Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

Desu Vult said:
An autistic observation, as I'm a foureye currently considering laser surgery...he used to wear normal eyeglasses in his old videos and stopped doing it at some point. And I doubt his current pair of shades has corrective lenses (though it would explain him wearing those like 24/7). Did he stop wearing glasses just to look more hip and younger or whatever? Or did he lose his only pair and is now functionally blind as a bat?
Click to expand...

His story seems to change. It occasionally gets mentioned in videos scattered throughout the years.

Some excuses I can recall offhand:

- Broke them.
- Lost them.
- Thinks they make him look like a nerd/too old/something Zoomers wouldn't like somehow.
- Only needs them for reading.
- Repeat broke & lost more than once.
- Forgot.
- Screen reflections give away watching 'barely legal' porn while recording videos when he used to record on his laptop.
- Too much glare while recording/taking pics, which makes sense if he couldn't afford to have anti-reflective coating put on the lenses.

Based on the fact that he can be seen reading either his computer screen or the phone in videos from late last year, it's doubtful he's blind as a bat without them and probably just has a fairly weak astigmatism. That's my best guess based on me vs. my glasses though.

Can I read things easier with them? Yeah.

Is it NECESSARY? Nah. I'm not wearing them at the moment and can read the screen just fine. The edges of the letters are slightly fuzzy and I have some mild ghosting but nothing that's annoying enough to make me get my ass out of bed and fetch my glasses. I only need them to drive legally because I somehow decided to not lie when doing the vision test and go with, "I know what all those signs say and mean but they are super blurry."

But, yeah, I drive without them all the time and have no trouble seeing things, I just can't clearly read street signs until I'm about a block away as opposed to 2-3 blocks away if I have my glasses on.

Life is easier and less squinty when I wear my glasses but I'm not blind without them, the world just goes into 'kinda fuzzy around the edges' mode, and I can certainly see well enough not to bump into a lamp post and say, "Oh, excuse me, Miss!" like I've turned into Mr. Magoo.

Just guessing that his rx is about as powerful and needed to not be blind af as mine is based on the fact that he seems to navigate the world just fine (in terms of eyesight only!) without them.
 
  • Like
  • Informative
Reactions: spiritofamermaid, simulated goat, GleamingTheQ-Bert and 2 others
Lucas was ugly even back in the day, there is nothing he could do to make himself handsome. At best its wishful thinking. She wasnt really a good girlfriend for Lucas when she basically babied him the entire time, but then that's the best scenario for a relationship with Lucas since he's too stupid to take care of himself hence he's so obese and diabetic.
RatRoyalty said:
Lucas ain't a bad looking guy, if he could take better care of himself he'd probably be handsome. If he could get his mental illness in check he would likely be the socially awkward guy who was never able to settle down young, so in his 30's he meets a single mother and becomes the cool step dad to her kids. But that's a lot of ifs, and as we all know it ain't in the cards for him.
Click to expand...

Has anyone even been able to confirm if they are dentures? I've yet to see an actual woman believe Lucas is attractive, least a young one, and there's a reason women his own age wanted nothing to do with him when he was young and had more hair

Huge beak nose eh? Might explain why Lucas keeps blaming his problems on everyone else
LeeLoo said:
He’s had times where he can pass for human, but I think he’s very unattractive. If he actually got in shape, not just lazily lost weight and went from fat, to a walking mound of saggy skin, he’d look better. But he has that oddly enormous gourd shaped head and face, dead eyes, a huge beak of a nose with huge flaring nostrils, and giant horse teeth.
Click to expand...

When Eisenberg called him out and he went into damage control he admitted he was making it up and poorly interpreted the research, even asked them to summarise it into a small number of pages to dumb it down for him, it's just a coping mechanism he has for why he's so useless in life. He might have stopped mentioning telomeres, but he still regularly rants about stronger DNA and the age gap breeding fetish he has. He still claims to have proof, but no longer shares the research because he knows its been proven false and he has nothing else. Lucas is just a predator who believes anything he reads online that confirms his view of young people.
klickitat said:
That's because it doesn't.

He, shockingly, completely misunderstood the tiny handful of research papers he read to the point that he was name dropping the scientists involved and stating that they'd back him up and did so for years until he got some kind of probably toothless C&D from Dan Eisenberg (the main researcher he name dropped) that spooked him.

Well, that, and he was putting copy pastes of their research papers on his Patreon and trying to charge people to read them despite the fact that all of the papers are freely available elsewhere.

He also got his lizard brain stuck on, "WELL IF IT'S ONLINE IT MUST BE TRUE!" because one meltdown he had after he got told to shut up by the people he was name dropping was almost verbatim, "Well if this paper from 2012 isn't true due to newer research why is it still online? CHECKMATE!"

He started saying that the research didn't back him up but that was his opinion on what it meant, y'know, sort of like antivaxxer logic: "I know I'm factually incorrect and there's a mountain of evidence proving me wrong, but I feel I'm correct and I'm entitled to my opinion."

At best, at the very biggest stretch, one could make the connection from those papers to "older fathers = better fathers" based on the animal studies he mentions that "older fathers are better" because in the animal word usually the dumb as shit animals die before they can breed and an animal that makes it to the point that they're old for their species, still fertile, and are more successful at raising young is due less to genetics and due to having had practice raising young since they were young, not because they're now old. Even that's a reach if you're trying to argue it in the context of those papers he used to babble about, though.
Click to expand...

Speaking of zoomers, anyone know the year when the last zoomers are gonna hit 25? I'm curious when they'll become too old for Lucas as well and he is as hostile to them as he is to millennials
 
  • Like
  • Thunk-Provoking
  • Agree
Reactions: spiritofamermaid, LeeLoo, Da Dude123 and 3 others
telemeres69 said:
Speaking of zoomers, anyone know the year when the last zoomers are gonna hit 25? I'm curious when they'll become too old for Lucas as well and he is as hostile to them as he is to millennials
Click to expand...
1995-2015 are the birth years (roughly) for Generation Z, so the earliest you can expect a Zoomer 25-year-old is basically now - just finishing highschool and entering the workforce or college (the end of childhood). 2010 through 2025 is Generation Alpha, the children of Zoomers (15 years is the "average" for the length of childhood until the beginning of adulthood).

according to Lucas himself, he posted (on Facebook or Twitter, i forget where), that he'd suicide at 50 or something if he has no children or wife or something... actually now that i think of it, i don't generally recall Lucas being on board with or pontificating a lot on the whole marriage and homemaker wife/husband dynamic. he's usually stuck with mentioning women as girlfriends, as objects, or as a nebulous collection of concepts to support his delusions. the people i know with girlfriends (rather than wives) at their 50th birthday are on their 2nd marriage or more, and usually a survivor of divorce or is a widow(er).
 
Last edited:
  • Thunk-Provoking
  • Optimistic
Reactions: spiritofamermaid, AbraCadaver and BowlOfDick
In the past, Lucas has made a point of wearing his glasses when attempting to:
1. Project intelligence - such as in his ‘sciency’ phases in the past
2. Project responsibility - like when he came out of the loony bin as a reformed member of society

I do however agree that he’s most likely lost them by now.

As for the validity of his telomere claims, Lucas would do with the articles exactly how he approaches bible verses. He’d directly quote a cherry picked section, frame it in his lunacy and entirely misinterpret it. This would commonly lead with him getting the exact opposite idea.

Telomere example: Him saying how kids of older fathers are healthier, when the exact paper he referred to found an increase in a number of disorders.

Bible example: Going in about how bad Jesus was for whipping people in the temple, despite it being an account of him driving out money lenders.. the irony being lost when the Wern says in the same breath how people shouldn’t worship money.

He‘s a living contradiction. This is a product of his mental health, his shitty attitude, his inadequacy and most of all, his lack of organic intelligence.
 
  • Like
Reactions: spiritofamermaid
klickitat said:
His story seems to change. It occasionally gets mentioned in videos scattered throughout the years.

Some excuses I can recall offhand:

- Broke them.
- Lost them.
- Thinks they make him look like a nerd/too old/something Zoomers wouldn't like somehow.
- Only needs them for reading.
- Repeat broke & lost more than once.
- Forgot.
- Screen reflections give away watching 'barely legal' porn while recording videos when he used to record on his laptop.
- Too much glare while recording/taking pics, which makes sense if he couldn't afford to have anti-reflective coating put on the lenses.

Based on the fact that he can be seen reading either his computer screen or the phone in videos from late last year, it's doubtful he's blind as a bat without them and probably just has a fairly weak astigmatism. That's my best guess based on me vs. my glasses though.

Can I read things easier with them? Yeah.

Is it NECESSARY? Nah. I'm not wearing them at the moment and can read the screen just fine. The edges of the letters are slightly fuzzy and I have some mild ghosting but nothing that's annoying enough to make me get my ass out of bed and fetch my glasses. I only need them to drive legally because I somehow decided to not lie when doing the vision test and go with, "I know what all those signs say and mean but they are super blurry."

But, yeah, I drive without them all the time and have no trouble seeing things, I just can't clearly read street signs until I'm about a block away as opposed to 2-3 blocks away if I have my glasses on.

Life is easier and less squinty when I wear my glasses but I'm not blind without them, the world just goes into 'kinda fuzzy around the edges' mode, and I can certainly see well enough not to bump into a lamp post and say, "Oh, excuse me, Miss!" like I've turned into Mr. Magoo.

Just guessing that his rx is about as powerful and needed to not be blind af as mine is based on the fact that he seems to navigate the world just fine (in terms of eyesight only!) without them.
Click to expand...


Eh guess it's that one something Lucas didn't draw the shortest stick in. Had to pay an obscene amount for my last few pairs with superexpensive lenses and titanium frames for them just to be wearable.

What's weird is that the local hobos haven't fucked him up already. I live in a ridiculously "safe" area, and while the homeless generally know better than to fuck with normies, they do tend to have some really nasty territorial fights.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Da Dude123 and Krathnami
telemeres69 said:
Has anyone even been able to confirm if they are dentures? I've yet to see an actual woman believe Lucas is attractive, least a young one, and there's a reason women his own age wanted nothing to do with him when he was young and had more
Click to expand...
As a woman I can honestly say there isn’t a single attractive quality about him. He’s morbidly obese, but he has nice eyes. Nope. He’s got a gourd shaped melon head, but he’s got a great smile. Nope. He may have jiggly man boobs, but he has great hair. Nope.

The best he’s looked was in those videos where he had just been released from the hospital, and he was offering a $1,000 to hook him up. His hair was neat, he didn’t look so bloated, and he had a seemingly clean looking button down shirt on. He looked almost normal. But still, not what I’d call attractive. This is why when I watch him now, I cannot for the life of me understand why he still thinks age, religion and class are what keeps the women away, and not the fact he is utterly repulsive.
 
  • Agree
  • Like
Reactions: spiritofamermaid, simulated goat, Scribbler and 7 others
Desu Vult said:
Eh guess it's that one something Lucas didn't draw the shortest stick in. Had to pay an obscene amount for my last few pairs with superexpensive lenses and titanium frames for them just to be wearable.

What's weird is that the local hobos haven't fucked him up already. I live in a ridiculously "safe" area, and while the homeless generally know better than to fuck with normies, they do tend to have some really nasty territorial fights.
Click to expand...

Lucas is a coward and would likely acquiesce to whatever demand was made by a fellow hobo.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: QPoC Shakur, GenericReviewerDraco, Particle Bored and 2 others
BowlOfDick said:
Lucas is a coward and would likely acquiesce to whatever demand was made by a fellow hobo.
Click to expand...
The first demand would likely be to "borrow" said hobo a few bucks for a beer or cigs, escalating from there. If he acquiesced, they'd milk him dry. Maybe that's why he moved.
 
Iirc the men with the butterfly nets came and got him not long after dropping his infamous “right now right now right now” rap video. Probably wishful thinking he’s not got a lot of time left, but if there’s anything that Lucas is reliable on, it’s following a pattern.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sevan Vosgi
How dare women want men who can be responsible adults?!
Screenshot_20200510-143931_Instagram.jpg
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • Agree
Reactions: GenericReviewerDraco and Da Dude123
LMAO! "That's why they call me the king, baby.". No one calls him a king. He is a shitty ragman that rants and raves on the streets and smells bad. He probably got kicked out of the library shelter for being too disruptive. Hardly a king.

Krathnami said:

Lucas complaining about a comment on his Instagram that said “Happy Mothers Day to all the women you terrify”. I hope that one eats at him all week.
Click to expand...
 
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: spiritofamermaid, A whole lotta nope, Krathnami and 1 other person
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back