Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[nutritionsituation]

What....how does ANYONE jump to this? I'd seen this floating around before now but for the life of me I had no idea what it meant. Thanks for explaining.

I love how their implication is that we're retarded when they just compared science denial to...playing football, or something.

Also, 17K likes. Just thought I'd point that out.

Oh shit, that was a good snipe at her. Person probably is blocked now though.

Also, fuck off Tess. She's spent the entire time she's been single bragging about being single, and I think she's even said before that she was taking time to herself for a little while. Her constant use of plausible deniability and basic bitch 'ur dum lol' is getting ridiculous. I don't think Tess knows what the truth is anymore so she does shit like this because she knows her stans will back her up if someone calls her out and she can spam the clown emoji before blocking them.

This is basically her logic:
'I went to the moon!'
'No you didn't, nobody's been to the moon since 1972,
'Well youuuuu don't know what NASA hasn't told you so you can't PROVE I haven't been to the moon!'
'There is literally no way you could have gone without anyone knowing.'
'Fuck you lol'

Incredible! I've been batting around taking responsibility as I do feel the requisite amount of shame for poking the Cow, as it were, but that was actually me. I felt particularly sassy as I'd just restocked my medical stash at the local dispensary and fired up twitter for a little perusing, and that post was so goddamn fucking annoying. Also, to Tess's ..credit??? she did not block me. Oh, and her stans were so few and so pathetic it was easy to just drop a little turd in her proverbial punchbowl and cackle a bit.

 

[Putin Bot]

I have a feeling that we're going to get an official announcement coming soon that Tess and Olly are dating. Olly is in it for a free place to stay when she's in LA, and Tess is in it so she'll finally be a true queer womxn!!

 

[Miss Misery]

I have a feeling that we're going to get an official announcement coming soon that Tess and Olly are dating. Olly is in it for a free place to stay when she's in LA, and Tess is in it so she'll finally be a true queer womxn!!

Olly isn't desperate enough to date Tess.

 

[FrownyFace]

I have a feeling that we're going to get an official announcement coming soon that Tess and Olly are dating. Olly is in it for a free place to stay when she's in LA, and Tess is in it so she'll finally be a true queer womxn!!

Good. Whatever it takes to get that walking stick out of Bowie’s bed.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Olly isn't desperate enough to date Tess.

Agreed, Olly ultimately does not want to be seen as being tied down by Tubby Tess. Olly uses Tess for a free place to stay and once there is a better option, she bails. Olly’s image can’t be one where she is tied down by someone as low status as Tess. It’s one thing to say that she’s staying with Tess for a place to live, it’s another thing to say that she’s staying with Tess because she cares about her. Narcissists like Olly always has one foot out the door looking for the better option. Tess would too but not a very large pool of men looking for mid 30s single mothers who weigh as much as three average women.

 

[Water-T]

I have a feeling that we're going to get an official announcement coming soon that Tess and Olly are dating. Olly is in it for a free place to stay when she's in LA, and Tess is in it so she'll finally be a true queer womxn!!

LOL. And let Toxic Tess tarnish their "cool" image? Not likely. Olly will let Tess tease her dumb fans, but that's as far as it'll go.

 

[RainbowStarlight]

Okay now I am convinced she is just trolling us.


I dont know how to post this video so I just took a screencap, but she is DRIVING and filming herself thrashing and dancing around in the car. What the actual fuck.

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

So... she has posted at least 10 pics/stories about cake/other desserts in the past week. She's addicted to cake.

Isn't Madonna Inn like 3 hours away from Long Beach. Is she really traveling across the coast in a pandemic ir is it just a cake-run? Biiiiiiiiiitch... also, fuck you RYANN for your idiotic reckless driving. You're not 19, you're ALMOST 40! You should know better by now!

 

[maggots]

Tess larping as a queer 20 year old is hilarious. Olly brings the worst out of her. And how is she not embarrassed to take her twig girlfriend on a 3/4 hour road trip for cake? Madonna Inn and Palm Springs are the only places she seems to visit (both places have cake by the ton so of course). Driving while eye fucking herself was the icing on the champagne cake.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

How many cakes will her “mentor” require she fart and sit on, tho

So... she has posted at least 10 pics/stories about cake/other desserts in the past week. She's addicted to cake.

Isn't Madonna Inn like 3 hours away from Long Beach. Is she really traveling across the coast in a pandemic ir is it just a cake-run? Biiiiiiiiiitch... also, fuck you RYANN for your idiotic reckless driving. You're not 19, you're ALMOST 40! You should know better by now!

Yes, it is a six hour round trip to the Madonna Inn for Tess. For that level of effort, she could just bake one herself but she really seems to like taking people there with her for some reason. I think she considers going there some kind of bonding ritual. It must be torturous to hear her babble nonstop for hours but rent prices are ridiculous so Olly will tolerate it so she can keep staying there for free.

 

[Miss Misery]

What size cake do you reckon she got?

 

[tasty humane burger]

Feh, she's got me reminiscing on how me and my goblin make fake ice cream - old mushy banana, stripped of its peel and thrown into the freezer, then pulverized into thick, whipped 'ice cream' by the food processor. Nothing but banana, fluffy like ice cream, great in a cone and about as healthy as a frozen treat can get.

These would be a tasty treat to have a couple scoops out of a couple times a week, but you know our ShoppityQween, Lady of Filters hoovered that entire container in 15 minutes.

Off topic but this with chocolate chips and a dash of any milk is amazing.

BUT YOUSE GUIIISSE, EATING JUNK FOOD ISN'T WHY I'M FAT, Y'ALL! It's because, um....uh....OH LOOK OVER THERE! IT'S A BLACK TRANNY!

*Tess attempts to run away, but gets winded and her whale carcass crashes to the ground*

Remember guys she FORGETS TO EAT because #mawmlyfe!

Tess banging on about social workers. I wonder what CPS would make of her youngest child's sleeping arrangements??

Or the amount of time she spends intoxicated around her children.

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

What a tacky cake. Of course our gorl loves it.

 

[SnarkySperg]

She is REALLY going HAM on the narc "I'm the better parent" playbook.
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You know how you can tell someone is a shit parent? They have to constantly remind everyone how they're so much better than another parent.

I love how she thinks she has more of a soul than Nick. It's both laughable and infuriating.

Or the amount of time she spends intoxicated around her children.

Or the amount of time she spends naked around them, or the amount she shares on the internet that makes it easy for people to find her....

 

[FinnaBinna]

Smoking weed, wearing a fuckin 1980’s one piece ghostbusters looking outfit, driving to a restaurant for cake multiple hours and with a much younger wannabe dude who is a parody of a “dude”. Yeah Tess go off on your bad ass queer lyfe. We all envy you. Also I hate when she’s eye banging herself on camera she does that stupid biting her tongue thing. She thinks it screams sex. It just looks like a kid who was eating taffy and it got stuck to their teeth. Her “career” started out very luckily for her as far as what she could have done with it. But, instead she’s ended up here... looking like a mom driving their kid to be dropped off at a mall...
Whats funny is that they are going to end up ex friends eventually. Two unstable narcissistic boneheads tire of each other eventually. That’s going to be fun. (For us) lol

 

[blue gopher snakes]

Did anyone happen to catch if Rylee or Bowie went on this all-day cake excursion? For someone featured by a parenting rag, Ryann from the trailer park here doesn’t seem to do much of anything with her kids.

Being cooped in the car all day while Mommy and her new friend scream-sing songs with the volume too loud, that kiddos wouldn’t know the words to sing along, just to end up at a weird hotel for Mommy to buy a cake that the kiddos wouldn’t like anyway?

Good god, Tess. Take your kids to the fucking aquarium. Put on some Baby Shark (or a literally limitless number of other kid-appropriate music) instead of WAP. Make some freezer space for dino nuggets instead of all that specialty ice cream.

Give me top hats please. I am unable to exhaust the anger this fat whore elicits from me.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Here’s some more screenshots that were missed:

Tess is definitely the gossiping type, I don’t know why she’s trying to deny it

Nothing like reposting a picture of a cake with a political message on it. Tess’s kind of activism


Dolly Parton

Sucking up to troons again (Hi Ollie!)

More race baiting


How many troons need abortions though? Hormone therapy usually makes you infertile, unless you’re referring to nonbinaries, which are mostly women with identity issues


Scenery


Another shot of Tess’s bewbs. I know she likes them, but I feel bad for Rylee having a mom like this. There is a time and place for everything and Tess can’t stop embarrassing her son on social media

Tess quoting herself

Ollie + Tess 5ever

Music

 

[Miss Misery]

Why is Olly sitting in the back seat? Is there someone in the front passenger seat?

Edit: I bet her cake is in the front seat so she can eat it while she drives.

 

[Brittnay Matthews]

"Blablabla nothing is my fault, I've been abused let me in the club with you opressed folks blablabla"
It's cringe to see a middle aged white woman trying to appeal to the queer and oppressed youth like this. You will never be loved Tess. You're just a white cis woman.

Also she wasn't driving, must be her new love interest (e:- feeder, he bought her a cake ffs) or something since she didn't tag anyone.

 

[multiverse]

View attachment 1885921View attachment 1885920View attachment 1885919View attachment 1885918View attachment 1885917
"Blablabla nothing is my fault, I've been abused let me in the club with you opressed folks blablabla"
It's cringe to see a middle aged white woman trying to appeal to the queer and oppressed youth like this. You will never be loved Tess. You're just a white cis woman.

Also she wasn't driving, must be her new love interest (e:- feeder, he bought her a cake ffs) or something since she didn't tag anyone.
View attachment 1885924

She posted the exact same thing to her public figure Facebook, which she almost never uses.


She must have decided that nick won't fight back at all and release the copious receipts he has on her, including all the cheating and nasty feeder nudes.

And of COURSE it's all Nick's fault she burned through her 15 minutes, lost her agency, and gained almost 300 pounds since being signed in late 2014. And it's his fault no one wants to hire her, sill, 18 months after he left. Sure, Ryann. Keep telling yourself that.