- Joined
- Mar 24, 2016
I can see him trying to cook food, but he will give up fairly quickly and try being the main entertainment in the dining room as you say.
What if DSP actually opened an authentic Italian restaurant? - All your Phil, are belong to Ramsay.
- Thread starter OneDaySon
- Start date
-
🐕 I am attempting to get the site runnning as fast as possible. If you are experiencing slow page load times, please report it.
OneDaySon
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2017
To be honest I don't see him being combative with the customers kitchen nightmares style at all. Except with his employees for doing it "wrong" as he's a control freak. However Phil is very timid in real life and a lot of his shit is bravado. Thats why whenever he has to talk shit about someone, he makes sure to ban them or leave the game or mute them or whatever to make sure they can't say anything back.
He'd burst into tears and close up the second he gets his first bad review in the paper.
He'd burst into tears and close up the second he gets his first bad review in the paper.
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2015
If Phil somehow or someway had a restaurant successfully open -despite a literal mountain of bullshit that he'd fail at that would prevent this from happening but just humor me for a second- he would probably act like the Soup Nazi to the first few customers he'd have.
(Insert ACK ACK ACK WHY AM I TOXIC banter here)
Phil would definitely hire someone to deal with customers and he'd either be the chef (and you'd probably see shit like used bandaids and hocked phlegm in the food) or he'd be that weirdo owner that would hang out in the back, not talk to anyone, and just be on his phone or watching the TV hanging in the corner. All the customers would be like "Who is that guy? Is that the owner? Wow." If anyone made small talk with him he'd mumble and act awkward af and create a very uncomfortable atmosphere for all those in attendance and then no one would bother to eat inside.
(Insert ACK ACK ACK WHY AM I TOXIC banter here)
Phil would definitely hire someone to deal with customers and he'd either be the chef (and you'd probably see shit like used bandaids and hocked phlegm in the food) or he'd be that weirdo owner that would hang out in the back, not talk to anyone, and just be on his phone or watching the TV hanging in the corner. All the customers would be like "Who is that guy? Is that the owner? Wow." If anyone made small talk with him he'd mumble and act awkward af and create a very uncomfortable atmosphere for all those in attendance and then no one would bother to eat inside.
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2017
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2017
"Breadsticks are fan service, okay? I don't have to give you anything, you brain-dead morons!"
He shouts the above quote at customers before waddling off, picking his sweatpants out of his ass-crack while chuckling smugly.
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2017
His "signature" dish would be penne and his "authentic" canned red sauce.
Who the fuck would buy that??? You don't go out to eat and have the fucking chef just boil pasta and make some shitty sauce. He is completely clueless and cannot cook anything at all.
Who the fuck would buy that??? You don't go out to eat and have the fucking chef just boil pasta and make some shitty sauce. He is completely clueless and cannot cook anything at all.
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2018
Except in Phil's case we know the sauce would be sold in frozen cube form.
This comment matters
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2018
Most of this looks exactly like his pics from Instagram of Kat's "homemade from scratch" crap.
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2018
Ramsay would have a field day with this guy. Technically speaking, he's everything Phil wishes he was, only for cooking instead of gaming: a guy who rose through adversity using skill and personality to fame and worldwide respect. I would pay to watch Gordon smack him down for his attitude while Phil complains about "BUGGED PASTA MECHANICS".
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Phil would probably have taken getting the shit kicked out of him by Jaha than anything Gordon Ramsay would do.
He'll talk big behind the scenes and defended his red sugar water to the death, but anyone who has followed Phil for any period of time knows that he is a massive pussy when there's a second human being involved.
He'll talk big behind the scenes and defended his red sugar water to the death, but anyone who has followed Phil for any period of time knows that he is a massive pussy when there's a second human being involved.
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2018
I can't believe how accurate the analogy of a restaurant for his [channel of choice] is. Maybe because they have to fulfill some equal standarts as public people orientated businesses.
It starts with a heartfelt welcoming wet SNORT and ends with undercooked (raw) unseasoned uncut products. In the real world this is intolerable. But somehow people like Phil expect to get away with it because they are just lousy solo street-salesmen for french fries.
It starts with a heartfelt welcoming wet SNORT and ends with undercooked (raw) unseasoned uncut products. In the real world this is intolerable. But somehow people like Phil expect to get away with it because they are just lousy solo street-salesmen for french fries.
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2015
too much work, he would just resell store bought sauce with the labels ripped off and "PHILS SPECIAL SAUCE NOT PREGO, OKAY?" written in marker.
he'd have a tv screen at every table that only plays his streams
and once in a while when on "beak" he'd troll around to see if people are doing other things (like talking to each other or playing with their phone) and kick them out if they aren't glued to the screen.
or he would put a stage in the middle and monologue at random times through the day, with the help of a bouncer who kicks out anyone who talks during his monologue. sure, it'd be empty by closing time, but at least his ego is safe.
i can see him just tongue lashing his employees everyday about how it's "their fault" the food isn't liked and MUH DEPRESSION made him yell at a little girl, so it's not his fault he's TAHXIC. And that if he cooked all the meals everyone would love him and the CEOs of outback steakhouse, chilli's, carl's jr, and bob's big boy personally called him and told him he did everything right and nothing wrong.. but he can't cook because his back.
"Mr. Phil Burnell, I'm the city's health inspector. Due to recent complaints and criticisms regarding serving inedible, unhealthy, and toxic products and/or having low quality service resulting your massive raging towards customers; resulting being deemed as 'anti-family friendly' from others; I am unfortunately shutting your place down as it's currently being renovated by a different service."
"You still haven't tahld me how to cook the meals! I couldn't do anythin' dood! [pig snort] And dood why am I tahxic?! Why am I low-qwahlity!?!"
"You still haven't tahld me how to cook the meals! I couldn't do anythin' dood! [pig snort] And dood why am I tahxic?! Why am I low-qwahlity!?!"
Last edited:
- Joined
- May 27, 2013
Phil would almost certainly be the type of owner to have the servers pool their tips, only to take them all from them.
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2018
I've said it before in other threads but given how he basically treats his viewers like employees whose presence is primarily to make him money above anything else, Phil would be the world's worst boss in any field.
BallBuster
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2017
Okay so I’m going to get really autistic here but I’m seeing a lot of people calling his sauce canned. He actually crushes fresh tomatoes with his goofy little tool. The hate on canned crush tomatoes is for real in this thread though and I’m not entirely sure why.
Honestly, the difference between fresh crushed tomatoes and canned crushed tomatoes from a decent distributer like Tutterossa is pretty much negligible taste wise. Canned crushed tomatoes are actually better because they save you a ton of time and effort plus you have a better gauge on the amount you put into the pot plus a gauge on how much water you need to add. Yes, for every can of crushed tomatoes and paste you use you add equal amounts of water. If done right the sauce comes out perfect, not watery.
His gravy (or sauce, whatever you want to call it) is dogshit because he only uses some nasty onion meatballs to flavor it and he adds a pound of damn sugar. Gravy usually has beef, pork and sausage for flavoring purposes which is browned before hand in the pot. Sugar, is only about less than a spoonful and is never ever added for taste, it’s added specifically to help cut the acidity from the tomatoes. That’s it.
What he essentially makes is some knock off jarred sauce shit. His sauce has no identity and no uniqueness aside from being some fake Italian knockoff because of it being way too sweet.
Honestly, the difference between fresh crushed tomatoes and canned crushed tomatoes from a decent distributer like Tutterossa is pretty much negligible taste wise. Canned crushed tomatoes are actually better because they save you a ton of time and effort plus you have a better gauge on the amount you put into the pot plus a gauge on how much water you need to add. Yes, for every can of crushed tomatoes and paste you use you add equal amounts of water. If done right the sauce comes out perfect, not watery.
His gravy (or sauce, whatever you want to call it) is dogshit because he only uses some nasty onion meatballs to flavor it and he adds a pound of damn sugar. Gravy usually has beef, pork and sausage for flavoring purposes which is browned before hand in the pot. Sugar, is only about less than a spoonful and is never ever added for taste, it’s added specifically to help cut the acidity from the tomatoes. That’s it.
What he essentially makes is some knock off jarred sauce shit. His sauce has no identity and no uniqueness aside from being some fake Italian knockoff because of it being way too sweet.
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2016
I was thinking more about he would walk around and talk to the few guests that would come and try to impress them with how italian he is or how much he knows about games!
This comment matters
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2018
We one thing we can be sure of is it would be annoying no matter what he would do
Sparkletor
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2017
The place I worked at had shared parking with a few other businesses. The owner put up signs "Parking for restaurant customers ONLY!". Well one day there was a car parked in one of the spots and we had no customers at the time. The owner got so mad that he wrote a letter saying, "How dare you! Are you a fucking regard or just fucking blind! I own these parking spaces. I hope you get in a car wreck you disrespectful piece of shit!" Etc. and put it on the windshield.
It was really nasty and "toxic".
The car's owner came back and it was a 70 year old lady who was at the beauty parlor. She was visibly shaken at reading the horrible letter and word spread around town about how the restaurant owner was a sick man who bullied little old ladies.
I could picture Phil acting this way.
It was really nasty and "toxic".
The car's owner came back and it was a 70 year old lady who was at the beauty parlor. She was visibly shaken at reading the horrible letter and word spread around town about how the restaurant owner was a sick man who bullied little old ladies.
I could picture Phil acting this way.
- Joined
- May 27, 2013
Phil would be the ultimate contrarian if he were ever on Kitchen Nightmares. He would beat out Nino for biggest ego, and that one guy who chewed a tough piece of elk for 5 minutes? Well, Phil has him beat on denial. How about Amy’s Baking Company? I could see Phil being even more narcissistic and arrogant about his bullshit restaurant. He would be the type to be extremely passive aggressive towards his customers if they didn’t like his sauce. I mean, in all honesty, what theme would he ever pull together for a menu? In typical Phil fashion, he would probably steal recipes from the internet to add to his menu. Would he also consider himself the executive chef? He seems like the type that would need to be hands on with everything, and fucking everything up as hard as possible.
Phil opening a restaurant would be an even bigger disaster than his 10 YEAR LEGACY, he would brag to his customers after he brings them spaghetti with his shitty knockoff Ragu sauce... And would kick them out for saying it wasn’t very good. He would have ZERO customers because he seems to think that advertising, in ANY way, makes a person a paid shill. It would be exactly the type of thing as he did recently talking shit on that battle royale game on Twitter. I don’t know that Phil would be able to host a fucking parasite, let alone a restaurant.
Phil opening a restaurant would be an even bigger disaster than his 10 YEAR LEGACY, he would brag to his customers after he brings them spaghetti with his shitty knockoff Ragu sauce... And would kick them out for saying it wasn’t very good. He would have ZERO customers because he seems to think that advertising, in ANY way, makes a person a paid shill. It would be exactly the type of thing as he did recently talking shit on that battle royale game on Twitter. I don’t know that Phil would be able to host a fucking parasite, let alone a restaurant.