2023 Prediction Thread - Locks Jan 1st - 2022 was the Year of the Chud, the Lolcow and surprisingly (depending upon who you ask) the Gator. List your predictions for the year 2023 and play long!

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Pit Viper Salesman

Formerly Christorian X.
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jul 6, 2022
2022 was a relatively wild ride for this sector right out of the gate! From beatings in the streets of Portugal, the rise and fall of many lolcows, channels, alogs, the return of old faces and the emergence of bold new actors this year has had an incredible number of unsuspected plot twists as well as heavily anticipated moments.

After speaking with @AltisticRight, we agreed it could be fun if I made a thread for everyone to list their predictions for the year 2023. Once everyone lists their predictions, the thread will lock on Jan. 1st and Bingo cards will be generated for those who wish to play along.

Requested prediction structure:

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1.
2.
3.


Additional Predictions:

Likely:


1.
2.
3.
etc.

Less-Likely:

1.
2.
3.
etc.

Wtf, lol?

1.
2.
3.
etc.
 
Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Aquana/ Adam White troons out
2. Boogie fucking DIES
3. Mister Metokur dies


Additional Predictions:

Likely:


1. Elon Musk somehow manages to piss off everyone again
2. Jonathan Yaniv has another lawsuit

3. Chris Chan is sentenced by june 14th


Less-Likely:

1. Danny Sexbang of Game Grumps fame has a sexual misconduct allegation
2. Another cope, seethe, dilate celebration from fat man in a dress Jim Sterling
3. Something involving Nintendo fans and molestation.
etc.

Wtf, lol?

1. Shmorky comes back l
what the fuck

2. Nick Reiketa and Ethan Ralph stream together
3. Adam White gets his life together.
etc.
 
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Up to Three Submissions for Card:
1. Joe Biden says the word 'catboy'
2. Kanye West makes a Kiwifarms account and becomes the most prolific A&H schizoposter.
3. Baked Alaska will be arrested for sexual assault
1. The kino casino ends after Warski moves into a Canadian psychiatric facility.
2. PPP is cold.
3. Milo releases dirt on everyone he's worked with over the past year or so.
Less-Likely:
1. Fuentes gets a girlfriend
2. Warski gets a girlfriend
3. The girlfriends of Fuentes and Warski are biological women
 
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1 - another suicide is pinned on the farms.
2 - the server in Serbia actually gets shelled as the war expands.
3 - Chris-Chan is released and becomes a multimedia superstar for 15 minutes where he says the most retarded shit you've ever heard and is vilified.
 
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Do you only want Ralph-centered predictions or is this for 2023 in general? Assuming the former,

Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Ralph goes to court.
2. Another demon baby is made/born.
3. Ralph spends the night in hospital.


Additional Predictions:

Likely:


1. Ralph does a celebration stream for Jim's death
2. PPP streams from a bed as he is no longer able to walk
3. Andy admits to being back on the Cokeski
etc.

Less-Likely:

1. Ralph becomes an integral part of YE24
2. Vickers and Ralph irl fight
3. Ralph attempts to find Josh irl, dies
etc.

Wtf, lol?

1. Rekieta cuck tape
2. Ralph and Meigh have a wedding
3. Jim outlives Ralph
 
Drunken alien rednecks will penetrate american airspace at approximately 11:45 PM US Eastern time on 12/31/22 and they will cybernetically modify ralph so that he is practically immortal with a direct connection to the internet. They will have done this because they think it is funny.
 
My Three Submissions for Card:

1. Jim dies.
2. Patrick Tomlinson is outed as a pedophile.
3. Chris Chan is found guilty of incest.

Additional Predictions:

Likely:


1. Another siege on the Farms, not predicting whether it succeeds or not.
2. Jack Scalfini finally has another health crisis.
3. PPP and Warski burn the casino and go into hiding for a few months.

Less-Likely:

1. EvaXephon/YandereDev officially stops development on Yandere Simulator, cites "da trolls".
2. Jim Sterling's -200k subscriber cope video.
3. Bam Margera dies.

Wtf, lol?

1. Donald Trump Jr. is appointed the new CEO of Twitter by Elon Musk.
2. Canada goes into full revolt/civil war.
3. Newfags start reading the rules and practicing good opsec. Null's efforts are so successful the Easy to Track Hall of Shame is shut down for good.
 
Assuming Ralph and the sector only:

For the card:

1. Ralphababy #3
2. Ralphababymama #3
3. After 1 and 2, May kicks Ralph's ass.

Edit: in light of recent events, I would like to amend #3 to " Someone with the last name of Morris (male or female) kicks Ralph's ass".

Edit2: Upon reflection, Ralph is such a pussy that Morris the cat might be the one to give the next beatdown. He counts, too.
 
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Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Ethan Ralph will be be facing charges that threaten a sentence of over a year in jail.
2. Nick Fuentes will either sell or abandon Cozy.tv
3. A prominent member of America First will be caught in a gay scandal.


Additional Predictions:

Likely:


1. Ethan Ralph will not see his son more than 3 times in the year 2023.
2. A woman will become pregnant with Ralph's 3rd child. Will somehow continue the barnyard theme.
3. PPP's former posse will become more devoted to gayopping him.
4. The Retarded Phoenix will rise again with yet another show. Will set a weight limit for 2nd chair.
5. Nick Rekieta will have a full Ralpha moment on stream which will be remembered as one of the most epic meltdowns in history.
6. Dick Masterson will yet again damage part of his body in order to avoid Ralph.
7. Other site hosts will begin asking Josh to consult for them on how to protect their sites from cancellation. "Alog, Inc." will be born.


Less-Likely:

1. PPP has a completely mental breakdown. In the midst of a massive boxed wine bender he appears on stream and begins screaming at his enemies and referring to himself as Liquid Ralph.
2. Kanye and Nick start their own church and build a compound in the mid-west. They begin inviting groypers to visit and be cleansed of their base human urges and be taught how to love all men equally and as passionately as God would demand of them.
3. Local Hero Christopher Holloman is honored for for his dedication working with at-risk youth when he forms a curling team that becomes an international competitor. It is said he has trained some of the greatest sweepers of a generation.
4. With the decline and likely implosion of the commentary community as well as his relationship prospects looking slim (lol), Nicholas DeOrio becomes the next man to marry Chantal.

Wtf, lol?

1. In a shocking twist fit for the likes of an episode of Better Call Saul, the Prosecution in the case The United States vs. Ethan Ralph executes a mind boggling maneuver after spending a year researching and studying Kiwi Farms leading to Ralph's eventual incarceration. It is later taught in Harvard Law school as The Haru Technique.

2. As Hollywood continues to run out of ideas and streaming networks become more and more desperate for content, a network executive coming down from a coke bender discovers Cozy.tv and signs Ali Jamal, Beardson Beardly and Chaggot to a multi-year reality series deal where women bring them home to their family for dinner as a means to prank their family.

3. After the sad passing of James Augustine, his lawyer delivers an earth shattering life stream in which he reads the Last Will and Testament of Mister Metokur. In the stream it is revealed that he is actually the long lost oldest son of Ronnie Ralph who had left him in the care of his parents at a young age and had swore to never to reveal this shocking truth or the name his daddy gave him. Furthermore, it was revealed that he secretly had been visiting and caring for the unspoken of Evan Ralph. Forty years later Xander and Rozy still leave flowers on the grave of their Uncle Jim while still attempting to find the headstone of their father as the acid from all the piss on his grave had worn away the lettering.
etc.
 
Predictions:
1. Ralph gets assaulted at Ralphamania.
2. Ralph and Pantsu somehow lose custody of their daughter.
3. MC Jarbo somehow manages to pull Kanye West on for a dis track against Ralph.

Likely:
1. Ralph goes to jail for failure to pay child support.
2. He does an IBS stream with Asstone and Cokeski.
2. He sharts himself on said stream.

Less-Likely:
1. Ralph finds a new platform to stream on and he ditches the Catboy Fuhrer.
2. Ralph starts bringing on Killstream guests who hate KF, including Cyrax and Fat Rick Thomlinson.
3. An embarrassing sex tape of Rekeita leaks, giving Ralph record Killstream views as he gives a frame-by-frame analysis of the Minnesota Corn Harvest.

WTF, Lol:
1. Ralph starts making amazing content which turns his financial fortunes around.
2. Ralph lands a Killstream interview with the True and Honest Christian Weston Chandler.
3. That interview turns into an IBS stream as he somehow manages to pull in Ian Brandon Anderson too.
 
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Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Ralph spawns another demon baby
2. Ralph goes to jail
3. Warski and PPP separate over gay drama


Additional Predictions:

Likely:


1. Godwinson continues his war against PPP
2. Tardski starts a new show with some other person
3. Fuentes gets into some major controversy

Less-Likely:

1. Fuentes troons out
2. Warski dates a troon openly
3. PPP tries the long walk back but fails

Wtf, lol?

1. PPP loses weight
2. Ralph stops drinking
3. Fuentes is actually straight
 
Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Chris is sentenced by July, convicted of incest
2. Barb croaks
3. Luna (pumpkin patch expando head of Beauty Parlor fame) finally dies (god willing)


Additional Predictions:

Likely:


1. Alex Mahan (YanDev) does something to get his shitiness back into the mainstream eye
2. King Glizzyhands (King Charles) dies and the Harry/Meghan dicksuckers lose their shit
3. Trumptards fall for another griftscam like the NFT/trading card shit

Less-Likely:

1. Another suicide is pasted onto KF shoulders (+100 social credit if it's Keffals)
2. "Hate and Shame 2" finally surfaces
3. Assassination attempt against J.K. Rowling by troons

Wtf, lol?

1. Yandere Simulator is released (full game, not another "demo" or beta release on steam)
2. Barb survives
3. Yaniv gets through the year without incident
4. The dimensional merge happens
 
Up to Three Submissions for Card:
1. Ralph once again finds himself under the barrel of the courts gun only to somehow get out "untouched"*
* Admits guilt on crime, but serves suspended sentence
2. Nick Fuentes gay sex tape is leaked, his followers are divided between "sucking cock is based" and "faggot Fuentes tricked me into letting him tickle my balls"
3. Dax and/or Vito make another unsuccessful attempt to normalize pedophilia


Additional Predictions:

Likely:
1. Jim Sterling 800k seethe video
2. Spoony finally kills himself instead of being indecisive
3. Another retard Troon decides to crusade against the farms only to have farmers dig up horrible/embarassing stuff about them they now want desperately to memoryhole

Less-Likely:
1. Ralph actually marries Meigh
2. Chris-Chan is found not guilty, but its not insanity
3. We get another year long riot over a meth head dying to the hands of the police despite all evidence proving he was a danger to society and the cops were justified

Wtf, lol?
1. Ralph restarts his crusade against Jim and actually goes to stakeout his house
2. Kanye reveals this has all been a ploy to reveal America Firsts faggotry to the world
3. A Troon travels to Ukraine to firebomb our servers, only to be gunned down by Russians, farms to blame
 
Likely
-. Chris Chan will be put into an institution not knowing that the true and honest Liquid Chris has returned
-. Ethan Ralph will get another girl knocked up and leave Meigh and the Foal.
-. Jim passes the torch and retires his internet presence to spend the last of his days in peace.

Less Likely
-. Keffals Joins the 41% Hall of Shame
-. PPP has a heart attack on livestream immediately after breaking his chair
-. Kanye Suicides by Cop in a manic episode

wtf lol
-. Patrick Tomlinson is exposed as a serial killer who grinds black children into pepperoni in his basement
-. Escalation of Russia/Ukraine War leads to WW3
-. Nick Fuentes comes out of the closet
 
Up to Three Submissions for Card:

1. Beardson-Loomer Demon Baby
2. New Ralph nudes, revealing a starfish to rival PPP's.
3. Esoteric Gatorism declared state religion

Additional Predictions:

Likely:


1. Brian Risso/Blade becomes immobile, possibly dies
2. Bam Margera dies
3. Gothic King Cobra's dental health leads to a serious medical situation
4. Jim continues to have 6 months to live for another 5 years

Less-Likely:

1. Big Lenny dies
2. Andrew Dobson inexplicably inflates again
3. FTM Ralph conspiracy revealed. Coverup at the highest levels of government.

Wtf, lol?

1. Matthew Vickers realizes being extremely combative online only hurts his family and goes offline for good
2. Nick Rekieta keeps his sex life private in favor of giving accurate predictions on legal matters
3. Dick Masterson stops befriending and defending open pedophiles
 
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