Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

klickitat said:
The takeaway I got here was:

1. Lucas doesn't understand how marketing works.
2. Lucas doesn't understand astronomy or astrophysics, which is probably why he flunked out of the latter...sorry, quit because he couldn't find a girlfriend.



Oh god, that's worse than the one I'd seen!
SO MUCH WORSE.

Christ, and on a bare mattress at that! You just know that thing (either or, honestly) smelled vile, especially in conjunction with the overflowing trash can he decided to not crop out of the frame.
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Lucas didn't get close to an astronomy or astrophysics class. He took a basic biology class, was failing big time, decided to drop it.
 
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HAHAHAHHAHAAA OMG

Lucas, a millennial woman is laughing at your comically tiny dick right now. Good GOD that thing is hilariously small. Nature is fucking cruel sometimes.

No wonder he’s so angry. I guess I’d be angry too if my dick was so tiny that I could have sex with a woman and not even reach her hymen. Not that any woman would consent to have sex with that thing, what a waste of time.

I assume when he jerks off he only needs to use about three fingers. Good Christ, but that is sad.

Is it any wonder he wants to fuck teenagers exclusively? Forget the whole breeding stock thing...he wants teens because he thinks they won’t have seen enough dicks to know his is beyond tiny. They know, Lucas. Even a 16 year old girl has seen her share of dick pics. They know.
 
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AbraCadaver said:
Lucas, a millennial woman is laughing at your comically tiny dick right now. Good GOD that thing is hilariously small. Nature is fucking cruel sometimes.
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with Lucas' size, there's probably 0.5" to 1" that's just blubber in his FUPA (fat upper penis area). then there's having a spare tire around the middle that will hamper how close the pelvic action can be and you have a recipe for some unsatisfying loving.

guys: seriously, keep healthy and fit. not only will you feel and look better, but it can literally add an inch where it counts.
 
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I hate mocking another guy's junk, but that is seriously tiny. He at least has a semi-erection there, too. I can't avoid feeling some pity for Lucas, that has to destroy self-esteem

Club Sandwich said:
guys: seriously, keep healthy and fit. not only will you feel and look better, but it can literally add an inch where it counts.
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I've seen the difference losing weight over the past year. It's more than worth losing the fat.
 

I guess he's taking a break from trying to Bible people onto his minidick, now he's back to trying to Science his way to teen poonanner.
Buildings are old!
That means you should have sex with a homeless shizo, obviously.
Of course this doesn't mean Lucas should date older women, that's silly, he's just not attracted to them.
Nobody else can have that same rational towards Lucas, or else they're a bigoted age-phobe and not a true Bernie acolyte.

I admit I never heard this idea that lobster and caviar were poor people food before becoming rich people food.
But I'm guessing that probably has more to do with the fact that the rich people weren't the ones sailing out into the deep sea catching the fish in the first place.

According to Lucas this means impoverished people are "ahead of the curve" somehow.
 
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His new Instagram video implies he wants to start his own religion for zoomers, "Nastysaur"since I guess he has nasty herpes looking sores around his mouth. His face looking dry as usual without them filters I see
 
A Big Bumbling Black Man said:
I admit I never heard this idea that lobster and caviar were poor people food before becoming rich people food.
But I'm guessing that probably has more to do with the fact that the rich people weren't the ones sailing out into the deep sea catching the fish in the first place.
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in the case of caviar, it was because the people of Iran and the Caucasus (where it was originally eaten by peasants) realised they could make an awful lot of money by selling it to wealthy foreigners
 
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I know absolutely nothing about caviar, honestly, but I do remember people here being horrified at how Lucas was eating it in that one video. Ahead of the curve, indeed. He's always been willing to take credit for someone else's achievements like being smug about things atheists invented. Now he's just going to take credit for anything a poor person ever did. Look out, Tesla. Lucas is coming for your legacy.
 
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Krathnami said:
Didn’t know you could use a smoothing filter on IG
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You can use built in filters on IG and a few of them do have smoothing effects in that they crank the clarity down automatically. Some of them make the fur on one of my long haired cats incredibly smooth as opposed to, y'know, furry, but don't change the overall lighting and saturation very much.
 
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klickitat said:
You can use built in filters on IG and a few of them do have smoothing effects in that they crank the clarity down automatically. Some of them make the fur on one of my long haired cats incredibly smooth as opposed to, y'know, furry, but don't change the overall lighting and saturation very much.
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Or for Lucas they just make his face look greasy/oily like he hasn't showered for a few days instead of dried and wrinkled
 
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'You know, alot of people are down at like the poverty level at the homeless shelter'

Gee, you think so captain fucking obvious? and here I thought the people at homeless shelters were there because they were on vacation and looking for a cheap place to get away for awhile


Claims there are three 'age gap relationships' going on at said shelter. Says he 'lets them go' despite the fact he's been ranting about them seeting the whole time for days now

He invented a word - 'religionist'

He admits he offered the thousand dollars for a date and says 'but my payee made me take it down' (in other words they told him what he was doing was flat out illegal and would result in losing his tardbux if it didn't stop) and his solution? 'well I thought i'll just offer $100 instead so thats what i'm doing'

ffs he REALLY doesn't understand why he was told to stop doing that in the first place. His payee will not be impressed

'Obviously our bodies are going to do what they're going to do and if I feel that happening i'll give you $100 at the end of the date' (no innuendo there at all right)

Back to talking about telomeres. He really doesn't know when to shut up. Does he seriously think eisenberg isn't going to find out if he keeps it up after being told to stop? ffs he was clearly concerned enough the first time to stop right then and there, either his brain is degenerating to the point he can't consider consequences at all or he thinks hes alot sneakier and smarter than he really is. He's back to literally repeating past behavior and expecting different results. Dumbshit is just asking for a restraining order

Not only is he smoking in the video, he's smoking like a tard

He's back to sperging bs about physics. Quotes the big crunch theory despite it being pretty much entirely discredited for years at this point. Also claims its 'the eternal recurrence' and quotes fucking nietzsche of all people as some kind of physics expert

Claims 'the universe moves faster than light through entropy' (lolwut?) while also claiming its moving backwards in time (double lolfuckingwut?) and how 'it will reboot itself backwards and forwards in time' by saying 'all the energy that got depleted into nothingness will become somethingness again and it all works out in the wash'

I really, really would pay to see lucas say this shit in an actual physics course and debate with the professor about it

and i'm not even going to address what the fuck he did with his mouth at the very end of the video talking about making out in the dim lighting
 
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Oh he's started smoking again? This is encouraging. Has he been drinking or smoking weed? Seems low key lit.

WonderWino said:
Claims there are three 'age gap relationships' going on at said shelter. Says he 'lets them go' despite the fact he's been ranting about them seeting the whole time for days now
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This is one of Lucas's more persistent, and interesting, delusions. The more I study the black art of Wernology, the more I encounter claims that Lucas is just about the only dude not in an age gap relationship. Everywhere he goes, from restaurants to flophouses, he encounters greybeards with fine young Zoomer wombers. Everywhere, always.

Two things to note. Lucas is, as always, misinterpreting things through the lens of his preoccupations. If Lucas sees a man and his daughter, he assumes they are fucking, just as he'd like to. Also, Lucas has demonstrably fluid idea of what constitutes a relationship, and I'd bet my hard earned money that many of the women Lucas believes he was in a relationship with would be surprised and horrified at the news. When Lucas says date, he generally means form one sided creepy attachments and perv over.

Second, the constant torment of seeing people get what he wants (poonaner) while he gets none is something he tends to get very vocal about before major episodes in Wernology.

Finally, Lucas has a micro dic. Not enough to get a "k."
 
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