r/polyamory

Oh God, that first guy with the hat, the leather vest, and the plaited beard...could you be any more of a stereotype?

They're not actually all hideous, but there is a photo that was left out where there's three of them all wearing full latex bodysuits. There are gas masks and one of them is on a chain. It's exactly as bad as it sounds.
 
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Crunchy Leaf said:
Oh God, that first guy with the hat, the leather vest, and the plaited beard...could you be any more of a stereotype?

They're not actually all hideous, but there is a photo that was left out where there's three of them all wearing full latex bodysuits. There are gas masks and one of them is on a chain. It's exactly as bad as it sounds.
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For the curious:
VbSOWUi.jpg
 
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ICametoLurk said:
Map of some reddit members
goo.gl/Rqy9yJ

I did Google URL shortner so that if they googled it they would find it
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I know I'm oldposting here, but I decided to check this out. I found that one of these weirdos, Harshmellow, lives a few blocks away from Harvard Yard. That means this guy could possibly be either a student or a professor at Harvard University.
 
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Crunchy Leaf said:
This doesn't surprise me at all. It also explains why, like in other politicized nerd subcultures, they lash out at the idea of human emotions being normal.
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They think "rules" will be enough to shelter them from the emotional pains that comes with relationships. Because in a good relationship with rules and communication, you should never feel bad right? But there will always be assholes who skirt rules or find a way to hurt you out of the bounds of rules or communicate half-truths to manipulate. Not worth it.
 
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Crunchy Leaf said:
From the comments. Yes, he gets that choice, but polys never consider that someone would expect their longterm partner to care about their feelings. It's everyone for themselves.
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That's the maddening thing about people like this. They live in a world of impenetrable "should". "Well, you should be able to just ignore what he does." "Nobody should care about what you do in your bedroom." "I should be able to find a worthwhile partner by just working my way through Craiglist and banging everything that holds still long enough."

But that's not how the world or the human heart work. Nor should they.
 
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superscript said:
They think "rules" will be enough to shelter them from the emotional pains that comes with relationships. Because in a good relationship with rules and communication, you should never feel bad right? But there will always be assholes who skirt rules or find a way to hurt you out of the bounds of rules or communicate half-truths to manipulate. Not worth it.
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Yeah, emotions don't work that way. Anyone with half an ounce of life experience should realise that emotions don't conform to any rules or logical explanations, and the only way to deal with them is to actually deal with them - not demand they should disappear because they get in the way of the narrative. But heaven forfend anyone tell a poly person their actions are hurting others. Responsibility for thee and not for me. Freedom = a shitton of rules.

Poly is a bullshit excuse for sleeping around. All these rules and crappy feel-good forums, scientific-sounding names for the things they do are all an attempt to make simple sleeping around more socially acceptable. It'd be a lot more acceptable if they were just honest about it, frankly.
 
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The thing I can't stand is that they basically think all romantic relationships should be like casual dating, where you don't prioritize anyone and you never make any firm commitments. That's why 'opening up' a mono relationship will never work--someone will get angry that they can no longer depend on their partner like they did before. It seems very lonely.

I also dislike when they conflate romantic relationships with friendships, e.g. 'you wouldn't have a problem with your partner having multiple friends, would you?' They're not the same thing. This isn't saying friendships are lesser, just that they're different.
 
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Crunchy Leaf said:
The thing I can't stand is that they basically think all romantic relationships should be like casual dating, where you don't prioritize anyone and you never make any firm commitments. That's why 'opening up' a mono relationship will never work--someone will get angry that they can no longer depend on their partner like they did before. It seems very lonely.

I also dislike when they conflate romantic relationships with friendships, e.g. 'you wouldn't have a problem with your partner having multiple friends, would you?' They're not the same thing. This isn't saying friendships are lesser, just that they're different.
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It's based upon the assumption that sex is no big deal, just rubbing your respective bits against each other and feeling good, and that no emotional entanglement will come of it. That way, you can add sex to your existing friendships, and nothing changes. For obvious reasons, this doesn't work.

It also allows them to pin the blame on the other party when they get angry about the affair. If A is in a relationship with B and A wants to open the relationship to fuck C, then B has two choices: say no and potentially end the relationship, or say yes and try not to get jealous. When B does get jealous, for reasons described above, suddenly they're the one at fault because they broke the agreement.

It's not a coincidence that poly is popular with autistic nerds who have some serious hangups about what relationships should be like, with the occasional manipulative asshole thrown in. They lack the emotional intelligence to be able to handle such situations.
 
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Wallace said:
It's not a coincidence that poly is popular with autistic nerds who have some serious hangups about what relationships should be like, with the occasional manipulative asshole thrown in.
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Many of these nerds are also programmers. If we make the perfect program, designing around feminist ideals, and input the right variables, we should be able to execute relationship.exe. There will be social validation and having lots of sex with lots of hot people with the benefits of monogamy.

Reality has external factors you can't account for and internal emotions that don't go away because they're not acceptable to your program. That post before of someone confessing that they realize jealousy is a form of self-love is telling. Like you said, throw in the occasional asshole and there's just bugs you can't get rid of.
 
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Wallace said:
It's not a coincidence that poly is popular with autistic nerds who have some serious hangups about what relationships should be like, with the occasional manipulative asshole thrown in. They lack the emotional intelligence to be able to handle such situations.
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Maybe more simple than that. They’re too desperate to give up their gf so they accept being cucked.

I guess I’ll do a story time too.
Friend in college who was an anime figurine collecting nerd. Had one girlfriend once and was very desperate in and after college. Meets a girl, and she fucks his best friend right before the first date. Bad sign obviously. End up dating and moving in together. She goads him into opening up their relationship. She fucks another one of his friends in their apartment. Makes him pay for the bull’s health insurance and essentially boards him too. Several years later he has had enough. Break up. Word comes out about all the manipulative shit she did and all the controlling stipulations she had over his life. He still hasn’t found another gf several more years later but now he’s happy again.
 
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Wallace said:
It's based upon the assumption that sex is no big deal, just rubbing your respective bits against each other and feeling good, and that no emotional entanglement will come of it. That way, you can add sex to your existing friendships, and nothing changes. For obvious reasons, this doesn't work.

It also allows them to pin the blame on the other party when they get angry about the affair. If A is in a relationship with B and A wants to open the relationship to fuck C, then B has two choices: say no and potentially end the relationship, or say yes and try not to get jealous. When B does get jealous, for reasons described above, suddenly they're the one at fault because they broke the agreement.

It's not a coincidence that poly is popular with autistic nerds who have some serious hangups about what relationships should be like, with the occasional manipulative asshole thrown in. They lack the emotional intelligence to be able to handle such situations.
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I don't see sex as the primary problem with poly--I see the primary problem as time.
There's a finite amount of time you have to devote to relationships. If you only have one partner, they get more time. If you have two, split it, three, split it again. It's going to be basically impossible to give everyone the same amount of time, and no matter how you do it, someone will feel shafted.
 
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Alpha Loves You said:
View attachment 497612View attachment 497613
https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/8zdmme/i_think_i_need_to_leave_my_primary_would/

TLDR: another perfect good relationship ruined because people can't keep it in their pants
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So, you were depressed and knew you were depressed, but rather than work on yourself and your relationship, you farmed your partner out to someone else. Without the maintenance, your relationship cooled, and you fell for someone else. Now you're using your partner's side piece as an excuse to ditch.

What I'm saying is, you suck. And if someone chooses to forego fighting their depression, that depression becomes their own fault.
 
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