Well. Here we go again: Big Ham has graced us with another video. I'm certain this is Emmy-worthy material and Lady Lymphedema here will finally be recognized for the content queen she is.
Intro: skipped. We don't need that shit.
We open in the new fatmobile. Pigface is attempting to camouflage part of herself with the seats of the new car by wearing that red sweater that looks like a rug, because she thought it was going to be chilly and obviously pays about as much attention to the weather forecasts as she does anything else that doesn't involve her directly. They're on their way to the vet, because poor Twinkster has been walking strangely, slower than usual. Due to covid, as is the case at many vet offices, she and the "gf" are sitting in the car while Twinky goes in for her appointment.
Throughout the entire time Twonk is inside, Big Ham is eyefucking herself in the camera. On the slate for the pupper is all her shots: rabies, vaccinations, and so on. JFC, I'm a minute in and she's spending way more time admiring her pigface in the cam than she is talking to her viewers. It reminds me of how she was when she first got on YT. On we go.
Twinkster is back in the car now, and is royally pissed with Big ham and the "gf". Big Gam claims the vet told her that smaller dogs have a rough time with their joints popping out of place, and that Big Ham was doing everything just right to get Twinks to lose weight, and of course she's very proud of herself - it's just like climbing Mt Everest or going into space or losing weight. Berates the audience for saying the dog should weigh six pounds, when she should weight about 10, acording to what Hambone says the vet told her. Let me tell you something: your fucking dog was still incredibly overweight, dix OR ten pounds being the target. Grrr. Mentions they are also picking up a seafood boil because of course you can't miss an opportunity to get food as long as you're cramming yourself into the car, right?
Uh oh: Twink has to take some meds for the next ten days. Horrors! What could it be that's so dire? Oh, the usual anti-inflammatory/pain meds vets generally hand out for this? Hm. What else? Oh dear! Twank has to "take medicine for the rest of her life"? That's awful! What could it be that Hamber, who can't even take her own meds consistently, has to remember to give Twinkaboo? Oh, I see. Most likely the same chondroitin and glucosamine supplements people use for joint health - aka Cosequin for pets aka not "medicine" as it is usually defined by any non-histrionic people, and which you can buy on Amazon? How anticlimactic. Geez, you'd think that pets age. She's continued to mostly look at herself during all this, making duck lips and playing with her hair. Says they're taking Twinkstar to " a pet store, like PetSmart or whatever" where they will buy Twunkie anything she sniffs out. Says she now needs to make an appointment for the cats so they can get checked out.
We pick up at the luxury villa, post seafood boil. Informs us she has changed her clothes because she didn't want to get the seafood boil on the white shirt she had been wearing. Yes, we know it's tough keeping your clothes lean when you're feeding from the trough, but have you ever considered just tucking a napkin in your collar, or maybe just wearing a bib? Says after the trip to the pet store to spend money, she thinks they're going to drop Twonk off and then go to TJ Maxx or HomeGoods to look for a chair for her standing desk, and let's just ignore the irony there. If you need a chair for your desk, why are you not going to an office supply store for an ackshual desk chair?
Back to the car. She's pulling a wedgie out of her shelf ass and hopes no one sees her. Oh no! Someone was out and about as Fat Ham tried to save her underwear or her pants from being sucked in to that abyss. They might have even seen her rescue attempt, because we know the entire world revolves around her, and wherever she goes, everyone stops what they're doing to pay attention to her.
She manages to get in the car, but the car says "Yer door's open, Fatty." She opens and closes the door again. "Still open, Fatass." Third time's the charm as she sits even more sideways in the seat and pulls the door closed. Where's the "gf" to be a gallant gentleman, opening and closing the door for you? Makes a show of pulling the seatbelt down, but doesn't show her actually buckling up, nor is there a click.
We're in PetSmart, and Twinkido, who has been walking more slowly than usual, and who has just been prescribed meds for inflammation and pain for her joints, as well supplements going forward to try to protect said joints, is now walking around the store, checking things out. Funniest and best part of the video: Big Al coming face to face with some dog toys. Naturally, her eye goes first to some toys shaped like food, and then to some about not making the dog as fucking fat as you. After laughing at these and designating them as being in the kahyute category, Hambit picks up a bag of......treats! Of course, it's treats! She then looks at the cookies. No, godammit, your dog is still a fatass thanks to you. She moves on, showing us a turtle. She makes Twinkles stop and look at some rodents, declaring them to be hamsters. Those are guinea pigs, you ignorant cunt. She then looks at a snake, declaring that she would totally take the snake, and she tries speaking to it, through the glass, in that same idiotic baby voice she uses to talk to all animals, like geese in a parking lot, or snakes in a damn terrarium. Shows us some cats the store has up for adoption. She has also picked up a couple of toys for the cats.
Back to the luxury villa, where Big Ham shows us the Map of the World Lego that she's been working on for "two weeks" and that, based on the amount of progress, apparently means she puts on one or maybe five whole color-coded, round pieces in place per day. She then uses her balloon hand and sausage fingers to do her PointerLynn thing, telling us something something about another Lego, blah blah don't care.
Usual signoff, usual stupid outro.
Way to go, Fatty: just over he required eight minute mark.
TL;DW/DR: Big Ham monetizes her dog's health instead of her own for a change, buys stuff for the dog, and doesn't kill any land speed records for assembling Lego sets.