Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

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Krathnami said:
I’m so over their faux wigger bullshit
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No shit. That 3 minute intro was painful. I'm still listening, I don't know why really, but they launched into him talking about his background, so that Lucas can go on and on about how rich his dad is. Jesus, these guys are fucking idiots. The only thing anybody wanted to hear about was where Lucas has been and why he hasn't been posting, we don't want to hear take 12 of Lucas's self-agrandized life story.

Although, the update on him getting dragged screaming to the puzzle factory does make me really happy. If Lucas has to be gone and not posting, let him be in a padded cell.

Edit: first funny excerpt from the interview. Lucas, a literal insane homeless man, quips that his step sister didn't amount to much. Is it possible to amount to less than lucas?

Edit the 2nd: we've all heard the hilarious destruction that was the end of Lucas living with Cyril from Cyril's mouth himself. Lucas has retconned no longer living with Cyril and his girlfriend, as Lucas wanting to focus on his education, so he moved back home. Yeah. Not Lucas setting all of his furniture on fire, going insane, and starting to molest homeless girls. Going insane? Focusing on education? Tomato tomahto I guess

Edit 3: this is infuriating. I'm at about the 40 minute mark, they just started to ask Lucas about his disappearance from the internet, Lucas digressed with some shit about how cool Isaac was, and then they went right back to asking Lucas what he did after he lived with Cyril and michelle. Also, Lucas is sitting far enough away from the microphone, that the things he says pop in and out. It's extremely frustrating to try to listen to. Eventually I had to resort to a pair of headphones, because even with the volume cranked all the way up I wasn't making out any of his words... But of course skeletor the God is right near the microphone...lol
 
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Krathnami said:
I’m so over their faux wigger bullshit
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That's what half of the people in this hellhole town are like; they're very typical specimens of the Lilac City in that regard. Spokane is discretely a lolcow factory, probably because of how medium-sized, disproportionately obscure, and isolated it is.

There's a reason Lucas fixates on "wiggers", "flatbills", and "greedy gen z drug dealers who say nigga" in particular. Hanging out around transit stations and homeless shelters all day, it's doubtless all that he sees, and it certainly describes many of the "gen z dudes" here. While Spokane is a reasonably sized city (~520,000 in the metro area, about the size of Reno), and has a huge problem with poverty, drugs, and crime (200%+ the national average for property crime) it's also almost 90% white. So there's practically no black people to knock somebody on their ass if they start screaming "nigga" in the streets or throwing up fake gang signs with their scrawny, pale hands in a gangster bugs-bunny shirt.

Side note, despite having few African Americans to brutalize, Spokane PD is statistically the fifth most violent police department in America; nice allies, Lucas! Have you guys seen some of the episodes of Live PD they filmed here?

This also probably explains why he uses so much bizarro slang and "greetings, my fellow kids" mannerisms; he's attempting to infiltrate the ranks of the Inland Northwest bae-hoarding "plaza rats" by copying their habits and aesthetic, yet acting like he's still above all of it because of his age. This would be an absolute dogshit strategy for getting pussy even if he was a young man.
 
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I wonder if being interviewed stoked his ego and narcissism again into a manic feedback loop?

The affirmation of being interviewed reinforced in his mind that he is some big star leading to the loop of wondering why he can’t get a gen z girl when it’s so obvious he is better than those gen z boys?

I could see him ruminating that a man of his popularity being kept down by the flatbills is a great injustice leading him into a mania that finally erupted.

Or it’s just Lucas being Lucas.

Either way it will be interesting to see if he gets committed for a long period or if he is out in 3 days.

edit-Listened to 25 minutes so far. Does the guy asking questions have a mouthful of cottonballs or did he just have a root canal? JFC what a mushmouth.
 
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Da Dude123 said:
Plenty good update. I hope some other gawkers got photos and videos of this incident. I can't make out what he is screaming. It is just incoherent screaming and reeing, but it sounds like our moo cow. Lol! Bigots, reeee!
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I hope someone else caught stuff or the news or something lol, too bad we cant see the security footage.
 
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The men with the butterfly nets got him again. Damn.

I wonder what lead to this hospitalization.
Stornoway said:
Last time he was in for how long? 9 months? Who knows if he ever gets out of the clink now.
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More like 3 days last time. He's done very long stretches, but most of his stays at the laughing academy are brief. You may be thinking of 2017, when Lucas spent most of the year at Eastern State, in two separate, abnormally long hospitalizations.
 
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Da Dude123 said:
Plenty good update. I hope some other gawkers got photos and videos of this incident. I can't make out what he is screaming. It is just incoherent screaming and reeing, but it sounds like our moo cow. Lol! Bigots, reeee!
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Wish I'd captured more of his "Rages in Incel"-tier screaming, but a precious minute or so of time was lost because my phone camera chose that exact moment to shit the bed.
 
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WhiskerBiscuit said:
Im on the fence. Lucas really overestimates his ability to budget. He would set aside a certain amount for monthly food and expenses, and then immediately blow through it. He did that each and every stimulus and monthly check. The stimulus and financial aid monies actually made it worse. He was so flush that he’d think he could splurge and then end up broke and hungry a week before the next disability payment. The two times I recall best are when he was in the motel after LA claiming he needed a dollar for the bus to court or he’d have to walk in the snow. He had spent all his money (or Geek Room’s) on food and motel 6. Then in March before the stimulus he was begging for food at STA plaza offering to do cameos.

When he got financial aid monies, he spent a lot on dumb board games. I do think a million dollars would last longer than a month, but he would absolutely be broke far sooner than any other human on earth. He’d spend a huge amount on high priced food and board games, then he would use a ton to cater to whatever homeless crowd he thinks would hook him up. Then buy a downtown condo/flat that he would assume would attract baes but would just end up a total pigsty. If he bought a car he would crash it and immediately replace it with a more expensive one and pretend that was planned. None would be invested or donated to the homeless. He wouldn’t donate to research on telomeres (he can do his own) and his family would get nothing.
The one investment he’d make is renting billboards and a website for his attraction signs. That’s the only thing besides needlessly expensive food that I’m sure he would buy.
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That last part gave me a horrifying image of lucas spending $10,000 on cans of real caviar and then broadcasting eating it all over youttube.....after dousing it with pepper and hot sauce

If that ever happened, gordon ramsay would start crying tears of blood

Also, if he got that kind of money he'd likely insist on carrying it around himself in some large backpack or briefcase, and end up waddling around the streets of spokane with it until getting stabbed and robbed by some other hobo that realized it was all money, or getting stupid and forgetting it on the bus. I can also see him doing something overtly stupid like buying a big boat thinking zoomer bae sluts love boats....without realizing he has no idea how to use one, knows nothing about boats and has no place to put it

Da Dude123 said:
I love the idea of Lucas carrying the money around in a brief case and showing it off, only to get jumped and lose it. Moooo! He would turn into an oligarch in a second if he had that much money. The funny thing would be how he would lose his tugboat. Of course, this is all fan fiction.
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Oligarch? He'd turn instantly into a walking example of how the novel 1984 described pre party capitalists

That said holy shit at getting hauled off to the puzzle factory after getting hog tied and carried away on a stretcher. If lucas ever gets out of there he is not going to be pleased to find that was recorded by a kiwi. ffs he reminded me of vader screaming 'I hate you' at obi wan after getting his legs sliced off. Same energy and tone of voice

I really have to wonder what it was that set him off in the bus station like that. If he saw some zoomer couple or somebody just said the wrong thing and made him pop off. Could even have been an employee noticing he was creeping around the bus station again staring at little girls and told him it wasn't appropriate. That would certainly explain his screaming lunacy at the end

and holy shit did lucas ever shit on his 'trump supporter' brother that supposedly delivers pizzas for a living, for being a job to be ashamed of given the way he talks about him. That alone speaks volumes of lucas's mentality. Being a pizza delivery guy is still a job and allows you to make a dignified living, which is more than can be said for a hobo who lives off welfare and grifting
 
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I'm almost done with the interview. It gets marginally better towards the middle and end, because you can tell skeletor starts getting a little pissed off at Lucas's evasiveness, and tries to pin him down.

But Lucas is damn slippery. I don't envy these people trying to interview him. Either he segues into talking about food, (Lucas has decided that being a fat ass and spending all of his government cheese on food is "a lifestyle") or he'll dismiss someone trying to ask him a serious question with some kind of faux-casual reply, or he'll completely misunderstand what he was asked and tangent in a different direction; man, it's true what they say about stupid people being as hard to debate as smart people.

Also Lucas getting harder to hear gets worse as the interview progresses. He starts talking quietly, either because the beer is sedating him, or because when discussing things that make him look stupid he doesn't scream like a maniac, but either way you kind of have to parse out his answers through skeletor's responses...
 
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Huge Fungus said:
Fellow spergs Kiwis, I am deeply saddened to inform you that our cow will likely be on extended hiatus until further notice. At approximately 9:40pm Pacific time on July 12th, Lucas Werner was dragged screaming to the puzzle factory by men with butterfly nets, and fate would have it that I was there to witness and document it.

As I got off my bus downtown, I heard somebody screaming from the other side of the STA Plaza, and decided to go investigate the commotion. A small crowd of gawkers had formed, and upon peering over their shoulders, I stopped dead in my tracks; instead of some tweaker flatbill, the man they were staring at was none other than the telomerase King himself, restrained belly-down on the ground and surrounded by jerkops.

That piggy was screaming at the top of his lungs about greed and how he just wants a Gen Z lady, and making all the people waiting for their night bus visually uncomfortable. Several exasperated transit officers, who wear red shirts, wordlessly kept him restrained on the ground as an ambulance pulled into one of the bus slots. They allowed him to sit up and then stand, as a stretcher was unloaded by medical personnel. They tied him into the stretcher like an animal, then slowly carted him into the ambulance as he continued yelling and raving.

Some notable excerpts included:
"I WANT A GENERATION Z WOMAN. WHERE ARE THEY!!??"
"GEN Z MAN, WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME!!??"
"WHY DO YOU PEOPLE WORK FOR THEM!!?? YOU ALL WORK FOR GREED!! GREEEEEDYYYY!!!"

In typical form, there were almost no Gen Z people on the bus platform that evening.

I started taking photos right away, though the thronging onlookers made it hard to do so without compromising my identity. After getting several of him on the ground, I was mortified to find that my phone would no longer take photos, as the phone had reached it's storage limit (or just because the Wern is an SCP, and naturally short-circuits recording devices near him). The camera still didn't work after deleting some apps, so I thought fast and realized it would still take videos, in spite of refusing to photograph. Sadly, this apparently overwrote the previous photos, so the only one I have left of him on the ground is quite grainy.

However, I got a good angle at him in one of the recordings, while he was on the stretcher, so the first piece of media here is a still from that video, which shows him lying restrained in a stretcher. The second file, a video, is an audio sample of his screaming, visually cropped to leave out my legs. While the subject isn't X <3 Z related, I'm sure you can recognize his voice. The third image is a lone, blurry cryptid photograph of him sitting upright on the ground. And the fourth one is a short clip of them rasing the stretcher after restraining him in it. I only wish I could have been there to see whatever incident it was that led to him getting taken down and hauled off like this; now THAT would be some content.

This is a dark day for Wernology, though there's hope this milk drought might end when he gets out of the hospital, gets medicated, and inevitably gets back on teh interwebz. I'm looking forward to watching that AutistOwls interview, now that I know he's at the literal height of his derangement in it. They doubtless dawdled on releasing it because the footage radiates big "Chad schizophrenic VS virgin wannabe-vloggers" energy. Here's to our public health system failing society yet again by releasing this monster back onto the streets sooner rather than later (though I'm sure the young women of this city would beg to differ).

Just another evening at Spokane Transit...
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Nice work getting those snippets, his voice sounds demonic, I like the stretcher with the hydraulic lift hoisting his bloated ass into the nut wagon. He must weigh a ton, did they need sedatives before strapping him in? I wonder if they fear people acting that way could be suffering from excited delirium and lash out violently with extraordinary strength, thus the use of straps and a stretcher. It’s scary when excited delirium kicks in from drug use like PCP, bath salts or just a flight or fight response triggered from mental or physical stresses.
 
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