http://www.pholph.com/
Dis gon be güd!
Goddamn the fucking grammar! David Hopkins is partly known for his inept grammatical skills. Not as much as the quality and content of his comic but grammar is certainly in there next to the laughable levels of disaster like David’s ability to draw faces and feet and hands, and David’s ability to represent the rape of children with a sense of class.
There are so many instances of comma splicing on the warning page. (There’s no need for a comma after “For now,” “read the strip” and “enter the site.” There’s even an Oxford comma, the
contentious comma, after “material in here” and “That you are and adult.”) (There should either be the use of a full stop (a period) or the use of an ‘and’ after “The forum is archived off.”) There are also instances where commas have been left out! (A comma is needed after “[’]Jack[’] is back. However.”)
Just as hilariously, why are so many words being capitalised when they shouldn’t? Well, it’s because Hopkins is retarded but let’s take a closer look:
a) “Hiatus;”
b) “Archives;”
c) “Two Thousand;”
d) and “There.”
None of these words should be capitalised for obvious professional reasons.
What’s also brilliantly funny is the grammatically jarring “Adult material.” (Why the fuck is this tiny two word sentence all on its own with no direction? Ha, ha, ha!) And check out “consentual”! Phft, ha, ha, ha, ha! It’s spelled ‘
consensual,’ Hopkins! Come on! You’re a grown fucking adult! Ha, ha, ha! And there’s also that disgusting space between “(consentual, not…)” and a comma. So unprofessional. And let’s not ignore this gem: “That you are and adult.” And adult. And adult!
And adult! I am
and adult, apparently. Wow.
Another piece of sheer genius is the fact that “violence” and “gore” were mentioned twice in the list of nouns! What the fuck!? Hopkins, how can you be so inept? That had to be intentional. It just had to. You are playing a joke on me, Hopkins. Furthermore, why is “faith” and “hope” listed amongst words like “death” and “suicide.” I understand these words are meant to act as a separate
however sort of response to the sadness, like Hopkins is saying things aren’t too bad, but at least throw in a ‘however’ or an ‘although.’ At least Hopkins added an ellipsis, though; implying more to come. Fucking hell, Hopkins.
There’s also the oddness of “WARNING” having two asterisks on each side yet the second warning, appropriately titled “EXTRA WARNING,” having a mere single asterisk. Clearly Hopkins doesn’t understand the power of ascension. (Badum tish.)
But what is easily the most entertaining part about all of this is how much Hopkins sucks himself off with his bullshit purple prose and self-fellating salesmanship:
a) “There are no punches pulled within these pages;”
b) “along the way you’ll meet great characters;”
c) and “willing to venture down the long dark passages.”
No punches pulled, huh? That’s not too bad but it’s still rather indulgent. The same goes for venturing (o0o0o0oh) down
long dark passages. I bet Hopkins can tell us what’s long and dark. But best of all, “great characters.” (Also, each ellipsis has a link.)
…
…
…
…
Yeah, I’m just going to let that
waft for a moment.
Great characters, huh, Hopkins? Great characters. I don’t even need to refute that point. Having read ‘Jack’ I have the knowledge, as does every other reader, of knowing that this point is self-refuting. That’s like saying William McGonagall had great rhythm and thyme! Hopkins, you are the poetaster of webcomics!
Goddamn. David Hopkins really is the gift that keeps on giving. Here’s looking to another couple of months of irregular and unreliable updates before you fuck off for a month without explanation and unexpectedly return with even more shit than you shat out before, David. (Raises glass! Smashes glass on head! Bleeds profusely.) Tally ho!
