"ADF" / Philip Vincent Haskins-Delici / Isabel Rosa Araujo - The Original Troon Commie Cow

[Coldgrip]

Phil should have a serious go at veganism, maybe he'd shed some of that grand number of pounds he carries around on his Antifa patrols

He should, but only because it'd give him the raging shits and reading posts about how evil Kiwis have poisoned his food supply would be funny.

 

[Bogliacci]

Phil should have a serious go at veganism, maybe he'd shed some of that grand number of pounds he carries around on his Antifa patrols

There are loads of fatties who say "im going vegan to lose weight" and then lose nothing because there's pleeeenty of cheap garbage that is vegan that will cause you to balloon if you eat it in large portions.

 

[AnOminous]

There are loads of fatties who say "im going vegan to lose weight" and then lose nothing because there's pleeeenty of cheap garbage that is vegan that will cause you to balloon if you eat it in large portions.

More than once I've seen people go vegan and balloon up by like 30 pounds because they tried to replace whatever they got out of eating meat with constantly eating shit like tempura fried vegetables and vegan versions of Chinese food and other shit that is loaded with fat and carbs and other shit that isn't good for you. Just replacing the meat in carb-laden dishes with tofu isn't going to make them any better for you.

 

[The Dude]

Why is Phil worried about snow on the streets and ice on the sidewalk? He's too rétarded to get a driver's license, so he doesn't drive, and he almost never leaves the AnTardfa Barracks, so no risk of slipping on ice.

 

[TaimuRadiu]

He should, but only because it'd give him the raging shits and reading posts about how evil Kiwis have poisoned his food supply would be funny.

Proud Boys are stealing his food like they stole his TP.

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

Why is Phil worried about snow on the streets and ice on the sidewalk? He's too rétarded to get a driver's license, so he doesn't drive, and he almost never leaves the AnTardfa Barracks, so no risk of slipping on ice.

Because he might slip and drop the artisan pizza toppings-down on the pavement while everyone points and laughs.

 

[The Dude]

Because he might slip and drop the artisan pizza toppings-down on the pavement while everyone points and laughs.

We point and laugh at Phil all the time. Hasn't changed him much.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

wtf is "artisan pizza" anyway?

sounds like some hipster thing

 

[Coldgrip]

wtf is "artisan pizza" anyway?

sounds like some hipster thing

It's like regular pizza, only it costs about half as much more.

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

wtf is "artisan pizza" anyway?

sounds like some hipster thing

It's pizza but more expensive. Something for the EXTREMELY white residents of Portland, such as Phil.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

it costs about half as much more

It's pizza but more expensive.

wow that's so communist and not capitalistic at all

So in other words, "artisan pizza" is like the Apple of pizza?

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

wow that's so communist and not capitalistic at all

So in other words, "artisan pizza" is like the Apple of pizza?

Yes. It's cheaper to make your own pie than to buy an artisan pizza.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

To be fair, as an Italian-American, Phil no doubt has strong opinions about the quality of pizza.

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

To be fair, as an Italian-American, Phil no doubt has strong opinions about the quality of pizza.

I love to imagine Phil walking into some family-owned pizza place, spotting his fellow Italian-American at the counter, momentarily forgetting he's supposed to be Latinx and going "EY LUIGI FIRE UP DEM OVENS ITS YA FAVOURITE CUSTOMER" in a full-on Italian accent

 

[Mogambo]

To be fair, this is one of the few areas where I'm willing to give Phil the benefit of the doubt and assume he doesn't actually know what "vegan" means, he just knows it's a buzzword he's supposed to use because he sees other white liberal hipsters in Portland use it. Maybe he assumes it is a more "PC" term for vegetarian and can be used interchangeably. Maybe he assumes it means something along the lines of fancy, or artisanal, or hell even environmentally friendly. Maybe he thinks it's an actual brand name or something.

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

To be fair, this is one of the few areas where I'm willing to give Phil the benefit of the doubt and assume he doesn't actually know what "vegan" means, he just knows it's a buzzword he's supposed to use because he sees other white liberal hipsters in Portland use it. Maybe he assumes it is a more "PC" term for vegetarian and can be used interchangeably. Maybe he assumes it means something along the lines of fancy, or artisanal, or hell even environmentally friendly. Maybe he thinks it's an actual brand name or something.

I love how the bar is set so low for Phil that "giving him the benefit of the doubt" means he's just stupid instead of deceitful.

 

[AnOminous]

Yes. It's cheaper to make your own pie than to buy an artisan pizza.

And if you make your own it will be better than an "artisan" pizza, whether you make it like a normal pizza or actually make an artisan style pizza with fancy ass shit like basil pesto and marinated artichoke hearts and mesquite chicken.

 

[Thumb Butler]

Why is Phil worried about snow on the streets and ice on the sidewalk? He's too rétarded to get a driver's license, so he doesn't drive, and he almost never leaves the AnTardfa Barracks, so no risk of slipping on ice.

And he's too retarded to use ice grips.

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

And he's too exceptional to use ice grips.

Only grip Phil can manage is gripping his little tiny nodule while he thinks about being handcuffed by a police officer and forced to worship his boots.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

going "EY LUIGI FIRE UP DEM OVENS ITS YA FAVOURITE CUSTOMER" in a full-on Italian accent

If Phil embraced Italian heritage, he'd still manage to be all poser-ish about it - he'd probably be like a cartoon stereotype: uses Google Translate Italian, and uses Italian fascist symbols thinking they're anti-fascist. Oh yeah, and his diet would be nothing but American takes on Italian food (lasagne, pizza, etc).