" superior lover who will serve them in every way one desires so long as you are a "good girl" who follows his lead, and if you fail to achieve this you are utterly worthless as a human being

This type of thinking is also partly responsible (in my opinion) for the loveshys, since they, like bella, think they are both naturally superior in every way to others in their gender, and that they are divinely entitled to the hottest women they can imagine, and the world must bend over backwards to make this happen. As this never happens, they damn all women as "whores" for fucking up their wank fantasy and crawl under a rock (as bella did when dumped by edward) to weep about how unfair life is

This. And your post above it. And Max Schreck on your Avatar -- and Blood Meridian. I think I might love you.

 

[Saney]

- Bases her own life around Edward. You're an undead creature of the night now, why spend it being a sex slave/housewife? BETTER YOURSELF. I don't think we even get to hear about her hopes and dreams

Actually she bases her life entirely around herself, in a sociopathic persuit of "specialness", wealth, and status as the most sthuper special of all sthuper special vampires. Edward is just the meat who does all the work and heavy lifting for this. She does not better herself because she honestly thinks she is entitled to have the world bend over backwards to grant her the lofty position she thinks is hers by right

- Unleashing this fucking horror on us:

And also happily allowing Jacob to groom her for sex once it becomes clear he will continue to be her manslave

- Essentially causing a vampire civil war by having sex WITHOUT FUCKING PROTECTION THEN WONDERING HOW THE FUCK SHE GOT PREGNANT! SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU FOR THAT ONE STEPHANIE MEYER, FUCK YOU UP THE ARSE WITH A GARDEN RAKE SIDEWAYS!

She also never bats an eye to the carnage on mere humans, and even happily accepts it when her pawns manage to rally an army of non-vegetarian vampires to be her bodyguards, with the sole caveat that they go "out of town" to commit mass murder

- For attempting to normalise this sort of behaviour to an entire generation of drooling, window licking girls who have no idea about such things.

And also for perpetuating the deeply unpleasant and harmful notion that all one needs to achieve is a super hot, rich, and "naturally" superior lover who will serve them in every way one desires so long as you are a "good girl" who follows his lead, and if you fail to achieve this you are utterly worthless as a human being

This type of thinking is also partly responsible (in my opinion) for the loveshys, since they, like bella, think they are both naturally superior in every way to others in their gender, and that they are divinely entitled to the hottest women they can imagine, and the world must bend over backwards to make this happen. As this never happens, they damn all women as "whores" for fucking up their wank fantasy and crawl under a rock (as bella did when dumped by edward) to weep about how unfair life is

This. And your post above it. And Max Schreck on your Avatar -- and Blood Meridian. I think I might love you.

Back off, he's mine.

 

[cypocryphy]

The funny thing about the whole Vampires vs. Werewolves thing in fiction is that Count Dracula can turn into a wolf anyway. He can also go out in the daytime, he's just not powerful then.

 

[Saney]

An excerpt from Breaking Dawn regarding Quil (a werewolf) and his relationship with Claire (a two year old he imprinted on).

Though I did think it sucked that he had a good fourteen years of monkitude ahead of him until Claire was his age — for Quil, at least, it was a good thing werewolves didn't get older. But even all that time didn't seem to bother him much.

There you have it, proof the imprinting is a sexual thing. And SMeyer's romanticising pedophilia and child grooming! Isn't she just the best?

 

[Saney]

Twihards enjoy the books because they do not take them seriously, at least if they're anything like what I was when I was their age. Twilight is a piece of fiction - by opening the books, they enter a world of fantasy; by closing them, said world shatters.

I...are you fucking serious? Twihards don't take Twilight serious? What planet is he from?

 

[random_pickle]

I know this is kind of off track, but it still has to do with Meyer.

My mom dragged me to see the movie "The Host". Good news, it's better than Twilight. Bad news, that's not saying much.

Spoiler

The movie was full of Plot holes and the main theme was "love and kindness can defeat all evil". The aliens that invade the bodies, you know how they remove them? They remove them by using kindness and coaxing the alien out of its host. The first alien they removed wanted to keep its body and that it was evil, do you really think that coaxing it out would work?! The aliens themselves are tiny and have no appendages. They can't freaking move. So how did they get into human bodies in the first place?

But if you're a twihard, you might like it.

 

[Judge Holden]

This. And your post above it. And Max Schreck on your Avatar -- and Blood Meridian. I think I might love you.

Back off, he's mine.

People please, the Judge is happy to be shared. Especially if it involves hefty amounts of booze and further reflections on the inequities of lolcows and their fans.

 

[Saney]

do you feel evil when you eat animals? no its not different. killing humans is the same as killing animals.

It's disturbingly common for Twitards to compare eating animals to murder.