Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Krathnami]

It's too precious. It's schizo as hell, but it's meant to be a rap, complete with a childish cadence.

Lucas has bars, and magical old man sperm! Behold the fire he spits:

"AGEPHOBE, CLASSIST, FEEL THE BERN, YOU'RE AWARE YOU'RE A BIGOT! (wheezes, short on breath) FATHERS UNDER 40 WILL GIVE YOUR CHILDREN TELOMERE ATTRITION! (repeat ad nauseam until nearly passing out from the strain)"

This is the fruit of his creativity, his obsessions, an amazing glimpse into the way his mind works.

Between this and his "Right Now!" bit he has a growing body of god awful flows.

Lucas isn’t smart enough to be creative

 

[TelemeresDaddy69]

Lucas isn’t smart enough to be creative

Speaking of creative, did Lucas just give up on creating content for his Patreon? I know everyone knew he wouldn't last as exclusive like his Patreon claims, but I'm still surprised he didn't even bother to post current videos on there

 

[Rogowski]

Lucas seems to have migrated back to Facebook. I wonder what brought that about?

 

[Wernology]

Lucas seems to have migrated back to Facebook. I wonder what brought that about?

Since I have no IG I tried to look at his and it's private and has fewer than 200 followers. Gonna guess he wasn't getting enough attention on IG and gets more comments or messages on Facebook. He has something like 3k followers there most of whom seem to be trolling him with how over the top nice their comments on his public posts are.

That first image makes me think he's getting catfished again.

 

[Am_Shaegar]

It's too precious. It's schizo as hell, but it's meant to be a rap, complete with a childish cadence.

Lucas has bars, and magical old man sperm! Behold the fire he spits:

"AGEPHOBE, CLASSIST, FEEL THE BERN, YOU'RE AWARE YOU'RE A BIGOT! (wheezes, short on breath) FATHERS UNDER 40 WILL GIVE YOUR CHILDREN TELOMERE ATTRITION! (repeat ad nauseam until nearly passing out from the strain)"

This is the fruit of his creativity, his obsessions, an amazing glimpse into the way his mind works.

Between this and his "Right Now!" bit he has a growing body of god awful flows.

Reminds me of that brief phase when he crooned over his talking points over the course of like, ten videos.

1990s Chicks by Lucas Werner - YouTube

www.youtube.com

 

[Agoraphobic Bullshit]

Lucas seems to have migrated back to Facebook. I wonder what brought that about?

No actual millenials/gen z's are actually his friends. Either they're catfish, trolls, or run away the second he actually talks about his pedo fantasies. No Lucas, you do not get along with young women.

 

[WonderWino]

Lucas seems to have migrated back to Facebook. I wonder what brought that about?

Oh ffs, I know lucas is an idiot but seriously? How can anybody get catfished as often as he does and still keep falling for it? Even by idiot standards he's a special kind of stupid. Its only been like a month or two since the last time

Its legitimately mind boggling how much of a desperate dumbass he truly is. I'm shocked he hasn't finally snapped on somebody yet over this shit yet

 

[Wernology]

Oh ffs, I know lucas is an idiot but seriously? How can anybody get catfished as often as he does and still keep falling for it? Even by idiot standards he's a special kind of stupid. Its only been like a month or two since the last time

Its legitimately mind boggling how much of a desperate dumbass he truly is. I'm shocked he hasn't finally snapped on somebody yet over this shit yet

Considering it seems he thinks he sounds like a stern daddy or something similar in his youtube videos where he's just sarcastically spelling out his instagram name or yelling in fake accents about bigots (I think today's gem was something like "IS YA YANG GANG THAT KKK?" or something to that effect) it's not surprising at all that he keeps falling for obvious catfish.

Clearly the "all women want assholes" thing doesn't work because he's been playing that part for about 8 years and all it's managed to net him is a couple involuntary psych holds, some domestic violence charges, a lot of catfish, and MRSA.

Playing the part of Nice Guy Feminist hasn't worked mostly because everyone knows who he is by now and he's not even bright enough to delete past videos that paint him in a light that pretty much screams out the details of how he'd isolate and abuse any potential girlfriend.

I don't know why, but the part in his latest "be impressed, I have an EBT card with which I can buy you on sale, mostly expired, cheap food as often as you want babe!" where he sounded vaguely offended and confused by the fact that some people peel or cut the rind off of cheese even though you're "technically supposed to" instead of straight up eating the wax was both the saddest and funniest thing I've heard in awhile.

Even cheap fake caviar shouldn't smell 'fishy' in the way he was describing it though, yikes.

I'll say this as someone who has eaten my share of caviar: there is no way in hell he has eaten the high quality expensive stuff before, 'millionaire republican friends' or not. If he had he wouldn't be doing the things he did in this video. He would have been told real quick what not to do the instant he did any of that with anything of decent quality by whoever provided it

Maybe that's why they're not his friends anymore. They told him not to do that and he had a fucking manbaby tantrum, called them all bigots, and got told to go back to his room by his embarrassed parents.

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

Lucas With The Caviar Lid Off

Lucas sits in an empty canteen showing off his fancy food. The tables and chairs look nasty and cheap, and the only piece of cutlery is a plastic spoon. He presents us with his cheese and caviar crackers dish, complete with powdered pepper. Regarding the caviar: "I've had [,,,] a more expensive kind, when my parents had millionaire Republican friends.... don't ask - they're not friends any more".

He opens the packaging awkwardly and proceeds to precariously slice the cheese using one hand with a peculiar looking small pink knife directly on the table surface, slamming the blade against it. The table expertly deflects the blow, almost as though it was custom selected to furnish a place where tards like Lucas would subject it to bizarre and unusual abuse. His favourite cheese is Manchego, which to his credit is not a bad choice at all.



He finally puts the camera down to use both hands to open the caviar. He gives it a sniff and comments on the smell, "fishy", "kinda smells like the bay in Olympia - I'm not talking about your girlfriend". He makes disgusting chewing sounds, but this is to be expected.

The arrangement is somewhere between a 60s abstract expressionist painting and depression:



"Keep in mind that I have an EBT card that you can experience". Dear god, he's still trying to attract women with this video after ridiculing their "fishy" vagina scent

He tries to describe the flavour notes, and surprisingly does a much better job than idiots like Chantal who can only say "sweet", "salty", "yum". He abruptly ends the video as he hears footsteps approaching, indicating that he was taking advantage of a rare moment of emptiness in the canteen and didn't want to be around other people. More building-mates he's alienated himself from, or doesn't want to share his king's feast with the peasants?

 

[WonderWino]

Lucas With The Caviar Lid Off

Lucas sits in an empty canteen showing off his fancy food. The tables and chairs look nasty and cheap, and the only piece of cutlery is a plastic spoon. He presents us with his cheese and caviar crackers dish, complete with powdered pepper. Regarding the caviar: "I've had [,,,] a more expensive kind, when my parents had millionaire Republican friends.... don't ask - they're not friends any more".

He opens the packaging awkwardly and proceeds to precariously slice the cheese using one hand with a peculiar looking small pink knife directly on the table surface, slamming the blade against it. The table expertly deflects the blow, almost as though it was custom selected to furnish a place where tards like Lucas would subject it to bizarre and unusual abuse. His favourite cheese is Manchego, which to his credit is not a bad choice at all.

View attachment 1105379

He finally puts the camera down to use both hands to open the caviar. He gives it a sniff and comments on the smell, "fishy", "kinda smells like the bay in Olympia - I'm not talking about your girlfriend". He makes disgusting chewing sounds, but this is to be expected.

The arrangement is somewhere between a 60s abstract expressionist painting and depression:

View attachment 1105365

"Keep in mind that I have an EBT card that you can experience". Dear god, he's still trying to attract women with this video after ridiculing their "fishy" vagina scent

He tries to describe the flavour notes, and surprisingly does a much better job than idiots like Chantal who can only say "sweet", "salty", "yum". He abruptly ends the video as he hears footsteps approaching, indicating that he was taking advantage of a rare moment of emptiness in the canteen and didn't want to be around other people. More building-mates he's alienated himself from, or doesn't want to share his king's feast with the peasants?

That video utterly horrified me for several reasons. First, that is utterly shit tier 'caviar' as in literally as shit quality as it gets. Capelin is the stuff they serve in very low quality sushi restaurants when they are run by seedy people who think their customers can't tell the difference between capelin and tobiko. Not only that, what he bought is even cheaper quality than that usually is because its the pasteurized shit and not the frozen sushi grade stuff. To top it all off its the stuff they dyed black, which for low quality capelin is usually shit quality artificial dye, not the squid ink that higher quality sushi grade stuff uses. To his credit he at least didn't scoop it out with a metal spoon (don't do that with caviar ever, it reacts with the metal in the spoon and can give it a really horrific metallic taste that ruins the experience in a big way, use mother of pearl or failing that wood). Aside from that he used the absolute wrong kind of crackers for caviar of any kind and a cheese that overpowers what little flavor the crap he bought has. I'll say this as someone who has eaten my share of caviar: there is no way in hell he has eaten the high quality expensive stuff before, 'millionaire republican friends' or not. If he had he wouldn't be doing the things he did in this video. He would have been told real quick what not to do the instant he did any of that with anything of decent quality by whoever provided it

That said holy shit. He put....pepper....on caviar. Dear god if you ever did that at a dinner party with the real stuff people would gasp and stare in utter horror. You would never hear the end of it and its something people would be talking about behind your back for years to come. and what the hell is this 'it tastes like smoked salmon' nonsense? It shouldn't taste anything like that. Lucas needs to have his taste buds checked out. Nor should it 'smell fishy' thats a red flag for it starting to go off

and i'm assuming he shot this video at a homeless shelter. Hence the plastic spoon and and all that. Which makes me think he went into a homeless shelter for a free meal....ate it and then pulled out his own food and made this video. He truly has no shame at all. and its only the 20th and he's already reliant on a homeless shelter to eat? Yet a couple days ago he was handing out pepperoni to hobos. Dumber than a bag of fucking rocks

 

[mothman96]

and i'm assuming he shot this video at a homeless shelter. Hence the plastic spoon and and all that. Which makes me think he went into a homeless shelter for a free meal....ate it and then pulled out his own food and made this video. He truly has no shame at all. and its only the 20th and he's already reliant on a homeless shelter to eat? Yet a couple days ago he was handing out pepperoni to hobos. Dumber than a bag of fucking rocks

I think he's in a common area in his building. The plate he's using is the same one that's in his "cooking" videos.

 

[WonderWino]

I think he's in a common area in his building. The plate he's using is the same one that's in his "cooking" videos.

I hadn't considered that, though if that is the case i'm curious why he would be using a plastic spoon. I would have thought he has his own that aren't throw away plastic ones. Maybe something they hand out in the common area and lucas is too lazy to use a real one cause he would have to wash it? Then again he doesn't wash his plates anyway so who knows

Also, I wonder if he is aware that caviar in all forms is very high in cholesterol and generally isn't something one should be eating if they are obese, have high blood pressure or diabetes. Not that he would care anyway but it shows how little consideration he gives to his own health

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

I was wondering about the strange knife he used, and how often plastic cutlery shows up in his videos - perhaps they ban metal cutlery and knives of all type as part of the residential policy due to the danger of them being used as weapons. If anybody deserves being reminded that they need treating as a child, it is Lucas.

 

[WonderWino]

I was wondering about the strange knife he used, and how often plastic cutlery shows up in his videos - perhaps they ban metal cutlery and knives of all type as part of the residential policy due to the danger of them being used as weapons. If anybody deserves being reminded that they need treating as a child, it is Lucas.

That makes sense, given the kind of environment they're all living in. I'm sure some of them have a violent past. The only issue with that though is even if you ban metal cutlery you can still do alot of damage with the hard plastic stuff, or just melt one down a bit and make a weapon if you're that adamant to do so. Just look at what people in prison do with a bit of plastic. That said, the knife looks alot like those weird colored hard plastic knives with metal blades built into them, and just the sharpened hard plastic knives that i've seen for sale at dollarama over the past few years. It could be one of them. They're not too bad either, my parents have a couple of them that seem to work pretty well. So it could just be him being cheap about it and getting stuff from the dollar store. I certainly would in his position

 

[Trainwreck]

I don't think anyone talks to him, ever. Possibly the neighbor that he gave some toilet paper to, but I can't see anyone speaking to him, let alone smiling and blushing when they see him

I think he's in a common area in his building. The plate he's using is the same one that's in his "cooking" videos.

I am almost positive you are correct. There is a big window on the lower floor of his "apartment " that has TVs, tables, couches and washer/dryers.

 

[LightEmittingDiode]

He’s back to making shitty memes:

 

[Agoraphobic Bullshit]

He’s back to making shitty memes:

I am utterly shocked at him posting anywhere with a shower. I assumed he had a schizophrenic paranoia about them, seeing as he seems to bathe maybe twice yearly.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

2 comments:

1. "Cooney"? I don't even want to know. Lucas can't talk about sex without making me physically ill.

2. Does he TRY to look lobotomized in all these photos? How does he always pick the most short bus photo possible?

Edit: Suggested caption for photo:

Down Syndrome lad is frightened by shower.

 

[BowlOfDick]

Lucas With The Caviar Lid Off

Lucas sits in an empty canteen showing off his fancy food. The tables and chairs look nasty and cheap, and the only piece of cutlery is a plastic spoon. He presents us with his cheese and caviar crackers dish, complete with powdered pepper. Regarding the caviar: "I've had [,,,] a more expensive kind, when my parents had millionaire Republican friends.... don't ask - they're not friends any more".

He opens the packaging awkwardly and proceeds to precariously slice the cheese using one hand with a peculiar looking small pink knife directly on the table surface, slamming the blade against it. The table expertly deflects the blow, almost as though it was custom selected to furnish a place where tards like Lucas would subject it to bizarre and unusual abuse. His favourite cheese is Manchego, which to his credit is not a bad choice at all.

View attachment 1105379

He finally puts the camera down to use both hands to open the caviar. He gives it a sniff and comments on the smell, "fishy", "kinda smells like the bay in Olympia - I'm not talking about your girlfriend". He makes disgusting chewing sounds, but this is to be expected.

The arrangement is somewhere between a 60s abstract expressionist painting and depression:

View attachment 1105365

"Keep in mind that I have an EBT card that you can experience". Dear god, he's still trying to attract women with this video after ridiculing their "fishy" vagina scent

He tries to describe the flavour notes, and surprisingly does a much better job than idiots like Chantal who can only say "sweet", "salty", "yum". He abruptly ends the video as he hears footsteps approaching, indicating that he was taking advantage of a rare moment of emptiness in the canteen and didn't want to be around other people. More building-mates he's alienated himself from, or doesn't want to share his king's feast with the peasants?

The bottom-tier caviar on manchego (not a canapé cheese) and a ritz cracker has eliminated any hopes I had of Lucas being saved.

It’s honestly the most pathetic sight I have ever beheld.

 

[Big Nasty]

2 comments:

1. "Cooney"? I don't even want to know. Lucas can't talk about sex without making me physically ill.

Guys that use words like "cooney" and "cunny" are usually perverts in the worst way possible.