What are the dumbest names people’s parents cursed them with?

[UnKillFill]

UnKillFill

 

[Kamov Ka-52]

I shit you not: Tonjyanicquea.

 

[TungstenCarbide]

Once my uncle told me that, when he was young, he met an old lady whose name was Italia Benvenuta Libera Fortunata (that would translate with: Welcomed, Free, Lucky Italy). Apparently this woman's parents had been overly enthused by the fact that the zone of Italy they lived in had been freed from Austrian domination.

My Mom had a colleague who was called Piccola Katy (literally: Small Katy). title of a song by the Italian band The Pooh.

Edit: typos

 

[werbwub]

There is this girl at my school who's name sounds like an STD, her name is Culandiya

 

[Zbk3VmLfujjzjxBd43tL]

In college when they sent out emails to the entire dorm it was always fun to see the crazy names. It was 1/3 normal names, 1/3 foreign names (mostly kebab so lots of "Muhammads" and "Ahmeds" and "Alis" with some Pajeet/Chinese), and 1/3 ghetto names. The girls had the craziest names, you'd see endless weird spellings of "Princess" or "Precious" or "Sh'quanda" and shit like that, the guys just sounded like NFL players. I can't remember any sadly, aside from two guys who lived in the same dorm as me named Quantavious and Colonial (I laughed my ass off when I first saw the guy's name). IIRC Colonial flunked out after a semester, Quantavious was an asshole and I got into a fight with him and his friends once. He was bros with some guy named Trayvon, like Trayvon Martin (this was right after that happened), and Trayvon was an even bigger asshole. I didn't meet Colonial much, but he was some skinny guy who was still kind of a dick. That dorm was fucked up because people would blast rap music all night long when they weren't vandalizing shit which they'd blame on folks from the historically black college down the road (which was even more ghetto) they'd invited to party with them, and everyone had to pay for their shit.

I've worked with a lot of black people with weird names, but at least the black men have names like "LaDarius" which sound like NFL players. A lot of black women I've worked with have names like "JaKesha" and are less likely to have "normal" names like many black men do which is unfortunate. I don't know why black people think that sounds nice since African languages are pretty cool and even naming you kid some Muslim shit (like "Jamal") sounds better than those hood names. Although a lot of Africans I've met have Muslim names or are Christian and have names like "Moses" but "Ndamukong" (like that NFL player) sounds nicer than "Dequavius" or some made up name.

Also white people for naming their kids dumb shit like "Jaxton" or "Carpenter" or pretentious shit like "Imogen", that's the white people version of ghetto names. I worked with a guy who named his daughter "Imogen" and got my hair cut by a woman who named her son "Zaxton". White moms can be just as "creative" as black moms in naming their kids random shit but don't get made fun of as much which is too bad.

Someone mentioned Roman names though. They were objectively exceptional. "Fifth kid? Ok uh...Quintus I guess. Good enough."

Common in Japan, look at the names with spelled with the kanji for 1, 2, 3, etc. (like "Jiro", apparently China has a similar tradition). Black people can do it too where you have Trevious, Quadravious, Quintavious, Sextavious, Septavious, etc. But Romans did it best, since look at how all those Romans ended up known as. Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus is commonly known as Nero for instance. Or Gaius Valerius Licinianus Licinius Augustus is just Licinius. A hypothetical "Quintus" would probably be known by some other name.

 

[Bender]

My father worked with a man named Brother, Brother's sister also worked there, her name was Sister. A cleaning lady there was named Hagbard and she was built like a chimney brush, she was tall, skinny and had a big perm. She was also incredibly foul mouthed, not in angry way more like Calamity Jane from Deadwood or Ricky from Trailer Park Boys, but being a woman looking like a chimney brush named Hagbard it's fitting.

Did your dad live in a comedy sketch?

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

Did your dad live in a comedy sketch?

The region was a kind of communist perma-frost Florida, so yes. Brother/Sister were old dumb christian names.

 

[Monika H.]

Has this been posted yet

 

[Niggernerd]

Imagine being called Belinda
It's Btarded

 

[General Disarray]

Long ago, I lived next door to a white trash couple with kids named Echo and Precious. One of them made the news recently (because of course they did).

Our local TV station puts on kids who have a birthday that day, and it's always good for lulz. Like your usual black names like King or whatever, but I see stupid white names more lately - today's winner is Brogan.

 

[Preferred Penne]

Some guy I knew named his son Sky Cirrus.

 

[Pineapple Fox]

 

[Male Idiot]

Its rare nowdays, but the hungarian surname Vég (End) and given name Béla (Bela) is an unfortunate combo.

Since the order of name is eastern, it is Vég Béla. Végbél is a medical term, made from Vég (end) and bél (intestine). It means rectum. Translated to english, the name approximately means "Rec Tum-a" . Even more hilarious is the invidual in question is a faggot.

A commie politician during the CCCP era changed his name from (((Weber))) Béla to Vég Béla. Got awarded the dumbest commie medal, with even fellow commies calling him "What a total genious in renaming." with enough sarcasm and scorn to fill a gulag.

Luckily we can't get shaddiqua and brandisha because names must be given from a goverment approved list that is curated by the Linguistics wing of the Academy of Sciences.

 

[Spunt]

Another one from my time in Social Work - Some African communities are into giving "aspirational" names to their kids. Ofc this is a thing with white people too - especially with girl's names like Faith, Ruth (olde worde meaning "mercy") and Hope - but the African equivalents tend to ... lack subtlety.

One day a file plopped onto my desk about some teenager whose mother had named him something like "Wonderful Perfect Amazing Flawless Miracle M'penza" or something similar.

Of course he was in a Young Offender's institution for multiple armed robberies.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I knew a woman named Talon.

There's a boy named Talon that comes into my work ( a teen rec center) and another kid's mom straight up accused her son of lying when he said "Talon" lent him money, on the basis that "Talon doesn't sound like a name". (That mom is weird, tbh. Suprised kid #2 isn't named Hraxton Paigihlie Jewel or something)

One of my friends who kind of isn't a friend anymore becasue she was posting 50+ photos a day of her dead baby on facebook and was brigning his urn around with her in public which got kind of skeezy , wanted to name one of her sons Sabbath Osbourne {Lastname}. Which I kinda like, but her husband talked her out of it which was for the best. I'll have to remember that in the future when I'm screaming at the delivery room nurses for having the audacity to imply that Metallica isn't a good baby name.

 

[Clockwork_PurBle]

I know of someone named Dusty...with an i.

Also white people for naming their kids dumb shit like "Jaxton" or "Carpenter" or pretentious shit like "Imogen", that's the white people version of ghetto names. I worked with a guy who named his daughter "Imogen" and got my hair cut by a woman who named her son "Zaxton".

I was actually almost named that, after a grandmother.

 

[Swagstika]

I once met a Queenie. She was Dutch. Her parents had been told she would be a boy and had picked out a boys name, so when she came out a girl they took a book of baby names, threw it in the air and picked the girls name it opened on. Not the worst name I guess, just odd.

 

[Kaede Did Nothing Wrong]

remember even if you have a silly name you can accomplish things in life

 

[Pineapple Fox]

Sniped from the Samantha Violet Bushart thread, I couldn't help myself;

 

[Spastic Colon]

Sniped from the Samantha Violet Bushart thread, I couldn't help myself;
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Lucifer? Someone actually thought that was a good name for a kid? Tbf, it is probably better than the first name that went with it: Brantly. But still, God was merciful in killing that one in the womb.

My daughter did have a Genesis in her kindergarten class, so that one must be kind of popular.