Day two of Hamber "supposively" tryeeen to lose
100 14 pounds. Is she finally going to admit that the latter is the new total loss gunning for, and not the former, which was stupidly and arbitrarily chosen because she continues to lie about her highest weight? Nah.
Allow me to begin with this: your performative "dieting" does not make you a yo-yo dieter. There is no intent on your part to actually commit and attempt to diet based on the terms of whatever Jenny's Optavia Weight Counts Noom diet you randomly select. You know going in that you will fail. You just tell the YT view that THIS time, THIS diet is the one. That's another reason, among many, that you fail.
Claims to have just gotten out of the shower. Too bad you didn't wash your nasty fucking hair. Now claiming that they write "so many" things on the stupid chalkboard. No, you're not keeping grocery lists or meal menus on the goddamned thing, unless your grocery list always compromises "milk, meat". And since you eat out all the damn time, we know meal menus is just a lie. Wouldn't be a Fat Ham video if there wasn't at least one lie, though.
Says the weighin today was 485.8. I will continue to tell you, Fatty, that I don't believe you. Go to a doctor's office, hand the nurse the camera, and step on the fucking scale. Then I'll believe it. Still 500 pounds.
"So." - STOP BEGINNING EACH SENTENCE WITH "SO", GODDAMN. No, you are NOT down 86.6 pounds. "So," GRRRRRR, "if anyone wonders how long it's taken me to lose this weight.......Since I was was eleven."
JFC. It's baffling how someone can be this fucking stupid. More of the stupid fucking story about being given skim melk, on whifh she "binged". No, you did not, Had you, you would have rapidly found out why people doing those challenges where they try to drink a gallon of milk or drink 50 milkshakes or literally any other high volume intake of milk or milk-based products fail.
Bitching about people who have watched her fail every "diet" she's tried thinking her "progress isn't real." Because you have made no significant progress, you fatuous fatass., and you are now 31 fucking years old, so stop using your goddamned childhood as your handy rag to wipe off your lazy shit. You went from 250 pounds as a preteen to over 600 pounds and bedbound. You refuse to acknowledge THAT reality, Hell, it took you months to finally admit you were over 500 pounds, berating your viewers when they would dare say you were whenit was patently obvious. You have a deliberately antangonistic relationship with your viewers. You are also a pathological liar. That is why people don't believe you and also why they hate you (among other reasons).
Goddamn, this is going to be long. Sorry.
Blah blah blah. Moment of hilarity: she's talking about all these other people she allegedly knows who are 500 pound behemoths, and says "people I've gotten close to" and I LOL. 500 pound landwhales ain't getting close to one another. She's trying to justify her giving up on literally every diet she "tries" by saying all behemoths yo-yo diet. No, bitch, they do not. And the ones who DO, don't film some shit diet, give up on it in 12 or 24 hours, and then upload those videos anyway. RationalizationLynn mashed up with IncoherentLynn here, because none of the shit she's saying makes sense at all beyond making it clear she wants asspats for every ounce she loses by taking a dump.
Sigh. Blaming the breakup. My mentalz. Changes. My life. Yawn.
Says that last year was the tipping point, and she decided to lose weight - for realz! She laughably claims she has great support - not the "gf", for sure - names the nonexistent therapy, etc. Repeats the asinine claim of this "gf" not being the exact same person as the new "gf", and could you just fucking stop already. Says she regrets not taking her health seriously before. Well, guess you fucked around and found out how that works, bitch. Hamber says she has lost 89 pounds since last year. Really?
Of course I fucking went back and looked because her gaslighting and lying is pissing me right the fuck off. You reddit people who lurk here: ask her on her fucking tellonym about this.
Cued
526.8 is her alleged weight at the beginning of 2021. (Incidentally, her goal in that video was to lose 100 pounds.) She is now allegedly 485.8. That is 41 pounds, dumbass. Let's dissect this a little further, because it's far more interesting than whatever excuses she's rattling on about at this very second.
IF Hamber lost 89 pounds in the last year, that would mean that as of this video and the weight she claims, her weight was 572 pounds to begin. LAST YEAR. So much for getting up to "three pounds under my highest weight" last year. So, were you lying then? Or are you lying now?
HA! Trick question! It's bolth, obviously.
Whatever, let's get this dead horse dragged onward.
Her goal for the next day? 485.2. This is so fucking tedious. Go take a dump, and when the "gf" finishes wiping your ass, go stand on the scale. There. You've reached your "goal". You could drop 14 pounds in a matter of DAYS if you were actually serious about losing weight. Unfortunately, Fat Ham, you are not. At this rate, it will take you 24 days to drop what is, for your lardass, an insignificant amount of weight.
Remember the WLS, everyone? Where he told her she could lose weight without surgery, that could reach 350 pounds in two years, and she decided that was just too fucking slow? Pepperidge Fahms remembers.
Her daily calorie limit? 1700. LOL If Fat Ham actually ate 1700 calories a day, the fat would be melting off her like the Wicked Witch of the West when she gets doused with water.
For fuck's sake. Hamber thinks she and the "gf" came up with an ingenious idea to deal with a big to do list: waste time not doing any of the todo list by writing chores on teeny pieces of paper, throw them in a bowl, and them pick one, knock out that chore, and then pick another, etc. Guesses as to which "lifestyle influencer" mentioned this mid to late June? The "gf" helpfully holds the bowl while Hamber touches all the tiny pieces of paper with her beetus paws. Wow, Fat Ham, such an innnovative thinker! She's showing us the way of getting things done by breaking them down into individual and manageable steps! And then write those things on tiny pieces of paper, fold those pieces of paper, and have your "gf" hold the bowl, so both of you can be involved in this time-wasting activity instead of doing the things on those tiny pieces of paper like "mop" or "sweep" or (and this is my personal favorite) "clean the toilet". Now, I know that last one is a megachore in the luxury apartment. I imagine it's something like this.
Hamber thinks this would, like, help people with ADHD. Know who else it helps? Lazy fucknuggets who don't have ADHD, trying to run out the clock until it's time for the next feeding, and oops, sorry, can't do chores. SO. SO. "We're about to do a little deep cleaning molment." No, you aren't. These are normal, everyday chores. SO. What are they doing? The "gf" gets to vacuum the bedroom, and Fat Ham gets what she has said in the past she hates: washing the dishes in the "left sink". Why the fuck is it necessary to specify the sink? How fucking tall does the dirty dish pile get before it overflows into more than one sink? Don't you have a dishwasher? WTF are you not cleaning up that shit daily? Why am I bothering to ask two lazy shitbirds why they are not cleaning things, even though Hamber has claimed she now "loves" to clean? She waddles over to the kitchen, and it isn't even a pile of pots and pans in the goddamned sink. It's glasses and plates and cutlery. LOAD THE FUCKING DISHWASHER, JFC.
Hamber waddles after the "gf" so we can all watch Twinkie attack the vacuum. This is content, y'all, because none of us have ever seen our dogs attack a vacuum or broom or mop. Just insuide the doorway to the bedroom, Fat Ham aims her beetus pointer at the floor, pointing to what at first looks like animal shit. She helpfully tells us that it's Wasbi's fur and hat "This happens a lot." Then you are not vacuuming enough or brushing your cat enough, IdleLynn, even if you lie and claim to brush him "pretty much daily". Or, should I say, you are not making he caretaker/housekeeper do it. Gross.
Twinkie attacks the vacuum. Yawn.
First meal for Fatty: sushi, of course. Don't trouble yourself with cooking anything. "We took a break from cleaning." You mean, you did your one chore and stopped. She can't even fucking descriobe a California roll without having to think really hard about it. How many Caliornia rolls do you think she's tossed down her gaping maw over the past ten years? How do you not just rattle off the ingredients? Whatever. Why do I torture myself by thinking? Hamber obviously doesn't.
Imagine this.You're ordering sushi. One of the things you order is avocado nigiri. Why? This is so stupid. Buy an avocado. Make rice. Throw a chunk of avocado on it. Eat. What a fucking waste, and what a stupid thing to put on your menu. On the other hand, you can get idiots like Fat Ham to pay you for it, so there's that.
She also got tofu wrapped around rice. JFC. Why bother ordering sushi? Hamber claims she "likes to try new things." No, you do not. It's why you fucking ate TCF THREE TIMES at Pride. She gives the other tofu thing to the "gf" and says she can have it. Aw, GivingLynn. So generous.
"This is what I use to brush Wasabi, and he honestly loves it, to be honest." First, you have NEVER shown yourself brushing Wasabi, and two, if you have to throw two versions of honest in there, it's anything but. Of course, she has to ask the "gf" what this tool is:
Fat Ham: "Baybuh, what are these originally for?"
"GF": "I dunno."
Hamber continues: "Like, I don't know if they're for cats, I mean, we got it in the cat section. But, I've had it forever."
Forever, as in pre-"gf"? Becky Era? Destiny Era? Who the fuck knows? It isn't like Hamber does anything with precision except her stupid point whatevers on the scale that do not matter.
For the record, lardass, that's for horses.
Hamber deigns to give us a little trick: comb the cat condo to de-fur it! OMG, Fat Ham, you're just full of innovative and exciting ideas! What next? Use a butter knife to spread butter on bread? World-changing!
"It works brilliantly." OK, who the fuck did she watch and steal that from?
Grocery haul. That they used InstaCart instead of going to the store themselves, despite Fat Ham saying they were going to go shop at Trader Joe's previously, because, as Hamber says, "We both hate people." Whatever, wannabe MisanthropeLynn. The two of you are just lazy cunts.
What do we have? rgound turkey, presliced watermelon, mixed cut fruit, and NutritionLynn shoves her fat fucking shelf ass in here to tell us that realistiall, she is not going to stop eating unhealh foods, she just needs to bring in healthier foods, too. LOL. Whatever the fuck you need to tell yourself, Fat Hamber.
On we go: Salad dressing, "Sweet....vidilia?" vie-DAY-leeah, you stupid cunt. For someone who theoretically loves onions AND who lives in the South, you don't know what the fuck a vidalia onion is? Fuck off. Goddamn.
The "gf" wanted that one (my note: it's Ken's SteakHouse Sweet Vidalia dressing, and it is very good - if you do salads, try it sometime), but of course basic bitch Hamber got Zesty Italian. pistachios, 3 x couscous in a box, cashews, giant pack of chicken breasts. Here, Fat Ham tells the "gf" that they should separate and package these breasts, then put them in the freezer, as if this is a brand new idea and not something that any functional adult would know to do. It makes me wonder just what the fuck they've done with previous multipacks they've bought. Just cook them all, eat some, then order takeout until the leftovers are bad and have to be thrown out? That last would be my guess, because if there's one thing Fat Ham does exceptionally well, it's waste all kinds of shit.
Aw, Hamber wanted chicken tenderloins, but apparently they didn't have any, hence the breasts. "I prefer smaller, thinner meat." If only there were a way to make smaller, thinner pieces of meat out of larger, thicker pieces of meat. Truly one of the great mysteries of our time.
Claims she and meat are "kind of frenemies" and TCF and the Chinese Buff-et and the pizza place, and that sausage you buy and and and...would all beg to differ. Come on, speed it up a bit, Hamber. Tries a stupid joke about the Fernemies podcast. YOU ARE NOT FUNNY.
Shredded carrots - why bother using that fancy mandoline to shred carrots when you can just buy them bagged. In fact, why the fuck did the "gf" buy it, anyway? She's the only one who cooks, and she hasn't used it. Maybe as a hint to Fat Ham? She's stupid and doesn't understand things like that.
Salad in a bag - basic bitch, too, since it looks like iceberg lettuce. Wouldn't want to just get a n actual head of lettuce. How the fuck do THEY work, anyhow? A giant red onion, feta cheese, She's staring at herself in the camera after almost knocking it over. Chicken broth. JFC. Rice a Roni in one serving cups. You buy fucking couscous in a box. Just buy the fucking box of Rice a Roni and eat the entire thing, as you do with the couscous. WastefuLynn. Quinoa. Hamber says they want to try putting it in salads. Do you even rfucking know what the fuck quinoa is? Sigh.
She forgot to unpack a bag, and "didn't wantto be seen as a fibber". That's one thing you don't have to worry about: we know you're a pathological liar. FFS. A six pack block of sodium noodles. "It is what it is," she says, in some weird fucking accent that's supposed to be funny, I imagine. "It's only 290 calories." A a fuckton of sodiumz, but who cares about macros.
She eats a box of couscous. Follows that with pistachios, cashews, and watermelon. She eats like a fucking pig at a trough. STOP SMACKING. CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. "Taste buds change." No, they don't. They still taste sweet, salty, and sour in exactly the same way they always do. It is your response that changes. Has to ask the "gf" how to pronounce pistachios despite pronouncing is correctly when unbagging it and literally two fucking seconds ago.
More slobbering over watermelon, "Watermelon kisses", and the two of these cunts do gross feeder crap and some kind of infantilism fetish shit. Fuck the both of you. Rattles on about how her family puts salt on watermelon and this is not fucking unique, dumbass, and salt on watermelon in the South is as ubiquitous as rain every afternoon in the summer.
Wrapping it up in the bathroom. She broke a glass or something in there and didn't get it all up and cut her foot. Blah blah, says she "used to be" 500 pounds. You still are. "If I remember", she'll put her calories for the day up, and it comes up with this.
2200 calories? But...
Well, whatever, right? She never sticks to anything anyway,
She yammers on about bullshit. Tuned it out.
Way TL;DW/R: Hamber eats metric assloads of sodium, and a couple slices of watermelon that she slurps at - if you have misophonia, you shouldn't be listening to her eat, and definitely not this one. Says her calorie goal is 1700 at the beginning, then 2200 calories in the wrapup at the end. Unpacks groceries delivered via InstaCart. They do a chore each:the "gf" vacuums, and Fat Ham loads piled up dishes into the dishwasher. That's literally it. They never leave the apartment. The only thing Hamber does that is not food-related is the brief cleaning thing, which lasts maybe a minute in a twenty-one minute video. The End.
My apologies again for the length. I had a lot to say on this boring ass video, apparently.
