Your personal nightmare pizza

  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
edboy said:
Anything sweet is gross. No fucking joke, I've been to a pizza shop that put m&m's on the pizza. That is just horrid.
Click to expand...
A few years ago, I had a pizza from a brewpub that put honey on it as part of its ingredients. It wasn't all bad...but the rest of the pizza was (with good sauce, crust, cheese, etc.)

Botch at least one of those (for instance, in the last two years or so, a "cauliflower crust" trend has raised its ugly head) and that's where pizza goes nasty.
 
Japan has this obsession with seafood on pizza (see: Pizza Hut, Dominoes), especially with cheese that doesn't necessarily go with seafood because cheese is a very very very temperamental thing when applied to any seafood dish. Plus, they look like a riff on something out of a retro Better Homes & Gardens magazine. True nightmare pizza has to be left over dollar pizza you were too sick to continue eating all the way, that shit only crosses your lips cooked the first time, never EVER let $1 party pizzas become a leftover.
 
Tookie said:
This fresh hell just landed in my inbox.

View attachment 1059974
Click to expand...
Honestly as gross as it probably seems, I like Cheez-its and would probably try it. There's dudes in here eating bananas on pizza, a cheez-it flavored pizza doesnt seem that bad. It seems like just something like a stromboli with like cheez it crust--like those Dorito tacos Taco Bell used to shill as being the hottest, craziest but trendy idea anyone has had ever.
 
Here in Sweden we have something called "kebab pizza"' it's basicly a plain pizza with döner kebab, green peppers and garlic sauce on it (Google kebab pizza, viewer discretion is advised). Most disgusting pizza I've ever ate, and the quality is usually terrible too. I love me some kebab not gonna lie, but not on a fucking pizza 🤮
 
Zamzz said:
Here in Sweden we have something called "kebab pizza"' it's basicly a plain pizza with döner kebab, green peppers and garlic sauce on it (Google kebab pizza, viewer discretion is advised). Most disgusting pizza I've ever ate, and the quality is usually terrible too. I love me some kebab not gonna lie, but not on a fucking pizza 🤮
Click to expand...
I had döner pizza in Germany. It was one of the best pizzas I ever had. It didn't have garlic sauce it had hollondaise, onions, cheese, and the meat the place used to make their döner sandwiches. Should have had more while I was there.
 
The pizza we used to have at primary (/elementary) school.

Method of preparation they apparently used:

1) Get a frozen pre-made pizza base. Put it in a baking tin.
2) Smear tomato puree all over it.
3) Add whatever random vegetables/shit hasn't been used up that month - baby sweetcorn, celery, onion, lentils, all of these made an appearance.
4) Grate a buttload of cheese and put that in a separate baking tin.
5) Undercook the tomato-ey base so the base has barely defrosted and is cold and soggy and the vegetables are still basically raw.
6) Overcook the cheese and then let it cool so it congeals into a burnt, rubbery mess.
7) Lift out the cheese, put it on top of the tomato-ey base.
8 ) Serve.

The cheese would slide around on the base as we attempted to eat it. It made me retch even tasting some of it and I went to a school where we had to eat everything or we'd have to sit there until we had.
 
For me, bad toppings aren't enough; in order to be a nightmare pizza:

1) It has to be made by Dominoes. In my experience, no other pizza chain has a more consistent rate of garbage pizza, no matter what you tell them on the phone. The guy who picks up must sound like he's not legal to work, and must act as though he's on his phone at the time, or else I'll know I haven't called Dominoes.

2) Per Dominoes standards, they have to give me light sauce (approximately a golf ball worth of sauce spread out across an entire pizza) whether I ask for it or not. If I'm sick of being cheated out of sauce and I ask for extra sauce, they have to dump an entire can onto the thing, and keep doing that until the pizza is >50% sauce. There can be no happy medium.

3) I will order it during dinner rush, during which Dominoes regulations prohibit them from putting it in the oven for longer than 3 minutes. The pizza crust must be exactly one stage above raw dough. I won't be ordering pepperoni, but if I had, there would have to be no indication that it had ever gone near an oven.

4) The toppings must include pineapple, black olives, and any other sweet ingredient that seeps into the cheese so that I can't taste anything else, even if I remove them.

5) Finally, the driver must not be permitted to put my pizza in any kind of thermal bag. Instead, he must keep the pizza on the seat next to him, and drive with the window open, even in the winter. He must spend a minimum of 30 seconds stopped in the middle of the road outside my house, or any house within 2-3 houses of mine, so that I am confident he can't read the numbers. He must wait until the pizza is completely dry between the cuts and the cheese has been to congeal before he can bring it to me. He must act way too happy to be working for Dominoes.

6) The pizza must somehow immediately become inedible if I don't finish the thing in under 5 minutes. It must expel 100% of its remaining moisture if I refrigerate it, even in an air-tight container. It must become various consistencies of cardboard if I attempt to reheat it.

Only when all of the above criteria are met can I enjoy my average Dominoes experie-I mean, nightmare pizza.
 
There are... no toppings commonly offered that I can think of are a "nightmare" for me. I can even tolerate pineapple, although I would never order it myself. My real abominations are tasteless, mushy cheese with no pull, and overly sweet sauces.

No, wait. I can think of one. I don't mind "white sauce" pizzas, I even like some of them, but the BBQ sauce base pizzas? *Those* are an abomination.
 
Ughh.. my daughter made it at a Build-yer-own place last week. Vegan dough, some weird cheese made out of cashews, tons of spinach and topped off with balsamic. i payed $14 bucks for that piece of shit pizza. Grossest. I could hardly watch her eat it.
 
While I do eat seafood, and while I do eat seafood with pasta from time to time ... I can't allow any seafood on my pizza. It's just wrong.

And while I love REAL margherita pizza, I've noticed that a lot of places that offer margherita pizzas top them with diced raw tomatoes. Yikes. I'm not deathly allergic to raw tomatoes, but I do have an intolerance to them and they make me break out in hives. So ... Raw tomatoes are another nightmare topping for me.

I like and/or tolerate most traditional/typical/common toppings on pizza, really. Pineapple on pizza is one of my favorites (yes, hate me all you want!). I just don't want more than two or three toppings on a single pizza because it makes them messy and almost impossible to eat without needing a knife and fork.
 
StarkRavingMad said:
While I do eat seafood, and while I do eat seafood with pasta from time to time ... I can't allow any seafood on my pizza. It's just wrong.

And while I love REAL margherita pizza, I've noticed that a lot of places that offer margherita pizzas top them with diced raw tomatoes. Yikes. I'm not deathly allergic to raw tomatoes, but I do have an intolerance to them and they make me break out in hives. So ... Raw tomatoes are another nightmare topping for me.

I like and/or tolerate most traditional/typical/common toppings on pizza, really. Pineapple on pizza is one of my favorites (yes, hate me all you want!). I just don't want more than two or three toppings on a single pizza because it makes them messy and almost impossible to eat without needing a knife and fork.
Click to expand...

I feel your pain on the raw tomatoes, for me it's less hives and more texture. I hate the way raw tomatoes feel in my mouth, they're too slimy for my liking.
Pineapples though... I've been forced to somewhat enjoy them, the Mrs. likes pineapple/sausage pizza. If the pineapple is chopped small enough and drained it can actually start caramelizing and compliment the flavors to a degree. Big pineapple chunks are a no-go, even my wife won't touch giant pineapple chunks on a pizza.
 
I could never down a deluxe pizza without having to take off the green peppers. And the one time I didn't, I almost vomited.

And I can't say why I don't like the green bell pepper. I just don't. Hell;, I can even eat pineapples on pizza, and they shouldn't even be touching hot cheese and tomato sauce.
 
The thing my elementary school cafeteria had the nerve to call a pizza is by far the worst pizza experience I've ever had. Even worse than Dominoes, and that was pretty fucking bad. The rectangle "crust" had the consistency and taste of cardboard, the "sauce" was 100% ketchup, with a small amount of tasteless "cheese" sprinkled on top, and topped flavorless grey lumps of mystery meat. Served with the vegetable of the day, tater tots, and milk. The only remotely decent part of the meal with the milk.
 
I ate once a pizza with Sausage, pepper and corn
It was soo bad (:_(

Or few years ago I ate pizza on thin cake with a small, poor amount with additives. (The owner was probably a IRL Mr.Krabs)

1617306695510.png
A pizza with: onion, white sausage, horseradish,
Just not my type
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom