What are the dumbest names people’s parents cursed them with?

[Orange Rhymer]

There was a Freakonomics podcast about names a few years back. Funniest part was that the 'blacker' the name the more likely Google Ads were to suggest if you wanted to see if that person had an arrest record. http://freakonomics.com/2013/04/08/how-much-does-your-name-matter-full-transcript/

New Zealand has a to approve a babies name. It is based off this legislation from 1995. Seems the Registrar-General is responsible for approving names and since 2013 that falls to Jeff Montgomery. Somehow a girl was named 'Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii'. The court changed her name when she was 9. The judge said, "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily." The article also has some other hilarious examples that were approved.

• Midnight Chardonnay
• Number 16 Bus Shelter
• Violence

I'd guess the first was what they were drinking and the time of conception, the second a location of conception, and the third being the type of sex they like. Seems like the process does not work very well if those names were approved but 'Fish and Chips' and 'Sex Fruit' were denied.

Found two lists from a New Zealand government website for rejected names. Having trouble trying find a list of rejected names by year. All the news websites fail to list any source for where they get their info. Most seem to track back to this CNN article or two press releases by the New Zealand Department of Internal Affairs.
CNN list of rejected names 2001-2013. Notable mentions: Anal, 4Real, and multiple different spellings of Justice. New Zealanders really seem to want to name their kid Justice.
https://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/01/world/asia/new-zealand-stange-baby-names/index.html

Spoiler: Long List

1. Justice - 62
2. King - 31
3. Princess - 28
4. Prince - 27
5. Royal - 25
6. Duke - 10
7. Major - 9
8. Bishop - 9
9. Majesty - 7
10. J - 6
11. Lucifer - 6
12. Use of brackets around middle names - 4
13. Knight - 4
14. Lady - 3
15. Use of back slash between names - 8
16. Judge - 3
17. Royale - 2
18. Messiah - 2
19. T - 2
20. I - 2
21. Queen - 2
22. Sir - 2
23. III - 2
24. Jr - 2
25. E - 2
26. V - 2
27. Justus - 2
28. Master - 2
29. Constable - 1
30. Queen Victoria - 1
31. Regal - 1
32. Emperor - 1
33. Christ - 1
34. Juztice - 1
35. 3rd - 1
36. CJ - 1
37. G - 1
38. Roman Numerals III - 1
39. General - 1
40. Saint - 1
41. Lord - 1
42. . (period) - 1
43. 89 - 1
44. Eminence - 1
45. M - 1
46. VI - 1
47. Mafia No Fear - 1
48. 2nd - 1
49. Majesti - 1
50. Rogue - 1
51. 4real - 1
52. * (asterisk) - 1
53. 5th - 1
54. SP - 1
55. C - 1
56. Sargent - 1
57. Honour - 1
58. D - 1
59. Minister - 1
60. MJ - 1
61. Chief - 1
62. Mr - 1
63. V8 - 1
64. President - 1
65. MC - 1
66. Anal - 1
67. AJ - 1
68. Baron - 1
69. L B - 1
70. H-Q - 1
71. Queen V - 1

2018 rejected names: https://www.dia.govt.nz/press.nsf/d...d1288ac08d7758c2cc25838200107411!OpenDocument
2017 rejected names: https://www.dia.govt.nz/press.nsf/d...a97eea557dc94ef2cc2582100013021b!OpenDocument

The more I search for 'rejected names YEAR' the more insane the names seem to get. this is becoming quite the rabbit hole.
New Jersey family names their three kids the following. This made headlines when a ShopRite refused to put little Hitler's name on a cake. Sometime later and without giving a reason the kids were taken by Family Services. No idea if they got the kids back but apparently both parents collected disability.
View attachment 1007056
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MentalFloss http://archive.ph/PQ46v had an interesting list of 35 banned names from various countries. The reasoning for banning the name is more interesting than the name in some cases.
Wonder if that would work in Turkey today?
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Israel might have some thoughts on that.
View attachment 1007112
Guess no gender neutral names in Italy. France has a similar rule.
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Sonora, Mexico seems to have a more reactive system in place banning names after they happen. Notable mentions include Circumcision, Hitler, Escroto (Scrotum), and Christmas Day.

Spoiler: List of banned names in Sonora

Aceituno
All Power
Anivdelarev
Aguinaldo
Batman
Benefecia
Burger King
Caraciola
Caralampio
Cheyenne
Christmas Day
Cacerolo
Cesárea
Circuncisión
Culebro
Delgadina
Diodoro
Email
Escroto
Espinacia
Facebook
Fulanito
Gordonia
Gorgonio
Harry Potter
Hermione
Hitler
Hurraca
Iluminada
Indio
James Bond
Lady Di
Marciana
Masiosare
Micheline
Patrocinio
Panuncio
Petronilo
Piritipio
Privado
Pocahontas
Procopio
Pomponio
Rambo
Robocop
Rocky
Rolling Stone
Terminator
Sonora querida
Sobeida
Telesforo
Tránsito
Tremebundo
Twitter
Usnavy
Virgen
Verulo
Yahoo
Zoila Rosa

To end this rabbit hole Business Insider has a nice article listing banned names from a myriad of countries.
Apparently archive sites do not like Business Insider https://www.businessinsider.com/banned-baby-names-from-around-the-world-2016-10 http://archive.li/3rrIC. So fuck'em here are the images they had for the 12 countries.

Spoiler: 12 countries banned names

View attachment 1007121
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View attachment 1007123
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View attachment 1007125
View attachment 1007126
View attachment 1007127
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View attachment 1007119

All in all if you name your kid something stupid you are asking for them to hate you for life.

All of this makes perfect sense.

1) No Justice in New Zealand.
2) No Zoe in Iceland (if only that rule applied globally)
3) No Monkeys in Denmark (again, if only that rule applied globally)
4) No Ikeas in Sweden

 

[MysticMisty]

It's a real name and not just made up various whatever bullshit, but personally I don't like Caleb or any of it's spelling variants. I personally think it's just an ugly sounding name. But it keeps coming up in the file room so I see it often, unfortunately.

 

[yahowahi]

I knew a Chris Lester in school. It didn't help that he was borderline rétarded. I also knew people with all the different versions of Brandon. I'm talking Brandon, Brendon, Brenden, Branden. All of them were called Brandon by everyone but their friends. Brenden once beat and spit on a girl at a playground during lunch break for smoking too much of his weed. There was a Camerin (like Cameron). There was a math teacher (I think, never had him) named Harry Dick.

Is that some kind of misspelt Lion King reference?

More exceptional than that. It's a major villain from Naruto.

 

[Pargon]

Clayton. Just a trashy, redneck name.

Can you imagine a woman getting nailed and moaning Clayton in a seductive voice?

I can't.

I absolutely can and I demand you retract this reprehensible libel immediately.

 

[Spooky Bones]

remember even if you have a silly name you can accomplish things in life
View attachment 996763

According to Wikipedia, his first credit was in 2004, so though no birthday is given we can readily assume he was born somewhere around 1975-1985; that is, well after both speed and weed were pretty popular. I don't know what Dad was thinking; either a degenerate (given that his kid went to Hollywood it's likely) or incredibly naive...more likely though just not thinking which is more than likely the case for a lot of unfortunate names of the "Michael Hunt" variety

 

[keyboredsm4shthe2nd]

Taylynn. My case worker at the tard shack was dead set on naming her daughter that, and that's when I cut services. Why not just fucking Taylor Lynn? Still white trash but not nearly as bad.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

I overheard someone the other day complaining that her brother had named his twin daughters Cagney and Lacey.

 

[Spastic Colon]

I don't know if these really count because they are troon names which means they picked them out themselves. Copied these from a post about trans women who were murdered, so rip to them. Still going to make fun of their names, though:

Jazzaline

Muhlaysia

Chynal

Pebbles

Bee Love

Jamagio

Itali

Layleen

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

Image. Might of been short for Imogen but still.

 

[Inflatable Julay]

Barack Hussein Obama

 

[The Littlest Shitlord]

I knew a dude named Melf once. Wasn't even short for Melvin or something, literally just Melf.

Congratulations, you know a guy who was named after a fictional wizard from Dungeons and Dragons, who gave us spells such as "Melf's Acid Arrow" and "Melf's Minute Meteors". He was actually a player character in one of Gary Gygax's original D&D campaigns. How did he get his name? Looking at his character sheet, he saw "Sex: M" right above "Race: Elf". So, the name literally means "male elf".

Alexzander - Yes, they really did spell it like this. Apparently they didn't know how to actually spell or pronounce Alexander

A guy in a class I took once was named Alecxander. WTF. Also had a ShyAnn in that class too.

It's a real name and not just made up various whatever bullshit, but personally I don't like Caleb or any of it's spelling variants. I personally think it's just an ugly sounding name. But it keeps coming up in the file room so I see it often, unfortunately.

The only Caleb I knew was a date rapist who knocked up his underage girlfriend, so this doesn't exactly give me a positive impression of the name either.

 

[snailslime]

Gaylord
Gretel
Gertrude
Adolf
Bertha
Tynisha

 

[DocHoliday1977]

Is that a Millenial or a Gen Y thing? I thought all those "den" names all stemmed from when Aiden blew up in the US after it was used as the kid's name in the American remake of the Ring. Most Millenials I know name their kids pretentious shit like Sebastian, Agnes and Asher.

Oh really? Cause I"m gen x and im naming my baby Asher cause it means happy blessed.

But I know who you are and why you're triggered. Bahaha

 

[オウム 2]

Oh really? Cause I"m gen x and im naming my baby Asher cause it means happy blessed.

But I know who you are and why you're triggered. Bahaha

Mazel Tov

 

[DocHoliday1977]

Mazel Tov

The baby's name is Asher. I've lost my figure for this little guy and his name is Asher. It's the middle name I'm struggling with.



and the last name but whatever....he can have mine.

 

[BlancoMailo]

Here's some I just came across in court documents - Keovonne, Rylynne Jo, and Darquine.

 

[Brazen Wanker]

Once upon a time I worked in California's social service system and the 2 worst names i came across were: Wu-Tang (last name with held for obvs reasons) and Drakkar. Yeah, kids named after a rap group and a shitty 80's cologne. Poor kids.

 

[seizure-san]

I work at a pharmacy in BFE, we get some great trash names. Worst I've seen hands down has been Candida.

CANDIDA.

Ugh.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

I knew two girls growing up named Cinnamon Brown and Ebony Black.

Oh! Can't forget a girl named Chastity. She wore a thong in fifth grade. Last I heard she was a slut before finding God in her mid twenties.

 

[Chan Fan]

A long time ago I knew a couple who gave their daughter the middle name "Micale" (pronounced muh-kel by them) and they said it was because they wanted it to be like the male European name Mikhail, meaning they spelled and pronounced it incorrectly.

Worked with a lady who named her son Jae'on'tae; yes, that's two apostrophes in his first name.