What if DSP actually opened an authentic Italian restaurant? - All your Phil, are belong to Ramsay.

[AF 802]

Would go into bankruptcy, just like DSP.

 

[gaarashatan]

not only can phil not cook italian, but he wouldnt and couldnt put in a 10th of the work needed to run a restaurant

 

[Hatoful Dandy]

I'd say the closest Kitchen Nightmares ep to DSP would be the Sebastian's one:

-overly complicates things for the sake of being "unique"
-loves the sound of his own voice despite how much it irritates his patrons
-never his fault
-pettiness and gloating over perceived victories
-wastes resources others would only wish they had
-overemphasises his Italian nature to the point of being embarassing
-lofty goals of expansion despite nothing to show for it
-inability to take advice even when he asked for it
-ragequits when things don't go his way

 

[BrunoMattei]

I don't think it would even launch. Can you imagine this asshole hiring people? No one but the absolute stupidest or most desperate people would work under this asshole. Kat would refuse to work there for free which is something Phil would try to force. He couldn't manage a budget for shit. He wouldn't know to prepare the taxes. Food inspectors would probably shut his ass down. Etcetera and etcetera. Him thinking that he could open a successful restaurant is another bit of supreme delusion on top of a massive pile.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

He'll gain 150 lbs and have constant gout flareups because of all of the red meat in da meatbawlz

 

[The tired cat]

I don't think it would even launch. Can you imagine this asshole hiring people? No one but the absolute stupidest or most desperate people would work under this asshole. Kat would refuse to work there for free which is something Phil would try to force. He couldn't manage a budget for shit. He wouldn't know to prepare the taxes. Food inspectors would probably shut his ass down. Etcetera and etcetera. Him thinking that he could open a successful restaurant is another bit of supreme delusion on top of a massive pile.

Honestly, if that happened that would be fucking level record time for the fastest closing of a restaurant ever. Like, it just be open for ONE day and the next it gets closed down with Phill getting lawsuits left and right or just getting threatened by the local mob 'cause he insulted their boss or made a shitty dish that poisoned him.

 

[Kosher Dill]

I actually worked at a fake Italian restaurant owned by a fake narcissistic Italian man with a goatee.

If there is interest, I have a few stories to tell, but it is not DSP related so let me know if it would be of interest to post them.

I'm interested. Fake Italians are always on-topic.

 

[Dragoonism]

So i have visited Phils restaurant and took som pictures of his food!

Spoiler: Dont eat while watching!

 

[Sparkletor]

I'm interested. Fake Italians are always on-topic.

He had a traditional Italian last name "Stockton". He would sit at the front of the place and just talk non stop. He would tell people who were there to eat all about how he traveled to Italy to learn the secret sauce recipe from a real Italian master chef. He then claimed to have spent a year in Greece perfecting his pizza dough recipe.

He called the local newspaper and her told the reporter all these things and they were printed.

He made me sign a non disclosure agreement to never tell anyone that the sauce came out of a can and the pizza dough came out of a bag of pizza dough mix.

 

[Smug Chuckler]

*someone dies from food poisoning*

"Bugged cooking mechanics!"

 

[Prince Lotor]

I think he might have an unfortunate accident involving his kneecaps as a result of some unforseen and tragic circumstances that were wholly avoidable if he would have just paid the requested percentage to a certain group of legitimate businessmen for the 'sewer usage' tax he owed them due to the perceived slight of serving them a regurgitated dog's breakfast and referring to it as 'Authentic Italian Cuisine'.

Of course knowing Phil's luck the Health Department would shut it down before the hit was scheduled, and somehow the criminal element would end up paying him hush-money for some evidence exposing them that they think he's playing stupid about but he actually has no idea.

 

[The tired cat]

I think he might have an unfortunate accident involving his kneecaps as a result of some unforseen and tragic circumstances that were wholly avoidable if he would have just paid the requested percentage to a certain group of legitimate businessmen for the 'sewer usage' tax he owed them due to the perceived slight of serving them a regurgitated dog's breakfast and referring to it as 'Authentic Italian Cuisine'.

Nah, I'm thinking something like this going down with Philly boy

 

[Prince Lotor]

If Phil opened a restaurant and managed to keep it open for any length of time it would quickly devolve into some kind of word-of-mouth sideshow oddity like this:

 

[Fascist Frederick]

I have no idea what would happen if he did manage to open one, but I do know that he'd name it: "Burnelli's"

 

[N0thingICanDo]

*someone dies from food poisoning*

"Bugged cooking mechanics!"

Phil would go bankrupts in no time because his first customer, upon having 2 spoonful of spaghetti (because in Burnelli restaurant you eat noodles with spoons, okay?), left the following last words:

"Why am I poisoned, why am I toxic?"

 

[Remove Goat]

But the real question is, would the giftshop have homemade soap?

 

[OneDaySon]

But the real question is, would the giftshop have homemade soap?

I don't know what you're talking about, he's never ever been associated with home made soap or anyone who's ever made home made soap before. That's just a detractor meme.

I bet the gift shop would sell his sauce though, a few restaurants sell their sauce in bottled form. I still think it'd be funny to watch a genuine Chef's reaction as Phil tells them his "special authentic secret sauce" and it's just this really generic spaghetti sauce recipe with the only change being dump half a bag of sugar in there.

 

[KingjadVCMP]

Guys and girls, you're completely off the mark here. Why would Phil be COOKING? That's Leanna's job. Hang on...Kat's job.

Phil would float around associating with the customers telling them all stories they'd have no interest in hearing. He'd repeat every prestream cliche verbatim every night. He'd only ever cook one thing - the diabetes-inducing meatballs - and let the Kat take care of the rest, while he begs the customers to tip generously as they might not survive the winter.

He'd genuinely see himself as an attraction for people to come see while they eat. He'd even probably hook up a console on a big screen and play for them, asking them to tip every time they felt like helping him when he's stuck. Then when no tips come in he'd sulk, wagequit and close early - before blaming his tantrum on "depression" and begging people passing outside to come back and give him another chance.

 

[Kosher Dill]

I have no idea what would happen if he did manage to open one, but I do know that he'd name it: "Burnelli's"

He'd name it "Katherine's" and put the name up in huge light-up letters, and then Kat would leave for good a week later. He'd try to keep up appearances for a few months, then take down the letters, leaving behind "ghosts".

... Then after another few months of being needled by detractors he'd max out his credit card to get the wall power-washed, only to uncover a miraculously preserved 19th-century ad for "Lee-Ana Nerve Tonic" painted on the underlying brick.

 

[Xenomorph]

Phil wouldn't make it past the health inspection, you've all seen his office.