"ADF" / Philip Vincent Haskins-Delici / Isabel Rosa Araujo - The Original Troon Commie Cow

[cowisnow]

Beer sure, but I could see Phil enjoying a Smirnoff Ice or one of those fruity alcopops that are closer to soda than alcohol. And I know he has zero impulse control, so I can see him enjoying one more, and then another, and then another, and then another, and then stumbling around the apartment trying not to puke on his tacticool bulletproof vest.

He buys Mike's Hard Lemonade because he thinks it's for "hard" supa-soldiers like himself.

 

[UselessRubberKeyboard]

There was an occasion with Slingblade when he got “wasted” on rosé. How much rosé was not specified, but I’d suggest one glass.

I could be wrong, but I vaguely remember Slingblade (or even Phil himself) confirming it was actually one glass of alcohol that had Phil acting like a crazy drunk. Whether he was actually drunk or just playing it up because he felt a little buzz from the alcohol is debatable. Both are entirely believable, and the experience for Slingblade must've been hellish. No wonder he never shared his vodka again.

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

I could be wrong, but I vaguely remember Slingblade (or even Phil himself) confirming it was actually one glass of alcohol that had Phil acting like a crazy drunk. Whether he was actually drunk or just playing it up because he felt a little buzz from the alcohol is debatable. Both are entirely believable, and the experience for Slingblade must've been hellish. No wonder he never shared his vodka again.

Reminds me of when me and my friends would go drinking in the park. Someone would get the beer or cider, we'd have two cans each, catch a mild buzz but then just constantly keep reaffirming to eachother that we were super drunk because we thought it made us look like cool adults who get drunk. Literally like "aw, mate, I'm so fucking drunk me" "yeah, me too, I'm pissed as fuck me".

Of course, we were nerdy 14-year-olds and Phil is 35.

 

[Gar For Archer]

Of all the things wrong with his appearance, many of them self-inflicted, it's very curious that Phil seems to be so insecure about his fatness. I would have thought he'd embrace the fat-positive "healthy at all sizes" lifestyle of denial that most of these LGBTQWERTYUIOP+~)%$&) people take on because it's easier than diet and exercise.

You can lie to other people about how you think fat is beautiful, but ultimately you can’t lie to yourself.

 

[Bogliacci]

Wow it took phil this long to get on the fasting bandwagon? Hopefully he's subscribed to Dr. Berg and will start spouting loads of anti-vaxx crap and dumb homeopathic shit.

 

[Bassomatic]

Wow it took phil this long to get on the fasting bandwagon? Hopefully he's subscribed to Dr. Berg and will start spouting loads of anti-vaxx crap and dumb homeopathic shit.

Phil is a true blooded latinx, just our horrid euro sneezes wiped out most of his and Liz Warrens tribe. I hope he has had his shots and doesn't anti vax, it was a horrible genocide for his people.

 

[Miss Misery]

Reminds me of when me and my friends would go drinking in the park. Someone would get the beer or cider, we'd have two cans each, catch a mild buzz but then just constantly keep reaffirming to eachother that we were super drunk because we thought it made us look like cool adults who get drunk. Literally like "aw, mate, I'm so fucking drunk me" "yeah, me too, I'm pissed as fuck me".

Of course, we were nerdy 14-year-olds and Phil is 35.

Didn't Phil like to hang out (read: sleep on the back step) at Cider Riot before it closed?

Not that he could afford to drink there, unless someone took pity on the Grime Minister of Antifa and bought him a pint, I guess...

 

[JY's Tampon]

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[The Dude]

Given Phil's lifestyle, I'm surprised he isn't drunk every night. He already lives surrounded by his own filth, is completely oblivious to everything that happens, has an overhanging gut, a generally dishevelled appearance, and tries his best to convince everyone that he has his life together despite it being extremely obvious that he doesn't. He's basically an alcoholic without the alcohol.

Phil likes to occasionally brag about things like doing drugs or boozing it up, because he thinks it makes him look like an adult. But when it comes to reality he's very inexperienced with it. Kind of like when he would brag about being a sex worker or into BDSM. He wants to be taken seriously and have people think he's a big boy, but the reality is he's basically a 13 year old stuck in a bloated 35 year old body. Everything he talks up are the things junior high boys think are cool. Its hilariously pathetic.

 

[Picklechu]

Too little too late I suppose. Nothing's ever gonna make him smarter or more productive.

When he dies of septic shock from a shitty tattoo/unwashed ass/trench foot/whatever or under a pizza box avalanche, he'll be productive in his new role as fertilizer.

 

[Thumb Butler]

When he dies of septic shock from a shitty tattoo/unwashed ass/trench foot/whatever or under a pizza box avalanche, he'll be productive in his new role as fertilizer.

Wouldn't he contaminate the earth though?

 

[Picklechu]

Wouldn't he contaminate the earth though?

I mean, he's already got fungus and worms. Something will make use of him someday.

 

[Thumb Butler]

Good point. It might give his life (and death) some purpose, after all.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

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Christ, imagine being those pizza places and knowing a fat shit-smelling mall ninja recommended you to his friends.

 

[The Final Troondown]

I could be wrong, but I vaguely remember Slingblade (or even Phil himself) confirming it was actually one glass of alcohol that had Phil acting like a crazy drunk. Whether he was actually drunk or just playing it up because he felt a little buzz from the alcohol is debatable. Both are entirely believable, and the experience for Slingblade must've been hellish. No wonder he never shared his vodka again.

To be fair this is a slingblade 'glass of vodka', so I can fully imagine it to be a pint of gut rot with a vague hint of coke for colour

 

[UselessRubberKeyboard]

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This pizza is great! I'm antifa, by the way.

Totally recommend this pizza place. Did I tell you I'm antifa?

Does he ever say anything that doesn't have an antifa reference in it? He sounds like a kid that learnt a new swear word, saying it all the time for maximum attention, not realising it makes him look annoying and dumb. The pizza places probably don't enjoy being publicly branded as antifa's favourite, either.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

This pizza is great! I'm antifa, by the way.

Totally recommend this pizza place. Did I tell you I'm antifa?

Does he ever say anything that doesn't have an antifa reference in it? He sounds like a kid that learnt a new swear word, saying it all the time for maximum attention, not realising it makes him look annoying and dumb. The pizza places probably don't enjoy being publicly branded as antifa's favourite, either.

But how else will people know he’s Antifa? It’s not like they’d see him at protests.

 

[JY's Tampon]

Capitalist banks.....

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

Why its a rare tardquatch sighting.

 

[The Littlest Shitlord]

Why don't you ROB one of those "fucking capitalist banks", Mr. Crime Minister? You're certainly dressed for it.

P.S. Only two kinds of people bank with a bank that charges monthly fees just to hold onto your money for you: rich people and chumps. And you aren't a rich person.