What if DSP actually opened an authentic Italian restaurant? - All your Phil, are belong to Ramsay.

[Vivica A. Fox]

I know you're talking about people donating money, but restaurants cost a lot of money to open. There's no way in hell he'd qualify for the credit necessary to open one and there's no way in hell he'd raise the money via donations to open one. He can hardly raise a grand during his make or break streams, never mind a quarter million to open any kind of business with a physical footprint in Seattle.

Oh I know, but Phil is incredibly stupid and his pay pigs may be even more stupid.

 

[JamFlowMan]

I know you're talking about people donating money, but restaurants cost a lot of money to open. There's no way in hell he'd qualify for the credit necessary to open one and there's no way in hell he'd raise the money via donations to open one. He can hardly raise a grand during his make or break streams, never mind a quarter million to open any kind of business with a physical footprint in Seattle.

I honestly think Phil wanted to move out to Washington to open a restaurant. I think it was the fired from Machinima video where he talked about this and actually sounded honest. The Gravy Train slowed down a bit but was still rolling down the track so he would have used the Youtube money as a cushion of sorts(imagine that, having more then one source of income is more stable then one that wildly fluctuates.) Why he thought he was up to the task of actually running a restaurant I have no idea, but opening a money pit does fit Phil's financial sense to a T.

 

[Synth]

I honestly think Phil wanted to move out to Washington to open a restaurant. I think it was the fired from Machinima video where he talked about this and actually sounded honest. The Gravy Train slowed down a bit but was still rolling down the track so he would have used the Youtube money as a cushion of sorts(imagine that, having more then one source of income is more stable then one that wildly fluctuates.) Why he thought he was up to the task of actually running a restaurant I have no idea, but opening a money pit does fit Phil's financial sense to a T.

Oh, I firmly believe he may want to open a restaurant, I don't disagree with that notion at all. What I was saying is that there's no way in hell he's going to raise enough capital for it via his usual route of e-begging, and there's no way in hell he'd qualify for a loan with all of his current debt and credit issues, which you have to believe he's telling the truth about, and I think he's about half honest about it.

Outside of a literal Banana Stand, the cost for opening a restaurant is not going to be fucking cheap in that area, even if he's in Renton and not Seattle directly: quarter million minimum for something smallish. He's got all kinds of credit card debt and owns two properties he supposedly has issues paying and his income's unstable and entirely dependent on waves of generosity. That's a lot of money to get loaned, especially if he plans on defaulting on the CT khando.

If you believe what you see on Kitchen Nightmares, it's mostly real estate agents who catch wind of a property going on sale or people who are already successful and bored who end up burying themselves in new debt that open a restaurant, not people who are already in debt. I 100% believe he wants to, I'm just saying he'd never be able to get the money to do it.

 

[Stalker Sociopath]

Oh, I firmly believe he may want to open a restaurant, I don't disagree with that notion at all. What I was saying is that there's no way in hell he's going to raise enough capital for it via his usual route of e-begging, and there's no way in hell he'd qualify for a loan with all of his current debt and credit issues, which you have to believe he's telling the truth about, and I think he's about half honest about it.

Outside of a literal Banana Stand, the cost for opening a restaurant is not going to be fucking cheap in that area, even if he's in Renton and not Seattle directly: quarter million minimum for something smallish. He's got all kinds of credit card debt and owns two properties he supposedly has issues paying and his income's unstable and entirely dependent on waves of generosity. That's a lot of money to get loaned, especially if he plans on defaulting on the CT khando.

If you believe what you see on Kitchen Nightmares, it's mostly real estate agents who catch wind of a property going on sale or people who are already successful and bored who end up burying themselves in new debt that open a restaurant, not people who are already in debt. I 100% believe he wants to, I'm just saying he'd never be able to get the money to do it.

Considering his current financial situation, I think he may resort to insurance fraud of some kind to fund his lifestyle. I'm sure he learned a few scams during his time as a loan shark.

 

[Sparkletor]

Here's my take on the restaurant stuff.

He will never have the money, but let's discuss the financial problems of opening a business. Buying or renting the pproperty. Buying a license. Registering the business name etc. Hiring a crew. Paying for the raw food to sell. Buying all the utensils and equipment. Buying uniforms. Tables and charis. The cost of decorating the storefront and interior. Advertising. Insurance. The computers and software for the POS. Dealing with credit card companies to have card readers. Health and safety inspections. Fire code. Market analysis. Payroll. Lawyers. Graphic designers. Etc. Etc. You don't just open a restaraunt in one day for the heck of it.

Then comes the fact that Phil can't cook. Okay, he'll hire some cooks. But who will design the menu? Pasta and sandwiches?

This is logistically impossible to do since this man thinks playing Minecraft is too stressful.

 

[Eugene Drizzledick]

And Phil has to go outside, and work, and hire people, and work with people.

 

[kebab4you]

And Phil has to go outside, and work, and hire people, and work with people.

Employ Ma&Pa Burnell, free workforce!

 

[Vivica A. Fox]

Uuuh...what do you guys think Kat is for? She LOVES cooking AND cleaning!

 

[OneDaySon]

Here's my take on the restaurant stuff.

He will never have the money, but let's discuss the financial problems of opening a business. Buying or renting the pproperty. Buying a license. Registering the business name etc. Hiring a crew. Paying for the raw food to sell. Buying all the utensils and equipment. Buying uniforms. Tables and charis. The cost of decorating the storefront and interior. Advertising. Insurance. The computers and software for the POS. Dealing with credit card companies to have card readers. Health and safety inspections. Fire code. Market analysis. Payroll. Lawyers. Graphic designers. Etc. Etc. You don't just open a restaraunt in one day for the heck of it.

Then comes the fact that Phil can't cook. Okay, he'll hire some cooks. But who will design the menu? Pasta and sandwiches?

This is logistically impossible to do since this man thinks playing Minecraft is too stressful.

Everything about DSP's restaurant dreams can be seen in how he answered fan questions during one stream when the topic of him having a restuarant one day came up.
"What would you call your Restaurant?" "Phil's Italian Restaurant."
"What kind of stuff would you serve." "Uhhh I dunno really, Italian food I know that. I'd have pasta, and pasta... with my sauce! And Kat's tuna casserole."

 

[Stalker Sociopath]

Everything about DSP's restaurant dreams can be seen in how he answered fan questions during one stream when the topic of him having a restuarant one day came up.
"What would you call your Restaurant?" "Phil's Italian Restaurant."
"What kind of stuff would you serve." "Uhhh I dunno really, Italian food I know that. I'd have pasta, and pasta... with my sauce! And Kat's tuna casserole."

You know if he ever opened a restaurant the Yelp reviews would be a total abortion.

 

[Frazzle]

Would be absolutely hilarious to see his failing restaurant on Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsey making him cry though.

 

[Raven'sChild]

And Phil has to go outside, and work, and hire people, and work with people.

Pfft, he'd have everything done via his Hotmail email, Dude!

 

[ZehnBoat]

DSP has never invested a dime into his streaming business unless he absolutely had to play a new AAA release on opening day.

and it's gotten to the point where he doesn't even spend money on the games
he's literally not even spending a dime on his SERIOUS ADUHLT BIZNIZ

Speaking of storage hardrives, does anyone know how reliable are they over time? I remember saving some images in one, and after a long time without accessing them, I finally looked at the images, and some of them were half glitched out.

all things rot\fade\whatever. the best thing to do is keep the information moving.
there's a snowball's chance in hell phil will consider moving his 10 year legacy. so when those harddrives go, he goes. not like he cares.

Pfft, he'd have everything done via his Hotmail email, Dude!

he'd call the people who applied at 2 in the morning, and if they didn't reply in 10 seconds he'd write them off as "not interested"

 

[der rademacher]

Would be absolutely hilarious to see his failing restaurant on Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsey making him cry though.

Dispite the fact that Dave would never let Ramsey near his shack let alone let him enter it, he (Ramsey) would never get through Dave's thick narcisim skin. Dave would simply laugh off any critisism with his typical "I feel uncomfortable so I just ack-ack-ack this off"-manerism, all while giving dozens of lazy excuses why he won't change this and can't do that and why there is nothing he can do about anything that's been critizised. Ramsey would simply rush out of the goutkitchen totally unnerved and as soon as the door slammed, Dave would tell his goutcult what a fucking shill Ramsey is, that Ramsey is a fucking idiot who doesn't know shit about authentic Italian cuisine and that he would have bitchslapped him / kicked his arse if he would have blabbered just one word more. Real talk. Now tip me, because this moron has made me feel depressed.

 

[RobVC3]

Dispite the fact that Dave would never let Ramsey near his shack let alone let him enter it, he (Ramsey) would never get through Dave's thick narcisim skin. Dave would simply laugh off any critisism with his typical "I feel uncomfortable so I just ack-ack-ack this off"-manerism, all while giving dozens of lazy excuses why he won't change this and can't do that and why there is nothing he can do about anything that's been critizised. Ramsey would simply rush out of the goutkitchen totally unnerved and as soon as the door slammed, Dave would tell his goutcult what a fucking shill Ramsey is, that Ramsey is a fucking idiot who doesn't know shit about authentic Italian cuisine and that he would have bitchslapped him / kicked his arse if he would have blabbered just one word more. Real talk. Now tip me, because this moron has made me depressed.

If that ever did happen, it would literally be another Amy's Baking Company episode. And if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Amy's Baking Company - Kitchen Nightmares - Full Episode

www.youtube.com

 

[Salubrious]

If that ever did happen, it would literally be another Amy's Baking Company episode. And if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Amy's Baking Company - Kitchen Nightmares - Full Episode

www.youtube.com

I would disagree in the sense that DSP would never keep his kitchen/fridge that clean, but then again Amy and Sammy kept all the server's tips for themselves because they felt the servers didn't deserve them and that is classic DSP.

Edit: I forgot that Sammy wouldn't allow the servers to use the use the POS system or collect money, another thing that symbolizes DSP's need for control.

 

[millais]

He is always complaining about how there is no "authentic" Italian food available in the West Coast, so I'm thinking he probably believes that just by virtue of being 1/4 Italian and the ten year legacy of saucemaking, he will be able to capture the entire "authentic Italian food" market in Renton the moment he opens the doors to Phil's Italian Restaurant.

 

[harbinger]

Italian Phil’s Authentic Italian Restaurant
Home of the Homemade Sauce

 

[leChinkyRaccoon]

If he did try to run like a small hole in the wall type place he'd have a really hard time I think. I think he'd really want to hire an inordinate amount of people due to how little physical work he'd be capable of doing. He's not unloading a truck once, or even twice a week, re-sorting perishables in the refrigerators as deliveries come in. Not to mention the fact that there's a fine line of knowing what to have prepped and on hand and to what degree, whether there are things you'd want to have par cooked if you're expecting a rush etc. I was a waiter for a number of years and I don't have the slightest clue about the math/science to that shit other than knowing that in corporate restaurants the cooks and chefs operate off of par sheets and when you're dealing with experienced cooks and chefs they have a pretty good idea of what they're doing, at least the ones I worked with were.

Phil also shows off frequently one of the worst traits in food service managers that I had seen and that is that he doesn't do anything about anything until shit is already hitting the fan. He sees things that are issues, acknowledges at least in his head that they are issues but does nothing to change them. Let enough of these little things go over time and you've got co-workers getting mad at each other, cooks goin out for smoke breaks and never coming back or worse. He could be looking at real fines for not disposing of grease properly or letting various meats thaw on the same racks etc.

Italian foods wise he's in for a rude awakening. He likes to talk about stuff like how "American cheese" isn't real American cheese and real Mexicans don't use ground beef in taco. The former just being a marketting thing that's become ubiquitous and he's literally autistic and narcissistic enough to think he's the only one capable of bringing that up or knowing about it. The latter is just an Americanization thing that's happened with the food of multiple cultures including, wait for it, Italian food. Italy is a big country and there are many styles of food and dishes within said country. Most of the immigrants from Italy to the United States were Sicilian, I believe. There dishes changed in America because ingredients, and access to ingredients was different. Phil seems to not acknowledge this likely out of ignorance and perhaps even the fact that since he liked the authentic Italian style food he grew up with it is incorruptibly authentic Italian style food.

If Phil wanted to start his own business he should just go to hair cutting school and open a barber shop. Barber shop down the street from me has a benz parked out in front of their everyday, guy employs his kids doesn't really do anything anymore unless people ask for him specfically. I'd imagine as a barber, so long as you've got a large cash payin clientele you can pretty easily skirt some taxes.

 

[Freshtodeath]

Ususlly the guy with the mercedes is better than the employees and only works on special occasions. Gordon ramsay would be a good example. Dsp doesn't know shit about cooking so him hiring a chef would be hilarious. He's cheap so he'd hire a terrible chef. All his employees would hate him cause despite dsp hating the man he sounds like he would exploit his own workers. All waiter tips would go right to bills.